Jaded Hypocrisy
Summary: Kagome was Nobody now; she at least wanted to pretend she'd been Somebody once. So why couldn't he remember her? He was Sesshoumaru's reincarnation, after all. Right? Not Romance.
+
Kagome now had a nothing life. Due to poor grades, and an even worse attendance record, colleges were not interested in her. This wasn't a surprise. It had been a struggle to just get into and through high school, like a drowning girl with boulders tied to her ankles.
Not that she hadn't had her reasons. They were very good reasons, actually. Not that anyone would believe them. Time traveling and dirty wells didn't interest academic advisors and school principles. They might have attracted the attention of school psychiatrists, but not in the manner she'd enjoy.
Kagome lacked the stellar education she'd desired all her life. Her entrance exams had been a flop and her choices of schools slim. It hadn't improved at all during those long years of high school. Even if she didn't go through the well anymore --she refused to think about that too much-- she was still behind and floundered to catch up. She was an average student and all the effort need to succeed at the level she wanted required a brilliant one.
If only she could take courses on youkai slaying and jewel shattering and she'd be valedictorian.
But she had graduated-- if you could call it that-- and now, staring at the umpteenth refusal letter, Kagome wondered why she'd even bothered.
Her mother attempted one of her sympathetic understanding smiles but it faltered under the stress of constant use. Then she'd said the customary phrase, spoken so much that it may as well be marked down as standard etiquette. "Maybe next time?"
Kagome knew what Mama had wanted of her, what she still wanted from her that was now hidden down in the depths of her heart. But the older woman still backed her up, no matter what.
Sometimes Kagome wondered why she even bothered.
They all knew that the well had ruined her life.
+
Perhaps one of her school problems had been memory, although Kagome knew that couldn't be the only reason. Memories weren't those of happy school days. Most were memories of blood and gore and evil and death and everything schoolgirls didn't usually know.
But, oddly enough, it was the good half of those memories that tortured her the most. Visions of friends and smiles and laughter and sunny days clutched her mind. White hair and dog-ears danced before her eyes and she had wondered so many times what had happened to it all.
Because she didn't know. She wasn't given the chance to.
She'd been cast out of the Sengoku Jidai. As soon as all the Jewel shards had made contact in her hand, she'd left. Just blinked and she was home. No Jewel in her hand, no clue as to Naraku's fate or that of her friends. Nothing.
And she hadn't been able to go back. No matter how many hours she'd dug in the well or how many nights spent crying at the base of the Goshinboku.
Not knowing had caused her to spend most of her time wondering and worrying about a past that had already happened. The future had been the same as she'd remembered it, almost as if all that she had done--all that they had done--had been nothing but a long dream.
Nothing but an old fairytale. One that others could smile and laugh over, gasp at in surprise, and smile dreamily at the happily-ever-after that really didn't exist.
Apparently, she had been cast in the role of fairy princess. The Shikon was the movie caster and she'd played her part as it saw fit. Now her scenes were over and she was the actress tossed aside to find another part to play. And yet, she had grown so attached to her main role, had become what she was supposed to be.
And now her movie didn't even exist.
It was unsettling. It was distressing. It was unfair.
The world was always unfair.
+
She'd bounced between so many jobs after high school, trying to earn some money so that she wasn't forced to live off her mother completely. But it was hard. None of the jobs were anything she'd wanted --she'd wanted to be a doctor or maybe a veterinarian; she wanted to help people -- and it made it difficult for her to settle.
It took her about three years until she'd found her current job. It was small corner store a few blocks from the shrine. She was a cashier and the people she worked for were surprisingly kind. That might have been the reason she'd stayed there so long--almost three months. Certainly ringing up some adolescent's candy purchase wasn't really helping society much, but at least her mother looked less strained. Kagome was doing something.
She liked watching the people that came in and out of her shop. Once and a while she'd find herself examining faces to see if she recognized any. Because she was living proof of reincarnation. Why couldn't someone from the past appear in her future?
Perhaps if that were to happen then this whole time-travel business wouldn't seem so much like a dream. The more time that past, the stranger the whole episode became. It was only her heartbreak and her family's reassurance that told her it was real.
It irked her sometimes, that something that had messed up her life so much now seemed so…far away. So…
The door opened and all her doubts died with a swift slice to their imaginary throats.
