The night is black, cold, lonely. Louisa is lying on the ground thinking, unthinking, rethinking, forgetting. She can't move, not yet.
The night is darker than it usually is. Not even the stars shine tonight. And they always do, usually. But it's cloudy. Maybe it will rain. Louisa doesn't mind, thinks she won't mind. How bad can it be, really? Getting clean.
The night is dangerous. She knows that now.
The night is also safe. It hides her from prying eyes, judgement, the 'morning after'.
She feels horrible. She throws up. She doesn't move.
"Hello?" A male voice, ringing in her ears. Her eyes widen, she sits up, wiggles back on the grass until her bare back is pressed against the wall. The branches are sharp against her back. The leaves feel poisonous. But not as bad as the male voice, repeating: "Hello? Is somebody there?"
She realizes she must have been making a noise crying. She thought she was silent. Oh god, she cannot imagine what they might do If they...
Then, suddenly, there's light.
"You're such a lovely couple." Louisa smiles at the lady in front of her with the funny big hat. Then she is one to talk, clad in a dress that's embroidered with insects all over.
"We'd like to think so", Will says. Louisa's arm is resting in his. The sun is shining.
"It's great luck that the two of you have met", the hat lady tells them, "Considering your different descent."
"We were actually raised in the very same town", Will answers. But he knows what she means.
"Oh, you know what I mean", hat lady says, swatting his arm. Louisa smiles. Will is charming like that, playful. The ladies love him. "How did the two of you meet, anyway?"
They share a look. There's no need to tell a stranger, or anyone, for that matter, about how dark that night had been.
"At the castle", they say in unison.
Will's family doesn't like Louisa, not particularly. So they usually spend holidays with hers. Her parents would never accuse Will of being in a relationship only for the money. Given their financial problems that would really be a paradox accusation.
Louisa's sister has just had a baby. Naturally, everyone's eyes are on the little man. And her sister. Everyone's but Will's.
He gives her her present later that night, when they're squeezed together on the slim mattress that is Louisa's bed in the cubbyhole that is Louisa's room. A sweater with stars all over. "In case the clouds hide them from you, Clark", he says, nuzzling her cheek. The stars will now always shine for her.
They keep their relationship up when she goes to school, much to his parents' dismay and her parents' delight. What both parental homes can agree upon is that the choice of Louisa's studies – fashion – is absolutely outrageous.
What is she gonna do with that, her parents want to know.
She must be very sure of herself. Why else would she study something that can only sustain her If she marries rich, his parents put in.
One more reason for us to go to Paris, Will says.
Paris is beautiful. It's everything Will told her it would be. Louisa loves it.
She dares. She tries. She heals.
They're sitting on the little balcony of their hotel room, the sky is full of stars. Louisa's sketchbook is overflowing with new ideas. Her fingers are scarred from when she neglected to use a thimble. She couldn't care less.
Will is holding her hand. The world is beautiful.
"I think I'm ready", she whispers. He smiles.
Life goes on. They spend Christmas with his family. It's a disaster. They won't do it again.
Louisa graduates with flying colours. And yet she doesn't even apply for a master's degree.
It's their first big fight.
"I cannot afford more studies right now", she says.
"You mean your sister cannot afford for you to do more studies right now", he corrects her.
"They're my family, Will." Louisa sighs, rubs the bridge of her nose.
"So much potential. All wasted." He storms out into the rainy dark night.
They make up afterwards. Thoroughly.
"I won't change my mind, you know", she tells his chest.
"I know." He kisses her crown.
She calls him in the morning. He calls her in the evening. When she can she goes to London on the weekends, to see him. She never takes the money he offers so she could come see him more often. It's not because of his parents.
"I need to go to work", Will says. Louisa is sitting at the kitchen isle in his London flat, sipping a coffee.
"I know, I'll take you." She smiles. It's her week off. He's working ten hours a day. Yet there's no place she'd rather be.
Will gives her this certain 'I'm sorry'-look as he takes the call. It's raining. Louisa didn't bring her umbrella. Silly. She knew where she was going.
