AN: Okay so I finally managed to get this companion to amnesia finished after all the reworking and redoing for some reason each time I figured I had it done, I wanted to change something which changed the entire story. But finally it's finished. 'Amnesia' is chapter 13 in Careese Themes if you want a refresher on it. Sorry it took so long but I have a few other things that have been waiting around for me to get too as well. I'm posting it in full because it's two chapters as it's just too long.
One thing the part that's in italics is a dream sequence :D
"John I never did get to thank you for everything that you've done for me with getting Quinn to the FBI, with helping me during that time," she whispered as they drank the wine they opened.
"You never have to thank me, Joss." He smiled, before holding up the wine glass. "Since this is the first time we got to see each other since Simmons tried to kill us both, I think it's the perfect time for a toast."
"I'm all for that!" she grinned happily, holding her glass up too.
"To you being reinstated as an NYPD Homicide detective, where you deserve to be," John said. She clinked her glass with his.
John had asked her to dinner, which was a rarity in itself. John rarely had time to himself, he was always working a new number, and tonight had been relaxing and fun. The dinner was at a nice restaurant, they got to actually talk, and no one interrupted them. He offered her a nightcap at his place, and she greedily took him up on his offer. John had never invited her to his place before and she was dying to see that side of him. She knew so much about him, yet so little.
They sipped the red wine, eyes on one another, and she suddenly pulled the glass back. "You know this is the first time I was ever invited here."
"That's because no one ever comes here."
"Not even Zoe," she laughed. "…your special friend?"
"Not even Zoe," he chuckled as he gulped down the last of his wine. "The only person who's been here has been Finch, well Maxine when she was being targeted and I had to bring her here, and now you."
"I feel special," she said as she leaned back on his couch, drawing her legs up, and resting them in his lap. His eyes met hers. "You don't share a lot about yourself, John."
"It's better that way."
"Why?"
"I'm not meant to have relationships, Joss."
"Who says?"
"The job I do, it sort of dictates me being alone." He looked away, before gently removing her legs from his lap and stood up. She had a feeling he didn't want to be alone. "It's getting late, you should be getting home," he said without looking at her.
"Are you kicking me out?" she teased as she stood up.
"No, but I think it's best if you go."
"Why?" She slid her pumps back on. He didn't bother to respond to her, he was taking the bottle of wine and glasses into his kitchen. He was sans suit blazer, his dress shirt unbuttoned and untucked, and it was a nice sight, seeing him loosen up a bit. John was a bit stiff sometimes, he didn't have an enjoyable life, and it made her sad. She had girlfriends she hung out with, her son, and she even went out on dates. Well not recently, but previously. She walked her way over to where he stood putting his wine glasses into the sink. "John, you need to enjoy life a little," she said. He turned and she took his hand, determined to not let John believe his life was all about saving the numbers and then dying. She wasn't going to let that happen.
He cocked a brow when she rested her other hand on his shoulder. "What are you doing?"
"We are going to dance, duh."
"With no music?" he muttered as they slowly swayed together. She smiled slowly as she burrowed closer to him, softly humming a tune that she was sure he had no idea what it was. "What song is that?"
"It's called Halo."
"Never heard of it."
"Of course you haven't, you haven't gotten out of the eighteenth century, John! But, my son Taylor's ex-girlfriend used to play that song religiously at the house. It's by Beyoncé," she said, and judging by his indifferent look he clearly had no idea who the hell Beyoncé was. Man, she needed to get John cultured. "That's it, I'm taking you to a concert."
"I am not a concert going type, Carter."
"What about baby you?"
"Excuse me?" John's eyes widened and surprised laughter escaped him. "Baby me?"
"Yeah, the baby you, when you were a teenager, were you a concert goer then?"
"Were you?" he asked evasively.
"Hell yeah, me and my friends went to a lot of concerts. I went to three Aerosmith concerts in my hay-day, and an Alice Cooper one."
"You're an Alice Cooper fan?"
"More my friend was, I just wanted to go because it was a free ticket." She smiled. "Now come on, John, when you were a care free kid did you go to concerts, do anything fun, or were you a stick in the mud?"
John smiled as he stared down into her eyes. "No, my dad was dead by my teenage years and I worked odd jobs helping my mom pay bills." That actually sounded exactly like John.
