Pardon if this has some typos, english is not my first language and I tried my best to make it good.
Also based the story, kinda, in the spanish royal titles. For the heir they use princess and for the next in line, aka the ones that prob will never rule, they use the word "infanta". I found it very interesting.
You can also find this story in ao3, user snowqies
She looks elegant, as usual, even with the piercing that Father would reproach later. I can't see that much, not inside the room I'm patiently waiting in, but people sounds happy, her silhouette behind the crystal seems relaxed. But even if she wasn't, I would not know it at all. Father sent her to Iceland to study there, and the last five years were a crack on our relation.
Our sisterly relation.
She came back more mature, with a hint of sassiness on her eyes. On her time there she got a mastery on law, perfected her skills in foreign languages, was part of the Reykjavík orchestra as first violinist and posed with each ambassador and politician who wanted to make connections with our name. Or at least that's what the tabloids were talking about Her Royal Highness, Elsa, Princess of Andorra.
Deep inside I know she doesn't give a fuck about reign. Neither about the guy trying to court her. She just stands there, acting like the perfect and decent daughter. Posing like the good heir for the throne. Father is proud of her beauty and intelligent, and the kingdom is looking forward about have a queen regnant after too long.
I smile.
Little they know how much she loves to have her fingers deep inside her sister.
My confident fades as I think about the five years that passed and that probably now she doesn't love it anymore.
We both know the reasons why Father sent her away, Mother too, when he found us kissing in the back of the gardens one night. Elsa was young, reckless; I just loved her even if that mean put in danger everything we used to know.
The guard gives me a simple look, grabbing the knob and announcing my presence to the entire court.
Her Royal Highness, Infanta Anna of Andorra.
She simply stood there, regal, trying to avoid look at me directly but failing in the first second. Her skin shines thanks to the pale blue jacket she's wearing, contrasting between her dark blue eyes and blonde hair.
I clenched my fists to calm my impulses when her fingers slid over her lips subtle, painting them in a shade of light pink. Elsa missed me too; too stubborn to admit it but a fact in her gaze. She brushes aside the guy next to him and, when everyone is distracted to pay attention to us, we discreetly walk to the gardens, holding hands after a long time and sitting under the grape crops.
"Certainly I didn't miss that" she says playing with her braid.
"The room full of random people and guys trying to flirt with you? Is not that the exact meaning of a bar?"
"Shut up, stinker." She hit my shoulder lightly.
We keep in silence, not needing to say anything but saying everything at the same time. Elsa found excuses to touch me in any minute and I couldn't complain having her hands all over me. I craved her touch, her affection.
I'm not going to let her go again.
"Mother missed you so badly, Father too. Thought he prefer calls you his heir instead of his daughter".
"You know they aren't here, right? Just call them mom and dad".
"Damn, Iceland really fucked your mind". She laughs, and oh God how much I missed hear it.
"You need to leave the country a little bit more". I gave her a brief peck to avoid problems, we need to be cautious. "Come on, I bet they are already wondering where we are".
"I doubt it. Besides, I'm tired to have to reject every suitor Father has for me".
"Come on, snowflake. Only two hours of torture, can you handle it for me?"
I look around, making sure we're completely alone before grab the back of her neck and kiss her deeply, feeling her unique but familiar taste.
"For you, I would do anything without thinking twice".
~•~•~•~
"Did you...", I didn't know how formulate the question without make it sound vulgar, trying to search the correct way "make love with someone there?"
Love, though the exact word I wanted to say was very different in nature.
We're in my room, trying to catch the lost time. Seeing her in front of me sends a chill of different emotions through my spine, each one more confusing than the previous. Elsa is here, not behind a screen nor a phone line, but here. I can hear her breathing and steps, and those things make everything more surreal. Each of her facets is a mystery that I can't decipher, and when I'm close to achieving it she changes again, confusing me even more. She's a daughter and heir. A sister and a lover. Not knowing which one of them leads her life, living in constant fear of do wrong in front of their eyes.
