So, a new story! This one is based off of Top Gear's Winter Olympics Special - but this time, I cranked it up to 10. So enjoy my rendition of the Top Gear Winter Olympics!

Top Gear 10 Nations Special: Winter Olympics in Norway by Jim Eligino

So, the Winter Olympics are being held in Italy, which when you look at the place, seems to be a bit too... warm.

That's why we're in Norway, a proper winter country. And we've got some proper winter sports lined up for you. So welcome then, to… [zoom out] the Top Gear Winter Olympics!

It's the Winter Olympics, speeded up a bit!

To do this sort of event, me (Jim), Jamiebel and Davina decided to invite some Top Gears along for the ride. So we invited the Top Gears of Italy (Nina Valenzuela, Ali Rodriguez and Alyssa Castillo), France (Crystal Avila, Judit Limòn and Katia Jasso), Scotland (Taylor Perea, Kennedy Coleman and Chelsea Baker), Wales (Jaime Espinoza, Taylor Isel and Leann Lott), Ireland (Tanya Contreras, Alex Contreras, Edith Camacho), Australia (Bernan Angkahan, Angelica Ortega, Pam Bautista), New Zealand (Jeff Henderson, Jessica Osborn and Kayla Brunner), South Africa (Adam Morales, Reinard Bermudez and Vincent Bucayu) and Argentina (JT Osborn, Elizabeth Villanueva, Zak Ferguson).

On to the first event: the Captain Slows (Davina, Kayla, Alyssa, Katia, Chelsea, Pam, Edith, Leann, Zak and Vincent) will participate in the biathlon. The five will drive around a 3km course, shoot at 5 targets, and a 5-second penalty for each target missed. Then they race around another 3km circuit, come back to the shooting ranges, shoot at another 5 targets from the back of the cars, and then, it's a sprint to the finish. The winner (possibly Davina) will get gold and the last place finisher (possibly Chelsea or Kayla) will eat "golden snow". Davina chose the Range Rover Supercharged (510 hp), Alyssa opted for the BMW X5 M (550 hp), Katia calling quips on the Audi Q7 V12 TDI (490 hp), with Chelsea gaining the Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8 (470 hp), Kayla driving the Porsche Cayenne Turbo S (550 hp), Pam with the Audi RS6 (562 hp), Edith driving the BMW X6M (550 hp), Leann in the Maserati Kubang (490 hp), Zak in the Volvo XC90 Polestar PCP (550 hp) and that just leaves Vincent with the Mercedes ML 63 AMG (510 hp).

When the ten set off, Katia jumped to an early lead with Davina, Pam and Vincent on her tail. And in Chelsea's enthusiasm to catch up (because she was last), she went off the course.

"I love the Winter Olympics, me!" Katia replied, confident. That's because she was now well ahead of the others, and now, it was Vincent in last place.

"I don't want to eat golden snow!" he exclaimed, as he blasted through Norway's forests. As Katia, Alyssa, Zak, Pam and Davina were duking it out for the lead, Vincent started to mount his comeback, leaving behind Chelsea (stuck once again off the course).

At the shooting ranges, Katia, Alyssa, Zak, Pam and Davina were already in a dead heat, grabbing .22 rifles from their boots. Alyssa, with the most experience with guns, shot down all five targets in an instant. Davina and Zak took their sweet time, and finished ahead of Katia and Pam, who both missed one. As soon as Alyssa, Zak and Davina set off, Kayla, Vincent, Edith, Leann and Chelsea finally arrived. At that moment, Katia served her 5-second penalty. As Kayla and co. also went for the trusty .22, Chelsea was in too much in a rush, and brought a Heckler and Koch MP5 Machine pistol. She set to fully automatic and...

"EAT LEAD, OLYMPIC TARGET!" Chelsea exclaimed, before firing a whole magazine of ammo. Whereas Kayla, Leann, Edith and Vincent got all five, Chelsea missed the lot. "Oh, 25 seconds is a week!"

As Alyssa, Pam, Zak and Davina continued to fight for the lead, Chelsea left the box after serving her 25 seconds, having been behind almost the whole time. Bunny (Kayla), meanwhile, caught up to the English girl, Aussie girl, Argentine boy and the Italian girl, and the Kiwi passed them with ease. She arrived back at the rifle range, positioned her seats downward, and shot away. While this happened, Miss Reluctant (Alyssa), Pam, Zak and Princess Dee-jae (Davina) had already arrived, and threw Kayla's focus off, missing three targets. At this point, Davina decided to block the Kiwi from getting to the penalty box, but while this happened, Chelsea, Edith, Leann, Katia and Vincent had already closed the gap. While the rest of them down-winded their seats, Kayla served her 15 and left the pack. At this point, Chelsea was the first to finish, again, missing all five, but this time, she cut down a tree and threw everyone's focus off, making everyone else miss their five. But, of course, it was Little Miss Baker (Chelsea) who went hysterical with frustration.

"Stevie Wonder could've done better!" she groaned, rocking back and forth in her seat, waiting for the 25 seconds to pass by.

But, luck was definitely not on Miss Brunner's side, because as she was leading, she got a bit too cocky and ended up in a ditch.

Once her competitors caught wind, they proceeded to close the gap. And soon, it was Katia back in the lead, with Davina trailing.

"Come on, I can catch her!" Davina exclaimed

"Va-t'en, Davina!" ("Sod off, Davina!") Katia shouted, in French.

As they approached the finish, the Princess (Davina again) and L'escargot(The Snail – Katia) were neck and neck as they approached the finish. Amazingly, Katia managed to understeer the Q7, and so did Davina with her Range Rover. But then...

"Come on! Come on! Yes!" Katia screamed, as she overtook Davina.

"No, no, no!" Davina shouted.

"Yes! Yes! I've won a Top Gear event! Yes!"

And so, the French won the first event. The finishing order was: Katia, Davina, Alyssa, Pam, Zak, Leann, Edith, Kayla, Vincent and Chelsea. So you know what that means for the poor Scot.

"You are joking," Chelsea groaned.

"It's our rules," Davina clarified.

Disgusted, Chelsea ate a small piece of the golden snow and puckered her entire face with pain. She wished she hadn't used the machine pistol.

"Anyway, you've probably noticed that TV's Jamiebel Angkahan, Elizabeth Villanueva, Taylor Isel, Judit Limòn, Alex Contreras, Jessica Osborn, Angelica Ortega, Reinard Bermudez, Kennedy Coleman and Ali Rodriguez aren't with us today, and that's because they're currently appearing on commercial daytime television," Leann noted, to the reader.

"Yes, they are, they're on live, every afternoon filling Paul O'Grady's slot," Katia added. Uh-oh!

"I've just realized what you said then!" Davina and Pam laughed.

"We know!" Katia, Leann and Chelsea laughed also.

Indeed they are – but before they could come to Lillehammer, they had to experience the intense cold that happened there. I don't have time to explain it all, but here's the short word form: the Hamsters were tested against a Citroën C1 at MIRA's cold weather facility. It took a while, but in the end, the Hamsters won through. So there you are; if you want to drive to the North Pole, buy a "Hammond".