"Tepid water, please." Amy looked up at the tall man next to her – with his unsmiling blue eyes and oddly innocent face. She was not a believer in "gut" instinct, but she had the feeling that, even though he had passed her few, simple tests, this was going to be a huge mistake. She would, though, as she had promised her mother, follow through on the date and go where it lead, with one exception, "just so you know, all forms of physical contact are off the table." His lips turned up slightly in a simulacrum of a smile that did not reach his eyes.
"Of course," he replied.
"In the interests of scientific inquiry, "he said, "and to keep them", he indicated his two friends, "off my back, I would like to suggest that we meet at least three more times in a social setting, one of which would include my friends and/or yours. One meeting will be at a venue of my choice for an activity of my choice; Another meeting will be at a venue of your choice for an activity of your choice; the third will be at one of our domiciles, depending on whose friends are involved."
"That is an insufficient sample. We would need at least three more meetings. One would be at the venue of your choice for an activity of my choice; Another would be at the venue of my choice for the activity of your choice; and the third would be at the domicile of the person not used initially with the corresponding friends." Amy wondered where she was going to find friends on short notice. "Then, perhaps, if things went well, we could have a seventh meeting at a neutral venue that includes all our friends." She mentally kicked herself, both for suggesting further interaction and even hinting that she had friends.
"Ah, covering all bases, excellent. So we stipulate six meetings in social settings, two of which will include our respective homes and friends. Then a seventh meeting to take place if the previous six prove sufficiently productive. I'll put that in writing." He pulled his laptop out of his messenger bag, opened it, turned it on, pulled up Word, and started typing. "Raj, could you find out if there's a printer here we could use? If not, we'll go to Postal Express next door."
There was a brief stop at the Postal Express, where Sheldon printed out two copies of what he called, provisionally, the "The Social Interaction Test Agreement". After which they adjourned back to the coffee shop, where he insisted that they go through all ten pages of said contract, clause by clause, in order to assure understanding. He then marched them all back to the Postal Express where, in front of the resident Notary Public, they both signed and initialed in the requisite spots and had Raj and Howard sign as witnesses. The notary notarized it and a third copy was made and given to Raj for safekeeping.
"You will note, Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, that it is stipulated that on all mutual social occasions, I will need you to pick me up. I do not have a car, and, in any case, I don't drive. That said, the choice of the first venue and activity is mine, so I choose the Monarch Theater where they will be showing Iron Man 2, after which we will have dinner and then go home. Since it is my venue and my choice of activity, I will purchase the tickets and meal and reimburse you for fuel. I will email you with information about time and date. I hope that, by that time, you will have made a decision about your selections."
As the first "social engagement" ended, Amy's feeling had turned into a certainty. The contract, however, had stipulated that they would endure at least five more such meetings and Amy was a woman of her word. Iron Man 2 was, in her opinion, a silly movie saved only by the surprising character development of Tony Stark and Pepper Potts ("Pepper" Potts – really? Did she have a real name?). When she had mentioned that the Super Hero genre, to her mind, was shallow and derivative and generally more about technology and conflict than people and that she had been agreeably surprised at the depth and complexity of Tony Stark's character and his relationships, Sheldon had become huffy and defensive and had insisted that they expand the terms of the contract to include a home viewing of Iron Man and a viewing of Captain America: The First Avenger as soon as it came out. She had quickly put a stop to that.
"Dr. Cooper, I would suggest that expanding the terms of the contract before we're even certain that we're compatible (She shuddered inwardly) would serve no useful purpose. It's simply an attempt on your part to convince me that something in which I have no interest should interest me." She paused, "I think we should maintain the contract as it is. If we conclude, at the end of the stipulated time, that it is worth continuing, we can include those two activities in a new agreement." She had, initially, thought that the idea of a written contract governing individual social interactions was ludicrous, but now she was grateful for it.
Before she dropped Sheldon off, she informed him of her venue and activity; they would have lunch at The Cheesecake Factory then go to the Heritage Square Museum in Montecito Heights. She, of course, would pay since it was her choice.
She had no way of knowing that Sheldon was a train fanatic.
They had finished their explorations of the Octagon House, a picturesque 19th Century home that had been furnished in the fashion of the day. Amy had been fascinated by the use of textiles the historical details. Sheldon had been silent, but had radiated displeasure.
On exiting the house, he had noticed an old train station – one of the historical displays at the outdoor museum – and with a noticeable lifting of spirits - had dragged Amy to the building.
In spite of Amy's protests and suggestions that they look at the other buildings – six more houses and a church – she could not root him from the spot. They spent the rest of the afternoon poring over displays about the building and railroad history in 19th Century LA. He selected a couple of souvenirs – a detailed replica of a railway car and a book on trains that he had not seen before – and insisted that, because the venue and activity were her choice, she should purchase them for him. He displayed a manic smile that made her somewhat uneasy.
Sheldon was in high spirits on the drive home, and insisted that they play a game. If she hadn't been driving, she would have pounded her head on the steering wheel.
As he exited the car, Sheldon asked whether they were to meet at her place for their next interaction, or his. Since she had not yet found someone to play the part of friend, she said that his place would be fine. She drove off, wondering how it was that Sheldon had friends and she did not.
The evening of the "friends" finally arrived. Sheldon had said that since it was his home and he was hosting the event, he would provide the food and stipulate the activity. She had no idea what to expect, but she was dreading the upcoming ordeal.
Sheldon's friends were all waiting. There were the two friends, Raj and Howard, who had accompanied him to the coffee shop for the first meeting; she nodded her greeting – at least she knew them somewhat. Then there was a tall, willowy, beautiful blond girl – the kind who had made Amy's life a misery when she was in school; her name was Penny. There was another man, who kept staring at Penny as if she were edible and he was starving, named Leonard. The last person to be introduced was a short, busty, blond girl named Bernadette, who was there with Howard and did not seem at all pleased by it.
She noticed that there was no dining table. They were, apparently, supposed to sit around a coffee table of inadequate size and eat there. There was a spread of takeout boxes on said table.
"I didn't know what you would like, so I ordered several things – steamed rice, fried rice, egg flower soup, General Tso's Chicken, Kung Pao Chicken, Broccoli Beef, Sweet and Sour Pork, orange chicken, and, of course, fortune cookies." He looked pleased with himself. "I thought this would be a good time for us to watch Iron Man, but Leonard.." He gave Leonard a look of disapproval, "said no. He said that, because Penny and Bernadette were here, we should pick something with more universal appeal. I don't understand how anyone could think Iron Man doesn't have universal appeal, but that's what he said. So, we'll be watching Star Trek." He smiled his manic smile.
"I don't understand. How can Star Trek be more appealing than Iron Man?" Amy moved toward the couch.
"I don't know either, they're both so great." Sheldon's smile became broader and more alarming.
"Chris Pine," said Penny. "Chris Pine can universally appeal to me any day."
Amy was about to sit down when Sheldon yelped. "Not there! That's my spot! No one sits in my spot!" He rushed over to the couch and moved her one space to her right. "You're my guest. You can sit here, next to me, but you can't sit in my spot."
The evening went downhill from there.