Title: First
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Ship: Sirius/James
Summary: AU Sirius and James' firsts. First glance, first meeting, first fight, first touch, and first kiss.
Rating: PG - 13
First Glance
The roaring engine of the Hogwarts Express clouded his ear. He felt highly uncomfortable and sweaty. Not because he was nervous about going to Hogwarts, because Sirius had inkling that Hogwarts would skim through like a cool breeze for him. No, the things that made him uncomfortable was his oxford shirt that was fastened up to his neck, his tie that restricted him from air, and of course the vulture-like creature standing next to him, his mother.
Walburga Black was a very unkind and severe looking woman. She had a pointed nose, a well-pronounced chin, and a very cruel mouth. She looked as if she had nothing better to do than sneer all day. Well, at least Sirius thought so.
"Now you listen boy!" said Walburga, her lips pressed tightly together, making her seem even more unattractive, if that was even possible. "You will sit in the compartment with Narcissa! Is that clear? She will be saving you a seat. You will not talk to anyone, nor will you talk back if you are spoken to. And if I hear you have misbehaved in any way, you will regret it boy!" she snapped, crinkling her nose at Sirius, as if he was something disgusting at the bottom of her shoe.
Walburga then proceeded to yank Sirius by his neatly ironed collar toward the scarlet train that would soon take him away from his dreadful mother.
Looking around Sirius saw many goodbyes that didn't look like his at all. He saw many beautiful mothers kissing their sons and daughters goodbye, some mothers were shedding tears, while some mothers were comforting their children. None of the goodbyes he saw paralleled to his own.
His mother hated affection; she claimed that it was a sign of weakness. That only mudblood, half-breeds, blood-traitors, and filth show affection. But Sirius couldn't see what was weak about the people who were kissing their children goodbye. In fact, Sirius wished that he were one of those other people that were standing around the train.
His grey eyes landed on a bespectacled boy with very untidy hair, an ink stain on his crisp oxford shirt, a chocolate frog in his left hand, and a broomstick on his right. Sirius noticed that the boy's mother was weeping, clinging to an older man that looked unmistakably like the boy's father. Sirius felt a twinge in the pit of his stomach. How he wished he could be that boy.
First Meeting
Slightly relived to be away from his mother, Sirius unfastened a few of the buttons in his shirt, and loosened the tie. Breathing freely, he pushed himself though the train, looking for an empty compartment he can sit on. Sirius had no wish to find Narcissa, she was just as bad as the rest of them. No, Sirius wanted to be alone, have a compartment to himself, so he can bask at the ambiance of being free.
After walking past a few compartments that were undoubtedly filled with older students, Sirius finally found an empty compartment. Feeling slightly elated, Sirius slid the door open and walked inside the compartment. The compartment was very spacious, big enough to seat 10 people. But Sirius doubted all the compartments even get filled up, because while he was walking past the other compartments he saw that no more than 5 or 6 people sat in each compartment. Sirius secretly wished that no one would come in his compartment, he didn't fancy sharing with anyone. He just wanted his arrival at Hogwarts to be as peaceful as possible.
Sirius sat down near the window, having full view of platform 9 ¾. He silently watched students saying last minute goodbyes; saw mothers waving tearfully at the scarlet train. With a prang he realized that there was no one to wave goodbye to him. Shaking his head from unwanted thoughts about his mother, Sirius continued to gaze out the window. His eyes again fell on the bespectacled boy he saw earlier. It seemed as if he was arguing with his father. The boy was pulling on the broom he had been holding earlier, while his father was looking at him sternly, clearly telling him to let go of the broom. Sirius smiled as he looked at the boy. He looked so loved, so innocent, so peaceful, and carefree. Sirius wondered what would have happened to that nurtured boy if they had traded places. But then Sirius realized that he would never trade his life with anybody, no one deserved the life he had.
Leaning his head against the window, Sirius slowly dozed off. It seemed as if hours had passed, and he heard his compartment door slide open. His vision was blurry, and he rubbed his eyes.
"We there already?" he groaned, without looking up to see who had opened his compartment.
