Title: Don't Close Your Eyes
Rating: Teens
Spoilers: Anything up to and including "Welcome Home"
Characters: Bosco/Faith
Summary: Post fic for "Welcome Home".
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Third Watch at all.
A/N: This is a follow up for my fic "Tough Love". Also, this is quite long. I considered breaking it up into two parts, but that would have taken effort and yeah...I decided not to. lol ;) And nothing after "Welcome Home" happened in my mind.
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I woke up stiff and sore, my head throbbing with every pump of my heart. I could feel every lump in the cushions beneath me. But I was also more comfortable and more at peace than I had been in a very long time. Faith's head was resting on my chest, just below my chin while her hands gripped my t-shirt tightly. She was lying flush on top of me, the two of us having drifted off and obviously shifting so that we were lying flat on her couch sometime in the early hours of the morning.
I breathed in the scent of her hair as I realized that my arms were tightly wrapped around her, my hands splayed out wide on her back. Our bodies rose and fell in unison, our breaths slow and even, matching each others. I could feel her hot breath saturating my shirt and warming the skin that lay beneath.
My eyes closed, and I let myself enjoy the feeling of security, of warmth. The night had been long and tiring, but soothing at the same time. Not many people have the ability to make me want to come back and try to make things right after we screw each other over, but Faith is on that short list, which probably really only consists of her and my Ma.
I heard movement coming from the hallway and was struck with the sudden realization that Emily had been home when Faith and I came in the night before. I tried to stay relaxed as I heard the footsteps in the hall, making sure I seemed like I was still asleep so I wouldn't have to answer the million questions that the teenage girl would have as to what the hell I was doing sleeping with her mother on the couch in their living room.
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"Is Emily here," I asked quietly after she closed the door behind us and slipped off her jacket and hung it on the coat rack standing in the corner. She turned to look at me and smiled somewhat nervously.
"Yeah, but don't worry about her. She can sleep through almost anything. She kinda had to with the way Fred and I argued when I got home from work for so many years," she shrugged and wrung her hands around each other as she spoke.
"Listen Faith, I'm sorry about what I said in the locker room," I started, looking away, but she stepped to me and put her hands on my arms, stopping me from continuing.
"Bos, you don't need to apologize. I should have just told you why I was doing it, but, I don't know, I thought you would have known, ya know? I thought you would know that I was just doing it to keep you safe, because that's what I've always done."
"But I didn't need you to keep me safe. I needed you to be there for me. I need you to be there for me now," I was trying my hardest not to sound like a whiney child but I knew that's what it came across as.
"Bosco, do you remember what you said to me one time years ago?" I stared at her blankly. She really expected me to remember something I said to her years ago? The way her eyes burned into mine, I knew she was expecting an answer. I shook my head, and she smiled at the look of total confusion that must be written on my face.
"After what happened with Caesar, you told me that you were there for me because you were my partner, and that you'd always be there for me. You know, that goes both ways, Bos."
It was then that I realized that her hands were still gripping my arms as she tried to make me understand.
"Yeah, I remember," I nodded, looking at her hands as she pulled them away and wrapped her arms around herself. "What happened that night, Faith? I wanna know."
She stiffened, and turned away from me. "I don't want to talk about it." Her voice was quiet and low, and I could hear the emotion dripping from every word.
"Faith, please," I said, walking to her and turning to her face me.
"All you need to know is that you almost died, and I couldn't deal with it then, and I can't deal with it now."
"It's not gonna happen again, I'm fine."
"Bosco, listen to me. If you can't see, it's just a matter of time before you're hurt. And even if it makes you hate me, I'm going to make sure you're alive." Her voice shook with her words, and her chin quivered even though I could see the determination not to let her tears break through, but when she saw that I couldn't stop my own eyes from watering, she let herself go and her eyes began to overflow, black tears falling down her cheeks as they picked up the dark mascara and eyeliner that was painted around her eyes.
I looked around quickly and spotting a box of tissue sitting on the coffee table, I went around her and reached for them, taking two out of the box I walked back to her and wiped at her tears, taking away the dark stain from her cheeks.
"I don't hate you. I could never really hate you."
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Listening closely, I tried to pace my breathing with Faith's again; calm and cradled in the comfort of sleep. I heard the shuffling of bare feet stop suddenly and I knew that we were caught. I was waiting for the 'Mom!' to come in that high pitched squeal I had heard come from Emily on more than one occasion. Instead I heard a quiet giggle, and then the return of shuffling feet came again, moving back down the hall. I heard a door close and eventually I heard the water start.
