This is a sad fic about Gaara. I got the idea for the title and the rest just sort of came. I hope you enjoy!

His First Tear

One hundred and fifty three. That was how many people he was ordered to kill. One hundred and fifty three hearts stopped, all on his quest to be accepted. One hundred and fifty three screams cut short, crimson staining his already bloody name. He couldn't do it, not again. Though he listened to his orders and did exactly as was expected, he only seemed to get further and further away from them all. They still resented him and hated him. This wasn't the life he wanted. So that night, Gaara decided he would escape.

Everything was going eerily smooth, none stirred from their beds as he walked slowly down the center of the main road out of the village. Cool jade eyes closed and he thought back to the simple note he propped neatly next to Temari's bed stand, her blonde mess scattered over her face as she mumbled nonsense to her pillow.

Even she could not accept him. Was his sin that great? Was his existence that terrifying that his family had to despise him so? Gaara shook red spikes sharply and stopped quickly. It had taken less time then he anticipated to reach the gate and now he was one step away. Just one step to be rid of this place…

He almost wished someone would stop him, call his name and ask him to stay, convince him to linger here in these walls he learned to call home…

Such a slight gasp of surprise echoed softly in the dark and he spun back just in time to see the curly haired girl he recognized as a Suna kunoichi running towards him in what looked to be her nightgown. "J-Jen…" He stumbled accidentally over her short name. "What are y-"

"You're trying to leave! I know it!" She whispers terrified. This couldn't be happening, he couldn't really leave.

"I am." It took him a moment to say it but he did it with full conviction. The seriousness of his words made Jen shiver and step back, arms crossed in front of her.

"Why? Why are you leaving? Is life here so horrible you can't stand it anymore?" She looked directly at him, blue eyes searching his. Gaara quickly looked away. This was pointless. "Gaara…Gaara look at me!" She yelled in frustration.

"One hundred and fifty three…" He said quietly and she took a breath, he never spoke like this before. "One hundred and fifty three people died today because…" His eyes shifted back to those confused orbs of light. "Because I wanted to be accepted by a village that can never welcome people who are different."

"That is a lie Gaara and you know it!" Jen argued bravely but her eyes still showed fear, fear he mistook as fear of him. "You haven't a clue how many accept you, speak kindly of you, care about you…" It was her turn to look away. "By leaving you're just letting those narrow-minded fools win!"

He sighed deeply, he didn't want to hear this. It was worse then writing his final goodbye note. "It's not about winning or losing any more."

"Then what is it about? Acceptance? By who Gaara? Everyone? Not everyone is going to, and you need to get that through your head and pay attention to the people who already do care!" Jen was running out of things to say and it didn't look like her words were having much effect on the redhead staring at the distant dirt once more. "I'm right here!" She snapped suddenly, getting his attention in a second. "Gaara…I'm right here…"

He took a last look, hoping against hope to see that mistaken terror gone but the blue color was full of it to the point she was nearly in tears. Disgusted and hating himself for even thinking of staying, Gaara turned back and took the step carrying him out of the gate. A sudden weight clasped onto him from behind and startled him into releasing his sand on instinct. The weight disappeared as she screamed in pain and fell to her knees in tears. He couldn't help but turn around. His heart pounded at the sight of blood dripping from her left forearm and right knee.

Jen cringed as she looked up at him standing over her wounded figure. Thinking nothing of her own injuries she reached for his hand with her uninjured arm and fastened her grip tight. "Don't leave. Please Gaara, don't go away. Please…" Her eyes blinked hazily as blood continued to flow steadily.

He fell to his knees in a second. "Jen!" His heart beat faster but it confused him, this only happened when he was loosing to Shikaku but that certainly wasn't the case right now.

"Please…please…please…" She continued to beg even as reality slipped away.

"I won't. I won't go. Stay awake Jen!" His urgency grew as he felt her grip lessening.

"Don't leave me." She whimpered as the darkness grew thicker and heavier.

"I won't leave you. I promise….Stay awake…" His voice faded then was gone.

Black layers pealed back slowly, one at a time as consciousness grew. "Will she be alright?" The questioned echoed oddly, then more words arose, each getting louder and clearer with each passing moment.

"It's not certain at this point but we have a top medical expert on their way that may be able to reconstruct her arm and knee. But even if that does succeed, she will never return to combat." The doctor informed the impatiently waiting visitor.

"Is it alright if I…"

"She's stable but sleeping at the moment." The doctor flips through some papers with a small frown but Gaara doesn't wait for the yes or no and just barges right in. He freezes in the doorway, jade orbs focused on dreamy azure ones.

"I thought you were leaving." Jen whispers, unable to speak louder for some strange reason.

Gaara bites his lip briefly then moves closer, standing right next to her bed. "I made a promise." She smiles softly and looks down at her bandaged arm. "I didn't mean…it just-" He never had to apologize before, who knew it was so hard.

"I know." Jen nods slowly, eyes fluttering as her medication tries to pull her back to shadows. Her hand grasps nervously and settles when a warm spot touches it. Vision fighting back, her eyes peek open to see Gaara's hand resting in hers. Jen looks up at his curiously and she finds a very unfamiliar expression painted across the sand demon's face.

"I'm right here." He assures and pulls a chair closer to sit by her side.

"Thank you Gaara…" Airy words drifted from her and she shifted uncomfortably, causing a spike of pain down her injured arm. The self infliction was easily spotted and Gaara squeezed her hand to get her attention.

"Lay still. You will hurt yourself more." He says, stronger demeanor returning. Jen smiles and lets out a light laugh. Gaara blinks, why was she so happy when she was in the hospital, because of him no less. She suddenly sits up and wraps her uninjured arm around his neck in an awkward hug. He doesn't jump this time, or even hesitate as her heated skin presses to his. He sets his hands against her back testing-ly, he had never hugged someone before and never had much chance until now.

Gaara could feel her falling to dreams unknown as her arm started to slip and her breathing slowed. He let her go, pulling the covers up again as she slept with a quiet smile on her face. So peaceful…

A ruckus was starting out in the hall. "Is he here?" The unmistakable voice of a certain fan wielding kunoichi demanded quickly. Thought Gaara didn't know yet, his letter was clenched tightly in his sister's fist.

"In there." The nurse directed and there was a slight pause.

"Is he hurt?" Kankurou questions slowly.

"No…he's visiting Jen-sama." The nurse paused and Temari knew there was more. "She isn't going to make it."

The hushed sentence drove a million shards of glass across his heart. Gaara clenched a fist and slumped into the chair shocked. One hundred and fifty three had turned to one hundred and fifty four in a split second, and there was nothing he could do. It had many first things for Gaara in the past few hours and now another was added to the growing list. He lifted a slightly shaking hand to his cheek where a single drop lingered. The fire haired male took a shuddered breath when he realized what it was, it was his first tear.