A man who had to be at least five or so years her senior came in with a little girl of eight or nine in tow. He was dressed like a normal man of good taste and the girl was bouncing around in a school uniform. His hair and eyes were dark, his face more narrow, his nose less dainty, but she recognized him. No pointed ears or strange stripes and moons, no streaming hair or spikes, but she knew him.
He was following that girl idly as she raced down the isle towards the snack section in the back. Seeing where she was headed he admonished her quietly. When the girl stopped and pouted he only shook his head and steered her away with a fatherly smile. The girl's voice bounced back to Kagome along the short isles complaining good-natured about how he always read her mind. And he just laughed.
Laughed.
Kagome was too busy remembering to register the sound. Her thoughts whirled through time; they spiraled down through an old well and her heart began to pound. If it was fear or excitement she didn't know. It didn't really matter to her. Because she'd found what she was looking for.
That was Sesshoumaru.
She tried to catch sight of him again but the two of them had disappeared behind a wall of products that she couldn't see around. She was willing to wait for them to come back out, perhaps even come up to her counter, but regretfully they weren't the only people in the store. It took a few waves and throat-clearings from a rather nettled customer standing in front of her before she shook out of her daze enough to go back to work. Soon a long line formed before her from after-school shoppers and she was so busy that she didn't notice who had just handed her money until a girl's voice spoke up.
"Kagome's a really pretty name, Miss."
Kagome blinked and slowly recognized the huge brown eyes staring at her from only a few inches over the countertop. It was that girl.
Kagome's heart seized in her chest and she almost dropped the money. Her eyes drifted up so slowly to the man that intuition told her stood just off to the side. And there he was, giving her a slightly confused look on account of her silence.
If she squinted a little Kagome could see that ageless beauty reflected in this man's distinctly human face. It took her breath away.
Apparently she stared too long. Frowning in annoyance, he glanced to the people lining up behind them then back to Kagome. Clearing his throat softly, he spoke to her and she heard his voice for the first time. "Miss?"
It wasn't exactly like she remembered, but Kagome couldn't be sure exactly how precise her memories really were. Regardless, it wasn't as deep but just as soft. It was a little rough but she hardly noticed.
It was just enough that he was there.
Shaking her head to clear it, Kagome tried to offer him her practiced smile as she finished counting his change. "So sorry," she mumbled, pushing the coins over the laminate and leaving them there. She kept her head down, hearing the coins clink together as he picked them up, and it took all her willpower not to start staring at him again.
Old memories kept running through her mind, images that collided sharply with what had just happened to her. That was Sesshoumaru, buying groceries from her store. Groceries. Sesshoumaru.
She just wanted to laugh. Just throw back her head and laugh until the whole building collapsed around her.
Who knew reincarnation could be so hilarious?
It was only once he was gone that she really thought about it. If that was who she thought it was, reborn, then that meant that everything hadn't been a dream. Right? She wasn't just imagining things and that was him. Right?
It was the little girl that cinched it. Because, now that they were gone, she remembered a name for her, too. Rin.
Irony thy true name is Fate.
+
Kagome was starting to get so distracted now. She really couldn't help it. Everyday she would scrutinize every face, looking and searching for anyone familiar. As if this tiny little shop was a haven for ghosts.
Yet, the only one she saw was him. He and that girl came in almost every day now, gathering this or that as she excitedly rambled on about her day. And he would nod so patiently as he listened, sometimes he would even play with her hair and make her squeal in cute frustration. She would always beg for sweets but he wouldn't give in and the girl would pout for a few seconds before smiling again.
They always came in around the same time most days. Two nights were later; Tuesdays they entered with the girl holding an instrument case. Every Friday he carried a gym bag, the girl had a dance bag, and they wouldn't come in until dark. Kagome ended up seeing them nearly every time and rang them up without any staring, no matter how much she longed to. She never said a word beside customary politeness, afraid of what she might say.
It wasn't until a few weeks later that Kagome suddenly realized that she'd coordinated her shifts around these times. Looking at her timetable she watched the change in hours that reflect their schedule and she felt an urge to throw it away. But then she shook her head and claimed it to be coincidence. Why would she want to be near him, anyway? Sesshoumaru never had been the friendliest of acquaintances--if you could even label him as that. Perhaps part-time enemy was the proper phrase.
