One Big Happy Family

Summary: One-shot For the first time ever, a Halliwell sister has to meet her fiancé's parents. Paige has battled countless demons over the years, but she's not so sure if she can handle meeting her future in-laws.

A/N: I know this is a little weird for a Charmed fanfiction, but I've been following the section for a while now and noticed something. No one does one-shots! They're all about the Charmed one's kids or how Chris comes back from the future again. I love funny one-shots, and I decided that this section needed one.

Time Frame: Before Season 8's "Engaged and Confused."

"Piper! Phoebe!" Paige's frantic voice carried through the house as she bolted into the living room, clothes hangars in either hand. "Help! I can't do this!"

Piper skidded in from the kitchen, her hands raised. "Where's the…" She trailed off when she realized that there wasn't, in fact, any demon attacking her baby sister at the moment. Well, unless one counted the demon of indecisiveness. "Paige! You scared the crap out of me! With demons popping in here on the hour lately, you have to be more careful about your distress calls!"

"Why don't I hear any fighting? Did you guys vanquish him already?" Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, Phoebe wrinkled her brow in confusion.

"See what I mean?" Piper gestured to Phoebe's perplexed expression. To placate her, Piper explained, "Don't worry, there's no demon. The only emergency around here is a fashion crisis."

"Hey!" Paige protested. "This is a big deal here! I am meeting. Henry's parents, okay? I have to make the right impression!" Holding the two dresses out, she asked, "Now, which outfit says, 'Please don't advise your son not to marry me?'"

"Well…" Phoebe started, staring at the low cut line on each of the dresses. "To me, they both say, 'Don't trust your son with me for five minutes.'" Piper nodded in agreement, trying very hard not to laugh.

"What?" Paige frowned in disappointment, re-examining her wardrobe choices. "They're not inappropriate…are they?"

"For a night of dancing and picking up guys at P3, of course not," Piper reasoned. "But if I were you I'd go with something a little more conservative."

"Fine," Paige huffed, folding the garments over one arm. "But, I mean, I'm freaking out here! I don't know how much influence his parents' thoughts will have on him! What if he's a real mommy's boy and dumps me because she doesn't like my sense of humor or, or…"

"Honey, calm down," Phoebe consoled, putting a hand on Paige's shoulder. "It will be fine. In the end it's Henry who will decide if the wedding will happen, not his parents."

"Besides, we've gone through this before and…" Piper paused. "Wait, Phoebe, this is going to sound nuts, but I just realized something. Neither of us has had to meet in-laws."

"No…" Phoebe considered this for a minute. "There must have been some boyfriend along the line…"

Piper tilted her head, amazed. "Think about it. The times you were married, Cole was a demon, and we never found out exactly how the family system worked down there. Then with Dex, you two got married and divorced so quickly that I don't even think his parents know about you."

Phoebe shot her a look. "Right. And with you and Leo, well, as far as his parents are concerned Leo died when he went to war. Which he did, technically."

"Wow, this makes me feel special," Paige mused. "Getting to feel what it is to be the big sister, doing all the exciting things and then tell you two about it…it's nice. Maybe I'll start bossing you around…"

Piper raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, and then maybe I'll take your clothes out of your closet without asking your permission."

"Piper, I didn't steal that blouse. It has to be at the dry cleaners or something," Paige defended, sweat forming on her forehead. Truth be told, Piper's blouse was in a crumpled heap under a laundry pile in her bedroom, a ketchup stain on the front. But Piper didn't have to know that.

As if reading her sister's mind, Piper folded her arms across her chest. "For your sake, it better be."

Henry Mitchell watched his fiancé pace back and forth, not quite used to seeing her this nervous. Determined – yes. Ready to kick some demon butt – all the time. But in their whirlwind romance, he had to admit this was one side of Paige he'd never experienced. "Honey, sit down! They won't be here for another half hour or so."

