Don't ask me what inspired me to write this. I don't know. It just popped into my head a few years ago and I started writing it and then I forgot about it and now I just remembered it and here we go!

This thing has not been Beta-Read. It is random.

Disclaimer: I do not own Magneto, the Acolytes, or anything else associated with X-men Evolution.

Warnings: Extreme Silliness.

Acolytes,

This has gone on long enough. This is a list of rules, you are to abide by them, or risk the consequences.

1. The Acolytes shall not bring Australian animals back to the base. I don't care how homesick they are.

2. The Acolytes shall not teach pyromaniacs poker.

3. The Acolytes shall not sharpen their claws with a kitchen utensil.

4. The Acolytes shall not run through walls to save time. I don't care if it's an emergency, walls can be VERY expensive to replace.

5. The Acolytes shall not set the living room on fire.

6. The Acolytes shall not set ANY room on fire.

7. The Acolytes shall not set ANYTHING on fire. Without permission, that is.

8. The Acolytes shall not charge the deck of cards used to blast a hole in the wall before handing them over to me.

9. The Acolytes shall not paint in the living room. I don't care if Pyro burned down your art studio.

10. No Acolyte shall try to kill the other Acolytes. I know they're annoying, but good help is hard to find. I also know that true, some of them may not qualify as "good" help, but they're the best I could get.

11. The Acolytes shall not destroy my experiments just for the fun of it.

12. The Acolytes shall not attempt to give me a migraine. Ever.

13. The Acolytes shall not do anything that COULD give me a migraine.

14. The Acolytes shall not sharpen their nails on the couch or any other piece of furniture.

15. The Acolytes shall not attempt to win my daughter's affection by leaving her love notes made of fire on the Brotherhood's lawn.

16. The Acolytes shall not attempt to win my daughter's affection by setting Toad on fire.

17. The Acolytes shall not attempt to win my daughter's affection AT ALL.

18. The Acolytes shall not call me "Bucket Head," "Magsy," or any other insulting "terms of endearment."

19. The Acolytes shall not throw food at each other, or more importantly, ME.

20. The Acolytes shall not steal my paperwork.

21. The Acolytes shall not steal my paperclips. I am Magneto. I will find them, despite your puny attempts to hide them.

23. The Acolytes shall not under any circumstances declare war on The Brotherhood. Despite what one may think, we need those idiots.

24. The Acolytes shall not attempt to kill Toad for flirting with my daughter. That is my job.

25. The Acolytes shall not destroy the base and blame it on the evil, ice cream eating, flying monkeys.

26. The Acolytes shall not destroy the forest which hides us from humans and blame it on the evil, ice cream eating, flying monkeys.

27. The Acolytes shall not destroy anything and blame it on the evil, ice cream eating, flying monkeys.

28. The Acolytes will stop insisting the evil, ice cream eating, flying monkeys are real.

29. The Acolytes will not mention evil, ice cream eating, flying monkeys ever, EVER, again.

30. The Acolytes will go to a zoo and finally get the silly idea that camels moo out of their heads. Camels do not moo. They spit. They do not make the sound moo.

31. The Acolytes will stop pestering me while I am working on an experiment.

32. The Acolytes will stop making said experiments go wrong.

33. The Acolytes will stop insisting that Sabertooth got turned into an actual cat and was taken to the pound. Sabertooth is not a cat. I do not know where he has been for the past few weeks, but I assure you, he is not a cat locked in the pound. And no, you are not allowed to go rescue him.

34. The Acolytes shall not buy a thousand cartons of ice cream.

35. The Acolytes shall not kidnap Sabertooth and put him in the zoo. Sabertooth, despite what he may act like at times, is not a wild cat.

36. The Acolytes shall not let out all of the kangaroos in the zoo. They are not enslaved.

37. The Acolytes shall not stalk any of the X-Women. I don't care if she's your "cherie," you're behavior is unacceptable, inappropriate considering they're supposed to be our enemies, and truthfully, it's slightly disturbing.

38. The Acolytes shall not braid Sabertooth's hair with pink bows and ribbons. He will eat you.

39. The Acolytes shall not call Mastermind a monkey. Mastermind is not a monkey, despite his looks.

40. The Acolytes shall not steal all doors and give them to Pyro to burn.

41. The Acolytes shall stop calling my daughter "luv."

42. The Acolytes shall not mumble things in Russian behind my back. I know what they mean.

43. The Acolytes shall not paint a mural in their bedroom. I don't care if your bedroom's too plain.

44. The Acolytes shall not open and close a lighter repeatedly. It's annoying.

45. The Acolytes shall not disobey orders just to get revenge on Wolverine. Revenge can come later.

46. The Acolytes shall not dye my uniform pink.

47. The Acolytes shall not dye Sabertooth's uniform pink.

48. The Acolytes will stop celebrating April Fool's Day.

49. The Acolytes will stop celebrating Talk Like a Pirate Day.

50. The Acolytes will stop celebrating any holiday that allows them to dress up and act like children.

51. The Acolytes shall not compare me to Gandalf from the Lord of the Rings. I look nothing like him.

Anyone who breaks these rules shall be promptly and severely punished!

Your leader and commander,

Magneto.

So...what did you think? Tell me! PLEASE!

Constructive Critism is always welcomed with open arms, compliments make the world go round, anonymous reviews are awesome, and flames will be given to Pyro.

Thanks!