Behind These Hazel Eyes, a without a trace fanfic

Disclaimer: All of these characters belong to CBS, Jerry Bruckehimer, etc.
Spoilers: None
Rating: G/PG
Author's Note: Here's the songfic that I said would come. The song is Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson. Always, reviews are much appreciated! Thanks to my Lil' Chunki Funki Munki Gnome (aka Sarah) who helped read over for my horrendous grammar mistakes. :P As for the next chapter of Unforgotten Past, this month is proving to be much more stressful fthan I anticipated withthreefinal projects and helping to train the twenty-something new yearbook staffees with my other co-editorsso you'll have to bear with me but I'll try, try, try, try, try my hardest to post it up as soon as I get time to.

Seems like just yesterday, you were a part of me
I used to stand so tall, I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight, everything it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong

Sam opened the door, flipping the lights on. As usual, her apartment was empty. Without Martin it seemed to be huge. She dragged herself inside, closing the door behind her and dropping her bag on the kitchen counter. She passed by the framed picture of her and Martin without looking at it, numbly changing into her pajamas. Sam flopped onto the bed. She reached an arm out to grab the pillow next to her, hugging it close only to throw it across the room when she realized it smelled like him. With a groan, she pulled herself up. She gathered up her blankets and pillow and headed for the couch.

Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

As much as she tossed and turned throughout the night, she couldn't fall asleep. Her thoughts kept drifting back to Martin. She smiled just thinking of him. It was amazing what a thought of him could make her feel. As quickly as her smile came, it turned into a frown. She missed having him next to her as she slept: his warm body to wake up to every morning, his arms around her at night. Now she had difficulty falling asleep in her giant, empty bed.

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

How did they even break up? Sam couldn't remember. One minute they were together, the next they weren't. The first few weeks she cried herself to sleep but when she ran out of fresh tears, she laid awake at night, making it difficult for her to focus during work. She had a sneaking suspicion that Martin and Danny knew about her sleepless nights but they never voiced it. And she never mentioned it.

Two weeks, she guessed. Two weeks since their relationship ended and she was still feeling broken up. All those beer bottles didn't seem to be helping either. Normally, when a relationship ended Sam was already up and at it with another guy she picked up at a bar. She never spent time brooding over the mistakes. But this time…this time it was different. She was still hung up on Martin.

I told you everything, opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright, for once in my life
Now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside

Sam got up the next morning, her neck stiff from the awkward position she was sleeping in. She got up slowly, careful not to injure herself anymore in the process. Grimacing, she stripped of her clothes and stepped into the shower. The warm water sprayed over her body, waking her up bit by bit. She reached for her shampoo only to grab Martin's by mistake. A sad smile came on her face. She poured a small amount into her hair and quickly finished up her shower.

Everybody was already at the office by the time she got there. Danny looked up from his computer, greeting her as he always did.

"Hi, sunshine."

"Hi, yourself." Sam greeted back. Her eyes wandered to Martin who was working diligently at his desk. He turned around to look at her, gazing deep into her eyes as if trying to read her. She wondered if he could see the pain that was still in her. Her heart felt like it was breaking as she continued to stare back at him. Sam tore her gaze away from his blue eyes. Composing herself, she sat down at her desk.

Cause I can't breathe, no I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Suddenly, she felt herself being pulled into a whirlpool of memories. Memories of Martin. Sam took in a deep breath, remembering the touch of his hands on her body. The way he would hold her in his arms as they sat on the couch after dinner or his smile that greeted her every morning when she woke up. She took a deep shuddering breath in hopes of re-composing herself but so far she was having no such luck.

As the clock stroke seven, Sam got up gratefully and gathered her stuff to head home. By then, she was the only person left in the office. She stuck her cell phone inside her purse. As she turned around, she collided into the person behind her.

"Oh! I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's all right, Sam."

Sam looked up to find Martin standing in front of her. It suddenly became very awkward, neither knowing what to do or say. Martin cleared his throat and Sam snapped out of her little daze.

"Um, I have to go." Keeping her eyes averted she walked quickly towards the elevator. She didn't get very far when Martin spoke.

"Sam."

She stopped but didn't turn around to face him. She closed her eyes tight, hoping that would keep the tears away. Slowly, she turned around to face him but the look on his face only made the tears burn even more.

Swallow me, then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you, it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside anymore
Anymore

"Sam." He took a cautious step before continuing. "Are you…okay?"

In that simple question, all her rage for him blinded her and she inhaled sharply. A tear fell down her cheek but she brushed it away before Martin could see she was crying. He took another step towards her and she involuntarily took a step back.

"Sam?"

"You know what, Martin?" Sam looked him in the eye. "I will be."

She turned around quickly and walked to the elevator. She was done crying for him.