You know how it is in these kind of stories that the self insert always winds up with some kind of unique powers, or they wind up in a unique situation where they're pivotal to providing help that the protagonist needs? Yeah, our main character wishes that was them right now. It's been three months without anything interesting happening at all... Perhaps it's best to start at the beginning.

Our 'hero' finds themselves without a home and a name, down on their luck at the end of their rope, and just when things were at their bleakest, they got worse. It was a simple accident, a drunk driver running a red light. Of course nobody else was hurt, with their luck it was more like a targeted event. The truck missed every single car in the intersection and plowed right into the single person on the sidewalk. And then there was nothing. A black void as they floated there, with no sense of touch, sight, sound, anything.

But a voice broke through that darkness. "We know who you are. Your options are not pleasant." They say. "Eh? Options?" The confused corpse asks. "Because of your early demise, you do not have any suitable options on where to go …." There was a long pause, "Whats the catch?" They ask. But the voice doesn't respond immediately. They're left waiting in the void without time, floating there. And then the voice returned. "It has been too long since we have been entertained. You will entertain us, and be rewarded as you do. Do you accept?" There was a long pause before they sighed, "I suppose I don't really have much of a choice. Lets do it. So how does this work?"

However, the voice had no response. Color started to return to the world, and it was … in the middle of a busy street. People rushing by with outlandish outfits and weapons strapped to their waists and the like. Our newfound heroine quickly rushed to a nearby window of what seemed to be some kind of cafe, to take in their appearance. To describe it in a word, they were absolutely stunning. Their face was well defined, the jawline set in beauty, long red hair went down to their thighs behind them, and they wore a wonderful dress of forest green with black lace around the edges. With their sparkling emerald eyes they looked the perfect picture of a noblewoman who had never been cursed by the light of day. And so with confidence, they strode off, intending to find their new purpose here.

However, it was not so easy. Nobody came to them, the world was not in peril, no heroine needed her help, nothing. By the end of the first day she hadn't even managed to find a place to sleep. And the reason for that was … A complete lack of ID, a complete lack of money, of gear, of anything. She even tried going to the adventurer's guild and had her abilities assessed. Lowest marks across the board. This beautiful body and it's bountiful chest was completely unsuited for adventuring work. Not to mention her accuracy had gone down even though she didn't need glasses anymore.

So it was like this that their week went. And then the month …. and then three month's later, that beautiful black dress was rags. Sleeping on the side of the street in ditches would do that to you. Indeed, her beauty wasn't enough to get her a job and she wasn't ready to sell her body yet, instead just begging for food. Still, she was determined to tough it out. Lastation was tough on those who were unskilled, but that just meant she had to become skilled, right?

However, as one fateful day would have it, she (un)fortunately met her downfall. A girl with dark gray skin and green hair, with a hoodie shaped like that of a mouse caught her in front of a jeweler store, looking inward with envy, and tapped her on the shoulder, "Hey toots. Whats up with the ruined look? Aint nobody giving handouts in that store."

She turned too look at the girl and had to stop herself from wincing, she recognized her. It wasn't good that she met her, but it wasn't something she could just run from, "... Jealousy I guess. Got nowhere to go." She explains with a sigh. The hooded girl looks her over then looks back to the store. "Wanna make some money then? Names Linda by the way." The pretty girl looked back at her, "Crystal- wait what? Money?"

Linda nodded her head, "All you gotta do is go in there, use that pretty face of yours, distract the guards, the cameras, and the guy at the desk. I'll sneak around back and nab some of the stuff from the back room while everyone's distracted." Honestly, it wasn't a hard choice for the girl. Everyone was getting sick of giving her handouts, her prettiness was running thin on them. She steeled herself and took a deep breath, "I can't promise more than a few minutes." and with that Linda grinned. "All I need." She said before running off around a corner of the building.

Crystal shook her head slightly before she walked on in, an act of crime …. but it wasn't really a crime all she had to do was look pretty and distract them, and then she'd get some money and be better off. Maybe with some money she could manage to get an ID and get a real job! She strode up to the front desk and leaned forward, pushing the heavy weights on her chest against the top of the desk, making a soft 'plop' sound that instantly turned a few heads her way in the otherwise quiet store. And while she was ragged looking at the moment, her dress still looked noble enough that nobody really doubted she belonged there. She smiled and looked at the cashier behind the counter.

"Excuse me mister, I'm looking for some top end jewelry, none of this low value stuff you have out front, I really need something that suits me, everything out here is far to cheap." She fluttered her lashes a few times, putting on her brightest smile, making the man hot under the collar as he gulped, "Ah yes well, if you would just uhm …. this guard will take …. This guard here will lead you to the more expensive stuff in the back." And she smiled, "Oh nonsense, while I'm sure that guard has to come for security reasons, I'd reaalllly like to hear your opinion when I try them on." She says.

