Notarized documents were one of Sheldon´s favorite things. That is why he bounded himself voluntarily to Amy Farrah Fowler with a paper headed The Relationship Agreement. But once upon a time, there needs to be a meeting of people participating in the agreement – the annual state of the relationship summit. The time has come and, after three years, Amy demanded more and more attachments. This time she succeeded with a new category – a pet name.
Firstly, Sheldon thought no harm is going to be done if he agrees. But he did not realize how difficult will he find wishes of his girlfriend. He sort of got used to her calling him cuddles, but he had no idea he has to come up with an official pet name too. This was far out of his comfort zone.
Nicknames. As if they were some hippies in love. Why to create a pet name, when other people – in this case, parents – already done that job. She was Amy, the girlfriend and he was Sheldon, the boyfriend. Isn´t that enough?
"Isn´t that enough?" he asked her, when she was writing down rules and parameters for the nickname creation.
"No Sheldon. Other couples do it, why shouldn´t we?"
"Why we should? Look, Amy, since when are we like the other couples?" she made an unhappy, pissed off face and he took a deep breath to calm his nerves down.
He became quite rude to Amy, he was well aware of that. When they were only friends, he acted differently. No mocking, no forced hand-holding, but also no certainty. He just could not stand her going out with Stuart, and had no doubt it would contain other guys. Penny´s ex-boyfriend Zack, some random guy at work… no. Just no. Denial. He just could not stand it, so he came up with the Agreement. Suppressing jealousy was a hell on earth and in mind for him, and when she finally signed, he felt relief, but only for a short amount of time. Until he realized the effect she had on him. The power she held unconsciously over his mind. That made him angry, and that is why, sometimes, he is not the best boyfriend in the world he presents himself to be. But Amy is not complaining, at least not yet.
Sheldon hated February because of its cold weather and the date of 14th, Valentine´s day. Last year they spent calm, enjoyable evening at home in front of television, stuffing their stomach with pizza, but he had a feeling Amy will not be satisfied with that schedule anymore. However, before the big, gloomy day they are supposed to go through the Relationship Agreement, and he is obligated to obey and fulfill her requests. So, the evening before their special meeting, he canceled Lego fun time and sat behind table with a blank paper and a pencil in order to fulfill Amy´s wish. It is time to search for help in a part of brain he does not like to use – fantasy.
Create a pet name for her. A lovable nickname its meaning only they will understand. How is he supposed to do that? He pressed two fingers from each hand roughly to his scalp and begun massaging it. Think, Sheldon, think! He likes calling her by name, Amy, but sometimes, he uses other designation – for example vixen. He wrote it down on the paper and stared at the five letter word. Is it really appropriate? Would he be able to call her that in public or in front of his friends? Imagine the mocking afterwards! In relationships unexperienced doctor Cooper calling his girlfriend sounding so hot? He was no sex expert, but the crisscross letter reminded him people in bed getting dirty, dirty, dirty. Taking another deep breath, he wanted to cross it out – but could not bring himself to it. Amy is just his little vixen! But still, it is not the only nickname he wants to offer her.
What else? According to his eidetic memory, he remembered calling her once hotsy-totsy from Glendale. How did he even come up with such a nickname? His father used to say this about his mother all the time. When Sheldon was older and driven by curiosity, he searched the word in the fattest dictionary in the town´s library. He discovered this term was being used in the middle of 20th century referring a high-class hottie. Blushing, he never died to search for meaning of his father´s words again. But as years passed, he stopped connecting this term with his mother and once it just dropped out of his mouth. However, the problem again, he did not want to be this nickname mistaken for sexual harassment. Not even if it´s his girlfriend. Amy might take a wrong idea out of it. But despite his doubts, he wrote it down – with small, almost indecipherable letters.
Thirty minutes of thinking, two pet names to hand in. He felt desperate. None of his fantasy-used nicknames was good enough for her, both of them slightly offensive for his liking. A respected neurobiologist should not be called like others, ordinary girls. Amy surely would be happy with it, but he could not bring himself to call her that out loud. In his mind, it is okay. But in public, it is disrespectful. What it the most respected woman title in today´s society…?
The queen –or, the younger version – princess. An image popped out in his head, Amy in blue-yellow dress and red headband lying on the couch. Because his mom made him watch classic Disney movies, he knew Amy dressed up as Snow White. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who´s the fairest of them all? According to a magic mirror, Snow White was and is the fairest of them all. Sheldon would never admit it, but the black haired princess was his favorite. He was wondering if Amy knew and chose her costume to tease him. Amy is beautiful, flawless and the first princess of his mind. This suits her better than anything, he thought. With no hesitation, he added the nickname on the list and felt proud of himself.
But three is not the number of perfection for Sheldon Cooper, not now. Searching in his memory once again, there was the day when Amy started working at Caltech. That week he created two pet names out of nowhere – a moth and a cute little lump of wool. He had no idea why he called her moth, but the second naming had an obvious reason. His girlfriend often hid her body under layers of wool and polyester. She confessed to him the dress code belonged to her dead grandmother and he had no problem with the clothing. It made her look smart, fluffy and mysterious. Only few times on rare occasions he was allowed to see his girlfriend´s body shape – during the wedding and other important social occasions. Sheldon was grateful she did not show off her body on daily basis, it would be a really hard task for his brain to remain focus. Despite the fact he called her vixen many times, this was a pet name he would be comfortable with and explains his feelings for her perfectly.
He flinched. Feelings? Using fantasy was dangerous for a physicist like him. Looking at the list of few pet names but with a bunch of his feelings, the embarrassment grew bigger. This was too dangerous. Amy shouldn´t see how much feelings he has for her. With a simple movement, he opened a drawer next to his bed and let the paper slip in. Then he drew out another paper. In panic, looking around he started to write random things, but he couldn´t avoid the hidden meaning.
Vixen Fester – because the quirkiness made him fall for her
Hotsy-totsy Gollum – because he would love to refer to her as "my precious"
Snow White Princess Corncop – because corn reminds him of home
Cute little lump of wool Flaky – because she is friends with Cuddles
…because he has no courage to show her the real paper. Yet.