Disclaimer: I do not own any of this. :(

Author's note: My first fanfic! This is the result of my fantabulicious imagination. It took a looooong time to write, but it was a joy. It was written before Age of Ultron, so I made up... everything. This is only the first chapter, there are... let's see... 12 more to go. In this, Wanda and Pietro are stupid. But that doesn't mean that I think they're stupid in the movies!

"Next, please!"

"All right, give me your names, ages, places of birth, powers, and reason for wanting to join the Avengers."

"Hokay. I am Pietro Maximoff, and zis is my zeester Wanda. Ve are tvins. I zink. As far as I know, ve are both twenty-two."

"Uhh, Steve? Why is he talking like that? That's like a Russian/Italian/Czechoslovakian accent. On steroids. "

"I...don't know, Tasha. Alright... Pietro. Place of birth?"

"Ummmk, Wanda?"

"Yes, Pietro? Zorry, I was zinkink of home."

"Right, Wanda, where exactly is home? Oh never mind. Ah, um. Ve are from Boston."

"...Riiiiiiight."

"Shuddap, Tony. They could be...uh...immigrants."

"YaYa, ve are very much from Boston. Oomm, how 'bout zoze Red Zocks?"

"Ooohh, ya! See, Pietro, I am vearing red zocks!"

"Wanda, you are always vearink red zocks. Not helpink."

"Shoosh, brother Pietro."

"These guys have a very limited grasp of English."

"Excuze moi! We are...Americank...through and through!"

*whisperwhisperwhisper*

"Good idea, Wanda! Ve are from the city of Arkansas!"

"It looks like they also have a limited grasp of geography."

"Where are you guys actually from? Seriously, were you raised in a barn?"

"No no no! Ve vere born and raised right here! In ze motherland."

"Isn't that a term for Russia?"

"Whooopsy."

"Pietro, let me do ze talking. We were raised right here. In the American city of... Rio De Janeiro?"

"Wanda, I shall talk once again."

"Raised by what, Latverians?"

"No. Wanda, who were we raised by?"

"Remember? ...NAZIS!"

"AARRRGGHHHH!"

"Stevestevecalmdownsteveitsokaystevethey'renotNazis!"

"No, no, Wanda, ve vere not RAISED by ze Nazis, ze Nazis only gave us our powers. Ve vere RAISED by... how do you say Xdidldidildidlgreeeech(snort) in Americank?"

"Gypsies, brother Pietro."

"... Are they serious?"

" We aren't going to believe anything you say from this point on."

"Vell, vhat can ve say that you VILL believe?"

"That you come from the insane asylum."

"Hokay, ve are from ze insane... Vaitaminute."

"ZTARK!"

"Wanda, cease! It is not nice to take control of other people's. . . people's . . . kleeploobk."

"My armor is not 'kleeeepooooook' in whatever language they are speaking!"

"You know, they still haven't told us where they're from."

"...Hokay. Ve vill be honest. Ve, ve, VE DON'T COME FROM AMERICA!"

"Wanda, crying is not goink to 'elp us get onto ze Avengers."

"Um, yeah, we kinda guessed you weren't from America."

"Tasha, be quiet. Can't you see she is distraught? It's ok, ma'am, it's ok."

"Steve, we are running a recruitment center here, not a kindergarten."

"I'm not listening to you anymore, Tasha. You made poor... Wanda..cry."

"I didn't make her cry, she made herself cry!"

"...Ok. Ok. Tony, get a box of tissues. I am going to take a different approach to this. Sir, ma'am, if you can't tell me where you are from, can you tell me where you have lived recently?"

"Vell, ve vere born in Sokovia, and zen our parents got blowed up and ve moved to England, France, Japan, Finland, Latveria, Russia, Chile, Antarctica, Bolivia, Hawaii, Boston, Arkansas, Rio de Janeiro, Czechoslovakia,Germany, China, the is-lands of Galapagos, and Los Angeles."

"Don't forgeta Boston!"

"I did not."

"?."

"Is Czechoslovakia even a country anymore?"

"Ooooky, moving on."

"What are your powers? Exactly."

"Vell, mine is super speed..."

"What about your sister's?"

"Um, zat is tad harder to eggsplain."

"Ya, my powers is like, glowy red stuff, and BOOOMK! . . . Most of the time."

"Well, you did just take control of my armor."

"Oh ya. And zat."

"How can possibly we let you two on our team if you don't even know where you are from or what your powers do?"

"Don't ask that question!"

"Too laaaate."

"DO NOT INSULT MY ZISTER'S INTELLIGENCE!"

"Wowho, calm down, big fella, nobody's insulting nobody's sister. We just need to know what kind of crazy we're getting on our team."

"Vould it help if I punched 'ou in the face?"

"No, I zink it would help if ve gave zem our life story, brother Pietro."

"NO!"

"Hokay! We shall tell."

Three hours later:

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"As I vas sayink, before ze lady with ze obviously dyed red hair so rudely interrupted me, zat is how my dear old Auntie Phlegm caught the Whooping Black Bubola Plague. And died. The first time, anyways."

"Good story, zister Wanda!"

"You know, you could have condensed that three hour monologue into twenty two words. Believe me, I did the math. "

"Cynicism not appreciated, Clint."

"Oh, is zat the name of ze man with ze arrows? He has not spoken a zeengle vord."

"Neither has ze geeky man with ze glasses, brother Pietro. And ze buff dude with ze very bik hammer is also quiet."

"Where did you learn zuch blasphemous zlang, zister Wanda?"

"WE ARE GETTING OFF TRACK, PEOPLE!"

"Alright. Now that we have ... cleared up...your background and your powers, we need to know why you want to join us."

"NOOOOOO MOOOOOOORE PLEAAAAAAAASE!"

"Vell, I vant for me and my zister to have a home. And, ve might learn Americank more better. And, ve vant to be able to learn to control our powers. And, ve are much lonely vith no friends in this country. And, Wanda vants learn maths. She heard about maths in a... a... a magakzine, and she vill not shut up about them."

"All right. Fine. We will teach you 'maths'. And we will help you learn to control your powers, and figure out what Wanda's powers are."

"Ya, and one thing other. I would like to learn za art of parkour, and za art of making tea cozies. I read about zem in ze magazines."

"I think zat Wanda will be reading no more magakzines."

"*gasp* Brother Pietro! I learn my...zlang...from ze magakzines, and they are helping my Amerikank. I learned how to zay 'word' and 'bro' and 'YOLO'! Ya, I love that YOLO."

"Once again, off track."

"So. Have ve given you enough information about us? Can ve join?"

"Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyespleasepleasejuststoptalkingpleasejoinusweloveyouaaaaaaa."

"I zink the woman vith ze dyed hair zinks zat ve should join da Avengers."

"Ya, sister Wanda!"

"If you make one more comment about my natural and lush orange hair I will Bite you into next week."

"It is not kind to bite people. It makes zem think zat you are a baby. However, I am zinking zat zat might be true in any case."

"AAARRGGGHHH!"

"Ooh! Catfight!"

"This woman! I like her! She is feisty!"

"That dyed woman should watch 'er back. Wanda has three... three...oh what is the word! Oh vell, really long nails. She can fight remarkably like a cat. I vould know. I ave been clawed."

"Why do our recruiting sessions ALWAYS go off the deep end?"