Remembering the Fallen
Mary walked into the office and noticed the empty desk of her partner. The last three years had seemed to be the hardest on him. His life had fallen apart one piece at a time. She wondered if he finally decided to take a vacation.
Setting her keys down on her desk she walked into Stan's office. It was nice having Stan back as their boss and Marshall as her partner, but it had come at a price. Marshall hated being the boss and not out in the field. He wasn't as ready as he thought he'd be to give up the field work. When he talked to Abigail about it, she was angry and told him it was because he couldn't let her go. She'd walked out of his life and found out she was pregnant. Refusing to get back together with him, they were working on a plan for joint custody when Abigail had a miscarriage after an incident on the job. Six months later she was dating another man who she was now married to and they were expecting their first child.
The following year Marshall's sister-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and lost her battle to the disease nine months later. Apparently, the two were good friends and Marshall had to deal with yet another blow. The last one was the call that came a little less than a year ago. Seth had been called in for a consultation on a fugitive he'd been chasing before his retirement. He went out with the team and was shot and killed in the line of duty.
Mary had watched their friendship reemerge during all of this and grow stronger. Their roles had become reversed with her being the strong one for him. That was why the lack of his presence in the office had her worried. Marshall never mentioned coming into work.
"Stan," Mary said, entering his office.
"Hey, Mary. What can I do for you?"
"Where's Marshall?"
Stan looked at her in confusion. He thought Marshall would have mentioned he was going out-of-town for a few days.
"Marshall flew to Texas last night. He'll be gone for the rest of the week."
"Is something wrong? Grace okay?" Mary asked alarmed. Marshall couldn't take another loss now.
"Mary, Wednesday is May 15th."
Mary just stared at Stan waiting for an explanation.
Stan rolled his eyes. He forgot that Mary didn't necessarily pay attention to holidays and especially those not as commercialized. Hell, a lot of people didn't even know this one existed as far as he could tell.
"May 15th is Peace Officers Memorial Day to honor federal, state and local officers killed or disabled in the line of duty. Seth is being one of the officers honored."
"You let him go alone?" Mary asked in disbelief.
"His family will be there and you have Norah this week. Mark is out-of-town so Marshall decided not to say anything. He figured you had enough going on."
"Well Marshall figured wrong. I need the rest of the week off Stan."
"Already taken care of. It's not like I didn't know you would insist on going. I'm flying out the morning of the service and will meet you there. Go home and get Norah packed. Do you have someone who can watch her?"
"I'll bring her with. You know how much she adores Marshall. I think she's good for him too."
"You both are good for him," Stan said.
Mary had a feeling she knew what Stan was implying. It's not like she didn't know there were feelings there, but this wasn't the time to be bringing that up. That's what she continued to tell herself the last three years. She knew that she was jealous of Abigail when Marshall proposed. It was then that she started to recognize the little signs that her heart was telling her, but she pushed them to the side convincing herself that it was just the loss of her best friend. When they broke up she felt happy, but hid it for Marshall's sake. It took the loss of his father and some serious analyzing of her and Marshall before she finally admitted to herself that she was in love with him. The problem was that the timing was never right to tell Marshall.
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Marshall snuck outside wanting some privacy from his family. He loved them, but sometimes they were just too much. They were all talking about times spent with their Dad and it wasn't something he was ready to hear or share.
He and his Dad had finally been making progress in getting to know each other when he'd been killed. It was strange how far they'd come since his breakup with Abigail. His Dad had been the one to fly out and talk to him. It wasn't the heart to heart that he had with his Mom on the phone, but it was the first time his Dad made and effort to be there for him. The second was after the miscarriage. All he had ever wanted was a child and his only chance at having one ended with the miscarriage. It hurt more than he could ever put into words.
His Dad told him to be patient, that what he was hoping and waiting for would come to him. It might take time, but it would come. Marshall wasn't sure who or what his Dad was talking about. The only thing he did know was that his father seemed to know something that he didn't. Right now he could use a little insight to those words. Marshall felt lost. It was the only thing that was certain.
Taking a seat on a patio chair he stared into the night sky hoping his father knew that he loved and appreciated him. They may not have understood each other, but they both loved each other even if they never said it.
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Grace Mann was staring at her youngest son through the kitchen window. She was worried about him more than her other children. Jack was a close second with the loss of his wife and father, but he still had his son and daughter. Marshall was alone and it was weighing heavily on him these days. She knew that he felt smothered by her lately which is the only reason she wasn't outside checking on him.
An hour of him sitting alone was enough for her to not care about his not wanting to be smothered. She dried her hands on a dish towel and was heading towards the patio door when the doorbell rang.
Looking at the time she was surprised someone was here this late. Jack and Nathan had gone home already for the night so she knew it wasn't them.
Opening the door, Grace couldn't help but smile when she saw who was on the other side.
"Mary, what a surprise. It's good to see you and Norah," Grace said, holding out her arms to take Norah. The little girl had won her heart over when they were here for Seth's funeral.
