1
Why Her?
Oh Blaine, if only you loved me. Stop it right there I told myself, it's pretty clear that he is never going to. I just need to move on, but oh why did Blaine have to be so strikingly gorgeous? Here we are in the Lima Bean and Blaine, oh Blaine is drinking his coffee, and he seems so blissfully in peace. Blaine why won't you love me?
"Blaine have you ever wondered what it would be like to be in love with someone?" I asked trying to sound indifferent.
He looked at me with those beautiful eyes and smiled serenely, "Sure, I've wondered, but it seems like something that's hard to come by, you know?"
"Yeah, I know. I mean right now I'm in love with the most perfect person in the universe, and he doesn't even notice." I said with a frown.
"Don't worry; I'm sure he will eventually." He said with a cute smile. Oh Blaine, please it's you don't you see? I could never love anyone else the way I love you.
"I hope you're right Blaine." I said gazing into those gorgeous eyes. Then Blaine's phone rung and he looked curiously away.
"Hello Rachel." He said. "Oh, you do. I see, well, yeah I'd love to. That sound great, see you then." Then he put his phone back inside his pocket. "I have a date tonight." Blaine said. I think my heart just shattered.
"Really who is it?" I gasped. I barely managed, all I feel like doing right now is busting into tears.
"I have a date with Rachel." Blaine said happily.
It felt like someone punched a whole right through my heart, and then squished it in front me. RACHEL! Of all people, RACHEL! The one who is self centered, steals my spotlight, and everyone else's as well. Why her? Why RACHEL? Why must I always have to compete with RACHEL?
"I thought you were gay?" I asked.
"It can't hurt to experiment." He said.
"I suppose you're right, whatever makes you happy I guess." I said defeated.
"I've been feeling lonely a lot recently, and I wanted to be in a relationship, and well she seems like a great choice."
"Are you kidding me? Rachel, she isn't a good match for you. You need someone who is kind and caring, and a much better singer." I said heatedly. Blaine I need you I'm going insane!
"Kurt, Rachel isn't that bad, and she's a wonderful singer. I'm going to take her to the musical that's showing in the community theatre." He said.
"I hope you and Rachel have a good time." I said forcing a smile.
I finished my coffee, and said bye to Blaine. I went outside, to find out that there is a steady downpour, it perfectly reflects my mood. I got in my car and looked over across the sidewalk and through the window at Blaine. He's sitting there looking perfect, almost perfect, if he had the gleam in his eyes of being in love with me, now that would be perfect.
I decided to leave him an anonymous text, "Blaine I am madly in love with you, if only you would notice. You are the universe to me Blaine, if you could see me sitting here, crying over you would you notice then? I love you so much Blaine it hurts." By the time I finished I was crying like crazy. I pressed send, and watched Blaine grab his phone looking at it very curiously. Then the hugest smile spread across his face, and he started to reply.
I didn't think he was going to reply, what if he asks who sent it. My phone started to ring, I picked it up. "Aw Rachel you're so sweet. I can't wait to see you tonight. Xoxo" I tore my eyes from my phone and started to cry even harder, I felt like I would explode inside. He thought my text was from RACHEL! NO! I feel like I'm dying, how can I drive home now, how can I do anything? I feel like curling up and crying until I have nothing left.
I rubbed my eyes fiercely, willing myself to start the car. If I got home soon enough then maybe dad won't be home yet. When I got there to my relief no one was there, I rushed up to my room. I went to my bathroom and looked at my face, my eyes are bloodshot, and beyond that though there was a look of utter hopelessness in them. There was only one thing to do, shower, then put on all my face creams, and then if I still look bad, make up.
It took about an hour altogether to shower and moisturize my face. My eyes still looked red, and hopeless. I decided to use some make up; I put foundation and cover up on, then blush, finishing with a natural look. I looked in the mirror; I look more like myself now. I feel like someone pulled my heart out. I went down to the kitchen to grab a bite to eat, salad. I ate in misery my thoughts dwelling on Blaine, it seems so hopeless, and he's never going to notice or reciprocate those feelings.
"Hey Kurt I'm home!" Dad said.
"Hi dad, how was your day?" I said, putting on a smile.
"Ah it was great! I had tons of work, and I finished three cars today!" Dad said happily. "Is something getting you down Kurt?"
Of course he would notice. "I'm fine, just had a hard day at school. And I still don't have a solo in glee club." I said. Dalton is great and everything but the school work is harder, I don't mind that, but what I do mind is never getting a solo for glee club, and I really miss all my friends from McKinley. Most importantly though, it's so hard to see the guy I love when he doesn't love me, only treats me like a friend.
"They're bound to let you sing sooner or later." He said.
"Thanks, I'm sure they might eventually. I'm going to go watch Victor Victoria now." I said, and then I went back up to my room, and sat down on my bed. I am hopelessly devoted to Blaine. I decided to turn on my karaoke and I put my Grease instrumental CD in and started to sing "Hopelessly Devoted To You".
"Guess mine is not the first heart broken
My eyes are not the first to cry
I'm not the first to know
There's just no getting over you
I know I'm just a fool who's willin'
To sit around and wait for you
But baby, can't you see
There's nothin' else for me to do?
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm out of my head, hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you, hopelessly devoted to you
My head is sayin', "Fool, forget him"
My heart is sayin', "Don't let go
Hold on to the end"
And that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm out of my head, hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you, hopelessly devoted to you"
After I sung I just lay down and wept. I'm so glad tomorrow is Saturday, that means no school. I don't think I could go to school right now, especially with Blaine there.
The next time I opened my eyes my clock said it was 6:48 a.m. I decided to get on my home work. After that I went to my bathroom and got a shower, and then I blow dried my hair then coifed it, and then I brushed my teeth. I then put on my moisturizers. I went down stairs for breakfast; I ate two bananas and wheat toast. I looked at the clock 8:05, and decided to call Rachel. The nerd always gets up promptly at 6:00 a.m. I dialed her number and waited. Ring, ring, ring, ring, and "Hello?" she said.
"Hello Rachel, its Kurt. How was the date?" I said.
"It was wonderful!" she squealed. "We sung along, it was amazing. We held hands the entire time, his hands are so amazing!" She said.
"I'm sure they are. So have you made any more plans?" I asked.
"Yes, next week we're going to Breadsticks." She said.
"Well Rachel I have to get off the phone now, I need to get started on my manicure." I said, and then clicked the phone off. I was dying slowly, how could it get any worse?