But that didn't seem to matter. No matter how much her rational side kept telling her to just stay away, she didn't.
She had a conversation with him quite on accident. She'd been out from behind her counter one day picking up a mess of boxes someone had spilled on the floor. She was almost done stacking them back in their uselessly artistic arrangement when she realized that she couldn't reach the top of the pile to put on the last box.
Kagome stomped her foot in annoyance as she gazed upwards. There should be such an easy way to fix this.
"I can do that for you."
She dropped the box at the same moment that her heart stopped. It was only through sheer luck that she didn't faint.
"Uhh…" she said intelligently. She turned so slowly and yet he was still there, giving her a slightly amused look as he retrieved the fallen merchandise. Barely stretching at all he reached around her and finished her job.
And then he gave her a crooked little smile and all she could think was: No. This isn't you. You're cruel and cold and you're ruining my idea of the universe.
"I'm beginning to think you live here, Miss," he teased and Kagome just stared.
No. No. What are you doing
"Are you all right, Miss--"
"Higurashi Kagome."
She didn't know where that had come from. The words had just slipped out and she wanted to clamp her hands over her traitorous mouth but she couldn't move.
The past…the past…he wasn't behaving!
"Oh? Then it's a pleasure to meet you, Higurashi-san. I am Fujimoto Kiyosato."
No. Sesshoumaru! It's Sesshoumaru
"That is Kane, my daughter. We--"
She wasn't listening anymore. She wasn't even seeing him anymore. She was seeing him and cursing him. Because he was messing with her, wasn't he? Torturing her by living and yet not.
She didn't even know him and still she was angry.
Bastard. Bastard. Bastard bastard bastard!
You were supposed to remember me!
+
Kagome didn't know exactly why she wanted him to remember. At least not at first.
But then she realized it. It just happened one day as she stood in front of the mirror at home and stared at herself. Her nothing self.
That told her. She wanted him to remember because everything she was, was in the past. She had been needed there. She had been the focus of a lot of attention, the saving grace in so many instances. She was necessary there; she was not the Nobody, not the Girl-Still-Living-With-Her-Mother. She wasn't That-Girl-Behind-The-Counter.
She had been the Miko. She had been the Friend. She had been Kagome to so many.
She had also been Kikyou-Reincarnate. She'd also been That-Strange-Girl. But she refused to remember that. Because that wasn't the Kagome she wanted to remember.
She was Nobody now; she at least wanted to pretend she'd been Somebody once.
But that bastard just wasn't doing what he should.
He was supposed to know; he was supposed to tell her everything about her old self and let her know the end. Let her know that her Somebody had accomplished Something.
But he never said a word.
+
Fujimoto-san and his daughter continued to come and Kagome continued to watch them, waiting. She didn't know what for, exactly. All she knew was that it wasn't there.
Fujimoto-san would say hello to her every night now. He would even politely ask how her day had been. He would address her by name. She answered like etiquette demanded, blocking out the soft quality of his voice as she tried to find the arrogance underneath. She ignored his timidly charming smile because it wasn't supposed to be there.
She was immune to his kindness because to her it didn't exist.
That girl Rin -- no, he called her Kane now-- talked to her as well, always smiling so cheerfully. That she could handle. Because that girl was supposed to be happy. She fit into the groove.
"How were lessons today, Kane?"
The little girl lit up like a sun and Kagome was often surprised that he just didn't wither under the shining rays because he was Sesshoumaru and he couldn't know how to handle it.
"Good, Kagome-san. Papa said we can look into buying a violin of my own and get rid of the rental soon. Right Papa?"
He'd answered her, but Kagome didn't really care what he'd said. It was that one word that threw her off balance.
Papa.
That wasn't right.
Damn it.
+
Much to her mother's joy, Kagome had actually remained at her job for one year. Although it wasn't prestigious, her mother was by now just happy to see her doing something. And Kagome was happy that she was happy
The only problem was that, when she should have been moving ahead with her life, she was now falling backwards.
And it was all his damn fault.
She could never tell her mother that she was driven to work because of obsession. That urge to know that he knew. That urge to crack that impressive wall he'd built around his true self.
She never knew Sesshoumaru was an actor. But he was; this whole kindhearted and sweet Fujimoto Kiyosato thing was done so well that it was annoying her. He must have had time to study up on his part. There was no way in hell he could work like that off the cuff. Because Sesshoumaru was the complete opposite of that. At least she thought so.