The man started stammering again before nodding his head, and indicating for her to follow him to a side room in the back, the guard also looking nervous and coming along with as she put on a show of trying on jewelry and spinning around, making herself look good. The cameras even stopped rotating as it was clear the people managing them wanted a better view of her.

However, things never go right when Crystal is involved. An alarm sounded, Linda having accidentally set it off, as Crystal gasped, and the guard instantly looked at her, "Shes a distraction! Find the other!" He said, reaching for his baton as the clerk started to run. However, Crystal was faster, she wasn't suitable for adventure work but she still understood the basics of combat. She leaned in and hit the man once right in the solar plexus, it wasn't hard but it was enough to knock the wind out of him, she then grabbed his weapon off his belt while he was staggered and spun around, giving her strike momentum as she clobbered him very inelegantly over the head. He fell over, far from unconscious with how weak she was, but it was enough, she dropped the baton on his face and ran from the room.

However, luck was not on her side, as she found Linda kicking a guard over, after having beat them up herself, and then right in view of a camera, motioned for her to follow her, "This way toots, got tons of loot!" And then bolted for a side door in the back. Crystal could only groan but followed after her, running as fast as she could kicking off her heels, something she had chose not to abandon to preserve her look, and running on the cold asphalt that was outside the back of the store. The two of them ran together and as they reached a fence, Guards started to pour out of the back door, "There they are! Get them!" Linda hopped the fence in one smooth move, but when Crystal tried the same, all she got as a reward was a cry of pain, smashing against the fence hard. She heard the thundering of footsteps in her ears, and knew she was done for, Linda was gonna just keep running and then she'd take the full blame, it was over.

However, it wasn't all over yet, as a hand grabbed onto her collar, yanking her over the fence, "Jeez, that out of shape toots? Come on, hurry!" Linda said as she resumed running, having rescued her. Crystal went wide eye and continued running letting out a rushed "T-Thanks!" as they ran. But Lina waved it off, "Us miscreants gotta stay together right? I saw you working those bozos, you got skills!" She exclaimed. With a blush the talent-less girl ran alongside her, "Thanks I-"

However, they were cut off by somebody flying down in front of the alleyway they were running through landing right in front of them with an absolutely massive gun, "Hands where I can-" They paused as they saw the two girls and then started laughing as the girls slid to a stop, "Are you kidding me? You ran away at the final moments and now you're robbing jewelry stores? I didn't think an Underling could get any lower!"

Lina growled, "Shut it washboard! I don't see you doing any-" But she was cut off as the gigantic rifle fired and blasted Linda into the air then she slammed down into the ground hand, with a grunt of pain, Crystal rapidly turned to her, "Linda!" She reached over to help her up, but the girl at the alley entrance laughed and started to move closer, "Oh look, the Underling has an underling of her own! How precious! Tell you what, I'm in a good mood so I'll just do this." She kicks Linda onto her side rather roughly, then starts rifling around in her pockets, taking out everything Linda had stolen so carefully. She was left grunting from the pain but didn't resist.

After a bit the girl in black was done, and stood up, "I'll be returning these to the store now. Welcome to the stupid side, mini-underling. We'll be keeping an eye on you." She shoved Crystal to the ground roughly before flying off into the sky heading for the jeweler. Crystal groaned as she started to pull herself up, Linda doing the same, "Damn that brat … she even found my hidden pockets. So we got nothing out of it." She sighed and brushed herself off, "Damn, shouldn't have taken on a rookie. Now they'll hate you on sight too."

Crystal leaned against the wall, "... She didn't take everything." She explains after a few moments. Linda turned to her confused, "Huh? What do you mean?" And Crystal coughed, rubbing where she was shoved onto the floor, before reaching between her breasts, "... I figured you meant to betray me, so I stole some stuff myself." She pulls out a few gold chains with rings tangled up in them and a pair of shiny earrings. "They were so busy focusing on what I was wearing, they didn't pay attention to what I wasn't." She breathes out with a cough, holding her gut, smiling at Linda, "We at least got this."

Linda grinned, and walked over to her patting her on her good shoulder, "You're alright toots. Lets get you to the hideout. I know somebody who can turn this into money for us." She starts to run off leaving the unathletic girl groaning but chasing after her. It wasn't ever where she imagined herself being. Ratty, hiding in alleys, a fistful of stolen jewels, and chasing after the tail of Linda of all people, who was keeping an eye out for her …. but maybe, just maybe, it was something she could call home after these three months of nothing and pain.