Inner Thoughts
Summary: After sleeping with her partner, Emily decides to start writing in a diary...these are her entries.
June 14th, 2006
I cannot believe how I could do something so stupid. I mean, god I've been attracted to that man since I found out he was my partner, but that's just it. He's my partner, you don't sleep with your partner. It's just not something you do. It's against every rule in the book, and I wrote the book. I should know those rules by heart, but my god, the sex was...unbelievable. I could never fathom sex being that wonderful, and Matt...god he was great about it.
I mean I usually would have bolted. That's what I do, I don't get close to people. Especially not men, but I don't know, there was just something there. A connection of sorts, and even though we decided it was just sex, I'm not so sure I believe it. There was too much passion behind it for it to be just about sex. Besides that, would you really stay in bed for a couple hours after waking up, just holding each other? I mean, if it's truly just sex, you'd bolt as soon as you got the chance...right?
I guess the true question is...do I want it to be more than just sex. Would I want a relationship with Matt? Would I be willing to risk everything I've worked for, just to be with him? Would it be worth it...and what if the unthinkable happened...and we broke up. Taking for granted of course Cheryl wouldn't fire us...or split our partnership up. Would we be able to work with each other? I guess these are questions I should be asking Matt, but I'm just so damn scared, and hell, I don't even know if it's gonna happen again, or better yet, if I want it to happen again.
I mean, do I? Do I really wanna have sex with Matt...my partner again? That's the first question I need to answer, but how do you answer that? I mean, if I say yes, then I'm saying that I'm willing to break the rules, and risk my job to have wonderfully blissful sex, but if I say no, then I'd be lying. I guess that answers my question...God what have I gotten myself into? And is there anyway out of it, without someone getting hurt? Do I want out of it? There are just too many questions, and not enough answers. I've gotta talk to Matt, I really do.