But she wished he'd drop the act soon. Didn't he know that she knew?
That poor Kane girl…she didn't even know that her so-called "father" was a monster.
Kagome was afraid for her sometimes. That she had to live with him. But then she would remember healthy Rin and supposed he could at least feed a child. And that always seemed to be just enough to keep her with him.
Maybe he just had child magnetism? Which wouldn't have made sense if she'd hadn't seen it before.
So that was why the girl seemed to like him so much. But the whole "father" thing. Couldn't he have come up with a better excuse to keep her?
The more she thought, the more she wondered. Where did they live? Did they wander like before? That was impossible, but she could hardly see it as anything else, despite all evidence to the contrary. Did he keep ancient objects stored somewhere? Did he still have that old armor? How did he hide his real hair and eye color?
Because he was Sesshoumaru.
+
That girl stood by her counter one night, arms leaning against the smooth surface as she talked. Fujimoto-san wasn't there at the moment, having gone back for something and Kagome just couldn't hold her tongue anymore. She had to warn her.
"You do know that your father is a monster."
She'd never seen someone look so shocked. It hurt, but it had to be done. "W-what?"
The words just came spilling out. She was telling a horrendous story that she just couldn't stop. Like a haunted fairy tale. "Yes, he's a terrible monster who's killed a lot of people. He even tried to get me once or twice and I won't even count the times he went after Inuyasha. I'm sure it might have been the way he was raised, but I've always thought him to be cold, cruel and heartless. I don't really know why he's with a little girl like you, but if I were you I'd watch out. Who knows when he might decide to get rid of you?"
Kagome's heart twisted when the girl broke out into great wailing tears, but she kept telling herself that it had to be done. It was for her own good.
"PAPA!" The girl was literally screaming now, sobbing into her hands as her whole body shook. Kagome watched her and wanted to hold her. She never got the chance.
He was there suddenly, wrapping his arms around the little one, face creased with concern. The girl continued to cry, shying away from him. "Why would she say those things, Papa? Why, why, WHY?"
He tried to soothe her, telling her that Kagome hadn't meant it, that he'd never done those things, and Kagome wondered how he could lie to that girl if he liked her so much. Bastard.
He glanced at her then and for the first time since she'd met him she actually saw real anger in his eyes. It was mixed with worry under a layer to anguished tears, but it was there. He clutched the girl to his chest as she finally gave in and let him comfort her.
"What the hell was that for?" he whispered, teeth on edge as he hugged that girl tighter. They were gathering a crowd but all Kagome saw was him and that stupid little girl. "Why did you say those things to her!" His voice rose now as he stood up, girl in his arms and ire on his tongue.
Kagome had to physically force herself not to step back. He wasn't supposed to shout. Sesshoumaru didn't shout. At least not like that, with his whole face showing his rage the way only a human could.
But he was, right now.
And yet, yelling or not, she had to answer him. She had to tell him that she knew.
"Because it was all true."
+
Kagome found herself jobless the next day. It was a Friday and she didn't know what to do. Heart full of guilt and anger from last night, she just wandered. She could have just remained at home, except for the fact that she'd neglected to tell her mother about recent developments. She just couldn't do it; at least she could allow Mama to have a good weekend. Even if lying to her made Kagome feel so damn guilty.
It was growing dark by the time her feet carried her onto the street the store was on. Making a wide berth about it she kept going, heart heavy. She shouldn't have done that. She shouldn't have said those things to that little girl.
Because what else had she expected him to do? It didn't seem as if Sesshoumaru wanted to have his identity known. Especially, it seemed, to that little girl. Kagome was even a little afraid, wondering what he would do now that she'd told him she knew. Now that his cover was blown.
Although it confused her as to why a human-hater like Sesshoumaru would consent to live incognito like that.
But over all that was the desire to be recognized. No matter the cost. It still burned in her like a mystical flame, inexhaustible and all consuming. And as her feet continued to carry her on she realized that was why she was there. To see him outside the atmosphere of the shop and possibly find a way to break his defenses.
Part of her wish was granted as she strolled past a modernized dojo. There were windows in the front lit up by the glowing lights within and she glanced inside as she passed.
