-A ... what ?
-An agent.
-An agent... for what ? For law ? For a firm ? You really believe that I sell cars ?
-Not exactly that kind of agent. You are... well, er... we could say a special agent.
-A special agent ? How funny, really. A... spy ?
-Yyyeees, if you want...
-But I don't ! I don't want to be a spy ! I am not a spy ! I am...
-Yes ? What are you ? Tell me !
-I am a teacher !
-No, you are not. You are an agent. You work for the Uncle...
-The uncle... Whose uncle ? I have no family, here !
-Because you are not American. Do you remember that ?
-Of course, I do ! I am English !
-No, you are not. You are Russian.
-Oh, yes, I see ! That's clear... So I am a spy, I am Russian, and I defected from... the KGB, I guess, to the CIA ?
-No, you didn't defect. You came here with your government's agreement. And... we are not the CIA. We are the Uncle. That's an acronym ! U.N.C.L.E. United Network Command for Law and Enforcement.
-Quite a ridiculous name...
-You work with us.
-A madhouse, I am in a madhouse.
-No, you are not. You are in a hospital. What's your name ?
-My name is Harry Beldon. And I am a teacher. I teach...
-Yes ?
-I teach science. Quantum Mechanics.
-You are right ! You have a Ph. D. in Quantum Mechanics !
-You look like the cat who ate the canary... Does it occur to you that I am not crazy ? Oh, no, one more lunatic... Who is this old man ? Perhaps... well, are you a real doctor ?
-Mr Waverly, let me introduce you to Mr Harry Beldon. Mr... Beldon is English, and he teaches quantum mechanics...
-At the King's College, in Cambridge. I am in Los Angeles, to attend a congress, and I would like...
-No, you are not. You are in New York, and you are not English. American cats eat canaries. English cats...
-What ?
-You used an American idiom... Your name is not Harry Beldon. You are not Harry Beldon. Your name is Illya Kuryakin, young man, and you are Russian.
-You... Old man... You look like an homest guy. And a good one, with your pipe, and your funny bushy eyebrows. Even when you are frowning. I want you to know that you are doing a mistake. I am not your ... Illya.
-And what about Napoleon, Mr Kuryakin ?
-Beldon... Napoleon ? We defeated him at Waterloo, in 1815, June, the eighteenth. Is that a game ? Do I win the jackpot ?
-Napoleon is your partner.
-Of course ! I am a Russian spy... Napoleon is my partner. We both work for you... and you are... Santa Claus ?
-I... didn't really tell him that, Napoleon, did I ?
-Sure you did, partner mine !
-Stop chuckling ! And ?
-The doctor and the nurses were... terrified.
-And... Mr Waverly ? You are sneering !
-He... he just laughed, Illya. Then, you fell asleep. This morning, when you woke up, you had recovered your mind.
-He must be mad... Did I really tell him about his bushy eyebrows ?
-Yes, you did, and you added « funny bushy eyebrows »...
-You... you are giggling !
-And you called him Santa Claus...
-Have you heard about the retreat from Russia, Napoleon ?