A/N: I don't know. Perhaps I've gone mad?
Disclaimer: I don't own the Mentalist, or the end of the world. I don't own Oprah. If I owned Oprah...well, that would just be creepy.
"The Mayan calendar ends December 12, 2012."
"Well, then, I wouldn't use it."
"That-you-what?"
"I wouldn't use it. It's clearly defective."
"No, that's not the point."
"There's a point?"
"Yes, there is."
"Hmm…odd."
"What now?"
"If there was a point in this conversation, wouldn't I feel it? I'm sure it would be very…pointy."
"You're…mad."
"I give that impression."
"The point is that the world will supposedly end in December of 2012."
"Hmm."
"What, no witty comment?"
"Eh..."
"Use your words."
"Just find it odd that so many people believe in one date, a date which means nothing otherwise, only because it means something sad. See, happy dates you hardly remember. Kids, for instance, never remember what day Christmas or Thanksgiving is on, they just know it exists. Teens hardly remember when that grade will get back to them, unless they're incredibly boring. Adults, they forget anniversaries and birthdays. But if something bad happened, or is predicted—whether by psychics or Mayans or the mystical wizards, Merlin and Gandalf—to happen, they remember it for all time."
"Why is that?"
"Because we all suck."
"…..Should I dare?"
"Yes, you should. But you won't, so I'll just tell you anyhow. We all suck, because we're all flawed. But those flaws can improve through mistakes and hardships, therefore we remember the bad times so we can proudly point out our battle scars when it's over."
"But that doesn't make sense, why would someone remember the end of the world? You wouldn't get through it, you'd die."
"Yep."
"Words."
"Oh, right. Well, you see, nobody believes the world is going to end."
"Huh?"
"Okay, one prime example on a silver platter comin' up. Do you believe the world will end then?"
"Not really, no. I think it's just a big whoop-de-doo that people will quit their jobs over."
"Exactly! Nobody believes the world will end then, they're not that stupid. But they pretend to believe it because they think everyone else believes it, and they just so want to be right. But they know they won't, yet they have two years to figure how to get out of the hole they've dug for themselves. No need to worry, right?"
"That doesn't make sense. What about all the people who sell their homes and possessions?"
"Meh. Can't win everything. Now, if you'll excuse me, my magazine is in today and I want to be the first to read up on Oprah's Big Dieting Scandal."
"Wait, I thought you said people normally don't remember good dates?"
"Yes, well, I'm not normal. Toodles!"
From that moment on, Grace Van Pelt decided not to debate with Patrick Jane ever again. It simply wasn't worth it.