There he was. Dressed in traditional training clothes he stood at the head of a collection of young men with his sword held high as he demonstrated a special stance. His sandal-covered feet were spread wide on the dark blue mat and both hands were wrapped around the hilt as he crouched.
Kagome pressed her face against the window instinctively with her eyes glued to that lean form as he slid through a series of practiced movements, sword shining like a streak of lightening under the florescent lights. Her heart was pounding and she was sure she'd break the glass.
That was Sesshoumaru. With two arms, of course, but it was he. No one could move like that; he was water within a shell of flexible skin. He froze and then melted, each done so smoothly that the break between was indistinguishable. It was all control; it was something gained only after years of experience.
And Sesshoumaru had had many years.
But, as she watched him, the image her eyes saw wouldn't match with the one her mine wanted. Her eyes saw a young man with above average skill, short dark hair disheveled even in the face of outward calm, dark eyes deep in concentration. It wasn't a white ghost of a demon who fought like he breathed. It was just a regular man.
But her mind saw something else and would happily interpolate its opinion over her common sense.
He had stepped down from his higher platform now, live steel replaced with wood as he moved along the rows of men trying to copy his earlier movements. He would stop now and then to fix a stance or trade a few blows with those who were farther along.
And Kagome could only stare at him in astonishment. Sesshoumaru was a teacher? When had this happened?
She remained pressed against the window as the lesson continued; a few more motions were introduced and then a mock battle was set up between two students. And he watched it all with a calm practiced eye as he stood at the head, silent even in the face of their mistakes.
And then, just as one student looked to be the victor, he leapt into the fray with an aggression that made Kagome's breath catch. As he bore down on the poor pupil, the fight broke out of the circle of students and soon he had the other man running around the entire dojo to get away from him.
To Kagome's absolute astonishment the other men began to cheer. As their comrade ran for his life they began to shout and laugh. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but she was sure it was the complete opposite of what she felt. How could they just let him slaughter someone like that!
She was in the door before she even stopped to think. Grabbing the first weapon she came across on the wall, she was racing over the mats. She was the only one who knew what this monster was; she was the only one who could stop him. Knees shaking with fear, her stomach heaving, and completely heedless of the voices calling out to her, she ran towards him.
It seemed like slow motion as he turned at her approach. She saw the man he'd been fighting; he was completely fine, face fixed in concentration as his blade locked with his teacher's. There wasn't a scratch on him.
That was the only thing that told her that she was doing something wrong. But it was too late. Weapon held at waist height she collided with him and it was only then that she realized that she hadn't picked up a practice sword.
It was real.
Surprise blossomed over his face like a morbid flower as the blade slid through his midsection and out through the back. Blood splashed over her hands, across her face, as he swayed. His eyes locked on hers and for the first time she saw something that she wanted.
Recognition.
But something in her told her that it wasn't the recognition she'd wished for.
"You…" he whispered just as his eyes lost their focus, leaving her to stand there as his limp body sunk to the floor.
His student stood behind him, blood splattered across his face and clothes as he stared at his teacher, his sword having fallen from frozen fingers. "…Sensei?"
Silence fell. Kagome looked from the student, to her hands, and then down. And she realized that she shouldn't have done that.
Then sound erupted in the dojo and Kagome was swept away.
+
It was small, little place. The metal was cold under her legs even through her pants and Kagome wished she wasn't there. In fact, she wished she wasn't anywhere. Arms wrapped around her bent knees, she let the tears tumbled down her cheeks. She could still feel the blood on her face and hands, even after having washed them clean.
Gods, Sesshoumaru, why did I kill you?
She'd had to save that man, though. Hadn't she? Sesshoumaru could have killed him because no one would know what he was capable of. But she knew. Didn't she?
Yes, Sesshoumaru would have killed that man.
But was that Sesshoumaru?
Yes. Yes, it was. Who else could it be?
But did that mean she should have done the same thing? Yes…no? It wasn't like this was the first time she'd killed something. She'd shot many youkai with her arrows over the years. But this was different…this was…
The feeling of that blade tearing through skin and muscles, sliding along bone and mutilating organs…that just made her sick. The bile rose in the back of her throat and she rocked slightly in her agony.
"Oh Mama", she whispered to herself. "I'm so sorry, Mama, but I had to do it…I had to…"
Didn't she?
