A/N: I am very happy that some of you found my other story funny and hope that you like this one as well. I had originally planned this to be a one shot, but it kind of got out of control. I am working on the other story. I have not abandoned it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

warning: Foul language, AU, Sasuke's dirty mind

Sasuke closed the door behind him carefully and let out a breath. He turned around, in the process of putting on his coat. He had gotten one arm in, when he saw Neji walking towards him in the corridor. He smiled, "Neji, m' man, what's up?" He finished putting on his coat and thumped Neji on his shoulder.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you. Well – more like Itachi was looking for you, and I got roped into it as usual. "

Sasuke still continued to smile. Neji followed, suspicious. The only time when Sasuke smiled like that was right after –

Sasuke clapped a bell boy, who was crossing them, on the shoulder and pressed a wad of bills into his hand. He jerked his head towards the door he had just come out from, "Hey kid, call a cab for the lady after she wakes up" He paused "– and make sure she gets home safe."

The boy was all smiles. There'd be plenty of money left over for him after the cab. He beamed at Sasuke,"Yes sir, Mr. Uchiha" Sasuke was, after all, a regular customer in their hotel. He hurried to do Sasuke's bidding.

Neji stopped, horrified. "Were you just – " he spluttered in disbelief, " Were you having sex just now? " Sasuke just smiled at him and continued walking, adjusting his coat on his shoulders. Neji looked at his own shoulder, completely disgusted. Another shirt I'll have to burn.

The first thing Sasuke saw after entering Itachi's office was, of course Itachi. Who was, of course livid. Sasuke could tell. He could also tell that Itachi was going to try his damnedest not to lose his temper in front of Sasuke. Not if I can help it. Sasuke made it his personal mission for the next half an hour to make Itachi lose his cool. "I'm glad you could finally join us "

Sasuke smiled. "You're welcome.

"What were you doing?" Sasuke could see Itachi's jaw muscles working, gritting his teeth.

"Fucking." Sasuke mock frowned and continued "– But I couldn't miss the meeting, job comes first after all, so here I am." He finished with arms spread.

"The meeting is tomorrow Sasuke." He noticed Itachi's eyebrow twitching and continued on.

"Tomorrow? Are you sure?"

Itachi's chest rose and fell with the deep calming breaths he was taking. "Yes Sasuke, the meeting that got over two hours ago, was today. The follow up meeting is tomorrow. I told your secretary to inform you"

"Hn, she didn't tell me that"

"If not her job, then what was your assistant doing?"

Sasuke smirked, "Me"

Itachi stood up finally, fuck staying in control, "Don't you care about the company affairs at all?"

"Of course I do, I start them after all."

Itachi swallowed, determined not to let Sasuke get to him, "You are going to be in the meeting tomorrow, yes"

It didn't sound like a question, and Sasuke didn't like that. "Well, since I wasn't in the first meeting, there's no sense in coming to the follow up" And with that, he walked out, hearing Itachi throw his paperweight at the door an instant before he closed it. Sasuke smirked. Mission accomplished.

Sasuke was in his office, his feet crossed on top of his desk and leaning back on his comfortable but cost effective ergonomic chair. Contrary to general opinion, Sasuke didn't like to flaunt his wealth. He hated all of his pompous so called blood relatives. Except his dear Mama, the only one who actually gave a fuck about Sasuke's happiness. Sasuke was sure that the only reason he hadn't been disowned so far was because his father couldn't bear the thought of breaking his mother's heart. His father however, would love nothing more than to throw him out on his disrespectful ass.

Neji was sitting in the chair opposite the large desk, also with his legs crossed on top of it. He was a little queasy about coming in contact with said desk, seeing as it had been the scene of the crime of Sasuke's many escapades. But if that were the case, he wouldn't be able to touch anything in here.

They were smoking cigars. Big ones. Ones that probably caused a special type of cancer. Sasuke stopped giving a crap a long time ago. Neji, his best friend, indulged him once in a while.

