She's as sweet as the summertime
And strong as the sunshine
And I don't want to know her
I've let myself down
I'm cold as a winter's storm
I'm soft as a grindstone
And I can't do a thing
To flag my life down
Why do you amaze me?
Why do you amaze me?
Why do you fool me into thinking
That I'm kind of in love with you?
-Avett Brothers, 'Kind of In Love'
Human children have always been curious things for Eric, even when he was alive. He supposes it's possible he fathered a few of his own along the way, before Godric, but he had no interest in them at the time, and even less in his descendants. As far as he's concerned, all connections with his human life were severed the night of his making.
Still. Human children are so very interesting.
Eric has never understood why powerful, rational vampires such as Bill and Isabella choose to take human companions - their lives are so fleeting by comparison that Eric can see them dying a little more every day, and death has always been something he turned from. The aging process is even more visible in children, and thus, his aversion to them is stronger.
Or so he'd thought. The two that shifter brought with him were positively delicious. They smelled so uncorrupted that he was surprised they hadn't been eaten immediately upon entering Fangtasia. Of course, killing humans is strictly against bar rules, and of course, feeding on children is regarded with no small amount of disdain amongst the vampire community. Eric in particular regards those who eat children as a lower form of life, not clever or strong enough to find a grown human to eat, and cowardly to boot. Like all vampires, he has fed to excess countless times over the last thousand years, but he has never been so desperate as to kill a human child.
He thinks, though, that they might make charming pets, particularly the little redheaded girl, who told him boldly that they liked vampires even as she shrank from the sight of his fangs. He also thinks that perhaps he will keep one or two around in the future, as they seem to have a tendency to say whatever comes to mind without any fear of him.
He likes that. Humans without fear are so rare.
Perhaps that's why Sookie fascinates him so.
The sudden turn of thought is introspective and he doesn't like it, but thoughts of Sookie plague him often these days and he finds that it's easier to follow them through than attempt to cast them out.
Sookie Stackhouse. He is aware that in his capacity as Sheriff, he has the authority to simply take her from Bill. Bill would probably go to the Magister, but Eric knows the Magister would decide in his favor. The Magister has never been over-fond of humans, anyway, and considers Bill's attachment to them and their way of life to be a form of great indignity.
Eric is also aware that if he did indeed make a real play for Sookie, he would find a very dangerous enemy in Bill Compton, which is something he would like to avoid if at all possible.
Eric is not stupid. He knows that, with eight hundred years on his adversary, there is no question of Bill defeating him physically. What he does not know, what he does not understand, is Bill's way of thinking. Eric has been a vampire for a very long time, and he has been thinking like a vampire for so long that Bill's distinctly human thought patterns are hard for him to anticipate.
Godric's way of thinking was also radically different from what he was used to, towards the end. Godric regarded it as evolution, an ascension past selfishness and blood and vengeance.
But Eric cannot think about Godric yet. He can feel his absence like a physical thing, like a wound he cannot heal from. It's worse than silver, worse than fire, worse than sunlight. It's worse than his human death. Eric thought he was empty before, but Godric's departure has left him feeling absolutely hollow and cold. In this state, he is capable of anything.
And Godric…Eric knows that if Godric had chosen to live, he would have seduced Sookie away from Bill in a human heartbeat, and it would have been easy. He thinks about that, the way Sookie said Godric saved her, that she was there for him at the end, and he clenches his jaw.
He is at once furious that he could not die with his Maker and immensely grateful that Godric commanded him to live. He is equally furious with Sookie, for being there where he could not, and relieved that at least Godric had not died alone. It eased the pain a great deal, to know that.
He had felt Sookie up on the rooftop as dawn broke and he slipped into sleep, a violent whirl of heartbreak and hope and longing and something that twisted her the way he felt love twist other mortals. From his connection with Godric he felt pain first, overwhelming pain, but beneath that there was a deep serenity and a kind of golden joy, and that was the last thing he knew before sleep took him.
Eric pulls himself abruptly from his reverie. He will mourn for Godric later, when there is time and he is alone. Sookie said he loved his Maker. Eric likes to think himself divorced from such petty human emotions, but there is a small part of him that is violently afraid she is right.
And Sophie Anne said he was in love with Sookie, which he knows is not quite correct but stands a very real risk of becoming so. At the very least, it is a dangerous obsession and he knows it. Pam tells him, in private, that if he neglects his lair and his Area for this one girl, she'll have to report him.
He wonders if he's finally going soft.
The thought doesn't upset him as much as it should, and instead he finds himself wondering what Sookie Stackhouse tastes like.
He decides on sun-dried cotton and peaches. He's never eaten a peach, but he imagines she tastes like they smell. And of course, sun-dried anything is a thing of the very distant past, but sometimes he has his human servants line-dry his expensive Egyptian cotton sheets before they put them on the bed he never uses, except when he's entertaining, and then he can smell the sun in the sheets and it adds a strange extrasensory edge to the lovemaking.
Godric had taught him that. Eric has to wonder if, towards the end, Godric had been so tired of his existence that he'd fallen into a wistfulness for human life.
But Eric told himself he wouldn't think of Godric. Except thoughts of Godric are tangled in thoughts of Sookie, and he shouldn't be thinking of either right now on his throne at Fangtasia, because although Chow and Pam keep a careful watch on things, it's always a bad idea to let your guard down in a room of vampires.
But thoughts of Sookie are so very appealing.
He almost hopes Bill kills him for it.