"I'm sorry to show up so late, but I was worried about Marshall."
"I'm glad you're here. Why don't you go outside and talk to him while I entertain Norah."
Mary freely handed Norah to Grace. She had no problems trusting her with Norah.
"Where are you staying?"
"Not sure yet. I have to book a hotel room. Marshall didn't tell me he was coming."
Grace rolled her eyes at the last part.
"The two of you should stay here. This house has several rooms that aren't being used and I think that it would be good for Marshall."
"I don't want to put you out."
"You're not. I'm worried about Marshall too. He talks to you and adores Norah. Trust me when I say this is not only me wanting you to stay because I like the both of you, it's also because my son needs you close. He turns to you when he doesn't want to come to one of us. You're his rock and I think Marshall needs you more than he cares to admit."
"Then we'll stay."
"Good, that's settled. Why don't you give me Norah so you can let Marshall know you're here?"
Mary kissed Norah on the head. "Be good, bug."
Grace smiled as she watched Mary head towards the back porch.
"Well, with any luck your Mommy can get Uncle Marshall out of his funk. If we're really lucky the two of them will realize just how much they love each other. I bet you'd love to have Uncle Marshall as your stepfather and you'd be my granddaughter. I think it's what everyone needs. We'll have to work on that Norah. I think the two of us can pull it off. Marshall needs some happiness in his life again and your Mommy needs my son." Grace said, before sending a quick prayer to Seth to help out on this one.
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Marshall rolled his eyes when he heard the patio door open and close.
"Mom, I'm okay. I just needed some fresh air."
"Last time I looked, I only had one child and if you're my son we'd be rich."
Marshall quickly got up and turned around.
"Mare, what are you doing here? Is everything alright? Where's Norah? What happened?"
"Slow down Marshall. Norah is inside with your Mom. The only thing wrong is you not telling me about the Memorial Service for your Dad. It's something that I wanted to know about."
"Mare, it's not just for my Dad. It's for all the fallen."
"Your Dad was one of them and it hurts you. I told you before that I want to be here for you. Tell me what you need."
"More time with him, Mare. Things were finally starting to come together for us. It's been almost a year. I miss him more than I thought possible."
Mary closed the gap between them and hugged Marshall. She knew he needed a shoulder to lean on.
"Mare, you don't do emotional and you don't hug."
"I'm turning over a new leaf. Well, okay for you I'm willing to do this. Marshall, I've seen you angry, hurt and in denial about losing your father, but you haven't grieved. Oddly enough it does help. You were there for me when my Dad died. Let me be here for you now."
Marshall felt the tears in his eyes at her words, but still tried to fight the pain. He didn't want to make Mary uncomfortable. He knew emotional outbursts did that to her.
"Crying isn't a weakness, Marshall. It makes us stronger in the end. I know I suck at it, but don't become me. I need you to be you. Let the hurt go. I'll catch you when you fall."
The words undid him and Marshall buried his head in the crook of Mary's neck and cried for all that he lost these last three years.
Mary held him tightly until the sobs finally began to die down and he pulled back from her. She watched him compose himself as he wiped the tears from his face.
"I'm a lousy host. Do you want to sit down for a while?"
Mary nodded and reached for Marshall's hand as they walked to the chair. Once they were seated she kept their hands intertwined. Part of her knowing Marshall needed the contact and another part knowing she did too. The connection that had severed after the speech on the balcony had come back stronger than before. If possible they were even closer than they had been before Abigail, Faber, Mark or Kenny had entered their lives. So many mistakes and yet as much as she regretted them in some ways she couldn't because it opened her eyes to what was in front of her.
"Marshall, I know that you're hurting, but I want you to know that you can talk to me. I know that it wasn't one of my strongest suits in the past, but that has changed. Let me be there for you. I want to help."
Marshall could hear the sincerity in her voice and see it in her eyes when he looked at her. Taking a deep breath he finally opened up to her about everything.
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Grace held a sleeping Norah in her arms while she stared out of the bedroom window at Mary and Marshall. She couldn't stop the smirk that formed on her face.
The signs were all there to even a casual observer. The two cared deeply about each other. More importantly at the moment, Mary was getting Marshall to open up and grieve. Mary would get her son through this. Marshall was going to be okay and that was all that Grace needed to know.
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The next morning found Marshall holding Norah who was playing with his tie and Mary sitting on his bed watching her daughter's fascination with the tie.
"So how come I don't know about this holiday? What's the story behind it?" Mary asked.
"You're seriously asking me for trivia information?" Marshall teased, placing a kiss on Norah's cheek.
"This is one I understand. It's not commercialized, no presents involved and it's honoring people who serve in law enforcement," Mary replied shrugging.
"The idea of a Peace Officers Memorial Day came into effect on October 1, 1961, when Congress asked the president to designate May 15 to honor law enforcement officers. President Kennedy signed the bill into law October 1, 1962. Each year, the president of the United States proclaims May 15 as Peace Officers Memorial Day and the calendar week of each year during which such May 15 occurs as Police Week.
