Rolling Uphill
(A/n: This is a revised story of mine from awhile back, and it has been transferred from my old, embarrassing account to this new one. Italics are flashbacks, mainly. Picture is by fishiebugie on DA. Enjoy.)
"Hey, freak!" The meek, teal haired girl turned to the tease, however focused her eyes on the ground. It was soft with leftover rain from an earlier shower, and was rather beautiful to her. A boy in her class shoved her notebook into her chest. "Ya' left this piece of crap on my desk. I could tell it was yours 'cause it was so pathetic." His rough shove caused the girl to fall to the ground, her eyes never glancing upwards. The boy walked away, without waiting for some kind of expression of gratitude, and Miku let her eyes float up slightly, following his trail until he was out of sight.
Miku sat there a while; the notebook squeezed against her heart as the wind blew by, howling a lonely cry. She felt rather spaced out staring at the rustling grass, and she peered at her goals and dreams list-even though that would probably make her mind spin. As a young girl, just barely thirteen, you wouldn't expect ten pages of expansive and hopeful dreams and goals that were rather out of reach. But she was plagued with ambitious thoughts, social anxiety, and an eternity's worth of self- loathing. Lucky her.
Goal 46: Make Friends
The empty wind blew straight through her soul, taking parts of it away in its dash. Night had fallen and Miku didn't care that she had just aimlessly rolled about the streets for a good two hours. It was a Friday-she had time to kill. Plenty of time to kill.
"Miku!" A high-pitched squeal emerged from the darkness before her. A creature that had stalked her whole life ran up and embraced her tightly in its claws. "Honey, where were you? I was so worried! Did you get your report card-how was it? Is everything ok? You look like something's wrong, any problems-" Her mother asked her so many questions that it threw her off balance and it made her roll faster.
"No problem. I'm just dropping off my stuff, 'm going out." She simply replied as she pushed the warmth from that creature away and stormed into the house. Grabbing her pad, pen, and keys she then made her way out again, ignoring the blabber and the frustration and the protests from behind her. She walked farther down the road, becoming a speck on the horizon, and took a deep breath before turning around and finding herself alone. Finally alone, the quiet capable of swallowing her whole. Finally, she curled herself into some ungodly corner of the world, listening carefully to what the whispering wind would say to her today. Ghost tongues and empty air filled her ears, her mind, her soul with wonder and a rather hallow feeling. Despite how empty she felt, her pen seemed to move and the pages seemed to turn while she was so tired she might as well be dead. But she wasn't. She was so very alive, but oh so very barren.
Goal 15- Escape the evil clutches of the creatures
oOoOo
"Dammit!" Miku threw down the ragged notebook of her youth on the floor. "Failure was inevitable-even then!" She sighed, letting her newly scraggly and scratched twin-tails fall over her bruised face. Collapsing to the floor, she clicked her pen and began writing her (what seemed to be) 900th attempt at writing song lyrics. One apparently failed verse later; the page was ripped out of the notebook and thrown into the small piles of crumpled papers beneath her.
"All I can see are failures!" Tears rolled from her empty, black eyes rolled onto the crumpled papers, causing the ink to ooze and swirl every which way.
Goal 51-Write a song
A room. Small, cramped, papers everywhere, mirrors stretched around half of it. A table, gray and plastic, with a woman behind it. A strong woman, fierce, scary, and well known in the singing industry. To Miku there is an added detail; the room is in motion, rolling her all around the perimeter at an incomprehensible speed. No one else seems to see this.
This was her chance. She knew she would blow it somehow.
"Sing." The woman bellowed, not even looking up at the girl. She was far too engrossed in her cellphone, clearly not doing anything of importance due to the fact there was no urgency in her actions. They were calm and sleepy.
Miku began to sing softly, and the woman stopped her.
"Louder, dear, you sing like a mouse."
Miku gave her a small nod and started once more, a bit louder this time. She finished her song and the woman had yet to look her in the eyes.
