Author's Note: Related to but not a direct sequel to "The Risk" or direct prequel to "Taking Care" and "21 Days." Short version for context: Naruto and Neji are teammate and friends, see "The Risk" for details.
The Limits of Blood
"See you later!" Naruto called after the couple.
Neji watched as Hinata and Kiba continued down the quiet street, baby Hizashi gurgling cheerfully from his carrier on Kiba's back. Akamaru trotted behind, covering the rear.
"Do you want children?" he asked Naruto. Seeing Hinata with her son always brought the question to mind, though he'd never bothered to ask before. Naruto always enjoyed seeing children, and from the wistful expression his friend always got around Hizashi, and Lee and Sakura's daughter Haru, Neji was certain he knew the answer already. So it was to his confusion that he caught the fleeting flash of pain and anger in Naruto's expression.
There was an infinitesimal pause as Naruto masked his initial reaction. "Are you kidding? Kids? Nah." Naruto shrugged, as though the exchange was as casual as talking about the weather. Neji blinked in shock, having gotten an answer he'd never considered possible. Naruto had begun walking, but stopped a few paces ahead, looking back quizzically. "What?" his demeanour was nearly normal, but Neji knew him well enough to tell he was covering an entirely different reaction.
"You don't want a family?" Somehow, that seemed utterly impossible; like rain falling upward. Naruto was wonderful around kids, never mind that he acted like one half the time, and as their peers had begun to have children of their own, Neji was certain he hadn't missed the sparks of envy in Naruto's eyes towards the couples with their babies, or the honest awe and care Naruto exuded when allowed to hold one.
Naruto looked trapped and defensive now under the casual facade, the way he did when someone tried to ask him directly about something he had been trying to pretend wasn't worth thinking about. "What's the big deal?" he asked Neji, rolling his eyes.
Neji lowered his brows slightly in a curious frown. "I don't know," he said, still taken aback. "It's just unexpected." Naruto of all people would be one Neji had expected to look forward to the idea of children, especially given his past. But this strange pained reaction was worrying, whatever it was about.
Naruto stood stiffly for a moment, realizing he couldn't bluster through Neji's understanding of his moods. He ran a hand through his hair, eyes fixed somewhere in the distance as he seemed to grapple with something. A flash of hatred, the unique quality of loathing Naruto had for the demon inside him, crossed his features.
Startled by the complete change of mood, Neji spoke cautiously, wanting to let it go, at least for now, never mind the mystery. "Naruto, it—" a jerky headshake cut him off, followed by a long, controlled sigh, then a weak, self-mocking grin.
"It's fine. I'd have to tell you eventually." Naruto said. He met Neji's eyes again, the turmoil close to the surface, then jerked his thumb towards their destination, the market street. "C'mon, if I have to explain, I'll do it on a full stomach."
Unlike usual, they didn't eat their meal at the stand, instead, Neji followed Naruto to a comfortable perch on the roof of a medium-sized building.
After a few bites of sushi, eyes hooded, Naruto said simply, "I do want kids. But I can't have any."
Neji frowned, but said nothing, chewing slowly. He wouldn't press for anything Naruto chose not to share.
They both remained silent. Neji finished spreading wasabi over his sushi pieces. He plucked most of the sliced ginger from his box, reaching over and placing it on top of Naruto's own clump. Naruto liked to add much more than Neji did to his food, though right now he was only poking at it.
After a while, Naruto went on. "I can't explain this to everyone. If the town knew… I'd probably have to leave." He began piling slices of ginger on a cucumber roll with unwarranted concentration. "I really can't have kids. Old Lady Tsunade told me when I was fifteen that if I ever… that I couldn't be with a girl without taking real good care of…" He blinked at the ginger-smothered cucumber roll, sighed, and looked out over the town, propping his jaw on one palm. He closed his eyes. "If a girl ever became pregnant by me, it's possible the Kyuubi could do something to the child, and even to the girl."
Neji's chopsticks paused halfway to his mouth.
"The Old Lady said she didn't know for sure what might happen. Maybe nothing. But maybe a child with my blood would let the demon escape into it, or something like that. There was a big, long explanation… I can't really remember it." Naruto's voice had a hollow quality to it, "It's not for sure, but…" his expression hardened. "There's no way I could risk it."
"Naruto…" Neji couldn't think of a single appropriate reply.
Naruto laughed a little, suddenly, bitterly. "It was a kick in the teeth. Tell a fifteen-year-old he can't get a girl pregnant. The first thing I thought of wasn't really the kid part, y'know." He glanced at Neji, and Neji remembered how he'd been with TenTen, around then. They hadn't been in love, not more than friendship anyway, simply enjoying themselves, finding things out, having first experiences with a trustworthy companion. Eventually, they'd grown past that, and moved on.
The memory brought home a realization that should have been evident right away, and he turned to Naruto. "You mean... you've never…" And try as he could, Neji couldn't recall Naruto ever being that close to any woman in the time since they'd become team mates at seventeen.
Naruto bit down hard on a new piece of sushi, reddening slightly, but solemn. "Not with girls. Ever." He said.
Neji sat quietly. He knew Naruto had kept up a peculiar intermittent relationship with Gaara of the Desert for a few years, and he knew there had been a few casual encounters with Shikamaru after that, but—he shook himself minutely and bowed his head over his sushi container. It wasn't the relationships that were the real issue.
"Then, you… can't…" Neji said. He hated that word.
"I can't." Naruto replied. The acceptance in his voice was painful to hear from one who had spent his entire existence fighting back.
"I'm sorry." Neji said. "I'm sorry."
Naruto put down his empty sushi box on the roof beside him, and leaned back slightly. He flattened one hand over his stomach, over the place where the seal was, the centre point of the beast that Naruto tapped to gain immeasurable power, and at the same time the limit that cut off the future before it even began. The pose was a mimicry of a woman with child, and the irony was painful.
"Yeah." Naruto's fingers tightened and flexed, digging through his shirt, curving and pressing into the flesh of his abdomen. Then his hand went limp and slid off. "Me too."
END