Sirius' ears caught the sound of rich laughter coming from the door of the compartment. He looked up to see the same bespectacled boy he was watching earlier. Sirius frowned; he didn't like being laughed at.
"Why are you laughing?" asked Sirius, the frown still creasing his face.
The boy continued to grin. "The train hasn't even moved yet! We are still in the platform," answered the boy, the cheeky grin still plastered on his face.
Sirius nodded slowly and then leaned his head back against the window again. He noticed from the corner of his eye that the bespectacled boy was still rooted to the spot. Sirius frowned, and looked back again.
"Yes?" Sirius asked, staring at the boy.
He saw the bespectacled boy raise his hand to his head and then promptly began messing it up, before answering "Mind if I sit here?" he asked, still shuffling his hair.
Sirius immediate answer was "no", but somehow when he moved his mouth to speak the word "yes" came out instead. The boy grinned brightly at him, as he sat himself directly in front of Sirius.
Saying nothing to the boy, Sirius again rested his head against the cool window, closing his eyes.
"What your name?" asked the voice of the boy.
For some reason, Sirius found that he wasn't irritated. His eyes opened, and again he found himself taking in the appearance of the bespectacled boy. Sirius didn't speak for a while, because he was busy taking in the bespectacled boy's appearance, and then Sirius spoke rather hoarsely "Sirius Black."
Sirius waited for the reaction, waited for the praise, he even waited to see the boy running out of his compartment. But nothing happened. The boy just shrugged and stuck out his hand, offering it to Sirius.
"I am James Potter," he said, as he waited for Sirius to shake his hand.
Sirius looked at the pale hand in front of him. He felt as if he were signing some kind of life contract. It was as if this one handshake could alter his life forever. Sirius could hear snarling voices in the back of his head that sounded so much like his mother and father, that were telling him not to shake his hand. But ignoring the voices, Sirius' hand found James' hand. Sirius felt a surge of warmth spread through him as he felt James' hand, and he knew that he made the right choice.
First Fight
Sirius was seated on the edge of the Black Lake, glaring at the dying sun, while he reminisced on what happened earlier today. Anger was evident in his stormy eyes. Never had he felt so betrayed, so infuriated, all because of that Skirt. His blood was boiling and he had the sudden impulse to blast everything around him to bits. He wanted someone to hurt, he wanted someone to crumble, he wanted someone to experience the heart-breaking anger and betrayal that was stabbing his stone cold heart right now.
He didn't know what to do with himself, and Sirius knew that sitting at the edge of the lake wasn't going to do anything to clam the storm that was raging in his heart. Recklessness seemed to be pulsing in his veins edging him to do something wild, untamed, and dangerous. Adrenaline soared his body and Sirius had the strangest urge to jump in the Black Lake. He didn't care if he didn't know how to swim, he didn't care that he would probably freeze to death, he didn't care if no one saved him. All Sirius knew is that jumping into the Black Lake will free him from his burdening heart.
Without a second thought, without the slightest bit of worry, without the comprehending the fact that he would probably die if no one found him, Sirius jumped into the ice cold water.
It felt as if sharp knives cleaved every inch of his body. The Cruciatus seemed nothing to this. He felt his head go below the water, but Sirius made no move to struggle. His body was still and his mind becoming increasing clear, as he felt the cold water continue to attack him.
Sirius felt himself sinking lower and lower, a ghost of a smile flickering in his transparent face. His mind became clearer and clearer, while his body continued to drown.
Suddenly he felt a hand tighten around his wrist, pulling him up toward the surface. Sirius' body made no attempt to help the person who was leading him back to surface. Sirius didn't know if he didn't want to move, or if his body went numb. Sirius began to see a faint light, and everything ebbed into darkness.
Consciousness seemed to be coming back to him. He could feel his eyes fluttering, awaiting to take in the light or the darkness. Even without being told, or hearing anyone speak, Sirius knew he was in the hospital wing. And he also knew the person who saved him. Slowly his eyes opened, everything was blurry at first, and then popped in the face of his best friend.
Sirius grinned weakly up at James, who seemed to be scowling at him. James looked like he wanted nothing more than to hit him, but Sirius didn't care, he never did, all he did was grin cheekily at the scowling boy with untidy hair and glasses.
