A Piece of Fan Fiction for "Lucifer"
"AC in LA"
By Ben Selfridge
The demon bartender Mazikeen is alone tending to her (as she calls them) "frustrating talking monkey duties", whilst Lucifer is off aiding Chloe on another case.
All of a sudden, the lights begin to dim, and the room begins to shake, making a domino effect, caused by a presence that Mazikeen has not felt since she and Lucifer left Hell. She prepares herself for battle, as she did with Amendiel, but this presence was something else, not angelic, but demonic. It would seem that one of the big boys from the pit want a drink at Lucifer's bar. The glass shelving at the back of the bar explodes, and after Mazikeen shields herself underneath a table from the glass shards, she sees a ring of hell fire on the other side of the room, a portal that can only be from one place, Hell.
The portal closes, and a mysterious figure enters the room, and it begins to speak.
"Oh, nice, obvious, but nice." An assured and eerie voice says, with the being sniffing out the place like a hell hound.
"Come out Mazikeen, I can sniff you out from a mile away, so don't be silly and face me!" The voice continues with a tone of subdued malice.
Mazikeen rises from the table, though she is a little puzzled at first, she cannot deny what stands before her, from the essence that is emanating off the stranger, thus she wears a face that is a compound of both paralysed shock and disgust.
"YOU!?" Mazikeen blasts.
"Yes, it's me" comes the response, with an air of intolerable obviousness.
"And even a torturing little slut like you, with quarter of a brain, would know the reason why I'm here" continues the uninvited guest.
"Fuck you AC!" she explodes again.
Immediately after her explosive remark, the being across her, speeds towards her at an exponential rate, grabs her, then straddles on top of her.
"Now, now, mind your tone, you forget to whom you speak." AC says in a tone of self entitlement.
"You're only a little Prince down there, which doesn't count for much in the grand scheme of things, and I am centuries you senior, so, little man, it's you who should mind your tongue!" She says, whilst kicking him in the proverbials.
"Aaah yes, that's the Mazikeen I remember." He says in a simulated muffled tone, whilst they untangle and let each other go.
"You know, I like this human host you've chosen Mazikeen, a hot black mamma from the hood, very dirty, very you" AC states, again trying his luck.
"Well at least I can blend in with the in crowd, what you've chosen is barely human, a ginger, honey please!" Mazikeen responds, repulsed.
"My choice is very apt, as if my memory serves me correctly, gingers have no souls. But you, you look like an extra from a Snoop Dogg video, meaning at least you know your place, on your knees that is." AC continues.
"Well why are you here, you little shit!?" Mazikeen asks.
"Well, my dearest block headed Mazikeen, it's obvious. Daddy, has been gone for too long from the pit, and the boys and girls down below, are confused, and angry. So confused and angry that they have started to look at me very differently. As if they want, no need, a new leader." AC says with a smug conviction. He walks towards the broken bar, to pick up a particular bottle of single malt whiskey, and pours himself a drink, Mazikeen looks at him with the confirmation that it is Lucifer's drink of choice at the moment.
"Oh, he likes this does he? Like father, like son eh? Anyway, getting back on track, on what I was saying" AC says after sipping the whiskey and wiping his lips suggestively.
"His continued decision to play the "talking monkey tourist", is causing trouble, not only downstairs but everywhere, for the more he stays here, and not down there, he is attacking the word, and every being, good or evil, knows that the word is the bind that binds us all" AC emphasises to a still attentive Mazikeen.
"Meaning that there are two options to rectify this, either father mine, and yourself go back to Hell, or I take over" He says raising the tumbler again to his mouth acting like a hustler.
"Well, the little bastard, has finally learned something. It's certainly a long time from your impish days." Mazikeen says in a congratulatory tone, pouring a drink for herself.
"But your father would not accept it, besides little man, you'll have to call the Judeccan council to vote for a new Devil, and of course the big G would have to give his big thumbs up." Mazikeen states in an obvious tone.
"That's the thing, you see, after the boys and girls downstairs, became so confused and angry, the Arch Dukes called for a snap election, and their vote of confidence, said ME, not LUCIFER. Now I know that this sort of cosmic conspiring would wake Grandad up in the wrong way, but when he did, the man from Del Monte Paradiso, said aye!" AC delivers his shock surprise.
"Oooh shit! That means" Mazikeen splutters
"Yeah, it means I am new boss baby!" AC cries, downing the rest of his drink and slamming the tumbler onto a nearby table.
"But as I said, Lucifer would not accept it!" Mazikeen continues.
"Lucifer wouldn't accept what?" A voice comes from the staircase from the atrium of the building.
"You have a visitor Lucifer, and he brings some really big news." Mazikeen says in a somewhat panicked tone.
"Big news eh, hope they're bringing some more lolly for this place, I want to make this place…what the fuck has happened her Maze!" Lucifer yells, realising the state of the bar.
"I'm afraid, that's my bad" AC confesses.
"Well get, your overalls on, or give me a cheque for say, your whole house, for the damages you vandalising prick!" Lucifer screams.
"Sorry Dad!" AC says to Lucifer's surprise.
"Dad?" Lucifer shrugs.
Immediately after Lucifer's shrug, AC reveals his true form to Lucifer for a split second, Lucifer now reassesses his conduct.
"Ah, shit buckets!" Lucifer utters in air of surprising submissiveness.
"Yes, shit buckets indeed, daddio!" AC says in a mocking tone.