"I-I'm done…" She uttered after the woman said nothing for a minute or two. This made her pop her head up and slap on a cheerful, nauseatingly fake smile.
"Well done, we'll stay in touch." Miku smiled softly at this and thanked the charlatan for her kind words, but left the room feeling as sour as ever. She didn't trust that woman, not one bit.
Goal 9- Become a singer
oOoOo
The doorbell of Miku's tiny studio rang while tears flew from her eyes. "Who the hell is it and what do you want?" No response. "Well?"
"I-It's Len…Miku, you shouldn't yell-"
"Door's open." She sighed.
In stepped Len, a boy she met at an audition with blond hair and dark blue eyes anyone would be able to get lost in. He was rather tall with a boyish face and an innocent personality to match. He smiled sadly at her.
"Hey, just came to see how you feel-"
"I'm fine." Miku grabbed her notebook to signal that she was busy.
Awkward silence ensured. "…Writing looks like it's…going…"
"Going in the trash, that's where." Miku sighed as she continued to write, Len gazing back at her, sitting on the floor madly scribbling. "No point…" Miku grumbled. "There's no clear direction, it's still a ways off." Another piece of paper was torn from the ever-thinning book and tossed to the floor.
"Well, I, uh, brought you some tea that always helps my throat and-"
"Thanks." He attempted to hand it to her but she pointed to the table. She began to write once more, and this time, Len got the message. He put the tea on the on the table gently and escorted himself out while sadly muttering, "See you later."
Click went the door. Click went Miku's pen. Rip and crumple went the paper. Miku wore a delusional smile with sadness in her eyes. "I should stop breathing now." And that rolling girl did, letting the world spin more out of control than ever before.
Goal 81-Roll until it all stops
COMPLETED
oOoOo
"This can't be happening." Miku whispered, standing still and motionless for the first time since 4th grade in a bustling world. "A lonely girl always rolls," She yelled to the crowd of people who were walking around her.
"Am I not lonely?" She wanted someone to notice her. But no one did-she was now lonely and invisible.
"I want to sing-does anyone care about what I want?" Miku was soundless, her words so meaningful yet so unheard. "Am I really original, do I really stick out that much? Isn't different good? Or bad? Damnit, I don't even know anymore! Who am I, anyway?" This time the lonely wind blew and the whole crowd noticed it. Yet no one could answer or pay any mind to her.
Sick of this all, Miku sang with a newly hoarse voice. She cried and sang with such emotion that was never found inside of her before. Her voice was straining, yearning, longing to be heard. Tears streamed down her face as she hit each note with perfect execution.
After two songs, the crowd of voices noticed Miku-in a bad way. They made faces of disgust and finally ganged up on her, pushing her to the edge of a cliff, and shoving her off. She continued to sing, loudly and powerfully. Once again, once again, the girl began to roll, she rolled so far that she landed back into reality.
Downhill is always easier, despite the more pain it causes…
Goal 81- Spin until it all stops
COMPLETED.
Failed.
oOoOo
"Miku!" Len yelled with his hands on her chest. She lay motionless on the floor, her heartbeat fading even more every second. "Stay with me!" He thrust, as if she was chocking, he couldn't think straight because of the fear that was filling up inside of him. His eyes were about to be filled with never ending tears if his love was to be forever lost.
"S-Sadly-y…th-that's no problem…" Miku mumbled while regaining her breath, but those words were lost. Len quickly removed his hands from her chest so all awkwardness was diminished.
"Miku…what happened?" Len demanded an answer from her.
"W…Why the hell… are you here!" Miku gasped, struggling to breathe.
"I-I dropped something…and I knew you left the door open…" His frail tone suddenly was filled with strong compassion and concern. "Then I walk in to find you passed out on the floor!" He stopped to notice Miku's hacks and wheezes. He sighed, with a sad look stained on his face. "You're still not better."
"Of course I'm not-" Miku was getting frustrated.
"Please drink the tea?" It was the least he could do for the girl. He had no idea of any other way to help.