There was a clang of steel and footsteps. Kagome lifted her head and peered out through the bars in front of her. Her vision swam with her tears and the movement of her head made her stomach twist. But she did manage to recognize the uniformed man outside her cell.
"You have a visitor, Miss," he told her stiffly and Kagome's heart sank. Mama…it was Mama, wasn't it? She didn't know what to say…didn't know how to explain…
The officer stepped back and standing in his place was…was…
Sesshoumaru.
His hair was short and yet white. His eyes weren't gold, but they were a lighter brown. His face was eternally smooth, chiseled so finely that it put Fujimoto-san to shame. He was dressed in a full black suit, complete with a dark red vest and golden cufflinks. The crisp white collar of his shirt made his skin look that much paler, like he was a ghost.
Kagome thought she was dreaming…
It was his voice that made her believe.
"So, you're the one."
She couldn't understand how she had thought his voice belonged to anyone else. No one could sound that impersonal-- that cold --and still convey anger. Rage. Those light eyes glittered so strangely and Kagome felt hunted.
"Se--Sesshoumaru…" she somehow managed to squeak, even as her heart took over her throat. Her breath came in scattered gasps as she tried to decide if she should go to him or shy away.
He made the decision for her. All anger gone from his face --it was swallowed up by a much more terrifying apathy-- he motioned to the guard and was let into her cell.
She'd never met a man who could seem so big and yet actually be normal sized. But there he was, standing just five steps away and staring her down and she felt smothered.
"Just how do you know that name, woman?" he asked her with a deliberate calm after a long moment of painful silence. "I have not used that name for some time and yet you address me as such immediately."
Kagome only half heard him. She still couldn't believe what she was seeing. Sesshoumaru…Sesshoumaru…this was him, wasn't it?
Then who was it that she had killed?
"Fujimoto-san!" she cried out suddenly, feeling her innards twist among themselves as if they were trying to punish her for what she'd done. Images of Fujimoto-san…images of that girl Kane…they all flashed through her mind rapid fire and she just wanted to die.
Sesshoumaru's face was hard as granite. "Yes, he is why I have come here. You appear to know many things, woman. Or, perhaps I should say miko?" Kagome started in surprise and tried to say something, but he cut her off. "Yes, I know that you are a miko. And, since you apparently know my original name, you undoubtedly know exactly what I am."
And she did, all right. Claws flashing past her eyes told her that plainly enough. The very tips just grazed her ears as he leaned over her, braced up by one arm against the wall. And it was his only arm, she noted with a faint giddiness. So this had to be Sesshoumaru…
Hard copper eyes stared into her own and Kagome had the intense urge to laugh. Not that she found this current situation funny…except that it was, in a very ironic way.
The sight of fangs in the unblemished face was far too paradoxical for Kagome. But it did add a lot of bite behind his snarl. "Who are you?" It wasn't a civilized question; something had the youkai very pissed off.
And Kagome didn't like that thing being her.
When she didn't answer him immediately, he leaned down even closer and she felt very cold suddenly. "I do not appreciate your silence, miko. Answer my question."
Kagome tried to look for the guard, to call for help, but she couldn't drag her eyes away from his. She was a rabbit in a trap that still had to stare down a wolf. There was no way to escape.
So she took a page out of Inuyasha's book and tried bravado. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she raised her chin. "If you are a youkai and you know I'm a miko, then why are you getting so close?"
He didn't budge, eyes locked on her in a heavy, impassive stare and Kagome was forced to try to crawl away. She didn't get very far before he snatched her arm, jerking her forward. "You will tell me what I need to know. Then perhaps your punishment will be much less for what you did to Kiyosato."
That name brought back the queasiness that had been building up in her stomach and Kagome almost heaved. It was only the thought of what this demon would do if she vomited on him that forced her to swallow. Tears leaked from her eyes and she barely managed to gasp her question. "Wh-what happened to…to him?"
Sesshoumaru's lips compressed in a very thin line on his face, a mask of exasperation stressed to the limit. But, surprisingly, he answered her. "He will live. I will insure that."
And she knew he would. No one who knew of Tenseiga could ever forget it.
"He looks so much like you…" she whispered, her words overflowing from her lips just as joy burst through her heart. He was going to live…she hadn't killed him! She'd never been so happy to fail. "Did you have children? But, if you had children like that you'd've had to have married a human and you hate them and--"
He cut her off with a swift jerk. "Shut up." His coarse, bitter language threw her completely off guard and Kagome could only gape at him. "I'm not here to listen to your rambling. I've come for answers and I will get them. Your half-witted comments are just making the list longer."