"No, no, no, no, no. Your human host father mine, won't do at all. Mazikeen's I can appreciate, and she'll tell you in detail what I think, but you, no. You've chosen an Armani suit model, far too bloody obvious!" AC states disgustingly.
"Says the walking tampon" Lucifer retorts like a blue comedian on broadway.
"Ginger, Dad, remember they don't have any souls" AC explains in a patronising tone.
"Only after they have dealt with me boy!" Lucifer reasserts, reminding both his son and Mazikeen of his position.
Lucifer looks over at the bar to find the bottle of his favourite single malt, nearly empty.
"Have you been at this?" Lucifer asks his son.
"Yes, and it was as smooth as Tetley" AC responds simulating a Yorkshire accent.
"No fucking more, right, though I'm the Devil, whiskey has to be bought by money, not souls, and this stuff doesn't come cheap, you know. But through this tiny act of thievery, I suppose we do have something in common, good taste.
Well, Maze said that there was some "big news"? So, spit it out child!" Lucifer rolls off in a tempestuous gust.
"Yes, you do remind people of that don't you, that you're the Devil." AC voices.
"Yes, because that is who I am of course ya dunderheed! So, what's your point boy?" Lucifer says, emulating a Scottish accent.
"My point is, is that the pit dwellers below may have a difference of opinion. You see, you've been away for far too long from the basement, so long in fact, that anger and confusion has been more rife for some of the more older residents, by that I mean the big boys of the Judeccan Council. You see, since you've been gone, they have been looking at me as if I were Devil, but of course, I am not." AC starts, beginning his big news.
"Or maybe that could change. It's clear to both me and Grandad…
"God, you've been speaking to Dad!" Lucifer bleats.
"Yes, an awful lot recently. If you don't mind I was saying" AC continues.
"It's clear to both me and Grandad that your desire is stay here on Earth, in the "city of angels" in particular, to carry on sleuthing with that clever talking monkey Chloe Decker, right?" AC says, with Lucifer nodding in agreement.
"But the Lord of Hell, not being in Hell for so long, is an attack on the word, isn't it?" AC clearly asks
"And as proud as you are father mine, you wouldn't want to be doing that, hmmm?"
"As much as I hate you being lecturer at the moment, you're right, I wouldn't." Lucifer responds with an uncharacteristic tone of defeat.
"So, don't you see what this means, you've got to give me the keys Pop" AC states with an air of triumph, with his hand open.
"BOLLOCKS! ABSOLUTE BOLLOCKS!" Lucifer screams, turning over tables, whilst Mazikeen shields herself again.
AC returns to his true form, to confront his father, triggering Lucifer to enter into his.
"LOOK AT ME FATHER, LOOK AT YOU LITTLE BOY NO LONGER, YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENSE, HELL IS IN NEED OF A NEW DEVIL"! AC yells, in his true darkened voice.
"YOU NEED THE COUNCIL, AND OF COURSE DO NOT FORGET THE BIG MAN, BOY! DO NOT BE SO OVERCONFIDENT YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Lucifer yells back grappling AC.
The whole room shakes in a cataclysmic spasm, but the fight between father and son is broken, with an ethereal exclamation:
"STOP!" A voice from above shrieks.
Both Lucifer and AC cease their scuffle and return to their human forms, in order to continue their conversation somewhat amicably.
"It was him!" Mazikeen exclaims nervously.
"We know." Lucifer and AC say in unison, in tones of obedience.
"Well, you still need the council, and his blessing, of course" Lucifer restarts the conversation, wiping the debris of his suit.
"Done, and done, the Judeccan Council says me, and Grandad has given me the go-ahead, meaning that this is happening father. It isn't usurping, if this sort permission has been granted. Surely when you gave me the title of Anti-Christ, you should have realised that being the Anti-Christ, is very much like being the Prince of Wales, I would eventually become King!" AC continues his overwhelming confirmation, to an ultimately worried Lucifer.
Lucifer is reduced to a state of both bewilderment and loss, but through a moment of deep consideration, he realises that his prolonged visitation on Earth, is truly attacking the word. Thus, he relinquishes his powers to AC.
A dark shadow wreathed in flame, exits Lucifer's body, and is transmitted to AC's. After a few minutes, the transfer of power is complete.
"Thank you, father, you know it makes sense!" AC states in a newly acquired regal tone.
AC opens up a portal back to Hell, so he can return jubilantly as the new Devil.
"Ahem, Mazikeen" AC calls, to Mazikeen's sudden shock.
"What?" Mazikeen replies, shuddering.
"Aren't you forgetting something? You work for me now" AC states, drawing on the Devil powers, to thrust her towards him.
"MAZE!" Lucifer cries.
"LUCIFER!" Mazikeen yells back.
"Oh, I forgot, as part of this transaction, Grandad revised her contract, she works for the Devil, not the MorningStar." AC mockingly articulates.
"NOOOOOO!" Lucifer yells in an absolute rage, whilst AC and Mazikeen go through the portal to Hell.
With the portal closing, Lucifer felt as more lost as he ever did, as if he was reliving the day that he fell from Heaven.
Through another swift period of reflection, Lucifer began to think. Though he had lost the title of Devil today, he thought:
"I am still the MorningStar, my wings will return, and my bright light will shine again. So, rule down there little boy, but mark my words, when you see me again, I will show you what real power looks like!"
END