Neji let out a mouthful of smoke towards the ceiling. "So, how did the meeting with Itachi go?"

Sasuke shrugged, "Like usual"

"So you left before he could kill you?" Sasuke's smirk answered him. "What did he throw this time?"

"His imported coral reef paperweight." Neji winced, "Ouch."

"Yeah well, I'm sure the coral reef went through much more pain to provide him with a paper weight."

They were quiet for what seemed like a long time, "You have to stop hating at one point Sasuke." Sasuke chose to remain silent.

Sasuke was in a public school when younger. He had had many friends, most, if not all of them, were from less fortunate families. Though he wasn't from the same world as them in the strictest sense, the other kids still accepted him as one of their own. Sasuke after all, was nice, considerate and extremely loyal. So he didn't understand when one by one the kids would disappear, and the remaining kids would start hating him more and more. It wasn't until one of his closest friends started a fist fight with him, that he understood what was going on. Sasuke's family's business was opening up franchises left and right, causing tens of hundreds of families to lose their livelihoods. Sasuke's aforementioned friend's family came under that list. The boy's mother had died of some illness, the treatment for which, the boy's bankrupt father couldn't hope to pay for. He had killed himself soon after, in a fit of despair and guilt. Sasuke's friend had become an orphan.

Sasuke confronted his family the same day, still bleeding from the cut on his lip that his former friend had caused. His father had merely been enraged that Sasuke let a blow land on him, while Itachi stood silently, not uttering a word. His mother fussed over him, trying to calm him down and tending to his wounds. He stopped bleeding soon enough, thanks to her care. But the wound in his heart never healed. The very next day, Sasuke was sent to the city's most prestigious private boarding school. There he met Neji Hyuga.

Neji and Sasuke didn't get along, at all. Neji was polite and dignified at all times while Sasuke, now not caring much for his family's cold bloodedness, was simply put, a delinquent. They never saw eye to eye, often getting into fist fights over the silliest of reasons. It was during one such fight, while hurling insults at each other, that they found out that they had more in common than previously conceived.

Neji, while being at the top of his class (after Sasuke), being one of the most popular students (after Sasuke) and being the most loved by his teachers (Sasuke wasn't included in this list), was never thought of as being good enough by his family. His father was proud of him, sure. But apparently, the rest of his family didn't quite agree. After Neji's father – the family head, passed away, the rest of Neji's family had provided a small fortune to him and his mother and set them aside. His rightful place as the head, now taken over by his once beloved Uncle.

After the revelation, still covered in their own sweat and blood, they had decided to get drunk. On the path to inebriation, Sasuke had felt a close bond with Neji - a feeling that he had made a lifelong friend. After almost ten years now, at the age of twenty four, he could say with confidence, that he was right.

Friendship formed over blood, booze and smoke. Sasuke smirked, looking out of his window at the cityscape.

Sasuke was standing in the middle of the office floor, amidst utter chaos. He might smoke, drink his own weight in alcohol and have slept with more women than he cared to remember, but he did his job and had absolutely zero tolerance for anything that might lead to the work not getting done. Which was why, he was currently fucking pissed at the total and utter ineptitude of the people working under him.

Neji was standing next to him, talking to the poor girl who was totally confused about why her boss was glaring at her murderously. Said boss rubbed his forehead, taking a deep calming breath. He imagined Itachi. Then, imagined Itachi after Sasuke had dyed his hair pink while Itachi slept. Sasuke opened his eyes, now much calmer. And then, felt the world stop.

There, right in front of him, was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Beautiful, soft, blonde hair and eyes as blue and clear as a summer day.

"– your bodyguard."

Sasuke came back to earth. Dark eyebrows drawn together, "huh?" he asked distractedly. He had noticed in the back of his mind that the office sounds had started again, but couldn't for the life of him move his eyes away from the blue ones in front of him. Neither did he want to.