Elsa looks over her shoulder, and I can tell there's sadness in her expression.
"Plenty of them", her laugh fills the room, ringing in my ears. "But they weren't like you".
"Do you mean rich and classy?"
Elsa joins to me in the bed, brushing my hair with her fingers and inhaling the essence of my shampoo. Caramel, her favorite.
"Let's say is that".
And with that she kisses me, letting her tongue part my mouth and explore every centimeter of me. Her lips are soft against mine and I would have been lying if I say I didn't miss any of this.
Because I did, every night I had to walk these empty corridors thinking about her absence. In every date Father forced me to have with suitors from other lands. And I went, knowing that it was my purpose. Date, marry, have child that would never rule under any circumstance, sacrificing myself only to make the family looks warmer, bigger even when inside we could have been killing each other.
That's what royalty is about.
She breaks the kiss, giving me a soft peck and letting me know there's more than lust on whatever is this. I love her and apparently she loves me too.
"I wish I could run away from this" she intertwines her fingers with mine.
"Me too".
"You'll not rule the kingdom someday, Anna".
Hard words coming in such a soft voice, but they were nothing but the truth. She was the heir, I'm the spare.
"How do you think they would react?"
Deep inside I'm scared of lose all of this, not the money or jewelry but the love of the citizens. They have seen us born, grow up. Elsa went to her first day of kindergarten being under their protective gaze, I gave my first steps in the city gardens.
She did not answer, choosing live in the comfortable and happy ignorance.
"You could... change the rules" it was better in my mind, I've to admit.
"This is not a child game, Anna" she gave me a cold gaze, the one that means she's doing anything but taking this as a joke.
"I know!" I don't care if someone outside can hear our discussion, I've to make my feelings clear "I know is not, but someday you'll be queen and..."
"And what? Make incest legal only for you and me to be together without the punishment of the law? What about the opinions of the people, or about those predators wanting to put their fingers on the little kids of their family?"
She gets off of the bed as she talk, always keeping the composure even when I know she's trying too hard to not break. Her arms surround her chest as the typical sign she's anxious, scared. I'm putting too much weight on her shoulders.
"I've been thinking about it too, why the fuck you think I studied laws? Anna, I don't want to hurt you, nor hurt Mother and Father, much less hurt the kingdom." she releases a deep breath that I didn't know was holding. "I'm only twenty four but my entire life have been planned thinking about that moment. I can't simply let it go, even if I would want to. Is my responsibility".
I only could stare at her in silence, not knowing if she has finished her talk. Elsa is weak, more than I'd like to admit, and while we both releases our doubts and insecurities in what used to be our room I more assimilate how much I love her, the type of love that will make me stay with her no matter what.
Probably my silence lasted longer than I expected because soon Elsa made her way to the door, grabbing her blue jacket with her and giving me a last look full of fear and, somehow, love.
"See you in breakfast".
With that she's gone, and even when she's only 7 rooms apart I feel Elsa far away than ever.
~•~•~•~
Our country is small, too small that sometimes I even forget its own existence. Father have been ruling for a long time, much before Elsa and I have born; he's the 5th King in the history of our kingdom, all the ones before him were males, that's why everyone is excited about the idea of Elsa being the first queen.
The maids are late today, and even when I don't need them their company in the morning was the only thing that warmed my heart in the last years of solitude. Probably they're attending Elsa, or Mother. Father always wake up earlier and, as usual, I'm the last choice.
Before I can make my way to the bathroom Gerda came in rush, in hand there were three different outfits for the day, each one selected by our dressmaker before we could even decide if wear pants or skirt that morning. My palette was always vibrant, colorful, reflecting my personality at all. Elsa's one was always more discreet, finding her way under different shades of blue.
Vermillion is the chosen color, wearing a delicate and expensive jacket for only half of the day; after lunch I have to change into more appropriate designs. My redish hair in a half up half down hairstyle and no jewelry until 3:00 pm. The last indication was more a rule than a suggestion.
