"Aku cinta kamu" whispered Magnus into Alec's ear, and then the Shadowhunter was left with nothing but air in his arms and tears in his eyes. He thought he and Magnus had the real deal, the kind of overwhelming love that could forgive anything. Now, it would seem apparently not. He cursed himself for being so foolish, for falling for the trap. He should have known better, weren't the warnings so obvious all along? And yet he had to mess things up spectacularly. But now he was trapped alright, with the worst possible punishment Alec could face.
He was in the trap of love.
Love, so impossibly gripping that every waking moment of his spent, Magus was never far from his mind, ever since that one fateful Brooklyn party.
He'd always thought Magnus would forgive his mistakes, and time and again, the warlock did. They'd rowed and had their ups and downs as any other couple, disagreements that were cold and warranting the slamming of doors. But never an error of Alec had been unable to overcome.
Until now.
Alec gingerly squatted down onto the cold stone floor. A train rumbled nearby in the
tracks above him, loud enough to muffle his pained groans.
His body was weary, his head was pounding.
Oh, life was so cruel indeed. To give him Magnus and take him away because of it.
Alec stared at his hands.
He'd made a mistake alright, but he honestly didn't mean to. He had told Magnus over and over he was sorry. But Magnus still wouldn't forgive.
Alec cursed his life.
For it cost him his one love.
For life made him repulsive to Magnus.
For life aged him.
Alec's wrinkled hands stared back at him.
Alec shot straight up, sweating profusely. The sheets were still tangled around his torso, seemingly constricting him. He was breathing heavily. "Alec?" Magnus reached across and grasped his hands. "Was it another nightmare?" the warlock asked softly. Alec nodded swiftly, and gripped the warm, brown hands of his lover so tight till the bones popped alarmingly. Magnus didn't say anything but pulled Alec into a warm embrace. "You-you, you left me again, " Alec said, almost accusingly. Magnus looked at him sorrowfully, "Alec, you know that till this day, that was one of my worse mistakes." Alec sighed, "I know, Magnus. Me too. But this time, it was so real. It was because I-I was old. " Magnus silently stroked Alec's back, comforting him as Alec babbled on. "You left me, you said it was because I was not the Alec you fell in love with anymore. You had fallen in love with the younger me, the one with energy and life, with innocent curiosity and vulnerability, and the eagerness and enthusiasm coupled with the adoring shyness, you said. Now that I was old, I was more tired, and ill-tempered, and not as..." Alec trailed off, his eyes widening at the unseen horror in Magnus's face. He choked and said, "Not as exciting. I was boring you. I was dull."
"Alec, you know that that will never happen. It is an impossibility. It is wholly ridiculous. I love you not because you are exciting, (not that you aren't,) but because of you, Alexander Gideon Lightwood. I love you because of the way you would automatically give up your life for Jace. I love you because of the way you would leave out coffee for me in the morning. I love you because of the way you burnt my kitchen trying to make my favorite dish. For the way you stay for every single one of my parties, even if it is inside a locked bedroom. For the way you are my first for watching the sunrise with. For the way you let Chairman Meow scratch your sweaters uncomplainingly. For the way you learnt how to speak Indonesian for me. For the way you once let Isabelle pleat and dye your hair purple. For the way you asked Simon about Clary's art interests, just so you could pick out a good Christmas present for her. For the way you silently let Jace laugh at you with orange glitter in your hair (Don't listen to him darling, you looked gorgeous.) . Those things are you, Alec. Not your looks. Not the way our relationship entertains me. I would love you, Alec, even if you reincarnated as a bloody Moloch demon. Though that would be disgusting. But still."
Alec stared at Magnus, who started to get increasingly worried as Alec was still so quiet after quite a while. "I'm going to the bathroom," the Shadowhunter said abruptly. He slid off the bed and shut the bathroom door behind him firmly.
Magnus sat up in the bed, stumped. Was it something he said? "Alec," he called out weakly. Even though the squeaking noises continued, with the flushing and running of water, Magnus knew Alec was listening. "Alec, did I say something wrong?" A short silence. Then, "No. You said it all perfectly. " The knot in Magnus' chest loosened slightly. "Magnus, is it true? The stuff in my dream, that you loved me because of my innocence and energy and all that... And don't lie," Alec said, his voice slightly dampened by the door. Magnus swallowed. This was a most difficult question to answer.
"Alec, " he started hesitantly. "It is true, that I love you for all that, but even if you grow old, even if you are sixty or seventy, it doesn't matter because you will always, always have those qualities. You will never be not exuberant, nor not full of life, I am sure you will go down fighting the last Behemoth demon, even if it means resorting to dentures as a weapon. You will always be slightly bashful, not because you lack confidence, but because you have an abundance of humility. And you are still so vulnerable and tender, and innocent, though you have plenty of strength in you Alec, it's just that you need someone to draw it out. And I'm hoping that you would let me be that someone. "
A tentative silence hung in the air. Not a hair stirred. Then a soft click, and warm, mellow light spilled out onto the bedsheets.
Magnus made his decision, got up and strode resolutely across to the bathroom. Alec sat at the edge of the bathtub, with a look in his eyes unfathomable to anyone else but Magnus, who knew him best. Magnus walked forward, and enveloped Alec in a bone-crushing hug, immersing himself in the comforting scent of Alec. Of the scent of faded sweaters, of bravery mingled with self-doubt, of the scent of a blue-eyed boy that held a warlock's heart in his palms. He opened his eyes, and gasped in surprise. Written on the bathroom wall were the very words he wanted to say to Alec. But he said them anyway.
"Will you marry me?"