According to the Legal Information Institute, the president is requested to issue a proclamation to: designate May 15 as Peace Officers Memorial Day; to direct government officials to display the United States flag at half-staff on all government buildings; and to invite state and local governments and the people to observe the day with appropriate ceremonies and activities."
"Well this is one holiday that I think we should celebrate yearly. It's up to you to remind me," Mary said.
"I'd be more than happy too. You ready to go?"
Mary nodded and was about to reach for Norah when Marshall shook his head at her.
"Do you mind if I hold her?"
"Not at all."
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Stan and Grace were waiting for Mary and Marshall. Stan smiled as he saw them coming. Marshall was holding Norah in his arms and Mary was holding his free hand.
"Did they figure it out?" Stan asked Grace.
"They both know, but neither has said a thing."
Stan nodded and they took their seats together.
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Mary noticed Marshall hold Norah a little tighter when they mentioned his Dad's name. She also felt his grip tighten in hers at the same time. She squeezed his hand to reassure him that she was there.
The service had been moving and Mary found herself appreciating the day and what it stood for even more. Marshall had stayed close to her and held onto Norah the entire time. The thought warmed her heart. They were his girls and he needed them.
They all headed over to a restaurant afterwards and the family ate and talked about Seth. It was the first time she had seen a genuine smile on Marshall's face when they talked about his father. He was finally beginning to heal and for that she was grateful.
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Stan had noticed the smile on Marshall's face also. He stood up to make a toast.
"I'd like to make a toast to all the other officers who have sacrificed their lives in the name of duty. I'd especially like to toast to Seth Mann; a legend in his own rights in the Marshal's Service, a man who raised three sons who believe in what he stood for and proudly represent their father and themselves as marshals. Men that I know he was proud of and who were proud of him. To Peace Officers Memorial Day."
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Mary found herself outside staring into the sky as Marshall tucked Norah into bed. She thought about all the fallen and what they had lost and wondered about the things they regretted not being able to do or say before their lives were taken.
The only regrets that Mary would have if that happened to her today was that she wouldn't see Norah grown up, get married and have her own family and Marshall wouldn't know how she felt. Of the two, there was one she could do something about and after a year of being certain of what she'd been feeling it was time to tell him.
It was then she felt him walk up behind her.
"Norah, asleep."
"Out cold. What's got you so lost in thought?"
Mary shivered at the thought of vocalizing her feelings, but knew she had to.
Marshall saw Mary shiver and wrapped his arms around her and drew her into him for more heat.
"Cold?"
"No. I have something that I want to say to you and it's probably not the most appropriate time, but after seeing all the widows today I know I can't keep it secret anymore."
Marshall felt his body tense. He was scared that she was going to tell him she was dying. He couldn't survive that.
"Are you sick?" Marshall choked out.
"No, Marshall. Geez, no. I didn't mean that," Mary replied, feeling the tension leave Marshall's body.
"Then what?"
"I love you. I have for a lot longer than I probably realized. I've wanted to tell you but, I kept thinking that the timing was wrong. Seeing the widows and widowers today made me realize that I'd regret it if you didn't know and something happened to one of us."
Marshall turned her so she was facing him. He had to see the truth in her eyes. They were the words that were only spoken to him in dreams. He needed confirmation.
"I love you, Marshall. You're my best friend, partner and the only man I'll ever trust my heart to."
"Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to hear those words from you?"
Mary nodded. "I was a fool."
"I love you, Mary," Marshall replied, kissing her tenderly.
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Epilogue: Two Years Later
Mary and Marshall found themselves in Texas visiting his Mom. It was May 15th and they had gone to the service for the fallen officers before heading over to the cemetery that Seth was buried in. It had become a tradition since Seth was honored.
They stopped at Seth's plot where Norah placed the roses on the headstone before moving over towards Grandma Mann.
Marshall grabbed Mary's hand and traced his finger over the wedding band on her finger that matched the one on his. In his other arm he held the newest addition to his family Diana Grace named after his deceased sister-in-law and mother. Mary held their one year old son Seth Marshall in her arms. She had insisted on naming their children after his family, to honor those gone but always remembered.
After spending awhile by Seth's grave, talking to their children about Grandpa Mann, Marshall turned towards his wife.
"Could you give me a couple of minutes?"
"Sure," Mary replied, as Grace took Diana from her son.
Marshall waited until his family was at the car.
"I just wanted to say thank you Dad, for all that you did for me. I know we were never really close, but that was changing before you died. You helped me through some of the most difficult times in my life. You were right in the end. What I was hoping and waiting for came to me. We have three beautiful children and are the happiest either of us have ever been. Thank you for being there for me, for all the things you taught me and for loving me. I hope you know that I loved you too. I'm proud to be your son," Marshall said, before turning and heading back towards the car.