"No concerts, no nothing?"
"When you don't have money to pay for the tickets Joss, you can't go to any concerts." she stared at him without even realizing they had stopped dancing and were just holding one another. Joss was getting a glimpse into who he was, and that mattered more to her than dancing to fake music. But it seemed like John wasn't ready to reveal anything more, because he stepped back from her arms, and cleared his throat. "But to answer your question, no, I never went to any concerts even as a young adult."
"Did you get to do anything fun?"
"Carter, you should go."
"Fine, be secretive, but just so you know, John, you don't have to live your life alone. You're attractive, you have a good alias, and you are in a better place emotionally so you are a catch for any woman," Joss said and immediately began running through the list of her friends who were single. She ran through it mentally and not one single and unattached friend of hers came to mind that would be good enough for this man.
"I need to be alone, Carter."
"Why? Why do you have to be alone?"
"Because the one I want doesn't want me the same way I want her. And no other woman compares to her."
She snorted, he must be talking about Zoe Morgan, and that was a load of bologna! "Oh come on, of course Zoe wants you."
"I'm not talking about Zoe," he said quietly, not looking at her in the eyes.
Her eyes widened as a cheeky smirk tugged her lips up. "Oh my god, John, do you have a crush on someone?!" she asked in shock and his cheeks actually turned a light pink color. "Oh my god, you do! You are seriously crushing on someone! Who is she? Who is she?" she demanded.
"What are we, back in grade school?" he demanded with an attempt at contempt in his tone. She rolled her eyes at that remark. She poked him in the side, teasingly. She wanted to pull out the playful side of John, knowing he was screaming to come out. She was determined to make him have some fun. "Joss…" his tone a warning.
"How often do I get the chance at teasing you about having a crush, not often, so suck it up!" She didn't know why she was so hot for the answer. Maybe it was because John was a very private person and his eyes had given him away about crushing on a woman. Plus, his blushing was adorable and he just deserved happiness, so if she could help him get his woman than maybe he would smile more often. She wanted that, he meant a lot to her.
"Go home, Carter." He groaned and she poked him in the side again.
"Oh come on, tell me….it's not Shaw is it?" Joss asked a little weirded out by that. Shaw and John just didn't have that vibe. John's look said it all.
"No," he said resounding.
Joss made a face. "Root then?"
"GOD, NO!" He actually sounded ill at the mere mention of him and Root.
"Well who then? If it's not Zoe, Shaw, or Root, who is it?" she demanded. He turned to look at her, mumbled something, and his lips crashed onto hers without warning. She stood still in shock. John's mouth was on hers and oh did it feel so good. His lips were gentle, her arms wrapped around his neck, and she happily kissed him back. John's first kiss in the morgue had been sweet, the conversation had been intense, and it felt like a natural culmination of that. But she never in a million years believed John had a crush on her and damned if she didn't feel giddy that he did.
The gentle kiss went straight out the window as he pulled her flush up against him and she moaned as they pressed against one another. Okay, John Reese didn't just have a crush on her, judging by the stiffening she felt against her belly. His tongue slipped into her mouth, his hand disappeared into her hair while the other cupped her neck. She slid her hands from being locked around his neck, to slide them down his back, and rest on his hips. Her back hit the refrigerator, as he pressed her up against it, and his mouth got a little bit more demanding.
All rational thoughts died in her brain as his tongue licked hers. John pushed out of the kiss, leaving her a bit grumpy that he did. "Me?" she was aiming for coy but her voice came out a little high. Being kissed like he just kissed her did that to a woman. When John just stared at her, she swallowed hard.
"Go now, before I can't stop." He whispered as his way of an answer to her question.
"Maybe I don't want you to stop," she whispered right back. Was this the right move for them, she didn't know, but what she did know was she hadn't been kissed with that sort of passion in a long while and she wanted it to continue.
"I need you to be sure."
"I'm sure, please, John I want you too," she said and it seemed she said the right thing because John's mouth crushed onto hers once more, his knee slipping between her legs, and his hands palmed her breasts. She tugged her lips free as she groaned hotly as his knee brushed her intimately. "John…"
"Joss," he whispered in her ear.
"Yes," she whimpered as she squirmed in his hold.
