Title: Whisper
Author: Sandolious
Contact: PG - 13
Pairings: Past HP/SS; Current SS/HG; Current HG/RW; Slight Friendship-ish HP/DM; Other pairings include NL/LL
Genre: Angst; Drama.
Warnings: Gen, Mentions of Slash, Hetero, Mild Harry Torture, Language
Type: One-shot
Arc: Words; Story 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything in association with the Harry Potter series.
Summery: Sequel to Spoken. Christmas Day, an ex-lover's wish for a future without hurt.
Words: 2891 (7 Feb 2005)
A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. I will try to get another installment out with in the next two – three weeks, with the hope this story is received well. Do enjoy. Your reviews make the muses run in hyper drive. I appreciate it.
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Whisper
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Christmas Day began with a crimson laced sunrise lighting the sky on tangible fire. The clouds hovered menacingly in the distance, dark and brooding. A foreshadow of things to come. Snow flurries fell softly to the icy ground, covering the surface in white perfection. And the occupants of the mansion lay dormant in their warm down quilted beds. Harry though, stood awake and weary; leaning against the window frame in his midnight blue bedroom sipping tea. It was still very early for the sun had yet to reach a quarter of the sky. Jade eyes followed the snow, tracking particle by particle. The morning chill of the house was ebbing away with the lit fireplace roaring softly in the back ground. His worn bare feet gripped in the thick carpet in reassurance of reality. He felt cold. Frozen. A psychological feeling associated with locking himself away, protecting himself. He remembered warmth, a warmth he had once.
For all the problems their relationship had, Harry knew there was a spark. A connection deep in his being that occurred with Severus. Sipping his tea Harry remembered their one year anniversary. He smiled as the memory washed over his senses, lighting his eyes up.
Harry stood before a book shelf in their spacious library searching for a manuscript that was rumored to hold a key to a new spell he was working on. It was late at night and the fire provided the only heat. After going row by row his search was in vain. Standing, he made his way over to the next self to begin again, however he was caught in an embrace by his lover. Severus stood behind Harry, arms wrapped around the young man's chest. The Slytherin nuzzled Harry's neck, ghosting kisses over soft skin.
"Is it imperative to find the tome tonight?" the silky voice whispered against the shell of Harry's ear. The young man shivered and moaned as a warm tongue assaulted his lobe.
"Noo."
"Wonderful, for I have some… activities in which you are needed to participate in." Severus whispered against Harry's shoulder, biting gently into the warm flesh. A few moments later, he released Harry and offered the younger man his left hand. The right hand snapped twice starting a soft slow waltz, the music echoing dramatically off the high walls. Harry paused listening to the music before taking Severus' proffered hand. The older man led the two to the center of the library, positioned them, and began to waltz.
They glided effortlessly across the polished wood floor, eyes locked. They were grace, passion, love, in motion. A breath taking moment in time. As the waltz changed, they continued to dance, stealing kisses on turns. Severus paused them in front of the fireplace, taking Harry's face in his hands and ghosting kisses across his lips and eyes. He drew in for a gentle kiss, sucking on Harry's bottom lip. The kisses were passion filled, gentle and unrushed. Touches and caresses followed with the lowering of clothing. The fire burned in envy of the couple's inner flame as their love making reached it's peak. They curled around each other after wards, sedated and warm. Soft kisses placed to random pieces of skin, brush stokes of fingers across the expansive body. Harry tucked his head under Severus' chin, planting a light kiss on the hallow of his pale throat. He sighed contentedly, smiling into his lover's skin.
"Harry, I do love you." Severus whispered calmly, stroking his lover's arm. Harry smiled a happy smile, propping himself up on his elbows and placed a firm kiss on Severus' mouth.
"And I love you Severus."
The light in Harry's eyes faded with the memory, leaving him once again, cold. There were many moment s like that in their relationship. Moments of bliss and warm skin. He sipped his lukewarm tea, turning away from the frosted window and sat in front of the fireplace in a beige leather chair. He wished, watching the flickering flames, he had known earlier what he knew now. He wished the lies he was told and the reinforced doubt, were never whispered into to his ear by trusted companions. He understood wishing was for children, people with innocence still left in their body, he could not help however, wishing one last time into the embers, for warmth.
By noon, the mansion was filled with Christmas cheer. The students, with the help of several professors, had begun caroling any and all who stepped foot into the lounge where the large Christmas tree had been decorated. Presents littered the floor under the tree, as it had been decided at breakfast, the gift giving would be at night, following dinner. The happy atmosphere plagued all of the occupants of the mansion, no matter who they were. There had been a moment of tense silence when Harry was leaving the dining room at the same time Hermione and Severus were entering. Both parties paused in front of each other. Harry stared at the two, eyes unnaturally dull, nodding and bidding them both a Happy Christmas before stepping around the couple.