Before she knew it her wrist was pinned to the wall behind her and she thought she heard something crack. Her vision swam with the sharp pain that flared up her arm and she wanted to be angry. Oh, did she want to scream at him like she used to…but then she'd miss her chance, wouldn't she? If she explained it all then he might be able to fill in the blanks. He might remember her.
Because there could be no doubt now that this was the genuine youkai.
She told him everything. It all came pouring out like hot magma, unable to stay in without burning her to death. She told him how she'd fallen through the well, how she'd been forced back here, and how she'd found his "reincarnation". Her words were vague at best, but she hoped he'd understand. And he seemed to listen, still holding her wrist up against the cold unyielding wall. Tears were pouring down her face in literal streams as her narrative came to a close, her words stilted by the angry, hopeless tears.
Silence fell after her voice trailed off and Kagome was almost afraid to look up at him. Her heart was so heavy with grief and guilt that she could have sunk through the floor. She felt so weak and she hated it. She knew herself to be stronger than this…or was that the other Kagome? The one she kept trying to recall.
Sesshoumaru gazed at her with an unreadable expression for a long breathless moment. "So you would have killed me," he said at last. He spoke slowly, as if he were still ruminating over all she had told him. The fingers around her hand tightened slightly and Kagome couldn't hold back a wince. "A time traveler, who knew me in my youth. And you tried to kill me with a sword?"
"I wasn't trying to kill anyone!" Kagome protested. "I was just trying to protect that man! He didn't know what…what you could do. I didn't know that was a real sword! A dojo isn't supposed to have real weapons!"
"They do not, in most cases." He appeared completely unfazed by her near-hysterical cries. "The sword you used happened to belong to Kiyosato himself. A gift I gave to him years ago. Undoubtedly he had used it for demonstration before placing it safely aside."
Those ageless eyes pinned on her again and Kagome swallowed anything else she'd been trying to say. He looked so old then, a creature who had lived for so very long. No human reincarnation could duplicate that. "I would have never anticipated someone like you going after one of my dear ones. I have developed many enemies over my lifetime, assuredly, and many of are brash enough to go after my adopted son. But none know me for what I really am; none begrudge me my youth. It seems that it is only you, a stupid little human girl, that knows my secret."
Kagome was too immersed in her hope for most of his words to reach her. They rolled off her like water on a bird's wing. "Do you believe me? Do you remember who I am?"
Sesshoumaru didn't reply right away. He continued to gaze at he steadily and Kagome thought he could stay like that forever. If she let herself be irrational she could believe that he had been doing it for five hundred years. Then he did something she'd never thought she'd hear from a humanoid figure again. He sniffed her. It was very subtle, not like Inuyasha's snuffling, but she knew what to look for. Kagome would have laughed, but she knew better.
At last he spoke and something inside Kagome crumbled. "You are that priestess that followed Inuyasha, are you not? Kikyou, was it?" His eyes narrowed. "I never thought her to be anything else but a normal miko, disastrous bitch though she was."
"No!" she screamed right in his face, heedless of the danger. Struggling against his vice grip she felt the tears building again. "I'm Kagome! I'm the one who connected the Jewel pieces! I'm the one who pulled out the Tetsusaiga! Don't you remember me?"
Sesshoumaru seemed slightly annoyed by her ranting. "What Jewel?" There was sincere confusion underneath his irritation and that irked her.
"The one I just told you about! The Shikon no Tama!"
A very fine line appeared between Sesshoumaru's eyebrows and as she gazed at him she finally realized that he didn't look so perfectly young, like she'd thought. He was aged around the edges, like a beautiful work of art carefully preserved but not completely salvaged. There were faint lines around his eyes and inconspicuous marks of numerous frowns imbedded around his smooth lips. His skin was so white it was near transparent and she wondered just how large he would be in his true form now.
Kagome couldn't help but think his memory was going along with his appearance. Because, certainly five hundred years was a very long time to remember. Perhaps…
"You spoke of the Jewel shattering, yes," he answered finally, choosing his words with careful slowness that drove her to distraction. "And yet I can tell you that that never happened. The Jewel disappeared long ago, around the time Inuyasha was pinned to that cursed tree. It took me a long time to find a priestess who could get him loose, so I can also tell you that it wasn't you.
