Can't Go On
I stand under the spraying water and as it runs down my face, it mixes with my tears. I pray as each minute passes that your memory would wash away, but it doesn't. Do I really want it to? No! I do not want to go on without you yet everyone tells me I must. Who are they to tell me what I should do? I haven't felt your touch in such a long time. I haven't felt full since you left. Why did you have to go? Did you fight at all or did He even give you a choice? I whisper your name and I catch my breath because it sounds so fragile, so hollow.
I climb from the shower and into our bed, you know love that it will always be our bed. I clutch tight to your pillow. Where is your smell? It used to soothe me in the mornings when I would wake up and remember that you would not be lying beside me anymore, watching me sleep. Oh God, how I miss you! So much it is hard to breath at times. I want - no I need - you here with me. I long to have you hold me tightly as we climb past the highest point of Heaven together. I beg for the stars to explode again in my head when you kiss me. Please tell Him to send you back to me, do not leave me here all alone. You made my whole life so different when you made me your own that I do not want to live without you. How do I go on? How? Can I lie here forever and just dream of you until God sends you back to me or til He comes to take me? Would you come and take me back with you?
But then, your telling me as each day passes that I must go on- that it is time and I know this because I do not feel you as strong as I use to. So, I will try. I make you that promise. But in return, you must promise me something also. That occasionally, I will again feel you as close as I use to, so close that it makes me think you are here. By doing this you will let me know that you still love me, and that you will love me until the end.
I love you… forever