"Joss, wake up, please don't be dead because you choked on your own spit." He moaned in her ear. She blinked as she eyed him. What?—that wasn't exactly the sexiest thing a girl wanted to hear moaned in her ear! "JOSS, WAKE UP!"
She was irritable as she was slowly dragged from unconsciousness, with a series of shakes. What the hell? Joss, tried to ignore the shaking, but found it near impossible when it got worse. She sighed annoyed; well there went the idea of returning to dreamland. Joss cracked one eye open, finding John leaning over her, and shaking her.
"Good, you're alive." He sounded relieved as both her eyes managed to open. He was peering down at her, so she rolled onto her back, his knee bumping her hip. He looked so good, rumpled. His hair was sticking up in several directions, he had sleepy eyes, obviously having fallen asleep beside her, and a relaxed expression. "I was worried about you," he said quietly, his concern fleeing.
"Who could sleep through the manmade earthquake," she said as she yawned, seeing a crooked smile graced his lips. She stared at his mouth. "Aren't you going to kiss me good morning, John?" she wondered. His smile disappeared as he sat back, letting her sit up.
They sat beside one another on the bed. "Do you remember anything?" he questioned looking at his hands.
She sighed irritable. "No, John." She admitted despondently.
"Maybe it wasn't that memorable for you," he made a move to leave the bed, but she grabbed his wrist tightly.
"Don't," she snapped. He turned to look her in the eyes, surprised by her anger. "Don't do that, it's not fair to me! Yes I left you, which I still don't know why I did it, but until I can remember that night in question you do not get to jump to your own conclusions."
"You're right, I'm sorry," he mumbled out the apology.
She smiled a little before releasing her death grip on his wrist. "Can you do me a favor, John?"
He turned to gaze into her eyes. "If I can."
"Just tell me what happened that night," she pleaded.
John stared at her, before exhaling softly. "You came to my place to celebrate you being reinstated as a detective, where you teased and pestered me about my concert going or lack thereof."
She blinked and felt excited. "Wait, that happened?" so her dream was a memory? No way! She bounced happily on the bed. "I remembered something!" she squealed in delight.
"What did you remember, Joss?" God was she so cute, bouncing like she just won the lottery, then he frowned. If he told Joss he thought she was cute, she'd shoot him repeatedly.
"I was dreaming about our night John, I thought it was just an erotic dream about you but it was a memory!" Joss said so animated.
She wanted to fan herself. That memory was hot with a capital H, she couldn't wait to remember their full night! "I dreamt that I teased you about concert going, about you having a crush, we danced to imaginary music, and then made out in your kitchen!"
He eyed her oddly. "Well, you are getting some of your memories back but some of that is wrong." And like that she felt crushed.
"What was right?" Please let him say the makeout was right!
He sighed. "The talking about concerts and you teasing me about having a crush are right."
Joss nearly pouted, so that steamy makeout session wasn't real. "So we never made out in your kitchen the night we slept together?"
He shifted in bed looking uncomfortable. "No, we never made out in my kitchen."
"Okay, well what the hell kind of night did we have, John? Did we just yank our clothes off and get in bed?" That didn't sound like her. She would want foreplay, besides her body remembered his lips, so she was sure they at least kissed at some point that night.
"We did not just yank our clothes off and hop into the sack," he agreed. "But you should really remember this on your own, Joss."
She shook her head. "I don't want to wait that long John, what if I never remember?! Did we makeout anywhere in your place?"
"Joss…" he hedged, clearly not wanting to speak about the night.
"Come on, at least tell me that much."
"We kissed."
She snorted. "I know we kissed! I asked did we makeout, John!" she huffed, not about to let him wiggle out of telling her the answer she desperately wanted to know.
"What's the difference?" he demanded. She glared at him.
"Fine the difference is; did we kiss like kids who were learning how to, or did we full-on makeout where your tongue was rammed down my throat?" Getting answers out of John was like pulling teeth.
"Oh," he said, then flashed her a shy smile. "Yes, we made out."
"Where?"
"Joss…." He groaned. "Talking about that night is not good for me," he said before slipping from the bed. She eyed him south of the border, smiling at the erection she saw. Aha, now she knew the reason why he was so adamant about NOT speaking about their night together. Thinking about it was making him hard and she'd bet so was waking up beside her. Joss felt bloodthirsty to remember something that caused John this sort of reaction.