"Your father will make big announcements today" Gerda was making my bed, changing the sheets for a new set.
"Really? What's the occasion?" I've just finished to apply my eye shadows, using the liner to give it a special touch.
"No one knows yet, the meeting is settled by 10:00 am. Please, can your Highness be there at the exact hour.
I smirked to myself, she knows me so well. "I will, a promise".
"Thank you. Your bed is ready" she said pointing to it, happy for a work well done. "What would you like for breakfast, Your Highness?"
"The usual, please. And Gerda, how many times I've told you to stop treating me with formalities? I'm not Father".
"Okay, Anna " she winked. "Breakfast will be ready in twenty minutes". Gerda walked to the door, taking the dirty sheets and clothes with her. "Ah, and Anna? Before that, Elsa wants to see you in the library".
Officially the day has started.
~•~•~•~
Bacon and eggs are not the typical breakfast for any princess — with extra maple syrup and a good plate of waffles just because. Elsa usually takes fruit and hot cocoa with some biscuits, while Mother and Father always eat the plain adult option: coffee, fresh orange juice and some toasts with marmalade. We're all different, and part of me feel guilty about make people cook for us before the sunrise.
The meeting with Elsa in the library wasn't exactly for talk, our messy lipstick is evidence of that. And despite the good make out session I can tell she cried all night, and part of the morning. Her purple eyeshadow and blush can't disguise the swelling of her face.
"Gerda told me about the announcement. I assume the press is coming this morning." I comment trying to make the breakfast less tense. My fork rests in the middle of the plate and for the first time I left the waffles half-eaten. A simple gesture of my hands inform the maids that they can clean my plate, serving me a glass of water and a mug with hot cocoa. "May I know the reason?"
Father exchange looks with Elsa, then Mother and finally me. They all keep in silence, eating what is left on their plates.
"Anna..."
"I'll explain everything to her later, Father". Elsa interrupts him and I wonder if we really need this fancy and distant treatment. Is a miracle they haven't told me I should refer to Elsa as Sister.
He nods, finishing his coffee and leaving the room after give a kiss to our mother. Everyone looks tense and I'd like to know the reason, but apparently I'm not ready to know it yet.
~•~•~•~
King Agnarr abdicate throne for her Daughter
That's what the tabloids read after the meeting of that morning, each news channel and social media account talking about it.
Elsa left the room the second after the meeting ended, trying to hide herself in her chambers to think, or cry, or scream.
Probably to do all of them.
I don't have the strength to follow her and, being honest, there nothing I could do to make her feel better. So I just spent the rest of the day in the library, or the gardens, helping Gerda with the housework even when I wasn't allowed to do it.
I begin to notice they all treat me different. Father, Mother, each maid and guard. And the reason is that, along with Elsa, my titles changed too. I'm not the Infant anymore but the Princess, officially the second on line until Elsa got married and pregnant.
I shook my head.
Got married and pregnant.
I can't see Elsa living her life with someone that isn't me. Loving, kissing, caring someone isn't me. Selfish, of course it is, and I know damn well it is.
Finishing my task I made my way to Elsa's room, informing the guards to leave the corridor empty to avoid spies on our conversation. I found her sitting on her bed, hair down and in pajamas even when it's only 3:00 pm.
"Congratulations" I said, not as a joke though. Is not time to joke.
"Anna..."
"Would you explain what this drama is?" wrong election of words.
"I don't want to rule".
"You knew too well you'd do it one day".
"Not too soon. Never too soon".
It hurts me see her this broken, and deep inside I know that she's not dealing with all this sadness over the fact of being queen. It is something more. More painful, more secret. More sinful.
Much way more sinful.
"Father is already talking with the parliament, writing all the documents he needs. Or at least that's what Gerda told me".
"My face is on every news channel". I sit next to her, holding her hand on mine.