That was, until his view was blocked. Sasuke focused his eyes to see his brother standing in front of him, looking slightly peeved. Damn Itachi. "As I was saying, Sasuke, meet Naruto" Here he gestured at the blonde "your bodyguard"

Sasuke raised his eyebrow. Huh. He had not expected that.

"I don't need a bodyguard Itachi." But I certainly won't mind having him around.

"Too bad. You are getting one. Maybe now you will show up to meetings in time." He paused. "Or at the very least, show up." With one last disapproving look at Sasuke and the surely unsatisfactory managing of his office, he left, finally allowing the hot blonde to speak, "Good morning. I'm Naruto Uzumaki. I am here as a part of the Hatake securitys agency". He held out his hand for a handshake.

Sasuke put on his best 'I'm sexy' smirk and drawled, " Sasuke Uchiha." He gently took the offered hand and kissed the back of it.

The blonde ignored it, expression unchanged, "I know, your brother introduced you when you were zoned out. "

Sasuke's smirk dimmed a little. Ignoring the snort from Neji, he continued, unphased, "Yes. I tend to do that when faced with such a beautiful sight."

"I'm sorry to hear about your ADD". Neji started snickering. Sasuke blinked, having trouble comprehending what was happening.

"Now, I'll have to take your leave, I need to meet with Mr. Itachi regarding some details of my assignment." The blonde left, leaving Sasuke confused and Neji laughing away.

They were back in Sasuke's office. Sasuke had a document, which he needed to go through, in front of him. But his mind wasn't there. It was on the blonde, and on certain parts of the blonde. He still couldn't believe he got blown off so casually. Usually, people were falling all over themselves to please him. He glared at the document sitting innocently in front of him.

"Zoning out on faced with such a beautiful document Sasuke?"

"Shut up Neji"

Sasuke sighed, running a hand through his dark hair in frustration, messing it up in the process. He needed to get this report reviewed, but couldn't focus. The hot blonde informed him that, as Sasuke's bodyguard, he was to be in his vicinity at all times, just in case. That single sentence conjured up so many dirty images in his head that he had to sit down.

Making a show of rubbing a hand over his eyes, he secretly ogled the blonde sitting towards his right. He was sitting on a comfy sofa, with his legs crossed at the knees and the layout of the building in his hand. He really was hot. With a slim build and long, long legs that seemed to go on forever. And that ass, Sasuke mentally groaned. That should be made illegal. All plump and perfect. He shifted in his chair.

"I believe the document is in your hand " Blue eyes were looking at him, accompanied with one raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, it's a hard one to – decipher". Sasuke pasted a smile on his face, trying to salvage the situation. "I think I'll be having it in my hand all night trying to get rid of it." Sasuke ran a hand down his face, not believing what was coming out of his mouth.

The blonde was looking at the plans again, but Sasuke could have sworn that he saw him smile.

Neji was leaning against the counter of the restroom, arms crossed. "So, what are we doing here?"

Sasuke was walking to and fro in the space available. As entertaining as it was to see Sasuke look like he was losing his mind, Neji was getting bored. He tried getting his friend's attention. "Sasuke"

Sasuke didn't stop pacing. "I want to do things." Neji sighed. "That's nice Sasuke", he spoke indulgently. Sasuke stopped and rubbed the palm of his right hand on his hair furiously. "To him." He finished, looking at Neji with serious eyes. Neji however, was distracted by the thought that Sasuke looked very much like a rooster.

Sasuke was getting annoyed. Here he was, saying something so important, and his friend wasn't even paying attention. "Neji", he snapped. Said friend snapped out of it. "Yeah. You want to do something to him." Then paused, frowning, "To whom?" Did Sasuke mention that?

"You know. The blonde" at Neji's confusion, he pressed further, "The hot blonde, you asshole." Ah.

"You know, we should probably stop calling him that. He has a name right?" Neji finished after thinking, "Naruto I think." Sasuke nodded absently, "Naruto Uzumaki, works for Hatake securitys, blonde hair, blue eyes."