I was tempted to get up and run, leaving Faith to answer any and all questions that would be thrown at her, but looking down at the top of her head, I knew that I couldn't. I slowly lifted my hands from her back causing her to shift ever so slightly, applying new pressure to an area that didn't need it. I lightly pulled the hair back from around her face and neck bringing it over to fall down between her and the back of the couch.
"Faith," I said, barely above a whisper, rubbing the fingers of my right hand over her left cheek.
"Hmm," she moaned, along with some other incoherent mumbles and groans.
"Faith," I said again, a little louder. "Wake up. It's morning." She rolled her head so her face was buried in my chest, trying to block out all light.
"No," she whined, turning her head to face the back of the couch. "Too early."
I couldn't help but let out a light laugh. I always pictured her as the type to jump right out of bed, ready to start the day. She let the handfuls of shirt go and slid her hands under my shoulders, hugging me closer.
"Come on, I need someone to make me breakfast," I joked quietly, knowing that would get a reaction out of her.
"Ha! Yeah right. You should be making me breakfast," she laughed, her eyes still closed. I was starting to become all too aware of her body lying between my legs with every gentle movement she made.
"Faith, Em's up. I think she saw us out here," I said, one hand rubbing her back, the other playing with her hair, twirling the blond silk around my fingers. She sighed and lifted her head before resting her chin on my chest and looking up at me. Her hair was tangled and messy, giving away that she was still half asleep. She had creases from the folds in my shirt along the right side of her face, and her eyes were barely open and she struggled to hold in a yawn before she could respond. I couldn't stop the slight smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth.
"You're cute," I said leaning up and kissing her forehead. She blushed and brought her lips to mine, softly kissing me. "This is a hell of a way to wake up," I added when we finally broke apart. She nodded, smiling.
"Yeah it is," she laughed. "So what about Em?"
"She's up," I started with a sigh. "She's gonna have questions." I stared at her, waiting for her to tell me what we were going to do.
"Faith," came when she just stared back with a lazy expression.
"What? Bosco, she's seventeen. If she has questions, we answer them, we tell her the truth.
"The truth?"
"Yeah, I know it's a foreign concept to you, but we tell the truth," she laughed, resting her head against my chest again, pressing her forehead into my neck.
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"I don't ever want you to think that I hate you. I don't. I can't," I closed my eyes, holding back the tears that wanted so badly to fall. I felt her hands come up and cup my face, her fingers brushing against my hair. My eyes slowly opened, capturing her gaze.
"I know, Bos. I know--"
I shook my head, forcing her to stop.
"Do you? Because everything I said, I was just angry. I was upset. I…Faith, what can I do to get you trust in me again?" I saw her eyes turn then, from sadness to determination. I have always loved the fact that I see the workings of her mind written clearly across her face. And I had missed it. I didn't realize just how much until that moment, when I actually saw the change, when I actually heard her speak without opening her mouth for the first time in months.
She smiled briefly and reached up and brought her lips to mine. Not missing a beat, I brought a hand to the back of her neck, holding her to me. Finally breaking apart only far enough that our mouths were no longer touching after we explored each other for few moments, she looked into my eyes, and I knew what she was going to say.
"You don't have to do anything. I never stopped." She pulled out of my arms and joined our hands together, taking me to the couch with her where we sat side by side, slightly facing each other. She looked hesitant to keep talking but we both knew that she had to. We both had to.
"I know you can do your job. You are the best there is, even after everything, I know that. But I don't know that I can watch you do it anymore." Stretching my right arm along the back of the couch, my fingers gently rubbed her left shoulder urging her to continue. "Do you really want to know about that night, Bos?" The only response I gave her was a slight nod. I knew that it was going to be hard for her, but I needed to know. For myself.
"Okay," she said, nodding and taking a deep breath. She slightly turned away and scooted closer to me, resting her head against my arm. "Do you remember anything?"
"Not much. Just start with what happened after I grabbed you."
