I was never the kid who had unrealistic expectations when it came to Christmas or surprises of any kind. My mother never pretended like there was a tooth fairy, she never told me there was a Santa Claus, and there certainly wasn't a furry rodent hopping about our house on Easter morning. No, I've never really been an unrealistic person. I'm a realist, I've grown to accept that about me. Going into SHIELD I knew that I wouldn't be able to chase down every bad guy. I knew that I wouldn't always win. But I never suspected that I would be faced with this big of a choice.
I stared at the girl in front of me. She was walking closer, her hand outstretched. What was I supposed to do in this situation? How did anyone expect me to shoot a little innocent girl? I knew I wasn't necessarily abundant in the warm fuzzies but I didn't know how anyone could be this cold. Staring at the little girl I thought to myself, what would Andrew tell me to do? He would probably tell me to think it through and then try to talk to the small girl.
"You don't have to do this," I told the small girl. She looked me in the eyes. I couldn't help but shiver, there was no light in that girl's eyes, they were completely black. It was frightening how little emotion showed in those dark holes. But there was something inside of the darkness, something I could barely make out. It was fear. As horrible as it was that this small child was killing grown men left and right I could see that on the inside she was just as scared as I was.
"Just put your hand down," I continued to talk to her. Propping myself into a sitting position. "You will be safe... Just stop hurting everyone. They've done nothing to you. They're good people, they have families to return to," I pleaded with those deep eyes. But there was no change the girl didn't stop walking, nor did she lower her hand. I reached behind me in search of some kind of weapon. Even if she was a little girl I wasn't about to let her kill our entire tactical team. My fingers close around the cool handle of a gun. I shivered, those were extreme measures, I didn't want it to come to that. I knew the choice I would have to make.
"I like their pain," Katya smiled as she waved her arm and the first SHIELD agent fell to the ground. I knew what she had to do... I tightened my grasp on the gun.
"Everything's going to be okay," I told her, then in one swift motion I sent two slugs into the small girl's fragile body. She fell limp and I caught her body. I watched as the life drained from her face.
There was a moment when I didn't quite know the name to the feeling I was experiencing. Then that moment ended and the weight of the world came crashing down.
I had just killed a small child. Oh my God, what was wrong with me? Why did I do that? I heard running footsteps, I heard Coulson's voice, but I couldn't make out the words he was saying. I just sat there holding Katya wondering what could possibly be so screwed up within me.
"It's okay," I heard Phil say. I didn't move, I couldn't move. What would I do if I moved? I had no clue, so I continued to stare at the wall in front of me. I didn't need to move, there was nothing I wanted or needed to do.
Somehow, Phil got me outside, the next minute I was crying. I didn't know how or why, but I just kept crying. I heard someone whisper "the Calvary" they were calling me that. They were considering me the hero because I shot a small girl. A girl with a future. But, did anyone know that it was me that shot the girl? Or did they just assume she had died in the crossfire?
"It's not your fault. You did everything you could. You got those men out... Melinda, you saved them," Phil was trying to console my sobs as I continued to cry.
We were soon back on the plane. I knew what came now... debrief. I didn't want to live through that moment again. I didn't want to even think anymore, but that was my job. I knew what I had to do.