"…I'll consider it." Miku grumbled. Len stood up from the floor when Miku sat up and grabbed her notebook. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to make many more failed attempts at writing again." A silent nod was Len's response as he stood in the doorway, taking a good look at the ragged rolling girl before slipping out the door. At least he was sure she was ok, for the moment, at least.
Goal 107-Stop forgetting to lock the door
oOoOo
A young Miku stared at the letter in her hand, a letter that was destined to be in the clutches of the creatures. Informing them that their captive had failed yet another test. The walk home was long for the girl's small feet and her tendency to roll up and down each block before heading to the next gave her plenty of time to think. Which lead her to hear the voices ask her many questions that she had always scratched around, and for once, the voices were not blending incomprehensibly.
What does 'fail' mean? What is a 'mistake'? These both seemed like test questions, so she did what she was told to do when an unknown phrase comes up at school. Look it up.
Fail (feyl)-V. To fall short of successor achievement in something expected, attempted, desired, or approved.
Mistake (Mi-steyk)-N. An error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge etc.
A typical action by Miku was executed; she grabbed her notebook and began to write, copying these definitions down. She left plenty of space underneath so she could begin to list her opinions on the matters and her personal mistakes and failures separately. And for a girl of eleven years this was when the lists grew expansive, spanning over many pages. Each idea trickled into her eyes and by the time she was half way through the first list, Miku was sobbing as quietly as she could. Her hand worked diligently through the afternoon and night, letting the lists grow and grow. All of the words she wrote, the spinning, and the voices encouraging her-all blended into the melting of time. A knock on the door came from the hands of a creature, and Miku called to it before it had a chance to attempt to enter.
"Please! Don't come in." Miku choked through her tears.
"Honey, dinner is ready," An apathetic voice said calmly.
"No need for it, I'm not hungry." And Miku went back to writing as silently as possible, and for the first time, the creature took the signal to leave.
Miku ran out of failures and mistakes to squeeze out of her naive little mind, and decided, rather than sleep, to study for her test the very next day. She tried so very hard to study long and hard, yet the words would just continue to roll-off the page, in circles-everywhere, they would just roll. It was hard for Miku to read without a few words rolling around-and this was no exception. This always drove her on the verge of a mental meltdown of frustration, which she expressed silently through whispers as she lay in bed. She spoke to those voices with the tears remaining in her eyes, tears that stained her sheets, like how the grass is dew covered in the morning, her sheets were wet with tears by the time the sun rose.
The darkness grew darker and darker until it reached a peak where it could only get brighter- so the world grew lighter and lighter as Miku continued to work. The sun peaked over the hills and into the morning sky while her eyes were shut tight. Now, most normal people would just be starting their day-but not Miku. She wasn't the normal type, but she wasn't odd in the fact that she can't stay up after morning-most eleven year olds could agree with that statement.
She missed that test since, because of her exhaustion, the creatures kept her locked away in her not-so-pleasant castle.
Goal 16- Stay focused
oOoOo
Miku's floor was no longer a hardwood floor, but rather a sea of misconceived ideas and failed works. It all wasn't good enough for her. Her unreachable dreams were right in front of her face-but as a hologram-all Miku could do was let it taunt her as she searched for the true one. She wouldn't accept anything less until she got it. And these works, to her, were far under the standards set by not just her, but the world.
After secluding herself in the pages of her books, her voice had healed. For she hadn't talked or sang too loudly, she drank the tea at Len's request, and tried to scream in frustration and agony less. But the voices inside her were still the same brats as they always were.
To keep her writing honest, she flipped through her childhood records-otherwise known as her journals. This was done numerous times so she could draw from the life experiences she so longed to forget. What always caught her eye, however, were the mistakes and failure lists.
"So many of these still rot in my brain, today." Miku sighed as she skimmed the partially memorized pages. "And they all can't be fixed." She crumpled up yet another piece of writing. "It can't be helped." She said right before she decided to sing- it was the only thing she could do to distract herself from the rolling a bit. After all, all of those bruises and cuts were adding up. Especially the wound from the pen she had just thrust into her thigh in a blur of furry. That one would be there awhile.
