Disclaimer: I asked for Victorious for Christmas, but the fat guy just ignored me. Bitch. I've watched A Christmas Tori like, seven times in the last week though, that helps numb the hurt the fat bastar- I mean, Santa, left. ("Beg me" *Jadegasm*)
"Hey babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?"
"Oh no.."
"What?"
"Those are more pick up lines, aren't they?"
"Not just any old pick up lines, they're Christmas ones."
"How.. Festive of you."
"I know. I love the holidays."
"That would've been believable, y'know, if you didn't say it all monotone-y."
"Why would I like the holidays? There's heaps of people everywhere, and I HATE people. And-"
"Okay, just say the damn lines."
"Really?"
"Really. Because I don't know where my camera is."
"Why would you need your camera?"
"So you can make another 'What I Hate' video."
"Ha ha, you're soo funny, Vega."
"I know."
"Wipe that smirk off your face, before I do it for you."
"Grunch."
"I've checked it twice, and I'm sure you're on my "naughty" list."
"I think if anyone here was on the naughty list, it would be you."
"Yeah, because you're so innoccent."
"I was until I met you."
"Ha."
"See, you should be on there for CORRUPTING me. There I was, all young, impressionable, innoccent, then BAM!, I got hit by the wild, wild West."
"Oh my God. You did not just say that."
"What?"
"Wild, wild West?"
"So?"
"Really?"
"Really what?"
"I think we should move on because the 'wild, wild West' is getting the urge to hit you. Literally this time."
"Rude!"
"I've got something special in the sack for you."
"Get your mind out of the gutter."
"No. It likes it there."
"Perv."
"You're one to talk! Your mind keeps my mind company in the gutter, and right when it tries to crawl out, BAM!, you go and pull it right back in."
"I don't talk like that!"
"Yes you do."
"For Christmas, I want you to admit that I DON'T. TALK. LIKE. THAT."
"Okay. You don't talk like that."
"Thank you!"
"Except that in my mind, you do."
"Jade!"
"Some of my best toys run on batteries."
"That's very nice for you."
"It really is."
"Dammit, woman. Try introducing your mind to the road. It's that thing right beside the gutter."
"You oughta see my snowballs."
"Sometimes, I don't even know why I speak."
"Are you interested in seeing the "North Pole"?"
"Preeetttttyyy sure you don't have one."
"Not a real one, anyway."
"Simulated doesn't count."
"That's not what you say when you're stimulated."
"Word play. Cute."
"I saw the connection, how could I resist?"
"Easily, if you wanted to. Which you obviously didn't."
"I see you when you're sleeping and I know you don't wear any underwear."
"You PEEK?"
"Oh come on, this far into a relationship, it's hardly a secret."
"True. Maybe I decided wearing them to bed was just a waste of time with you. This way they don't get ripped off when a certain somebody gets too impatient. Hey, this isn't something to laugh about! They were my favourites, Jade!"
"I said I was sorry!"
"Yeah, well, sorry doesn't bring them back, does it!"
"I bought you new ones!"
"Not the same, West. Not. The. Same."
"Moving on. Wanna meet Santa's little helper?"
"He's a cartoon, you can't meet a cartoon."
"What are you talking about?"
"The dog? From The Simpsons?"
"Seriously, Tori?"
"What, Trina watches it.."
"Yes, Trina, sure."
"Don't be a gank, Jadelyn."
"Can I take your picture?"
"I'll bite. Why?"
"Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas."
"Aww. Aren't you just the sweetest?"
"I didn't come up with the line."
"You're still sweet, Jadey."
"Tell anybody, and they wont be able to find your body."
"Like they'd believe me, anyway."
"How about I slip down YOUR chimney at midnight?"
"Chimney? That's a new word for.. It."
"It? What are you, five? It's not a bad word, you can say it. Repeat after me; va-gin-a."
"I don't like that word."
"Why not?"
"It's all.. Unattractive."
"I may not be Santa, but I am going to sneak into your room at night and empty my sack."
"There you go again, talking about your imaginary boy parts."
"Hey, I am the man in this relationship."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, Cat-"
"She doesn't own that line. Other people can use it."
"Not in our group. It's a Cat thing."
"Fine, I'll rephrase it. What do you mean you're the man in this relationship?"
"I wear the pants here. It's as obvious now as it was when you were the wife when we had the little principal exchange."
"If it's sooo obvious, then why was I the husband in Sikowitz's play?"
"Poor casting on his part."
"Well!"
"You know, I'd love to show you the toys the elves make for adults."
"Unless you've gotten a recent purchase, I've seen them already."
"Yeah, don't open the purple box that's under the tree in front of your parents.."
"Jade! Really?"
"I wouldn't lie about it."
"Trina was shaking that box earlier, try'na guess what's in it!"
"Did she come close to the right answer?"
"What do you think?"
"That your sister's a moron. Wanna check out my mistletoe belt buckle?"
"I guess that's still lips meeting lips."
"Ha. Believe me, if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows."
"Like a lightbulb?"
"Cute, Vega."
"So I've been told."
"I'd definitely let you join in MY reindeer games."
"Poor Rudolph, he was so neglected for so long."
"He showed them who was boss in the end though."
"True. Good on Rudolph."
"You're the reason Santa even has a naughty list."
"I think the whole 'naughty list' was invented a bit before my time."
"Nice wrapping but I need to inspect it."
"You just wanna try and rip more of my clothes."
"You have your hobbies, I have mine."
"Could you get a less expensive hobby?"
"No. I put the 'scroo' in 'scrooge."
"You sure do."
"One hour with me, honey, and you'll see flying reindeer!"
"I know what that was meant to mean, but it just seems like you're offering me drugs."
"Wanna ride in my sled, baby?"
"We're at my place; my 'sled's' closer."
"Good point. My elf lets me pick my presents and looking at you, I think I've made my decision."
"I don't think I'd fit under the tree."
"We could manage something. You're surprisingly flexible."
"Uhh.. Thank you?"
"Wanna lick my candy cane?"
"Oh, you mean your nonexistent one?"
"That's the one. What do you say we make this a not-so-silent night?"
"I say I'm game if you are."
"Race you upstairs."
A/N: Annnnnnnddddd SCENE. I say that to the tv sometimes.
I'M NOT DEAD. Just, you guys would seriously not believe my luck with technology. I'm getting a new laptop soon, borrowing my sisters to post this (what she doesn't know wont hurt her). Thought I'd let you know; DON'T GIVE UP ON ME! I'll reply to PM's and reviews as soon as I get Jordan, AKA Jori, my new laptop.
Sorry if this is suckish, but hey, I tried, just like Jade keep doing with these lines :D Even though it's over now for me, MERRY CHRISTMAS, LOVELIES!
Review. 'Cause I said so. And we all know THAT reasoning never fails.