"What were you on about?" asked the strained voice of James Potter.
Sirius continued to smile lazily at James, not answering his question and enjoying the fact that his best mate was beyond frustrated.
"Hello you wanker! I am talking to you!" yelled a highly irritated James, waving his hand in front of Sirius' face to try and get his attention.
Sirius finally slowed his grin, and his eyes moved up to look at James. "You said you didn't want to see me anymore," replied Sirius, almost in a matter-a-fact tone, but he couldn't leave out the bitterness that seemed to be etched into his reply.
James' eyebrows automatically rose up, and slowly a frown ceased his face.
"When did I say that?" asked James, a little defensively.
"When we were arguing." said Sirius, not really wishing to recall the argument that had passed through him and James.
James slapped his hand against his forehead. "You idiot. I didn't mean it!" yelled James exasperated.
Sirius looked up at him, a humorless laugh playing on his soft lips. "You didn't mean it." sneered Sirius, a glint in his grey eyes.
James frowned again, but didn't say anything as Sirius continued.
"You chose that bint over me. I am your best mate. You didn't even consider my feelings. It's all about that bint now, isn't it?" snarled Sirius, unable to conceal his jealously any longer.
James flinched every time Sirius had said the word "bint", but otherwise looked quite shameful.
"Why'd you have to play that prank on her for?" asked James defensively, hiding the guilty lurch he began to feel bubbling in his stomach.
"Weren't you telling me in Transfiguration that the prank was a great idea?" asked Sirius.
"Yes, but I didn't know you were going to prank Evans. Otherwise I would have told you not to do it." said James defensively.
Sirius shook his head, glaring at James. "You don't deserve to be a Marauder."
And without another word, Sirius turned in head away from James, who seemed unable to respond to Sirius comment.
First Touch
The sun was dancing playfully in the bright blue sky, and the trees smelled like summer. Sirius was seated under the biggest oak tree on the grounds, simply taking in the aroma of the beautiful day. Many wouldn't expect The Sirius Black to just lounge next to a tree and daydream, and that's because most didn't know Sirius Black at all. Sure he seemed loud, obnoxious, and completely boisterous. But there was more to Sirius that met the casual onlooker. Many didn't know that Sirius preferred some peace and quite, although he created havoc everywhere he went, many didn't know that Sirius often liked to read but didn't get a chance to do so around others, many didn't know that Sirius preferred males over females, although he dated more than half of the Hogwarts female population. They just didn't know Sirius.
Sirius truly couldn't say he fancied men. No, that wasn't it. It was a certain boy he liked that was off limits. Sure they had been best friends since he first barged into his compartment, but deep down Sirius knew that they would stay that way forever. Best friends and nothing more. Sure, he knew that James loved him, but Sirius also knew that the love was platonic.
Sirius tried to convince himself that what he was feeling for James was platonic as well. But who was he kidding? He loved James, because James was the person who showed him how to love. Sirius didn't have anyone else but James. Sure, there was Remus, but Remus wasn't James. James was James. No substitutes.
Continuing to daydream about his best friend, Sirius closed his eyes and pictured James. His sparkling hazel eyes that glinted brightly in the sunlight, his magnificent messy hair, his short but protuberant nose, and of course that smile that made Sirius' heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Sirius let out a sigh. The only was he was able to be with James was through his daydreams, but he didn't care.
Soon without knowing so, Sirius drifted off to a peaceful sleep, only to be interrupted by his best mate. Sirius groggily opened his eyes.
"What?" Sirius snapped, best friend or not he didn't appreciate being woken up from his pleasant slumber.
James didn't say anything, just plopped down beside Sirius, looking more pale than Sirius had ever seen him. Worry suddenly took over Sirius' grogginess, sitting up right Sirius took a good look at James. He looked worse for wear, his eyes were bloodshot red, his skin pale, and his hands were shaking slightly.
"What's wrong?" asked Sirius hoarsely, concern dripping from his voice.
James shook his head and clenched his fists, but said nothing.
"I asked you what's wrong. Don't make me beat it out of you!" growled Sirius, knowing that it was something big that was bothering James, because he looked teary.