"Come on, give Fa... give dad some credit. 'Not wanting my daughter to get old waiting for the throne like Prince Charles?' I wouldn't be surprised if Queen Elizabeth did not send a congratulations card".
My words are enough to make her smile, cleaning her tears off her face with her thumb. I let her rest on my chest as we both lie on the bed, running my fingers down her hair and tickling her neck.
"I love you". She finally says, putting her arms around my neck and kissing me softly, almost like if she's scared of break me inside.
"I don't want you to marry and have kids". I murmur when we broke the kiss.
"Wait, what?"
"I'm... paranoid? But eventually... eventually-you-will-have-to-marry-and-give-a-heir-and-settle-with-someone-and-you-will-forget-me-us-and..."
"Hey hey, Anna. Breathe, okay?" Now is her time to calm me. "Just breathe, and take pauses while talking".
"I don't want that to happen".
"It wont".
"How do you know? Is the rule, that's why we're here. We born only to be heirs of the throne. Or at least you, it's our only purpose. Not live, not love. Only being prepared for the throne".
"Now you're comparing our family like the North Korean dictatorship".
"You know is true". I clenched my jaw, controlling myself.
"And even if it were, so what? I wouldn't be like that. If it were true I'd have settled with the first suitor dad proposed to me, I wouldn't have come back to you after those years. But I did it, because I love you even if I shouldn't do it. I don't need a man to rule, the fucking constitution says it". Her voice is full of rage, and if she weren't talking about such topics I would swear she would punch me in any second.
Elsa holds my hands, meeting with my gaze and looking deeply through my eyes. I know she's scared and inside I'm scared too.
"Father expects a lot of me, but I can't please him in every aspect. I'm not him, I can't be him".
"Father expects a lot of everyone". She doesn't answer.
"Elsa?"
"Umm?" I caught her distracted, drowning in her thoughts.
"Promise you'll always look after me".
She kisses instead of reply, but the answer is well captured in the kiss.
~•~•~•~
They're talking about us, I know it. Elsa decided to tell him everything about our feelings without care for the consequences. Father is not stupid, I know that; he knows everything that is happening between us since he caught us, and specially he knows the trip of Elsa to Iceland didn't helped with her 'sinful desires'.
What they would say, I wonder, about the Andorran Royal Family; especially about the two daughters, corrupted by their own desire. About the King and Queen, too busy to pay attention to what is happening inside their house. We would join to the list of scandals that people have only for royalty, ranking in the first place.
"Anna, come in".
After what it seemed an eternity they let me in, taking a seat in front of Father's desk and next to Elsa. She refuses to look at me, too ashamed to do it, so I only focus on my father.
On his brown eyes almost in fire.
"Are you both trying to ruin me? Somehow I can understand this childlike behavior from Anna". I sank on my chair, pigtails almost brushing my breasts. "But you? I thought we've had leave this in the past before. Probably you're not ready to rule, not after this".
"This does not compromise my abilities to be Queen, or rule. Do not mix two different things". Elsa voice is cold, rough. "We're all adults here, with a good perception to differentiate love from work".
"You were both young back then. Especially you." He intertwined his fingers after pointed me. "Is not normal..."
"Normal?" I interrupt him, too angry to think rationally. "We are not normal. Nothing of this is normal. You're not a normal man, wearing a crown full of diamonds and rubies. Is not normal that I'm not allowed to wear the same clothes twice, or that the cost of my room is more than the GDP of the last teen years. Nothing of this theatre is normal".
My words are conducted by rage more than by wisdom, and probably I'm making the things worse. Thanks God I wasn't made for being queen.
"There is rules, Anna".
"I know damn well there is!" I hear how Elsa murmurs 'language' but at this point I can't care about it. "I don't want to dishonor this House, and trust me when I say I've fought too hard against this feeling since I was young. This isn't Elsa's fault or my fault. It just happened".
I contract my entire body when I feel Elsa's hand holding mine, warming me and making me have chills at the same time. Father could only stare in silence, tears glistening his eyes. He's hurt and for the first time he doesn't try to hide it.