Goal 98-Look forward to the future-or at least stop fearing the past will repeat.
oOoOo
Her face was frozen glaring down at her picture-perfect dinner plate, ignoring the creatures that sat opposite her. She wasn't hungry for food; nothing could feed the hunger for greatness inside of her. The second creature sat wit his eyes locked on his daughter sternly, he had something to say, but could never find a more perfect time than that moment-or so he thought.
"Miku, it seems that you've failed yet another math test" Miku cringed, at the very word-failed. "Your grades have been suffering from it." The 82 Miku held in her Pre-calculus class was on its way to the achievements she wanted to complete. But she knew it was nothing to celebrate-no one needed to tell her that. She was just a failure to herself as she was to her father. After the creature silenced himself, all was quiet. Miku mustered up all of the emotion she could.
"I'm doing my best, ok? God, can't you just accept the fact that I'm screwed up? There's no way in hell that I'm going to be a mathematician or anything- I want to be a singer! There is no math in singing! I do try my best, but no matter what it just rolls into one big failure that will roll me down one day!" Her fists were slammed against the tabletop so hard that the cups and plates quivered. "Wait till you see my life once it's over!" With that, the rolling girl rolled away into oblivion for a while to escape the pressure.
Goal 92-Say no to grades
oOoOo
Blood was shed, at Miku's expense. For Miku, she was upset that the papers that nearly swallowed her covered her wounds.
Give Up!
Keep Trying!
You suck!
You may be able to do it someday!
"Argh! The damn voices…" Miku's past still haunted her so, every now and then as a child she could hear these voices, little demons she tried to force out. Just like now.
Give up the fight!
Keep fighting…
"I don't give a damn, I'm not giving up or succeeding! You're just rolling me more and more!" Miku yelled, it echoed in her mind, but didn't silence the voices that squealed giddily. The amount of failures and mistakes inside of her were un-logical, so she tried to defy logic again by trying so hard to stop her breathing.
Goal 12- Stop the voices
oOoOo
To: Parents
I've gone away for the summer-at least. You won't find me. I'll be rolling. Maybe I will roll down your path once more. Or not.
The failure of a rolling girl,
Miku
Miku pinned the note to the table and rolled right out the door aimlessly, a duffel bag containing a small array of supplies in hand. She felt the urge to cross out goal 15, but had a feeling that her 'success' would only last awhile (She was right, for the creatures have never left her mind.) So she left it be.
Goal 15- Escape the creatures
oOoOo
Disturbed for what seemed to be the hundredth time that morning, Miku heard her phone ring and only answered it because the ringing gave her a headache. "Ah, Miku-it's a wonder you actually picked up!"
"Whatever. What do you want?"
"Ah…" Miku could just picture his face blushing, he blushed an awful lot. She didn't know, but it was only when he was around her. She simply thought it was just in his nature. "W-Well, you've been cooped up for quite awhile and I was wondering if you want to go outside and maybe meet me for a cup of coffee… or something." The tone of Len's voice, the one of youthful eagerness, just killed Miku inside. She couldn't refuse, no mater how much she wanted to.
"…You there?" Len softly asked to the phone. At least the bruises on her face were small and less noticeable. For now.
"Fine."
"R-really? Ahhh… I mean great!" He tried to make up for the lame answer he just gave. "Uh, you feeling any better?"
"Yeah, fine. 10 am. My place. Bye." She couldn't wait to hang up, but she didn't know why.
Goal 63- Get more inspiration
oOoOo
Miku's memory had even failed her. Exactly 10am the next day, Len barged into her apartment-seems like she had another goal she lacked to complete.
"Miku, are you ready?" He hollered. No reply- it was expected, but not accepted. He carefully stepped into the sea of papers and noticed some were stained with, what seemed to be blood. Horrified, he followed the trail to the bathroom-a wide open door with Miku in the tub. Fully clothed with cuts on her skin, exposed through the tears of fabric. Her arms were folded across her chest with a duct tape 'x' across her mouth. She lay in the tub and was sunken deep in red tinted water. Written all over her body were words, in deep black, running over cuts and undamaged skin.