"I can't!" Paige argued, stomping her foot. "My stomach's all tied up in knots…if I sit I might barf…"

"Okay, standing is good," Henry acknowledged. "I don't get you, Paige."

"What?" Paige huffed.

"You fight demons every week, and meeting my parents scares you?" Henry stood and went over to put his arms around her.

"This is different," Paige assured him. "With demons, it's a system. Get attacked by them, fight them, and vanquish them, end of story. This whole extended family thing is new territory."

"They'll love you," Henry comforted. "And they'll be very open-minded about your, uh, being a witch and all."

This caused Paige to tense. "You're kidding me, right?"

"No…" Turning her around to face him, Henry begged, "Paige, my parents need to know their son is marrying a witch!"

"Why? You give me one good reason they have to know!" Paige challenged, returning to her pacing. "I mean, it was hard enough with telling you, and you freaked for like a week!"

"Paige, honey, just listen," Henry pleaded. "It's better we tell them now. What if they find out on their own somehow? That'll make it ten times worse!"

"Henry, you don't want to do this," Paige advised. "The fact that magic exists isn't an easy one to swallow. They're meeting me for the first time – shouldn't we let them get to know me first, and then drop the bomb? Which I'm still not sure we should do."

"But Paige, it's not fair to my parents," Henry sighed, sitting back on the couch. "Honesty's big with them. When I was a teenager, I wasn't exactly frank about where I was going when I went to hang out with my friends."

Paige put a hand on her hip. "That doesn't sound so bad. I did that a million times."

"Were you grounded for a month?" Henry asked, pleased when her mouth dropped open. "See? Imagine what they'll do if they catch us!"

"Catch you doing what?" Piper had walked in, wooden spoon in hand. She had decided to tap into her cooking skills and make dinner for Paige's company, which the younger sister had greatly appreciated since she could barely make a grilled cheese sandwich.

"Lying to them," Henry supplied.

"No," Paige corrected. "Not telling them I'm a witch."

Piper was stunned. "What? You were going to tell them that we're witches who fight demons? Are you crazy?"

Henry winced slightly at his fiancé's triumphant smirk. "Well, I didn't mention the 'fighting demons' part, but yeah. I would just feel really guilty lying to them every time we went over for dinner."

"It's not lying unless they ask!" Paige stated, as if it should be obvious. "And I highly doubt they're going to ask me if I'm a witch."

"You know what I meant," Henry accused. "It wouldn't sit right on my conscience."

"Well then get a comfier conscience, because you can't do this," Piper told him. "Maybe eventually, but not now. I've never met your parents, but parents in general all share one common factor – they're determined. If they want your wedding ruined, it will be."

"You don't think the would…" Henry paused, considering their arguments. He then put his head in his hands. "Fine, I won't tell them, but if they find out, I'm bringing you down with me."

Paige laughed, taking another sip of her wine. She, Henry, and Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell were seated around her living room table, eating the meal Piper had prepared and chatting. It was going well so far…she hadn't made any inappropriate comments or anything, and it was easy to get along with Henry's parents. They were relatively young, in their fifties. Mrs. Mitchell was outgoing and funny, and loved to share embarrassing stories about her son…much to his chagrin. Mr. Mitchell was the yin to her yang, quiet, reserved – but Paige could see him using a firm hand to lay down the law. "Come on, Mrs. Mitchell, I'm sure you have another tale about Henry."

"Don't listen to her, Mom!" Henry cried, massaging his temple. "She'll storing it for ammunition. Either that or she'll share it with her sisters the minute I leave the room."

"Speaking of which, we would really love to meet them before the wedding, Paige," Mr. Mitchell interjected. "From what Henry's told us, they seem to be a big part of your life."

"You can say that again," Paige muttered under her breath. Out loud, she responded, "Well, they had other business to attend to tonight, so they won't be home for a while, but I'm sure the feeling is mutual."

"Wait…they all live here?" Mr. Mitchell inquired.

Mrs. Mitchell nodded. "Yes, we were under the impression that you lived here alone. Not that it's a problem, of course."