"I love Anna, Father. I love her more than any of the suitors you and Mother have for her. And if you want to take off my name from the line of succession, then do it, find another heir, honestly I couldn't care less. But don't make me lost Anna, not again. Because you know very well how much I looked forward about being queen, about sit on the throne even if it makes me anxious, insecure. I wanted to rule this House with the same wisdom you have. And if I have the determination to give up the crown only for her, I'm sure you can tell this whole thing is more than a whim".
He stands off his chair, walking around us without say a single word. I feel distant as we wait for an answer, or even for a simple sound. I can hear my heart beating fast inside my chest and I wonder if Elsa can hear it too, or if she's too absorbed in her thoughts to notice my nervousness.
"Just..." we turn to see him almost simultaneously, "don't let anyone know it, not yet".
There is a bittersweet taste in my mouth.
~•~•~•~
For the first time in years there was no dinner that night, each one of us prisoner in our chambers. Elsa chose spend the night with me, sitting in the floor of my room and eating what the chef specially made for us: fish and chips.
We're not that healthy tonight.
"They've been talking all afternoon"
"Is not an easy notice, Anna. Or a happy one".
Elsa plays with her straw after take a big sip of her milkshake, a small drop of chocolate sliding down her chin
"Mother would be devastated" my hands fall to my lap, wrinkling the small napkin. "I, too, would be. I can't lie to you".
"She wants the best for us, after all. We can't blame her, them, for their reaction".
"I know..." I sigh resigned, finishing what is left on my plate.
It's only half past five but the sky is already dark, the weather forecast predicted rains for the night and part of the morning, so Father had to change the annual autumnal salutation from outdoors to indoor. Andorra is well known for its autumn landscapes and we take advance of that gift pretty well.
"I'll do the salutation tomorrow, everyone expects it from me".
"You have to?"
"Not really, but I want to, even after all this disaster". She takes my hand to kiss it and I feel how my love for her got bigger. "I wouldn't change the disaster for anything, tho".
A knock on the door interrupts our talk, forcing us to separate and sit across the room, far away from each other. Mother announces her entrance into the room, red painting her green eyes. She's alone and only when we realize that detail we give ourselves permission to breathe, relaxed in front of her presence.
There's not much I can say about her, she's not harsh like Father and apparently her only purpose is stand next to him or go to events that he usually dislikes, dressed in the most elegant clothes someone could think of. People loves her, a fact that can not be discussed.
She briefly mentions what Father told to her, sitting in the middle of my bed and conducting us to sit along with her. She's bewildered but she manages to keep her posture during the entire talk.
I don't pay that much attention, focusing instead on the ring wrapped around her finger. Would Elsa go that far, making me her consort? Is painful try to think an answer.
She pronounces the words "daughters" and "hurt", followed by "love you" and "accept", and I'm feeling too dazed to understand the meaning of her words. Her hand then caress my hair and I notice how much we both look alike, it's terrifying, to say the least.
She brushes me aside to grab Elsa's by the shoulders, planting a chaste kiss on her forehead that leaves a pink mark, wetting her skin with tears that began to slid down her cheeks.
A drop finish its way on the corner of her mouth and I can see Elsa's tongue tasting its saltiness before use her own saliva to clean her forehead.
There's nothing royal about our mother when she leaves the room, closing the door behind her after probably do the most difficult thing in her entire existence.
I gazed at Elsa.
I wonder if I would be a good consort one day.
~•~•~•~
The morning is cold that day, covered by a thin layer of fog surrounding the palace that gives it a more majestic, yet lonely, aura.
Elsa have been busy the hours prior to our event, walking from here to there in her perfect dark blue dress, her delicate fingers hidden under a set of white gloves. Father is with her, along with different reporters and photographers, showing them the pride he has for her, a pantomime rehearsed last night to avoid strangle here right there, showing how corrupt our family is inside.
