She was fully human now. I stayed on the window sill of her bedroom. We might hang out for an hour or so while she unwound after battle. There was an okay tree near her house that I could spend the rest of the night in. I'd done it before and it beat night flying.
Rachel was pulling off the singlet she usually wore revealing a black sports bra and leggings. I turned my head instinctively. It was a human gesture and a redundant one. I have eyes on the side of my head. Did she want me to look away? Lots of woman go out jogging in just a sports bra, they were different from real underwear. I stared at the floor, knowing if I looked in her direction, I would see the way her blond hair comes to rest on her collarbone, the subtle beat of her heart in her solar plexus. And of course, the sports bra.
'Tobias,' she said.
What's up?
'Could you demorph for a bit?'
I fluttered on to the floor and concentrated on my human form. She watched me the whole time with a small frown. I'm sure it wasn't a pleasant sight as beak softened and shrank back into my face. I watched her as my eyes changed, my vision weakened but only slightly, I could now stand face to face with her, take in the fullness of her lips. I didn't dare to look down.
She hesitated, reminding me of a diver at the top of a springboard afraid to jump, and then she kissed me, and I was paralysed. Living alone in the forest, there are no little interactions with other people. No handshakes, or haircuts, no accidental brushes with the cashier's hand as they give you your change. I had not touched another person in weeks and Rachel's kiss consumed me.
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close as she kissed me harder. Our bodies were pressed together from knee to chest. She pulled back and then rested her forehead on my neck and sighed. I cupped the base of her skull and stroked her hair, taking in the softness, the tangles. It had grown longer, all the way to her shoulderblades, my fingertips kept traveling down over her skin, her sports bra, she was so beautiful…
Oh no, she was pressed so close against me she must have noticed. She must have felt it. She broke away from our embrace, tactfully not saying anything. But then her hands were at the waistband of her leggings, she pulled them off as well.
'Rachel?'
She was wearing skimpy black underwear, satin or lace, I was surprised. We had spent the day strategizing, and then fighting, and then running for our lives. Rachel had been doing all that in lingerie.
'Tobias, can you… hold me?'
'Uh… of course.' I took a step towards her but she was moving to the bed. She slipped under the duvet and then held it open for me to follow her. We lay on or sides and she kissed me again, her breathing was heavy and her hips moved against me. I was frozen again, my hand rested on her waist as her fingers pushed my shirt up so that we could lie skin to skin. Her hand travelled down again and she found where I was hard. I heard a moan. It was me. Little shocks of pleasure were shooting up my spine. She was staring at me. Hungry.
'Rachel…?' I said again, this time more softly.
'Don't you want me?'
'Yes… what about… protection?'
She took my hand and pressed my fingertips into a hard spot on the inside of her arm.
'I went to planned parenthood a few weeks ago.'
'Okay, but the nurse at school said we're supposed to use—'
'Have you been with anyone else?'
'No.'
'Me neither.'
She kissed me again. I pulled my shirt over my head and kicked off the stupid bike shorts I wore in morph. Rachel slipped out of the lacy underwear and I traced my hand over the white skin of her hip, along her ribs, and then felt for the clasp of her sports bra. There was none, it was just tight fabric.'
'It'll takes too long,' she whispered.
She wiggled closer to me, nuzzling into my neck again. I felt the coarse hair, and then her hand guiding me inside her. Her breathing became short and I felt a subtle snap, like an elastic band. Her hand was on my hip now, pulling me deeper. I felt like I was being squeezed, like there wasn't enough space for me inside her. She whimpered.
'Rachel?' I wanted to see her face. Her eyes were unreadable. 'Are you okay?'
'I want you. Can you get on top of me?'
I obeyed. What was that expression on her face? Determination? She gripped both of my hips until I had pushed completely inside her and then she lay back against the pillow, sighing.
'Did I hurt you?' I asked, not daring to move. She took my face in both hands and kissed me softly. 'Did I?' I repeated.
'Love hurts,' she whispered. The word love echoed around the room.
'Do… you… love me?'
She smiled. Her hips began to rock. God it felt amazing.
'Of course I do, Tobias.'
My hips moved too. My body wanted to race, but I forced myself to take my cue from her rythm, and I teetered on the edge of giving in to and denying myself. I drank in her eyes, her lips, her hair. The sound of her breathing, half voiced moans was making me crazy. I kissed her neck, and my hand found her breast.
'Tobias?'
'Sorry.' I quickly removed my hand.
'What? No.' She found my hand and placed it back over her sports bra. 'Tobias, do you love me too?'
'Of course,' I said, realising I had left her in silence. 'I love you. I love you so much Rachel.' I kept repeating it. 'I love you so much Rachel.' She put her arms around my neck and pulled me close. I whispered it in her ear, 'I love you, I love you so much, Rachel'. We picked up speed together. I couldn't hold back.
'Rachel I'm going to—'
'I want you to—'
'Are you sure you—'
'Yes—'
My face was in her hair as the tension imploded and then released in waves over my back, down my legs. I let go. I let everything go, every atom of air in my lungs, every muscle in my body. She held me on top of her and all I could do was breathe as her breath tickled my ear. I could feel a heartbeat slowing down, perhaps it was mine.
With effort I lifted my head so I could speak.
'Are you okay?'
'Of course,' she said.
I rolled back onto my side and wrapped her in my arms. She was so soft and warm.
'I love you, Rachel,' I said once more. Her head fit on my shoulder perfectly. I would just