"Well, there is one way I might be able to remember, maybe if you would give a girl a repeat, it might jog my memory," she suggested, earning her a scowl. "As if you can tell me you don't want me, Mr. Happy down there kind of gives you away, John," she stated with a huff and a blatant look between his legs.
"Joss of course I still want you, I've wanted you for a very long time. But having sex with you so you can remember isn't happening. We don't even know why you left." He looked away. He would love nothing more than to make love to her again if he knew why she left in the first place. He didn't want to make things worse for them when she did remember. What if it was heaven on earth for him, while it had done nothing for her? He didn't want to put her in the position where she felt obligated to him for anything, he'd rather be just her friend than lose her completely.
She looked at him. "Fine, will you at least kiss me, try to jog my memory. They are floating just out of reach, it's like I can reach out and touch them, but I just don't know where," she said quietly. "Please John, I want to remember so I can tell you why I left you that night, please help me."
Her 'help me' got him, because Joss never asked for help and he would do anything for her. He loved her. It wasn't a good idea kissing her because he would want to deepen it, then kiss her body, and make love to her. But even though kissing Joss Carter wasn't good for his body or heart, he was helpless to stop himself after she asked so desperately.
"Since you asked so nicely," he muttered and she smiled at him as he leaned over her and hesitated, but she didn't seem to care to let him get ready because she swiftly lifted a little off the bed, taking his lips with her. He moaned at the feeling, he could kiss this woman forever. Her lips were so soft, nearly as soft as the rest of her. His brain was screaming 'danger' while his body said 'god yes' as her mouth coaxed his to open. Joss's tongue slipped into his mouth, and he tugged his mouth free taking a couple steps back from the bed.
She sat up in the middle of the bed, smiling triumphantly. "I knew it would work since, I remembered something about our night," she announced.
"What?"
Instead of answering him she crawled towards him, which gave him a look down her top, and he forced his eyes on hers. She sat on her knees, looking up at him, and she grabbed his hand. Joss watched him as she turned his wrist, showing the underside, and she brought it up to her mouth. Her eyes were tracking his as he watched her tongue lick across his veins. John shook a bit as a shiver wracked him, before tugging his wrist free.
"That," she purred, sitting back, appearing pleased with herself. "You enjoyed that and enjoyed what I did to you during our night together. I kept surprising you that night, finding spots that no woman ever had kissed him before."
He eyed her pleased and satisfied look. "Yes," he agreed. "You surprised me a lot that night."
"I don't remember where but I found a spot that had you moaning like crazy…." She eyed his body from head to toe before a tight V formed on her forehead as she concentrated. "…but damn it, I can't remember where."
He looked away not about to tell her he knew exactly what she was talking about. He was sure no woman ever had made him feel like she did in bed. She had taken her time to learn what he enjoyed. Kara, Zoe, and even Jessica had been easily distracted to never realize he didn't allow them to inspect his body, finding spots that made him feel vulnerable. John never wanted the women he slept with to see who he truly was, afraid they would reject him once they learned the truth. That he wasn't as strong or mysterious as they thought of him because he yearned and craved the same thing as anyone on earth: to belong somewhere and with someone. So he hid himself during sex, diverting the women was easy since he was no stranger to oral sex, but that night with Joss it hadn't operated that way. No matter how many times he tried to distract her, she roamed her hands and mouth over him, and found spots that made him moan and weak in the knees.
John had been so lost in thought that he hadn't noticed or felt Joss standing in front of him with her arms wrapped around his neck. "John, it's like you're not even here right now," she said quietly. "Where did you just go?"
He blinked, before gently removing her arms from his neck. "I'm fine." Touching her wasn't good for his body. She had the ability to make him lose himself which was not a good thing.
"Well since you came back from la-la land, I guess I should retell you my idea since it's clear you didn't hear me the first time," she said with a chuckle.
He furrowed his brows. "What idea?"
She gave him an 'I told you so' look, before speaking. "Take me to your place, it might jog my memory of that night."
Take her to his place? Was that even a good idea? He couldn't even spend any time in there anymore because he would be walloped with memory after memory of their night together. But maybe if she remembered their night together, then he would know why she left, and he would then know how to proceed. "Alright, we better get dressed."