Failure.
Mistake.
Dying.
Soundless.
And others of the same connotation. "Miku-san!" Len sat her up and removed the duct tape, letting her breathe normally once more. The adhesive from the duct tape burnt her lips once it was removed. It seemed she hadn't been under very long.
"Don't touch me!" Miku tried so very hard to escape by starting to run the water or grab some more duct tape from the roll besides her- her motives and motions were fast and unclear. But this failed girl was no match to Len.
"Just a bit more! Just a bit more, then the future will be in plain sight!" She flailed about as Len tried to calm her. "Then I can be better! You want me to be better, right? " A neurotic smile crept across her face.
"I want to stop my breathing now, while the moments ripe! I'll be a singer then- far away from the creatures, from failure, from the voices- everything except my singing!" What seemed like endless maniacal laughter erupted from Miku's crazy grin. "The damn voices- stopped, Ahhh how great that would be! My past life, gone! I'll roll today too! Rolling down a hill is a much faster of achieving goals-it's painful, but quicker than rolling up a hill in safety!" Her grin died down along with her cackling. She gave up the fight and now lay helplessly in Len's arms.
"Why do you care?" She cracked. "Why do you care about such a lonely rolling girl like me?" She was whispering sadly now. "A failure- a mistake- you want her to get better? Ha…" Her voice trailed off as she set her tears free, to flow down her bruised cheeks. Len's urge to reply was strong; he had to tell her what he wanted to say for such a long time. "The only thing that seems better than this is to die a tragic death…"
"I care because I love you, Miku-san." He spoke softly, as to not disturb her mind anymore than it already was. "You're beautiful. I just don't understand-"
"No one understands me, Len. It's best that it stays that way." Miku attempted to cut him off, but he just went on going, speaking over her.
"-Why you think you're such a failure. In my eyes, you're flawless."
That phrase rang through Miku's mind and stopped everything abruptly- the voices were silenced in awe, her rolling had reached a plateau, and she just started at Len with wide eyes, and fainted from exhaustion and surprise.
Someone found her flawless.
Someone had befriended her.
Someone had noticed her.
Someone had noticed her.
Someone had loved her.
Goal 28- Find out the true meaning of acceptance and love
oOoOo
Miku awoke to find herself in a wasteland. Barren, broken glass filled not only the ground, but also the sky. This wasteland was glum, gray and black, with no signs of life except her. She stood atop a hill of glass and metal shards in her wasteland-the wasteland of her heart.
She was cut, bruised, and pieces of glass were pricked into her skin. This wasteland was made by her long ago, and was destroyed by her too. At one point in time, the wasteland was a beautiful, colorful and lush world filled with childish glee. But now she was at the end of the unreachable ruins of it- the wasteland was all that's left. That, and the voices too lifeless for anyone to really notice, except Miku. Those voices helped push Miku around, rolling her more than she could roll herself.
In an effort to stop her breathing, she had an idea that didn't require her to hold her breath. If she rolled enough, the amount of self-inflicted injuries would stop her breathing before she had the time to choose. A lone sweat drop trickled down her face as she prepared herself for her final roll.
The roll that would finally stop her breathe short.
She ran like mad, twisting and leaping, whatever was quickest. But then, at a crucial instant, she was pulled down by her collar and brought back down to the hill. She was flying, and then she was pulled down. Someone ripped her future away from her. She broke from their grasp and turned to face the offender. Len, with tears filling his eyes. Throwing himself on her weak body, he didn't even cry, he just spoke softly and shut them.
"It's ok now. You must be tired as well? You know, I'm here because I love-"
Darkness turned to light.
Miku lay on her bed, her whole body sore, she attempted to stand when Len entered. He put a gentle hand on her shoulder, and as if it were magic, she laid on the bed once more.
"Are you a bit better?" He smiled meekly at her, pressing an icepack to her warm forehead. She took awhile to respond.