The day passed quickly for the inhabitants. Games where played one after another; snowball wars began in the Ball Room where it had been transformed into a winter wonderland by Harry, Draco and Luna. The three adults began their own campaign to best the students, all the while keeping proper supervision. In the moment of truth, the snowball war came to a stand still as Luna had struck Ferns, the student's second in command; Draco was assassinated by a barraged of snow to the back of his head trying to intercept a snowball aimed for Luna. Both were taken down. And so that left Harry against Mitchells, a seventh year Slytherin and general of the student faction. They both stood off in the middle of the war zone, one visible snowball in hand, but several others hidden on their bodies. They stood tense for a brief second before they launched their attacks. Both went down at the same time, throwing the rest of their ammunition. When the snowballs stopped flying, Harry stood up and took stalk of the hit to his right shoulder and thigh. Mitchells though had a hit right over his heart and one in the middle of his face. Throwing his hands up in the air, the seventh year laughed.
"Alright, alright! Truce. You beat me General Potter. Congratulations." The seventh year smiled, wiping snow off his face. The rest of the occupants came out of hiding, smiling and laughing, recounting several different moments of the snowball war in great detail, causing a round of hysterical laughter to bubble up from the students when Harry's 'flight', was recounted. The man had enough modesty to look slightly embarrassed as Draco teased him mercilessly while they herded the children out of the ballroom.
"What were you trying to accomplish with that maneuver?" Draco asked innocently as they walked to their rooms to change.
"It would have worked, had a slimy Slytherin not distracted me about my pants supposed state of undress." Harry glared accusingly at the blond. Draco stopped, looking abashed at Harry.
"You think I tried to distract my own teammate?" the blond as incredulously.
Harry smirked, staring at his companion. He slowly began to walk backwards away from the blond. "Well if it wiggles like a ferret, squeaks like a ferret, and flees like a ferret, then it must be one, right Draco?" He turned sharply on his heel at the indignant cry issued from the Slytherin; Harry bolted to his room with Draco on his heels calling out obscenities. On the last ten yards of their race, Harry dodged a flushed Hermione and flustered Ron as they came out of a study. He took the stairs two at a time, knowing Draco would be seconds behind him. As he made it to the landing, he spotted his door, waved his hand opening it, and leaped into the room, slamming the door shut in, cringing at the sound of Draco's body slamming at full speed into the wood. There was a brief moment of silence before Harry burst out laughing. He continued to laugh over Draco's pounding on the door and shouting obscene comments about his lack of manhood. The Slytherin left a few minutes later, shouting one last threat before leaving the Gryffindor alone.
Sighing, Harry relaxed against the carpet, quiet bursts of chuckles passing over his lips every few minutes.
"It has been a long time since I heard you laugh so carefree."
Harry started, raising himself to his elbows. Surveying his room, he found the culprit sitting in his beige leather chair, blue eyes twinkling and a soft smile lighting his face.
"Albus. I should have known." Harry shook his head, beaming at the elderly man before him.
"It is wonderful to see you smile again, my boy. A wish I did not think would come true." The gravely old voice confessed, smiling wider. Harry nodded, climbing to his feet. He took a seat in the tan chair adjacent to Albus.
"Since we are speaking honestly, I will confess, I did not believe I would be this content ever again. It is nice to have something to smile about sir."
They sat in contemplative silence for a long while. Neither needing to speak the words held so tightly in their minds. This was simply a moment of understanding. Of hope for more in the future.
"Harry…" Albus broke the silence softly, turning to his young companion.
"Yes, sir?"
"Do this old man a favor and come back to Hogwarts. Minerva and I are getting in our years and wish to release the school into capable hands when the time comes. We want you to be a student Headmaster of sorts. We want to teach you all that goes with running the school over the next few years before it is time for us to retire."
"Albus.." Harry sighed, breaking off. He observed the sincerity of the headmaster's face.
"Just think on it, my boy. You have time. We will be expecting an answer by the end of this school year. There is no rush. Simply think on it." The old man smiled, offering Harry a lemon drop, making his way out of the room with a last reminder of dinner starting in a half hour.
Harry sat in the chair, staring at the fire's embers for ten more minutes before making his way to the bathroom to get ready. This was an important decision, one he was going to take his time on. Hogwarts in the hands of a young Gryffindor-Slytherin, would the old stone walls be able to handle the disaster, Harry pondered.
Dinner passed calmly for the large group. The students chatted animatedly about the snowball war for those who were not there. The adults held a variety of conversations, from politics and the minister's new laws to sports and the world cup. Harry sat between McGonagall and Dumbledore, asking different questions about Hogwarts in general and what it was like for them to be connected to the school. Their memories of change. As the meal wind down, Albus made a toast.
"I would like to make a toast. To those of us who are here with us and those who are unable to. To a prosperous future filled with joy and laughter. To new beginnings!" Cheers were heard around the table and Harry couldn't help but quip.