"As to the Tetsusaiga," he continued, heedless of her open-mouthed stare. "That's why I needed that miko to release Inuyasha. I wanted the sword and I could not get to it with him half dead. It still amazes me to this day how magnanimous that bastard could be just to anger me. After the old woman pulled out the sword he jumped in to protect her and that's how I became like this." His fingers flexed over her wrist but didn't tighten. His eyes were like subzero ice as he stared at her.
"So, who are you, really?"
Kagome shriveled up inside. She just gazed at him and slowly died. Her lips moved as she tried to articulate her thoughts, tried to accuse him of lying. But…but…why would he lie?
"What about Rin?" she began to babble, unable to stop. "What about Naraku? What about my friends Sango, Miroku, Shippou? What happened to the Jewel? I was there! I was there! My family remembers, I know they do, and so do I and this can't be true you're lying and--"
"I found Rin after I lost my arm," Sesshoumaru began, very softly, and yet his voice broke through hers like a diamond knife. "She lived with me for many years afterward as my first daughter. Inuyasha killed Naraku when he came back to try to dig up Kikyou's remains. I don't know any of those other names you've mentioned. And I certainly can't say anything about your family and their misconstrued beliefs."
He gazed at her with a mixture of pity and disgust that seemed out of character with him. If she even knew him at all. "And I would not lie to you. What would be the use in that, since you are obviously extremely deluded." He released her arm abruptly and Kagome could do nothing but slump forward, arms crashing against her knees.
"I don't know who you are, Kagome," he continued, sharply. "But obviously you are not who you say you are. How did you learn my name?"
She couldn't answer. All she could do was stare at the floor and realize that all she'd been was nothing now. She didn't exist in the past anymore. Everything that she'd been through, everything that she'd lived for, was nothing but her memories now. Somehow, someway, the Shikon had ceased to exist and with it the quest had disappeared.
She just couldn't understand…it didn't make sense…
Kagome was so numb that she barely heard the footsteps of the guard and his voice telling Sesshoumaru that his time was up. Some dim part of her mind registered that this may be the only reason he didn't kill her right there and then.
His words seconded that opinion. His warning was delivered in a deep, bone-chilling growl that managed to get through to her paralyzed mind and it made her shiver. "Be forewarned, miko. I have no fear of you, but if I ever see you around Kiyosato, Kane, or anyone else that belongs to me, I will kill you. Kagome." He was mocking her even as he threatened her. Kagome would normally get angry, would normally spit back her own insults.
But Kagome couldn't…because she was Nobody now. Just like she'd feared all along.
Sesshoumaru left as swiftly as he'd come, disappearing just like the dream she'd thought him to be. As the cell door clanged shut behind him, all Kagome could do was stare blankly at the distant wall. The wash of tears down her face would never enough to fill up her Nothingness.
She had been Somebody once. Now she was a Nobody that had been robbed by a fatal fairy tale.
And Kagome didn't know what to do.
That well really had ruined her life.
A/N:
Whew…that one was a killer. So depressing….
Now, I'm sure a lot of people are going WTF? And, let me just tell you…Well, I don't know what to tell you. Except that I get inspired by the strangest of things and everyone needs to watch out…
This happens to be the first time I've ever written Kagome (at least something that got past two pages…) and I'm not too sure on how well I captured her. Considering that I really am not that interested in her in the series (main character, I know, but still…) and she's a little…err…unstable here. Yes, I think that's what you can call it. So, I suppose she might seem a little OOC… But I tried! Really, I did… (as best I could while trying to change her….)
This kind of deviated from the original concept for this story, but I think it turned out better in the end. That final twist came to me as I wrote that scene and upon proofreading I was amazed at how well I'd set it up without even realizing it…Is that scary or what? Oo…
Anyway, before you ask, yes, Sesshoumaru had adopted Kiyosato. In fact, he'd adopted many kids over the years.
Now, with the Shikon…I have my theories as to what happened, but I won't say them. I'll leave that all up to you.
If you have any other questions, feel free to e-mail me. That way I can respond to them personally.
All crit is welcome!
And don't mind the plus signs. I used them to try to space it out more...