One of them accidentally bumps into me, his camera hitting the floor and, as consequence, damaging the lens. The guards gives me a mean look when, as if they read my mind, I contemplated the idea of help him, wanting to show a hint of decency.
"Don't, Your Highness" he says, too scared to look at my face. "You don't have to do it".
"Bullshit" and I can already tell my inappropriate answer is going to break the internet. My feet brushes a small piece of glass on the carpet, "I'll buy you a new one, or at least pay to fix it".
"It's okay, it was my fault anyway, disturbing you..."
"An EOS-1D X, huh?" I point to the unusable camera, lengthening the interaction between us. "My sister... The Princess" I immediately correct myself, "she's an amateur photographer, I'm sure she has the exact lens on her possession".
I've to admit that I didn't have a normal human interaction in years, and I was dying to have some. Even if that some would bring me problems later.
I had called enough attention to be now a prey of the cameras, bathing me with their flashes. The poor man is still in front of me, holding onto his camera as we talk. As I talk. And when Kai, one of my servants, brought me the lens, I was already in the front page of each gossip website, the words "helpful" next to my face.
As if it was something bad.
"This will save you for the rest of the day" I handle him the small piece of glass, a warm smile on my face.
I don't give him a chance to reply, immediately turning back to move to the main hall, the guards are looking after my walk and I'm almost out of his gaze when I hear his voice, still trembling, murmur in the middle of the room.
"Don't you mind not being the heir? The fact that no matter what, you'll never be queen?
I stop, holding my breath as I analyze his words.
"You don't have to, Your Highness".
I shook my head, murmuring that it was okay, even when inside I knew it wasn't. He was trespassing a limit with that question.
"I couldn't care less about being the 'spare', the second option. I did it once, I'm going to admit, feeling that my existence was meaningless to my family. I'm not destined to the crown, I knew it the moment I learnt to write and read, Elsa is. Besides, there's plenty ways to be queen".
"Murdering?"
"Marrying".
"Is pretty much the same" he lifted his shoulders. "What makes Your Highness think that there's free heirs in other kingdoms?"
"I never mention another kingdom". He could tell there was a happy tone in my voice.
I exited the room after my answer, not bothering to look back at his disconcerted expression.
~•~•~•~
Years ago I used to hate loneliness, used to find it despicable. I lived in my own world but yet I wanted that world to be full of attention, their eyes laying on me.
Then I grew up, I was forced to grow up, and as I do it I found myself relieved in the face of people's disinterest. They used to pay attention, though, when I was young and ignorant, the little red hair princess that will never rule. Elsa was the image of their perfect heir, the only option to fill the emptiness that our Father left when he abdicated the throne.
I laugh at them, feeling the weight of the crown on my head.
Elsa was crowned Queen two years and five months after the abdication, taking possession in the kingdom chapel in front of the eyes of our people. Her people. The same ones that watched me take my place to her left, the place reserved for a fiancé, a consort.
A lover.
I was her lover.
Our most ancient tradition reads that tiaras are made specially only for consorts as a symbol of chastity, purity. There was nothing pure about our relation but yet there I was, wearing a diamond piece that Elsa bought by herself.
The memories of that day fill my mind, trying to make me feel guilty for the confused and hurt expression in the eyes of our people. But they can never do it, and now that the time has passed I can tell there's a different feeling in the air, our country will never be the same. The one that was known for their nature and perfect image of royalty have been changing into a brothel full of corruption for the outsiders, amazed by the sins that tint our House every day.
Our people don't care anymore when Elsa and I share kisses in public, referring to me as the benevolent Queen who looks over their kingdom with the same eyes a mother could have for their child. Because I've been raised here all my live, we both were, gaining our place in the hearts of the people.
Yet I know that they still like to think about the small redhead girl that would never rule, the Infant that had to live all her life under the shadow of the Princess, too clumsy to be part of a royalty. They never expected her to be crowned as Queen Anna of Andorra, Consort of her own sister.
After all, I repeat my mantra to myself, that's what royalty is about.
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