Everything hurt as he lifted the cup to his lips. He drew in a shaky breath. His life flashed before his eyes. He recalled every companion he had ever had, how he lost them, alive or dead. How he had come to look how he did. If he didn't hurt so much he would have laughed. He felt a slight breeze. He let the cup fall a little as he looked around. What gave him pause was the TARDIS, his, TARDIS just a few feet from the table in front of him.
"I don't think there is much you can do for me this time my love." The Doctor smiled sadly at the only one who always stayed with him.
"Oh, I've done it before. Now is not so different." The Doctor spun to look at the woman who had just spoken to him, in the process, spilling some of the elixir on his hand. "Here, Let me take that." She took two long strides and put her hand on his to steady them. He suddenly realized that his hands were shaking.
"Who are you? And where did you come from?"
She laughed slightly. She had a very pleasing face, the Doctor might even go so far as to say she was beautiful. She wore a blue sheer robe with what could only be described as a TARDIS blue shirt and slacks. She had long wavy ginger hair, and golden eyes, that glowed. At that observation he looked closely and saw it wasn't an exaggeration. Her eyes literally glowed a golden brown color and when she moved her head, they sparkled. So not human, but he had always doubted that. She had a feeling about her.
"I'm your TARDIS. Well, what I would look like in Time Lord form. Not a big ball of timmey whimmey, wibbly wobbly, stuff. Of course with my own personal touches." She smiled at him, and he couldn't help but smile back at her.
"I like that."
"What?"
"The 'timmey whimmey, wibbly wobbly' thing. Mind if I quote you?"
"Sure sweetie." She smiled sadly. "But first, I have to make sure you make it through the next few minutes so you can say that, and much more."
"But the sisterhood of Karn said I had four minuets. It's been about three."
"I have slowed time, love, so I can help you. But I don't have as long as I would like." She took the elixir and dumped it on the ground. "You won't be needing that darling."
He couldn't help but relax at her words. She gently grabbed his large hands in her small warm ones. He felt the fire and pain that had been running through him slowly seep away. He knew that he wasn't completely fixed, but just numbed. He looked down at her and saw her eyes were shut in a sort of concentrating way. She suddenly opened them. He looked at her quizzically.
"My sweet, we must hurry. Answer truthfully and quickly." She breathed. "If you could go through the Time War, still be a warrior, but have it sped up, would you want that?"
He thought for a moment. "Would I still have all of the memories, and do the same thing I would have done without your help?" She nodded. "Then, yes." She let out a shaky breath.
"Will it hurt?" He didn't mean to sound like a child but he sort of did, with all the vulnerability in his voice.
"Oh my sweet. I will be forcing all of time and space through your whole body. Every atom of your being will explode in a mere instance. Your brain will be pulled apart, and pushed a side to make room for a totally different personality. So, I think it's safe to assume it will hurt."
"Regeneration has never been bad as that. Why is it different this time?"
"You are pretty much dead, my dear Doctor. I have to re-animate your body, and this is how your body will regenerate from know on." She kissed the knuckle of his hand as she moved one of her hands to the side of his face. He couldn't help but lean into her hand. His whole body was trembling.
"You don't need to be frightened. I'm here." He knew it was foolish to argue. He was scared for the future. "Do you remember when you took that long walk to look into the eye?" He nodded his head. He would never forget that day. "You looked into the eye and what did you feel?"
"Inspired."
"To do what?"
"To, run."
"Exactly. I was there that day to make sure that you would always stand out. They said that you were a very special case, and that you would do great things for the people of Gallifrey. I made sure that you were protected, just like I will know as you go through this." She looked into his eyes with such intensity, he had to look away. "Trust me."
He felt a burning sensation throughout his body as she moved her other hand to his chest. She looked right into his eyes. Her eyes were glowing a bright gold that seemed to stream out of her eyes. He would have thought that the brightness would hurt his eyes, but it didn't. And as she spoke, he could hear the universe in her voice.
"I stole a Time Lord. My Doctor." She leaned in with a slight smile on her face as she kissed him. Then his whole world exploded.
He felt like he just been pulled through a super nova as every nerve in his body was on fire, he felt his blood boil in his veins as both of his harts exploded then were brought right back together. He vaguely felt his knees go out as he and his TARDIS slid to the ground. He felt his head on her legs as he saw the entire universe run in front of his eyes. Then it happened. He saw all of a Gallifrey burning right in front of him with Daleks everywhere he looked all screaming the same thing.
"EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"
He tried to scream out for them to stop, as he saw them kill a whole family, but instead he felt himself jump down the two story's that separated them and incinerated the Daleks in their tracks. Suddenly he was pulled to the High Counsel's chamber as he broke into a vault and pulled out a very unfriendly gun and walk out. He walked past screaming people in the street towards his TARDIS. Suddenly he turned snapped his fingers and the doors opened. He aimed the gun up, and fired into the flaming sky.
"I'm so sorry."
OOOOOOOOOOOOO
"STOP!"
The Doctor shot up in his place. He was in his TARDIS. He felt different. He felt guilty. He stood up slowly. He looked around. The interior looked different. It felt like home. Home. It suddenly hit him. Home. Everyone, everything was gone. It had all burned. All, because of him. He felt his knees give out as he shed the first of many tears. He sat there and cried. He cried as he had cried when he had been so young. He felt like such a child. He hadn't cried when he left the first time. How was this different from then.
Oh, who was he kidding? Then, if he chose he could go home. He had someone that in his worst times he could call on, even if they didn't do it how he wanted. He had something to run from, that even after all he had done, still asked him to be the Lord High President. He had a family. That though brought on more tears. He heard the ship moan. It sounded like 'your not alone,' but he wouldn't admit to it or he might to going crazy. He stood and wiped his eyes. He stroked a bit of the console. He found comfort in doing this.
"Well old girl. It looks like just you and me now. Think you could find us somewhere interesting to explore?"
He felt the whole ship shudder as a lever moved down, and bobbles start to move. He laughed. He didn't care what was to come. As long as his name was the Doctor, he would always be a mad man, exploring the universe, in his blue box.