Issue #3 – The Jackson 5
The day starts off just like any other ordinary day . . . . Brick Tamland getting high off of illegal substances with his fellow pal Snoop Dogg. This day turns out to be very different however. Normally the two best friends get high by snorting illegal substances. Today they felt a little adventurous. Snoop Dog first begins injecting the illegal substances by way of needle to his buddy Brick aka The Weatherman. After a little blushing by the two friends, Brick begin to do the same to Snoop. "Ooh that tickles" replies Snoop. Brick then screams, "Oh no I've become the tickle monster." Brick then begins to stab Snoop violently with the needle. Snoop Dogg then begins to cough up blood and soon dies. Brick Tamland cuts off Snoop's flesh and also his innards. Brick then hides Snoop in his closet. Snoop Dogg became the skeleton in Brick's closet.
"Hello Brick, what have you been up to lately?" replies The Chuck Norris. "Nothing." Replies Brick, blushing from his earlier actions. "Brick, there's a great world out there, go explore what this world has to offer before The Man finds out about the bodies." The two friends stare at each other. "I hate The Man." Replies Brick. "So do I Brick . . . . So do I." Replies The Chuck Norris. "Now the reason I've come is because we have been requested to attend a remembrance ceremony of our good friend Rick James." Continues The Chuck Norris. "He was pretty." Says The Weatherman. "Now Brick, I've told you before, keep those urges inside of you, don't wanna disappoint the ladies." Exclaims Chuck Norris as he continues, "I prepared the sponge bath, lets get ready."
As the trio arrive, they meet old acquaintances like the Reverend Jesse Jackson. "Hey Goulet you cracka. Suck it." Replies Jackson. A gang war soon erupts with The Goulet League of Goodness against The Jackson Five consisting of Vanilla Ice, Donald Trump, Alfonso Ribeiro, and Tom Jones. As The Golden Goulet and The Weatherman are able to break away, The Weatherman begins to tenderly chew on The Golden Goulet. "Ooh Brick, I didn't know you had these feelings about me." Whispers The Golden Goulet. "Crackers taste good." Mumbles The Weatherman. "Brick, you can nibble me and dress me up in silk all you want later, but now we must bring justice to the Reverend's door step." Sobs The Golden Goulet. The Golden Goulet and The Weatherman begin to run at the Jackson 5 and as they run, they are shot multiple times. Apparently as The Golden Goulet went down he sang his hit song, "Welcome to my pants." This invariably caused The Jackson 5 to turn on each other and shoot themselves. The Reverend Jesse James has appeared to escape . . . . For Now. . . . but what happened to The Chuck Norris?
The End?
Issue 4 next time?
You better believe it . . . crackers