This is for Snooky. She wanted Felix's take on Two Nazi's for the Price of One. I will do some of the more serious episodes as well as flesh Felix's character out a little more in this story.

How I Came to Be

Bonjour everyone! My name is Felix. I'm Carter's mouse. Do you remember me? Of course you do, how could anyone ever forget me? I'm simply unforgettable. As I was reading my previous account of my life, I realized I hadn't started at the beginning. I jumped right into the middle and never looked back. But now I am going to look back. We'll start at the very beginning, because that is a very good place to start. The very best, I should think.

I was born in a warm hofbrau in Hammelburg. My first memory was of me being bathed in beer.

A few days after I was born, my father came home one day to find my mother in the midst of pouring his best thimble of beer over me. He sighed deeply. "What are you doing now, Giselle?" My mother wasn't always quite right in the head. It was after a particularly bad encounter with a cat. After that meeting, she would occasionally do rather odd things. My father loved her dearly, though, and always put up with whatever eccentricities she had.

My mother looked up and smiled softly at my father. "I'm just bathing our son, dear. We don't want him attracting flies, do we?"

My father blinked. He was quite used to whatever odd things my mother would occasionally do, but this what something else. He decided to tread carefully. Very wise of him, I should think. "Of course not, my dear, flies are the most despicable creatures. But why bathe him in beer? My best beer? Surely water would have done the job?"

My mother just waved a hand, or should I say, a paw. "Don't worry, Gilbert, it shouldn't do him any harm. I don't think," she said in an afterthought. "I'm sure it will do him more good than harm. Might toughen up his constitution. Besides, dear, around here, water is so much more expensive than beer. I'm just being frugal. Isn't that what you've been trying to teach me?" She beamed at him.

My father paused before speaking. It was true, he was trying to teach her to be more economical. He was glad Giselle was at least listening to him and complying, no matter how badly. Still, using his his most expensive beer was hardly being frugal. He had to say something. "Yes, my dear, and I am glad you're trying. That makes me very proud of you. However, did you have to use my favorite and most costly beer?"

"Oh, it was?" asked my mother in a meek voice.

Father nodded. "I'm afraid so, my sweet."

Mother wrung her hands. "I'm very sorry, Gilbert. I guess I forgot to look at the label." She pointed at me. "But he does seem to be enjoying it, don't you think? Look at how shiny his fur is! He will grow up to be just as handsome as his father."

Her words were rewarded with a proud smile. He glanced at me. "Yes, he will, won't he?" Father swept my mother up in his arms and kissed her soundly, all thoughts of his beer forgotten. Whoever said 'flattery will get you nowhere', had clearly never met my father.

My mother found beer was an excellent way to deter cats as well as fleas. So bathed in beer I continued to be, as well as all my siblings who followed, just not in my father's best beer.

I have two sisters and one brother. Marlene and Doris, were my sisters' names. My mother had a fondness for American movie stars, well, really all movie stars, but especially American ones. My brother was named Sylvester. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention. My parents also had a peculiar sense of humor. Which is how my brother and I found ourselves given cat names. Can you believe it? Cat names! My parents later explained it was to ward off cats. Apparently they thought by them giving us cat names, it would save us from getting eaten by one. I know, don't ask. Well, let's get on with my story.

I was born into this world knowing pretty much all I needed to know. Mice are, you know. We have to be because for us, there is never enough time in the day. We can't waste what time we do have trying to be taught everything. Of course, we do pick up small tidbits of information, but we don't seek it out. You may be wondering how such small creatures as ourselves think there isn't enough time in a day. After all, you say, you're two hundred times smaller than us. If anything, there should be too much time for you. And you would be right. That is how things used to be, but with all these new inventions and cheeses, we have to constantly be on the run. Take our hofbrau for instance. We had so much to do, we barely ever slept. The reason was because we needed to fetch all the scraps of food and trinkets we got from those who came to the hofbrau. My mother hated to see anything go to waste. Which is probably how I found myself sleeping next to an old rattle from a rattlesnake. My brother got it off some little boy who had come here. Why this little boy was at a hofbrau, I'll never know. Which is probably for the best. Curiosity killed the cat, after all.

So that was our life. Relatively uneventful but full of us scurrying to and from our hole in the wall to the dining room. At least, that's what my mother called it.