She had been so foolish. When Cullen had looked at her after Haven, like he was thirsting and she the water that trickled through his fingers, her stomach had twisted into a thousand knots. No one special caught your interest she'd queried curiously, a question that had sparked a quick spreading flame between them. I want to talk she'd said, and she'd meant it. It was Cullen, after all, who'd captured her in a tongue tangling kiss, not once but twice. That was that, she'd thought then; girl meets boy, boy kisses girl, long live their happily ever after.
She had been so foolish. Maerwynne had spent her life living in fairy tales, had been told her place wasn't to worry about the truths of real life. But the bonds of make-believe lay broken at her feet now, the reality that she'd longed for looking set to crash and burn alongside them. I should be taking it he'd said, a gloved fist struck and shook his bookshelf, I should be taking it. Maerwynne had agreed for one heartbeat, for with every new pulse that passed between them a decade of their life together turned to ash in front of her very eyes. No, she'd told herself, this wasn't about her nor them. This was a remnant of a life he lived without her, this was his choice; if he wished to live a life free from chains she wouldn't deny him, for she also had longed for that life far too long.
He'd sent her a message not ten minutes ago: May I speak with you? I'll be on the battlements. She'd felt like pacing and procrastinating, her last memory of him still haunted her heart. Not just his craving or ire, but also the way he'd looked at her as she'd told him he was strong enough; one touch from her was all it had taken to un clench his fist and un furl his brow. Maerwynne wasn't sure if she could be that for him then, a lone star when the world grew dark. Now she longed to tell him otherwise, so here she was; throat dry and belly flipping like her cat, Jolly, used to as he'd pounce on old socks. Maerwynne shook the smile from her face, no distractions she scolded herself as she mounted the stone steps. The sight of Cullen, serene and smiling, greeted her as she reached the peak. His eyes were closed as she approached him; a thousand ways to say I love you teasing her tongue until she felt too foolish to say it. She vowed instead to tell him how she'd hold him through a thousand thunderous nights, how she'd soothe him during every rainy day. Maybe the gossips would say she was a fool, a fool in love most definitely; but, Maerwynne mused as Cullen looked to her as though she held his peace in her palms, she'd rather be a fool than a coward.