"I-I'm-" As if just discovering it that moment, "I think I might be a little better now…" She whispered, avoiding his eyes. "I'm so sorry."
"For what?" Len quietly and politely chuckled.
"For being such a failure-these past few days especially. I've been a real pain in the-"
"I still don't get it." Len sighed, flopping his hands slightly. "You think you're such a failure when you're not." He sat down next to her. "But I'm glad you're kinda better."
"How can you say I'm not a failure? You don't even know half of my life, so there's no way you can understand-" Her disturbance was returning, about to ruin the calm after the storm.
"Then tell me!" Len yelled slightly, it was the angriest Miku had ever seen him, and he wasn't even very miffed.
"What is there to say, I-I can't even find a place to begin or have the time to explain-"
"There is everything to explain." Len's hand rested on top of Miku's. "Say what's been lurking at the bottom of your heart all of this time-"
"Len, it won't do me any good-" Miku tried to speak.
"Say everything you wanted others to hear, because now, someone is listening." Miku looked down at their sandwiched hands. Len noticed this and began to pull his hand away, however she wouldn't let him.
"No." She squeezed his hand back into place. They shared a quiet moment between them.
Len gave her a silent, small nod, and Miku's eyes widened at the images that passed through her mind. Bruises, rolling, pity, creatures, goals, singing, Len, failures, mistakes, honesty, lies, hate, life, love-
'It's a matter of finding the odd one out.'
"Why do you stick out so much?" Asked the small kinder-gardener that tugged on Miku's skirt.
"Why the hell do you care?" Miku yelled coldly while tearing the girls hand away from her skirt. The noises and voices inside of her grew louder and louder, forcing her into temptations as she grabbed the girl and pushed her away. The girl fell flat on her back onto the cold ground. A split second later, the girl's mother rushed by to find her daughter crying. Alone. Miku was away from sight because she rolled that fast.
Goal 32- Anger management
'The overlapping voices in the air'
The rustling, bustling streets were electrifying. Thousands of separate lives- separate voices spanned every few blocks. All that could be heard was the blending of hectic sounds and lively voices. Miku was in the one place where she, actually, in some way, fitting in and sharing something with the general population. No longer was she the only one drowning in a sea of voices. You would think she would like this feeling, of fitting in, but all she could do was mix the noises even more- causing more disturbance and confusion.
Goal 117- Mute the world. For a little bit, at least.
'The lonely girl dreams the impossible as she pleases'
"You must have a positive outlook, ok sweetie?" The psychologist wore a creepy smile, it was that fake. She put one hand on the girl's shoulder, trying to be comforting. "Talk to me whenever you feel the need, alright?"
"No problem." Miku muttered, shaking the hand away and briskly walking out of the office.
Goal 128- NEVER let the creatures convince you to go ANYWHERE
'Even the hills was tempting her with mistakes'
"Miku, I can't let you keep failing like this…" Her teacher sighed, standing over Miku, who was sitting in a corner with her hands covering her ears.
"Then change my grades!"
"You know I can't do that." He tried to cover the pity in his voice and eyes, so he kept them as bleak as possible. "…Are you even trying?" This made Miku snap.
"NOOOOO, I'm NOT trying!" Her angry sarcasm collapsed. "Of course I am! But I'm just not able to do it! I'm sorry, ok?" She got up and shoved her teacher out of her way.
"Miku, where are you going?" She wished he would just shut up so they could both go on living their lives.
"It's none of your business!" She yelled while rolling away as her eyes swirled everything around her into a blur.
Goal 57- Prove yourself to the world-or someone
The blond haired boy sitting next to Miku tapped his foot and used his piercing blue eyes to nervously glance everywhere. But they always returned to Miku. She was just sitting there in other people's minds, but the work of a rolling girl never stopped. She noticed the boy and her arrogant self had to ask,
"Why are you looking around so much?"
"What?" He turned to face her and a blush overcame his face.
"God," She hissed under her breath. "Can no one ever hear me?"