"I don't know how I didn't get hit. I felt the bullets hit you, because we were so close. But I pretended that I didn't. Your arm was over me, making sure that you would get anything that came my way. It was heavy, dead weight. When the bullets stopped you didn't say anything. And we both know that's not you, so I knew something was wrong. And so after I knew that the shooting stopped I tried to get the bleeding to stop, but there was so much…it was everywhere. And I saw your face, and I…I lost it. You weren't breathing, so I did CPR until someone finally came to help me, to help you." She wasn't looking at me but I could hear the sadness and I knew that tears were silently falling from her eyes. I slouched down a bit with her and put my arm fully around her, letting my hand squeeze her upper arm, urging her on.
"They took you and started to work on you after we got you to the ER. After I tried to clean myself up, I went and I talked to your Ma and I told her what happened."
"She never told me that," I interrupted. She wouldn't talk about that night either, pretty much guaranteeing that there was something that no one wanted me to know. Faith nodded against my arm and continued.
"Then, uh, I heard Cruz talking to Yoshi about Mann…" she trailed off, reluctant to keep going. I knew some of what happened after that from hearing bits and pieces from everybody at one time or another, but whenever I was around, discussions revolving around any topic that had anything to do with that night were ended fairly abruptly. But I had gathered enough to know that Faith was on that roof with Cruz and Mann.
"I shot him, Bosco. It wasn't Cruz," her shoulders shuddered with sobs as the words passed over her lips. I sucked in a breath, my mind totally unprepared for that sentence. "I thought he killed you, and I couldn't let him get away with that. I just lost it. The doctors told me that you weren't going to make it, so when Cruz left with Yoshi, I followed her. He was going to pay for what he did to my partner."
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"Cut it, wise ass," I threw back, brushing her hair from her neck again, letting my fingers linger there. "Does she know everything that happened?"
"No. She knows some. She doesn't need to know all of it, Bosco. When I said we tell her the truth, I meant that we tell her that last night we talked, and…realized that things were different now. She needs to know that this is new."
"She's a smart kid. She'll know." I felt her nod wordlessly against me and we let ourselves settle into the relaxing silence that we had once thrived on. I felt my eyes grow heavy again in the comfort I felt lying beneath Faith, and was only jolted awake again at the sound of a door opening and another closing loudly.
"Someone wants us to know that she's up," Faith laughed quietly. "She only slams doors when she wants her presence known." I chuckled once and saw Faith rise with the air coming from my lungs.
"You want coffee?" She asked after a few more minutes, her hands gently rubbing me through my t-shirt.
"Coffee would be fantastic," I said, squeezing her to my chest, knowing that she was going to get up and that was really the last thing that I wanted. Slowly we sat up together when we heard Emily start her blow-dryer in her room. I reached up and dragged my fingers through Faith's hair when she asked if she looked okay.
"Beautiful," I answered while she straightened her clothes and stood up, reaching to pull me up with her. "You can make help me make the breakfast." Her eyes were wide and hopeful. I nodded and leaned in to kiss her.
"I'm gonna hit the head first," I said, walking around the coffee table.
"That's lovely," she laughed as she headed to the kitchen. A couple minutes later I was pulled together and I joined her in the kitchen, walking up behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist and burying my face in her shoulder as she worked filling the coffee maker.
"You haven't even got it started yet? Jeez Faith, you're getting slow in your old age." Her elbow moved back and made contact with my ribs before the words were barely out of my mouth. "Ow, that hurt!"
"Watch it, or that will just be the beginning," she smiled and turned around in my arms and leaned herself against the counter, hugging me in the process.
"Bos?" She whispered into my ear while her fingers curled themselves into the hair at the nape of my neck with gentle circles, sending pleasant shivers down my spine.
"Hmm?" was all I could manage through the blinding bliss and relaxation I was experiencing.
"I'm really glad we talked," she said quietly, and I could feel her smile against the side of my head.
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We sat in silence, letting her confession hang between us. I felt her words burn into my ears and travel through my body before squeezing around my stomach and heart. Faith rarely let herself lose her cool to such extremes. I had been with her for over thirteen years and I only seen it a few times; when Emily overdosed, and even then she wasn't that bad; when Fred had his heart attack.
There was so much I wanted to scream at her for. How could she have been so stupid? She had a family to think about. I was about to shake her and scream some sense into her when I realized that she did what she did because she couldn't do anything else to help me, and I couldn't make the anger cancel out the pride I felt that she would do something so insane for me. For me.