James' hazel eyes found his icy grey ones, and quite suddenly Sirius felt James small arms wrap tightly around his neck and James began to sob uncontrollably on his chest. Without even the slightest hesitation, Sirius wrapped his arms around James' waist, pulling him even closer to him and began murmuring words of comfort in his ear, without even knowing what happened.
It seemed like hours, or maybe a couple of more sunlit days passed, he didn't care. He had James in his arms holding him tightly, nothing felt more right. Nothing.
First Kiss
Sirius continued to hold him until James sobs died down. Reaching down, Sirius slowly wiped the tears that were staining his beautiful cheeks.
"What happened?" Sirius asked again, but this time he voice was more softer.
Tears filled his best friend's eyes once more. Sirius felt his heart breaking at the sight of James like this. It was torture to see pain so evident in his eyes. James was always filled with smiles, laughter, and light. It was terrifying to see a bit of himself reflected in James' eyes.
"Death Eaters," James spoke in a whisper that sounded so defeated that Sirius hardly believed it was James speaking. "Killed mum and dad," finished James, his nails digging into Sirius' chest.
If Sirius felt his heart was breaking before, he didn't know what he felt now. It felt as if someone took a butcher knife and began slicing his heart in pieces. It felt his world shattering right before him, and he couldn't do anything to stop it. His pain wasn't because James' parents had been brutally killed, it was because James would soon be like him. James would soon have the look of emptiness in him, soon James would become a shell of a man just like him, and Sirius couldn't bare it.
He couldn't picture the boy that was loved by everyone to shun himself. It was heart breaking, terrifying, and unnatural, but Sirius knew it was going to happen. Depression will soon sink it's ugly fangs in James, and take away his happiness and drown James in misery.
Tears leaked from his beautiful grey-orbs, he couldn't stop them, and he didn't try. His arms wrapped tighter around James, holding on to him for his dear life. Sirius felt James' pain through his fastened heart-beats. It felt like heaven and hell at the same time. It was bitter-sweet to hold James, but not truly hold him at all.
James was clutching Sirius as well. The scent of Sirius was overpowering, it smelled so familiar, so homely, so Sirius. James could sworn that this was the scent that had him fully mystified in Slughorn's dungeon. It drove his parents away temporary from his mind. James sniffed the air around Sirius as he held him secure. Cigarettes, cologne, and a spicy smell that was Sirius. James had a sudden impulse to kiss Sirius. As horrifying as that thought should have been to James, he didn't feel horrified at all, but he felt intrigued. Sirius' aroma seemed to clear his head completely away from his parents. Not Lily aroma but Sirius.
Being hit by a lightening must feel like this. James realized that he didn't want Lily at all. The scent he smelled in the Amortentia reminded him of Sirius, not Lily. Sirius was the one who was comforting him now, not Lily. The sudden realization hit him squarely in the chest. The impact nearly knocked him out of breath. James suddenly became more aware of his surroundings, became more aware of how Sirius' hard chest was pressed against James' face. James had the sudden impulse to kiss Sirius' chest, he felt his heart hammering against his chest, he realized how tight Sirius was holding him, and he loved it. James wondered if Sirius felt the same, and he realized that he did or else Sirius wouldn't be holding him like this.
Sirius wouldn't hold anyone like this, except for James. He looked up into the grey pools that were staring down at him, and without the slightest bit of hesitation, James lips met his.
Fireworks, explosions, shooting stars were nothing compared to this. It felt as if the whole world had magically erased, and him and James were the only two left. Sirius tattooed hands gripped James waist tighter and bought him even closer, wanting desperately to taste every bit of James as he can.
His pain, his misery, his emptiness all ebbed at once. His sprits soared knowing that James would never become like himself, knowing that there will be someone to always love James no matter what. James will always be loved by Sirius.
A/N: I know I haven't written in a while, and I had the most terrible writers block. But Sirius and James bought me out of it. I am really starting to love this couple even more. Who knows maybe after a couple of months, this might be my new OTP. I also wanted to know if anybody would be interested in a Lemony Sirius/James story? Because I want to write one.