Disclaimer: I do not own Lucifer or any of it's characters.
Also slight spoilers for Season 2 Episode 13. This will have some of the key features of the episode however I will be interpreting them and creating a new idea.
Trigger warning: Mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts.
Summary: When Lucifer ventures to Hell to collect the antidote for Detective Decker he becomes trapped in his own personal hell loop with no one to pull him out. Somehow he escapes but the experience may have broken the perfect man everyone knew him to be. Coming back alive at the last second he is able to save Chloe's life but the heaviness in his heart increases with every passing day until finally he makes a huge mistake. It is now Detective Decker's turn to save her partner.
The Devil's Mistress
Chapter One: Mission Accomplished
Feeling the electricity surge through his body and his heart stopping Lucifer knew that within milliseconds he would be in the one place that he had been trying to avoid for a long time. Stepping into the darkness of Hell, particles of ash falling onto his shoulders, Lucifer looked around with a mix of pride that his plan worked and apprehension at being back. Commenting to himself he set out to look for the door which held the evil man that had hurt the detective. It took him longer than he would have liked but once he found it he popped in, got the information he needed, and walked right back out. Looking around he was wondering why he hadn't been brought back to the land of the living yet. At that moment, he heard a piano playing from down the shadowed pathway and a chill set into Lucifer's center. Curiosity getting the better of him he slowly walked toward the door, opened it and stepped into some unknown Hell loop. He was surprised to find himself back in his penthouse at Lux with his very dead brother Uriel sitting at his piano. After a tense pause the brothers hugged one another before Lucifer told Uriel that he didn't understand how he had gotten there since the blade should have simply wiped him from existence. When the younger angel commented saying, "But you do." Lucifer felt something in his hand. Looking down he was horrified to find that he was grasping the handle of Azreal's blade which was snugly situated in his brothers abdomen. Letting go he tried to back away. "You think it's that easy to let go? Think again, brother." Uriel taunted before the blade was in his hand again and the Devil was forced forward, plunging the blade into his bother once more.
"No. No, no, no. No, what's happening? What's happening? I need to save the detective." Lucifer knew that he couldn't let himself get trapped in this loop. The detective needed him and he couldn't let her down.
"But you just can't help yourself can you?" Lucifer felt his body turn around raising the knife again.
"You have to believe me, I didn't want this." Lucifer's mind was screaming as his brother commented on the fact that he was in denial. He tried to resist but his muscles acted without him. Foreign feet quickly propelled him forward while a stranger's hand made the knife slide into Uriel's stomach once again. Lucifer cried out as if he had been stabbed.
Lucifer
Up on Earth, Maze swung around telling the doctor that is was time to bring the tall man back. Charging the paddles Linda pressed them to the man's chest causing a charge to curse through his body. But nothing happened. Stressed she tried it for a second time, again with no luck. Her medical knowledge told her that they wouldn't have many more chances to resuscitate him.
Lucifer
Blood coated Lucifer's hands as he retreated from his brother for what felt like the hundredth time, apologizing and wishing that this torture would end. Uriel snapped at the phrasing Lucifer chose in his apology. "As if you had no part in it?" As hard as he tried to deny it Lucifer felt guilt and pain coiling in his chest like a deadly serpent that was ready to strike. He really hadn't wanted to kill his brother but there had been something more important to him than a familial bond which had forced him to act in such a harsh way. What had it been? While his mind was caught up with trying to remember something important Uriel taunted him about the fact that he was now trapped in Hell, the very place he had once ruled. Once his attention fell back onto his brother, having forgotten what he was trying to remember, they chatted for a little while about what Uriel had said to him before he died. Soon after Lucifer found himself pushed forward, stabbing Uriel again, feeling sharp metal pierce flesh and blood pool onto his hands.
"No." he let out the broken word as tears filled his eyes. Each time he tried to retreat he found himself rushing forward again. This time would be no different, he was sure of it. No matter how hard he tried, it just wouldn't stop. His limbs wouldn't listen to him.
"I hope you didn't leave any unfinished business up on Earth..." Uriel shook his head. "Cause you're never getting out of here."
Lucifer
Two EKG machines were blaring at the same time. One was attached to Lucifer showing a flat line and the other was attached to Detective Decker who's body was convulsing. Time was running out for both of them and it didn't look like either was going to make it. Maze turned to the doctor, frustrated and worried. "This isn't right. Something's wrong. In Hell." Linda looked at her confused. "He's stuck. Trapped in one of those cells. That's why we can't revive him." Maze looked back at her former master and she started to worry immensely.