She finally looked me in the eye after what seemed like hours with apprehension and surprise clouding her sea green eyes when I kissed the side of her head and pulled her closer instead of pushing her away like she undoubtedly thought I would.
"You've got nothing to say to that?" She asked, not believing that I could be so calm. I shrugged and breathed deeply before I answered, our eyes not leaving each others.
"I have lots to say, but I'm sure you know everything that I want to say. I'm also sure that you've been beating yourself up with much worse. You forget that I know you, Faith, and you've probably been losing your mind over it." I see her eyes well up and a tiny grin curls the corners of her lips upward just a bit.
"Thank you," was all she said.
"For what?"
"I was so scared to tell you…I just knew that if it was the other way around I would be letting you know how stupid you were to risk everything on me."
"Why did you?" I asked suddenly, surprising us both.
"You know why," she said quietly and leaned her head back down on my arm, still facing me so I could see her eyes.
"Tell me anyway?" I asked her, leaning my head closer. She closed her eyes breaking our gaze and opened her mouth to speak.
"Because--"
"Don't close your eyes. I want to see them," I interrupted, brushing the fingers of my left hand along the right side of her face. She opened her eyes and smiled slightly. I could see my reflection in her watery pools that were collecting, waiting to fall.
"Because I got kind of attached to you over the years…I thought that you couldn't take care of it yourself. And even if he hadn't killed you, I knew that he wouldn't stop until he had. And I would do anything to keep you safe."
"But Faith, what about your family, your kids? I can't believe you did that," I said, rubbing my fingers over arms that were folded across her chest.
"Bosco, don't start. Are you telling me that you wouldn't have done the same thing?" She asked with a raised eyebrow, already knowing my answer. We are the same person in different bodies. She knows what I'm planning before I even do it because she would do the exact same thing.
"Of course I would have, but I don't have anyone else to worry about. Just you." She smiled at my words, which coming from me meant more than they would appear to by anyone else's standards. She heard and she felt the depth of the simple statement clawing to get to the surface to be understood.
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Squeezing her tighter, answering her without words, we stood unmoving until the sound of the toaster freeing its newly browned bread brought us back to reality.
"Toast okay?" she asked before she made any attempt to move.
"Sure. Want me to get it?" I asked, leaning back so we could look at each other.
"No," she shook her head and cupped my face. "You can go sit." She kissed me softly, making me love the feel of her lips on mine even more than I had just moments before.
"Hmm," I moaned when she pulled back slightly, my eyes unable to open. "If this is what happens here, I may never leave."
"Sit," she answered, rolling her eyes. Within a few moments she had a plate piled high with toast and every imaginable topping on the table. When I looked at her with a smirk and a raised eyebrow, she shrugged.
"I wanted to give you some options."
"Mmm hmm," I moaned, watching after her when she marched back in the kitchen to get the coffee. Just as she was sitting down, two full coffee mugs in tow, silence filled the apartment when Emily shut off her hair-dryer, causing my stomach to involuntarily start doing somersaults on itself. I looked at Faith, knowing without a doubt that the fear and near panic would be written all over my face.
"Bos," she laughed quietly. "It's gonna be fine. Jeez, I've never seen you so afraid of a girl before." She mumbled the last part under her breath while she spread strawberry jam over her toast.
"Yeah, I've never pissed off iyour/i daughter before." We smiled at each other and her bright grin melted away my anxiety. As terrified of Emily as I was, I knew Faith was a hundred times worse and she was on my side, so I really had nothing to worry about.
Just as we were finishing up our quiet, comfortable breakfast, filled with hidden stares and longing glances, Emily came stomping down the hall.
"Morning!" she called happily as she made her way to us. Kissing Faith on the cheek, she looked at me and winced on the inside, waiting for it. "Hey Bosco." Then, she leaned over and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me into a hug before stalking off into the kitchen, acting like it was perfectly normal to find me hanging around in the morning, or sleeping with her mother on the couch.
"What the hell was that?" I asked Faith in a whisper. Faith whipped her head around and watched Emily get out a box of cereal before turning back to me and shrugging.
"She either wants you to suffer, or she really doesn't care," Faith said with a grin before downing the rest of her coffee.
"She doesn't care?" I said a little louder than I had planned. How could she not care? "How could she not care?"
"You want her to care?" Faith was smart and continued to whisper, even though Emily was a total of about ten feet away from us and could most likely hear everything anyway, whispering or not.