Paige shot a glare at Henry, who was pretending to be interested in the food on his plate. She understood why he wouldn't inform them of this. From what he said, his parents were upper middle class, and would expect Paige to be able to afford the manor by herself. She was just angry that he didn't. "Yes, well, we're very close."

Mr. Mitchell wrinkled his brow, catching that she wasn't being entirely truthful. "Paige, you never did mention what you did for a living."

That made Paige squirm in her seat. "Um, I'm currently, well…unemployed. I had to quit my previous job as a social worker due to personal issues, but I'm looking to get back into the field."

"You're referring to your dealings with Homeland Security, of course," Mrs. Mitchell supplied. When Paige blushed, she continued, "Oh, don't worry, we understand that whatever crime you witnessed must remain private, but I do find it incredibly fascinating that my son is marrying someone helping the government."

Paige gulped. "Yeah, it's all very confidential." You have no idea.

Sending Paige a friendly smile, Mr. Mitchell asked, "So, what do you do with the free time you must have? Other than job hunting."

"Um…you know…stuff…" Paige hung her head in embarrassment. How was she supposed to answer that one? 'Nothing really, just watching over my charges and fighting the demons who try to kill me every day.'

"'Stuff,'" Mrs. Mitchell repeated. "Care to elaborate, dear?"

Seeing his fiancé's dilemma, Henry interrupted, "Haven't we been talking about Paige enough for one night? What's going on with you two?"

Mr. Mitchell laughed. "What's the matter, son? Is what Paige does during her leisure time some big secret?"

Henry chuckled nervously. "No…well…um…"

Mrs. Mitchell glanced between the two, sensing that they were both very uncomfortable. Getting frustrated, since her son never dared to lie to her before, she stared at her future daughter-in-law. "Come on, whatever hobby you have can't be that bad. It's not like you're a secret agent or something…are you?"

Paige sat there, wishing that telepathy was one of her powers. She needed to talk to Henry before she opened her mouth, but she couldn't excuse them without looking suspicious. "Well…ah…I-I…"

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how one looked at it, a crash sounded from the living room. Henry glanced up at Paige in horror, forming a good idea of what had caused it. No, not now…

She nodded towards him in silent acknowledgement, throwing her napkin on her table and jumping to her feet. "I'll go check on that. Uh, it's probably nothing. That grandfather clock has been very unsteady; chances are it finally toppled over." With that, she dashed through the connecting door, making sure to close it behind her.

"Why don't you go help her, son?" Mr. Mitchell suggested.

Henry shook his head. "No, she can handle…whatever it is…"

Mrs. Mitchell wrinkled her brow. "Sweetie, she just said the grandfather clock might have fallen over. How do you expect a woman of her stature to deal with that? I saw it on the way in. It would take at least you and your father to put it back in place."

Mr. Mitchell stood and walked toward the living room. "As a matter of fact, your mother does have a point. Why don't you and I go and offer her some assistance?"

"NO!" Henry leaped out of his chair, rushing over to throw himself across the door. "I mean, uh…duck!" He pushed his father out of the way right as a fireball came flying into the dining room.

The three – Henry, his mother, and his father – watched in shock as the separating door was knocked aside by another fireball. Cautiously moving closer, Henry winced. Sure enough, Paige was battling a demon. She orbed to the opposite side of the room to avoid an attack, then called, "fireball!" The named object ricocheted to the demon, vanquishing him on impact. Wiping her forehead with the back of her hand, she sighed in relief. "Whew, glad that's over."

"Um, Paige, honey?"

Paige glanced at Henry, her features even more panicked than when she was confronting the demon. His parents flanked him, each wearing identical expressions of shock. Staring down at the floor to avoid eye contact, she muttered, "Of course, I could be wrong…"

A/N: Yeah, I know, not my best work. I don't know, I started writing it, and after the first page or two kind of lost interest…tell me what you think anyway. It's my first Charmed one-shot.