They cross the street. Will looks beautiful when his hair is wet, she thinks.
Then "CAREFUL!", screech, her head hits the ground. It hurts.
Louisa's parents can't come. They can't afford it.
They ask Will's parents to go check on her. To bring her the old patchwork blanket she loves. To give her the get-well-card Thomas made for her.
Will's parents don't say no. They don't say 'yes' either.
"We can't tell you anything about her unless you're close family", the doctor says.
"She's our son's fiancée. Practically our daughter-in-law", Will's father replies. It's easy for him to lie about their situation. He wants his son to be happy, not his wife to be friends with his son's partner. With a smile that he hopes looks sincere he adds: "Dear Lou."
The doctor nods. "They're both gonna be fine."
He's not Will's doctor.
Louisa wishes she could go. She wishes they would let her. Let her go. Let her go see him.
But they don't. They don't, because...
She shakes her head. She mustn't think of it.
Louisa loses her job. Her doctor's certificate has run out. It's not as If she loved her job at the chicken factory, she only needed the money.
But that doesn't matter anymore. Will hasn't woken up yet.
On nights when Will's parents are away to eat something better than canteen food (his father asked once whether she'd come with them, she declined knowing his mother would hate it) Louisa sits in his room, one hand holding one of his, the other holding a book. She's reading. Out loud. To him.
They say some people can hear in a coma. Will must be one of them.
If he isn't, she doesn't think he's that interested in reading A song of Ice and Fire anyway.
Will wakes up after one month. His mother is there.
He can't speak, there's a tube down his throat. He blinks furiously.
Will wants to speak. Wants to ask. Wants...
Write. He could write. Will tries to move his hand. He can't feel it moving. He tries to look at it moving. He can't move his back to look at it.
He tries... he can't.
He can't move.
"Louisa. We were going to call you", his mother says.
No, you weren't, Louisa thinks.
"Can I go in?", she asks. As If that's even a question.
Louisa is dressed in her green dungarees and the star sweater. Her hair is in braids and she looks absolutely stunning with the cold air turning her cheeks red.
She smiles. He smiles back, as good as he can. Everything is so painful.
Louisa doesn't say anything, afraid she'll break out in tears If she opens her mouth.
"Clark", he says, voice hoarse and barely audible.
"Huh?" She doesn't cry. It's a miracle.
"Did you know Lyanna is Jon's mother?", he croaks.
A tear rolls down her cheek. They will be fine. They will all be fine.
Tetraplegia.
If this accident hadn't happened, none of them would have known it even existed.
She doesn't want to tell him. Not yet. He's gone through so much.
She just has to hope that he won't figure it out before she decides it's time to tell him.
What she doesn't know, sitting in front of his room with her hot chocolate - Will's father brought it for her, lately he's really making an effort to forge some kind of relationship with her, probably for Will's sake -, is that she's not the only one keeping this secret.
There hasn't been a lot of progress in his therapy. Everyone knows it. Nobody says it.
Louisa reads the third book to Will in the small portions he can manage at once. He's so tired. They both are.
"You should go home for Spring Bank, Clark", he says, watching her as she puts colourful decorations on the window. Still better than the city smog behind it, he figures.
"You'll only be here for two more weeks. Doesn't matter If I stay." She shrugs.
"Well you should take a break", he says, forehead wrinkled in thought, "You've been quite worn out lately."
And she knows, now she'll tell him. Now is perfect, now she'll-
"Will, about the annex- oh, Louisa." His mother gives her a look. "Nice shirt."
It's one of Will's. Her own won't fit anymore.
Will thinks that he should have known, should have seen.
He thinks that he should have been there, should have talked to her.
He should have been the rock for her to hold on, not the one weighing her down.
"Please, Will, say something", she says. Outside, it's raining.
"I love you, Clark", he says, because really, what else is there to say?
A/N: yayyy... this is some kind of therapy for myself to overcome the book and the movie (all consumed within one week). don't know If it's working yet. Let me know what you think :) Thanks for R&R!
EDIT: changed one paragraph, because I totally ignored Will's best before aka accident date and IF I continue this story that would ruin it.