"How do you know all that?" Neji asked in a confused voice.

"How do I kno – " Sasuke growled under his breath, " 'cause I have eyes, dumbass. Are you even listening?"

The other man looked at him strangely for almost a full minute. "You look like a rooster."

"I look like a what now?"

"A rooster, with the – " here Neji gestured vaguely at Sasuke's hair.

Sasuke was quiet for twenty seconds, completely baffled before he snapped, "I swear, I'm going to fucking slap you if you don't start listening now."

Neji rolled his eyes. Such a drama queen. "Have you tried, oh I don't know, not wanting to do things?"

Neji got a flat look from Sasuke as a reply. "Right, I thought I was speaking to someone with self control." "And why are we here anyway?"

"Because, I don't want him to find out that we're talking about him."

"Right, of course." Sasuke was clearly in one of his many moods. This one being, his 'fucking crazy' mood.

"I don't even get why he's a bodyguard. He's the one who needs his body guarded." Despite Sasuke's crude comment, Neji had to agree with his friend on that. Naruto didn't really look like any bodyguard he had seen before. He looked like a very pretty model. And tiny, when compared to Sasuke and himself.

"I think it's more to keep you in line rather than to protect you."

Sasuke scowled. Fucking Itachi. "Yeah, probably."

"You said that he has to be with you at all times? Even at your home? "

Sasuke nodded, "Almost. Yeah, he's staying at my place."

"Well then, that's your chance to seduce him and worm yourself into his pants. You should be fine after you get him out of your system, right? All you need to do is satisfy your libido and you'll be as good as new."

Sasuke brightened up, "You're right". Neji rubbed his forehead. I really need to work on my sarcasm.

The Uchiha opened the door slowly having his head turned back towards Neji, "I wouldn't be shocked if he knew what we were talking about". He heard a scoff. "That's ridiculous. Though, you think he might kill you if he did?"

Sasuke turned around, stepping out of the restroom, and almost jumped seeing their topic of discussion standing in front of them. Naruto was standing right in front of the door with his arms crossed and his feet apart, looking like he knew that the Uchiha and his friend were the only ones inside,"You done?"

Sasuke could hear his own pulse in his ear, "Yeah, we can go home now"

"Are you sure? Don't you want to do things?" Naruto asked with a raised eyebrow, turned and started walking towards the main entrance without waiting for an answer.

Sasuke and Neji shared a look. Whoa. Smirking, the Hyuga then clapped his friend on his shoulder and followed Naruto's example by walking away. Sasuke watched Neji's retreating back for a couple of seconds.

He then hurried behind the blonde, following him outside, alternating between freaking out and staring at his ass.

Sasuke's home was a rather spacious albeit sparsely furnished apartment. He had moved out of his family's home soon after graduation, right after dumping a truckload of manure inside his father's car – and Itachi's. The whole place was furnished in varying tones of blacks and blues with plenty of windows, designed to make maximum use of natural light. Sasuke loved the place. It may not have been in the best zip code ever, but it was his. There was just one problem, it had had only one bedroom – A fact that Neji had often complained about, whenever he stayed over and had to crash on the couch, with Sasuke ignoring said complaints.

Sasuke sighed, "Ok, you take the bed, I'll take the couch."

Naruto looked at him like he was crazy, which to be honest, Sasuke was beginning to suspect of himself too. "It's ok Mr. Uchiha. I'll take the couch"

"Now, what kind of a gentleman would I be, if I let someone as beautiful as you sleep on that lumpy couch?"

Naruto closed his eyes slowly and opened them again,"You're my client sir, I can't make you sleep on the couch."

Sasuke smirked," You're not making me, are you?"

Naruto simply stared back. If Sasuke played this right, he could have the pretty, pretty blonde in his bed tonight. He put on his best befuddled face and spoke, "Hmm, looks like we have quite the quandary on our hands"