"Okay, so what do we do to bust him out?" Linda was trying to overcome her emotions in order to help rather than be a hindrance to the situation. This had never been in her job description and she really didn't like it. She had wanted to help Lucifer for his and Chloe's sake but if it meant that she would loose two friends then she really wasn't sure the plan had been worth it.
"Someone needs to go down there and pull him out. I'd go but I can't." Maze was at a loss of what to do. The doctor and Maze then talked about Linda going down to go get him but Maze wasn't willing to let the doctor die.
"Then what are we going to do?" Linda asked frustrated. The two women looked at each other sadly before they nodded in understanding. They would just have to trust that Lucifer could get out on his own, both hoping that it was just taking longer to get the formula than they thought. With grim faces they turned back to the dark haired man on the bed knowing that the next few seconds would be the most important moments of their lives.
Lucifer
Lucifer cried out in agony, clutching his brother's shoulder. He couldn't do this. He had to get out, but why did he feel the need to flee so badly? Didn't he deserve this? His mind swirled in pain as he tried to remember but his brothers word cut into his thoughts bringing him back to the torture he was experiencing. "I know, I know. Hurts you more than it does me." Lucifer spoke but his voice sounded far more broken than he remembered.
"Pl-please. Forgive me brother, I had no choice." The wetness on his face would have usually bothered him since it was a sign of weakness but his soul hurt too much.
"Do you really believe that?" Uriel looking at him with disappointment. The tall man shook his head, speaking a quiet 'no' before he lunged forward again. He felt his heart grow heavier. Lucifer's brain started working, trying to come up with the reason why he felt that he shouldn't be there. He yelled trying to get rid of the pain but he could feel the warm wetness of blood on his hands again. Body trembling, he attempted to turn away but was in vain. His body proceeded to be jolted forward against his will, murdering his brother over and over. He knew he was getting what he deserved but there was still a nagging thought in the back of his mind. He needed to be somewhere, doing something. But what was it? Soon the only sound that filled the room was his cries as he tried to block out the horror of what his body was reenacting on a perpetual loop. It felt like forever had passed when one word popped into his head. Chloe.
"No," Lucifer backed way from his brother. "I killed you because I had to save the Detective." That is when he remembered what he had come down to hell for in the first place. "And I need to save her now." With all of his strength he made his legs move toward the elevator.
"Where are you going?" Uriel asked stepping forward. Lucifer felt his heart clench as his body acted with out his permission for the thousandth time. He knew he owed his brother. He knew that he should stay in Hell but there was something more important that needed to be done. The same important thing that had made him kill his brother in the first place.
"You're not real." He let go of the murder weapon. "You're not real." Moving into to the elevator he tried not to look behind him. "The detective needs me." He was almost there.
"You killed me Lucifer. You're not going to get away with it." His brother stalked toward him but the elevator doors were already starting to close. Letting out a sob the fallen angel turned at the last second watched as Uriel disappeared behind the metal doors. Feeling a heavy weight pulling him toward the ground from the center of his chest, Lucifer's knees gave out from underneath him. His body, soul, and mind ached with guilt. How could he leave while his brother suffered in Hell.
"He's not real." Lucifer reminded himself again. Gathering himself, he stood and exited into the ash fall of Hell. This was no time to get caught up in his own pain. The detective needed him.
Lucifer
Linda pressed the crash cart paddles to his chest again with no luck as Maze quietly cried behind her. They both knew that if this one last attempt didn't work then Lucifer would most likely be trapped in Hell for the rest of eternity. Closing her eyes to collect herself, Linda placed the paddles back on the man's chest. Hoping one last hope that their plan would work she pressed the button. The energy coursed through the lifeless body in front of her and suddenly Lucifer was gasping for air. Disbelief and shock made the doctor freeze, staring at her patient. Maze, who had previously turned her back, quickly whipped around and was by the bedside in an instant. They both wanted to make sure he was okay but he pushed them away with weak arms. The Devil tried to catch his breath as he felt pins an needle course through his limbs. He guessed it was a side effect of coming back to life but he didn't have time to think about it. The detective needed him. Pushing himself off of the bed he stumbled to the door on wobbly legs. A fine sweat broke across his forehead as he forced his muscles to move. He needed to get to the detective. Making it to the elevator he coughed slightly as a sudden flash of memory that caught him off guard. Knowing it was a remnant of Hell he shook his head, clearing it and pushed the button for one floor up. If he had a moment to think about it he would have realized how ironic it was that he had been unable to keep himself from moving and now he could barely move at all.