"I do believe headmaster, those were words usually said for New Years, mere days away. Getting senile, Albus? Must we remind you of the day now? It is no wonder you want me to take over." Harry smirked, watching as Minerva tried to contain her laughter, and Albus' eyes twinkled brighter.
"Perhaps, dear boy. However I do believe it is time for presents!" the elderly wizard clapped his hands and stood herding the group slowly into the lounge and sat on the floor next to the Christmas tree, happily levitating presents to their rightful recipients.
Harry stood in the furthest corner of the room, watching as child and adult alike opened presents with zeal, though the adults at a slower pace. Tonks, however, beat most of the eager children by ripping the paper away from her packages with in seconds of touching them all the while giggling insanely. Neville was very cautious with opening his gifts and tried very hard to not rip the paper, while his wife, Luna, tore at the boxes energetically. Harry leaned against the wall, smiling and observing the most important people to him. He watched the array of emotions washing over their faces as each new item was unwrapped, complete surprise, happiness to the rare and few controlled cringes. He smiled as their eyes lit up and everyone looked years younger. He stood mesmerized by the happiness flowing so easily in the room. Even Mad-Eye Moody smiled, briefly in thanks. Tearing his eyes away from the group he looked at his feet where his pile of presents lay neatly.
Bending down, he stared at all the beautifully wrapped gifts, caressing each one before banishing them to his room to be opened later. He straightened again, surveying the room and caught Severus' heavy gaze for a long moment before the Slytherin's attention was diverted back to his preening fiancé. The happiness he had felt most of the day was dampened as the reality set back in. He stared at the couple, watching their movements, their touches. He felt sick, his stomach tightening as they smiled at each other and shared a weighted glance. Harry knew Hermione was having an affair with Ron while Severus was away. Knew Hermione, Ron and Ginny had planted seeds of doubt into his mind early on in their relationship, and he knew through truth serum administer to Ginny they had created situations which would reap the fruits of their labor. Yes, Harry thought bitterly, he knew, however it didn't matter now, he was too slow, too late. The problem deep down troubling him though was, why. Why did they do it? Why go through all the trouble? In his heart he knew the answer, but refused to acknowledge it.
The night progressed slowly as groups of people moved out of the lounge to go sleep or give their gifts a closer inspection. He bid each retreating person good night as they left; faces still alight with Christmas cheer. Soon he was left with Draco, Ron, Severus, Hermione and Luna. They sat in a circle around the room in various furniture, reminiscing of past Christmas' and humorous anecdotes. Harry sat next to Draco and across from Severus, Hermione and Ron; dull emerald eyes refusing connect with them. He smiled politely as Neville finished a tale of Christmas folly and bided the couple good night as they left minutes later, tired and contented smiles on their lips.
A heavy silence full on the room, bearing down harshly on Harry's subconscious. He surveyed his companions mechanically, emotion locked away deep in his body. Harry sighed and shrugged, standing to leave the oppressive room.
"Harry?" Draco asked, a slight bit of concern laced the cool voice. Harry, stood looking down at Draco and smiled.
"It's late. Happy Christmas Draco. Good night." Draco nodded, turning his eyes to the trio across the room, watching Harry's slow retreat with interest.
"Happy Christmas Harry." Hermione spoke tentatively, eyes locked on Harry as he paused in the door way, head tilted to the side. Harry knew the statement for what it was. An attempt to mend the damage of their relationship; an apology; a peace offering. Harry turned fully, staring piercingly into Hermione's brown eyes, searching for honesty and truth and was left wanting. He shook his head sorrowfully. Eyebrow cocked.
"Is it?"
"Potter!" Severus growled warningly.
"Harry, can't you let go? Forgive and move on. You're only hurting yourself." Ron admonished, icily.
"No." the word hung in the air, whispered calmly and the young man made his way slowly out of the lounge and to his room, memories of the past threatening to push him over the edge. He knew sleep to night would be restless with nightmares lurking under the surface as he climbed into his cold bed and settled under the heavy blankets. The emotions needed to be released, Harry realized slipping to sleep, body tense and waiting. As his breathing evened out, his eyes moved rapidly in the REM cycle, muscles twitching occasionally as the dream world settled firmly in his unconscious mind.
Out side the full haunting moon glowed brightly behind thick black clouds. The land lay covered in ink, moon beams and star light trapped by the quilt of clouds hanging menacingly low in the sky. Gusts of wind howled softly across the earth, scattering the snow flurries across the grounds. A battle of white snow and black fog.
As the wind picked up speed, Harry thrashed in his bed, brows furrowed, and face grim. He whispered words of pain and suffering, calling out for someone who evaded his grasp. Calling out for an end to the hurt. He tossed and turned, asking the dark for help; he pleaded with the silence for comfort. In his wintry bed, alone with his demons, he whispered.
"…so tired…please…no more…pain…"
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