"Well, not in a 'she wants me dead' way, but yeah, I'd like her to care that she saw us asleep on the couch." I sat back and crossed my arms across my chest.
"Stop whining. I'm sure she cares," she stood up and piled our dishes together and kissed my forehead. "She probably just wants to talk to me alone before she talks to you." As Faith made her way into the kitchen, Emily was about to come to the table, bowl of cereal in hand and a wide grin across her face. Faith however, never let her get through the doorway, insisting that they talk quietly for a few minutes in the kitchen.
Again their whispering did nothing for their desire for privacy, and even when I took the rest of my coffee and made my way to the couch I could hear every word that passed between them.
"What's up with you?" Faith asked quietly, already knowing the answer.
"Nothing. What's up with you?" Em answered, not missing a beat. Then there was silence for a few moments and I was worried that I'd gone deaf. Rarely a minute passed between the two of them without some kind of noise happening.
"Aren't you going to ask why Bosco is here so early?" Faith asked finally.
"No, but I was going to ask why he spent the night." I could tell that she was smiling. A mischievous grin that gave away exactly what she was thinking. I like to think she got that from watching me over the years. I told Faith that once. I got the trademark eye roll and was told that I thought too highly of myself and my influence on her kids' lives. Whatever. I still say she got it from me.
I could swear that I heard Faith's glare. Or maybe I could just picture it so easily because I'm always on the receiving end. Either way I knew Emily was getting a little taste. I heard the water turn on and I thought for the first time that maybe they really didn't want to be heard.
I sighed out loud, thinking that I had missed the rest of the show, because clearly I couldn't just go stand in the doorway and listen. Just as I moved to get up the tap in the kitchen was shut off and I heard Faith's quiet voice filter softly through the living room.
"Would you be okay if anything was happening between Bosco and me?"
"Mom," Emily started a little loud before realizing this conversation was supposed to be private. "Seriously. Things have been 'happening' between you and Bosco for like, ever. Trust me, this isn't a surprise."
"So you are okay with it?" I can only assume that Emily nodded because there was silence for a moment before Faith's response. "Good. We can talk more later."
After a few more minutes and some talk about Emily's plans for the day, they came into the living room together, Emily shooting me a smile sitting at the table to eat her breakfast while Faith walked over to me and sat down on the couch.
"Things went okay?" I asked quietly, taking a drink of my coffee.
"You heard everything, didn't you?" She asked with a smile. I leaned my head back on the cushions and watching her, I nodded.
"You working this morning?" I asked, setting my mug down on the coffee table. She scrunched her face and looked at the clock that shone bright on the VCR.
"Yeah," she groaned. "I guess I should get ready, huh? This is going to be a fun day."
"I'll leave you to it, then," I said as I stood and pulled her with me. We walked to the door together, me grabbing my coat from the back of a chair on the way. She watched me with a slight smile as I slid my feet into shoes and tied them. When I stood upright I took a step toward her before remembering that Emily was in the room. Looking to her and then back to Faith, I smiled shyly.
"Is it okay if I kiss you?" I whispered, leaning close enough for her to hear me. She grinned widely and her cheeks flushed as she nodded slightly.
My hands were on her waist as our lips met. I brought my hands up to feel her face and her silky hair slide around my fingers when I leaned in harder.
"Jeez, get a room," being mumbled by Emily is what finally forced us to break apart, smiling against each other.
"I guess I'll see ya at three," I whispered after I kissed her cheek and stepped back toward the door. She touched her fingers to her lips and nodded numbly.
"Bye." Just as I was about to close the door behind me, I poked my head back in. "Faith?"
"Yeah, Bos?" she answered spinning back around to face me.
"Thanks for telling me everything."
"Sure," she nodded as she took the few steps to the door and kissed me one more time briefly on the lips.
"Thanks for waiting," she whispered against my mouth. I wasn't entirely sure if she meant the night before out in front of the station house or if she meant it to mean something so much more in the whole grand scheme of things. Either way, I was happy to have done it since it brought us where we are, and I wouldn't change a thing. Unless of course there was something I could have done to experience the feel of her lips against mine much, much sooner and then I would change it in a heartbeat.
With a smile I stepped back and she closed the door as I turned and headed down the hallway, the smile only growing when I remembered that I was on desk duty which meant that for at least some of the shift I could easily find reasons to wander away and end up in Faith's office.