The sight that met him on the floor above would have made him laugh if he hadn't been dead a few minutes prior. There were security staff laying on the ground and a large collection of other people who were gathered around staring at the man that caused the ruckus. True to his word, Amenidiel had done everything in his power to prevent Chloe from being moved. Knowing that he needed to make the guardian back down he pushed himself into a faster pace, jogged into the room. It wasn't ling before he reached out for the dark angel's shoulder, catching his balance on his brother while simultaneously letting his brother know he was there and safe. Amenidiel looked relieved at the sight of Lucifer but a spike of concern hit him when he saw a darkness swirling in the fallen angel's eyes. Deciding it wasn't the time to ask about it he simply stood back and watched as his younger brother took over the position of making sure Chloe was okay.
Within the next couple of hours the antidote had been made, Chloe had been cured and Lucifer finally had all of his strength back. Sitting at the detective's bedside, the man watched as she stirred, turning to look at him. Trying to make a joke to lighten the mood but the heaviness from earlier return to his core. "I hear you saved me." Decker looked at him with grateful eyes.
"Well, as much as I'd like to take all the credit, this one was a team effort." Holding her hand he fought back tears. He had saved her. He had helped his detective. But something was wrong deep down inside of him and he wasn't sure how to fix it.
"You know, this whole poisoning thing has just... Really put a hold on everything that's been going on with you and I, so... Should we just pick up where we left off?" Lucifer chuckled softly trying to hide the pain he felt.
"I think, right now, you just need to focus of feeling better, detective." He needed to get away. He wouldn't lie to her but it would hurt too much to tell her the truth. Not really paying attention to what was being said he caught something about bringing Trixie in. Agreeing he slowly let go of her hand.
"And we'll talk. We'll talk later yeah?" That made Lucifer's mind snap back into sharp focus. His previously subtle smile disappeared and he felt himself nod ever so slightly. As quickly as he could without looking suspicious he walked out of the door, barely remembering that he needed to let someone know that the detective wanted to see her offspring. His brain, clouded with a collection of conflicting emotions, he walked toward his car, light from the setting sun warming the right side of his face.
"How's the detective?" Feeling his shoulders tense, he stiffly looked back at his mother and replied before continuing to walk. " And, what about the two of you?" She asked moving to get in front of him, preventing him from walking any further. He didn't understand why she was here but he didn't like it.
"Well it was never real was it?" he scoffed. His mother tried to apologize but he didn't care. "Father brought her into existence just to put her in my path. The whole things been a sham, Mum. Long con. And I fell for it."
"You can't blame yourself. This is all his doing, and he should be punished for it!" Seeing where this was going Lucifer tried to shut her down.
"Oh, make no mistake, I plan on that. I mean how can I trust anything... anyone now that I know he might be behind it all?" His mother tried to say that he could trust her but he snapped back. She hadn't been there when he had needed her to help him save Chloe. "At least he doesn't pretend to love me." He attempted to brush past her but she caught his arm and brought him around to face her again. Before she had a chance to speak again he cut her off."You set out to break my heart. Well... mission accomplished." She reached out to put her hand on the side of his face but he held up a finger and prevented her from touching him. "No! No more manipulations. These feuds that you have with Father, I refuse to be caught in the middle any longer. I am tired of being a pawn. So, no more. I'm done." He turned and left, ignoring her attempts at calling his attention back. When he reached his car he put his head against the steering wheel and let out a groan. He felt like someone had surgically implanted a ten pound weight in his chest right where his heart should be. Thinking that maybe it was just a side effect of the conversation he had just finished with his mother he put his car in reverse and pulled out of the parking lot, heading home to Lux.
That night, Lucifer was unable to sleep. The few times he had been able to drift off were disrupted by him murdering Uriel causing him to wake up screaming. It was like Hell had infected his mind. He still felt trapped in his loop even though he was safe and sound on Earth again. He wasn't able to forget or feel anything other than the sickness in his heart. It felt like guilt, sadness, and anger all mixed into one. Deciding that sleep was futile he went to the bar and started to drink in the hopes that it would distract him. But it didn't. That's when a sickening thought passed through his mind. It was familiar and yet seemed like a distant memory. Pondering the thought he realized that there was one other time he had this same idea. And that was after his father had cast him from Heaven into Hell. It was before he had created Maze. Before he had vowed to live to spite his father. Lucifer Morningstar, the Devil himself, was thinking about suicide.