"Ah…I-It's a nervous habit…. Aren't you…nervous?"
"No. Why would I? Just an audition." That I will fail- she wished to add. There was just an awkward silence between them.
"What are you singing?"
"…" She wished he would leave her alone; Miku was practically kicking herself that she spoke up. "Melt."
"Is it new? I've never heard it…"
"Not really." The silence returned.
"What's your name?" The boy asked, practically asking for a death wish unknowingly.
"Tell me yours first." Miku shot back.
"Len. Len Kagamine."
"Miku Hatsune." And so Len tried to find, as many ways as possible to talk to this quiet girl he knew nothing about. Nothing about the rolling or the failures. But he was about to learn.
Goal 132- Find the missing links in your life
"I-I'm ready now." Miku said while still in a slight trance as she began to speak.
"I was normal once, I really was. Until I finally understood how my parents felt towards me. Pity. Pressure. Sadness. All for reasons I still don't understand-they've never admitted to this, but I could see it seeping through their eyes.
I learned to cope with these hidden feelings by listening to the 'me' inside of myself. I-I can't explain it well, but…there wasn't just one 'me'. Each one was unique and I couldn't quite grasp each one…they all tempted to lead me down a different path, and I was lost. I replaced my anxiety with making dreams and goals for me, ones that were probably unreachable…most of the times I would take a turn into the darkness and make mistakes and notice the notable flops of my life. But I was doing what was necessary to reach dreams so high up in the sky. I would jump to them, then crash-and roll. Crash down from my stature above the clouds- the place where I so longed to be, to the hills of Earth. I didn't care what happened-as long as I had an opportunity to try again-and I had at least a fragment of that success, or the desire of that success, inside of me. Focusing too hard while lacking true talent- my passions have failed me time and time again.
My parents, all though it doesn't seem like it, pushed me as hard as I pushed myself. They said they loved me no matter what-but to them; pity was a synonym for love. I wanted to escape them, I wanted to because-"
She paused, unable to answer herself, and moved on. "I thought I could escape them, then I could reach my ambitions and understand. But my attempts left me tired and hopeless almost each time. Being different made all of the closed-minded freaks at home stay away from me. That hurt me as much as my failures to myself did- I let myself stay hurt.
I ran away from home one night before an important school day, that was just too pressuring, I told them it might as well be a final farewell. I wasn't sad about it, and I bet they felt the same way-it's not like I know or care." She broke down into silent tears. "I'm sick of being such a failure- I want to reach my goals, I want to be a singer, but I don't know what is making me turn out so wrong! Everything is so bothersome lately…" She paused, allowing to catch her breath and wipe away a tear or two. "You know, I want to know why I'm alive! To be a singer, to just wander this Earth, or…"
She had trouble with the last part, but Len had heard enough. He grabbed her into a tight embrace, a unique embrace, one Miku has never experienced before. It was a real hug, not one filled with pity like the ones Miku received from her parents. Her bleak, black eyes were suddenly awakened with a gleaming glow. She was still rolling, but this time there was someone rolling with her. Bound together by not a rough, cold link of chain, but a red ribbon, tied to each of their arms, a mutual feeling of understanding between them. All of this life, this string was left limp, knotted on one end while the other remained loose.
"O-Or…" Miku still couldn't say it. His hug burned and made her wounds sting, yet there was no way she could let go.
"To fall in love." Len answered for her. He felt her head rest upon his shoulder as she cried her rolling heart out. She squeezed out all of the blackness in her heart, then pushed her head away and moved her lips to meet Len's. She had never expected to be so daring, to do this to anyone, including her best and only friend. He willingly accepted her kiss- he was hoping for this every since his heart skipped a beat when he first laid his eyes on her. And she had always hoped to write a song, and be a singer- but also to be loved.
And they were both happy for that moment, and many moments after that. For they each had each other to roll along side as each roll lead them closer to the skies they thought they could never reach.
Goal 1- Succeed at completing one of the following goals:
ACHIEVED