Let Love In

Emily pulled on a gray sweatshirt over the white camisole that she had worn to bed. Still in her black work-out shorts from that restless sleep, Emily slipped her Nike's to cover her bare feet. She grabbed her iPod and placed the small ear buds into her ears and spun the circle to hit Random.

The first song was a bubblegum pop tune that Hanna had given her when they had exchanged mix CD's when they were all still friends with A. Emily didn't know the name of the band (girl group) or even the name of the song, but the beat was catchy. And the rhythm was something that would get her to run fast.

She wanted to get away from her home so she could find comfort in not having to be under the barriers of her family. A peace and calm that could only be found through one activity: running.

It had been her father's suggestion when she was six years old. "Emily Grace," he began with his stern voice and commanding eyes, "a young soldier always needs to be physically fit. And the best way to do that is to run. We'll start an early morning routine throughout the neighborhood. You'll be prepared for West Pointe in no time."

That was her father's dream for her. He wanted her to enter the Academy, serve her country in some way, and then retire with multiple kids and a doting husband as they lived in a white-picket fenced-in red brick house in the middle of the country along with their one golden retriever, Sammy.

It just made Emily's stomach sicken and twist inside.

The whole running-thing. That was part of his plan for her; just one of the many steps until the goals he had for her. At first, she had rebelled, like so many of his rules, values, and commands he had placed upon her.

One example was Myah. And Alison for that matter. When Emily had been with them both, she had thought that maybe it was true love. That they were going to be soul mates. She took pleasure in knowing that someone cared about her for being just who she was, Emily.

But then Emily's feelings turned in the opposite direction when her father sat her down one night and said, "I know."

"Know what?" Emily had replied with her wide-eyes and naïve, worrisome face.

"The girl you're hanging out with. Myah."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Emily. I love you. And even if the military is against it, I'm not. I'm all for you, regardless of who you're with."

And just like that, a switch inside Emily had flipped in the other direction as her father had gotten up from his seat next to her. She broke up with Myah the next day and that was the end of that relationship. Emily didn't have much to say, mostly that (truly and honestly) she felt extremely guilty for being inept to understanding her true emotions and had let Myah in the wrong direction. She had gotten a curt slap from Myah before she stalked off away from her. And to be frank, Emily knew she deserved it. And as she took in the sharp sting that was left behind, it felt good. She was getting her punishment for never having been real until now.

Emily jumped a few rocks across a small creek instead of taking the normal wooden bridge that ran through the bike trails. She felt her breath as it left her lungs and exited into the cool air and turned white against the grey shadow of morning. She could hear that slight wheezing that came from someone who ran often. And it was comforting.

The first time she ran, she attempted to rebel against it, like she had with her wrongfully-thought rule that her Father held about lesbian romances. His whole plan for West Pointe had included long runs in the morning that began when she was six. Emily and her father would first stretch, run the five mile bike trail that ran through Rosewood, and then return home for another stretch and a protein shake.

Emily would rebel by running faster than him. Running so much farther ahead of him that he couldn't yell at her to stop. Couldn't yell at her to keep pace. Couldn't yell at her to get her knees up higher and control her breathing.

Unlike the guilt she had felt with the rebellion with Myah and Alison, Emily was glad she had followed through with this rebellion. Because with this particular discovery, Emily found that she could create her own solitude. She could create her own world where all she had to do was listen to the music and make sure her feet touched the ground and propelled her forward.

Left. Right. Left. Right. Jump over a small grey rock. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Keep the rhythm, Emily. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

It's soothing. Unwinding. The pattern helps her forget what had kept her up into the early morning. It helps her forget the raw emotions that had accompanied the latest episode.

Emily continues to run following the bike trail through Hanna's subdivision and then on to Spencer's. It then takes a detour and heads into the woods where they had gone every day in eighth grade. She shudders silently inside knowing that A is still out there.

Calm, Emily, calm.

She keeps her eyes focused on the space in front of her as she hurriedly picks up the pace. Leaving only her toes to really hit the ground as she goes into a sprint. Now going twice the speed she was at before, her heart beats out of control until she can get out of the woods. Away from A.

Lef-Righ-Lef-Righ-Lef-Right as her foot slips on one of the rocks that was covered by the wild mess of the forest floor. She sighs aloud as she begins to feel a burn slowly form at the bottom of her foot.

Shit.

She walks out the last few feet of the forest and heads to a park bench that was placed close to the forest's edge. She slowly maneuvers herself over there by way of the even sidewalk and sits down on its wooden arms. Leaning back, she takes off her shoe and begins inspecting her foot.

Shit. This is going to sting at swim practice later.

She takes a deep sigh as she leaned her head back farther. She felt the sun crawl over her skin and warm her. She rested there for only a moment as she felt a shadow cross over her face and she opened her eyes. She sat up and she was greeted by none other than a handsome man with icy eyes and a dark shadow.

She blushed momentarily as he moved himself to sit next to her.

"You okay?" Toby asked her quietly as to not disturb the tranquil morning.

Emily bit her lip to keep herself from smiling like an idiot. "I usually don't get blisters," she replied honestly.

He nodded slightly as he continued to stare at her. After a short moment he bent down to examine her foot as he saw blood begin to silently drip from Emily's foot to the dirt ground beneath it.

"I know what you mean. Sometimes the unexpected just happens." His icy blue eyes scanned her blushing face once again and she turned away in an attempt to keep herself from losing all of herself to his gaze.

He pulled down the sleeve of his white long-sleeve tee and stretched it across his hand. Gently, he brought the covered hand to Emily's foot to put pressure against the bleeding cut.

Emily hissed slightly as he made contact. It burned a slow burn.

"What are you doing?" she asked quietly.

He looked up at her as he met her gaze.

"Stopping the bleeding for a few moments, giving it time to solidify itself and heal."

"But you'll get your shirt all bloody and you'll never wear it again."

"Some things are replaceable. Besides, I don't like seeing pretty girls bleed."

Emily once again blushed as she watched the corners of his mouth turn upwards slightly as he smirked at her. She took a moment to calm her frenetic heart as she said to him in what she hoped was a steady voice, "You know, I can walk home and fix this up myself."

"You could. But I'm here."

Emily made a move to get up out of the bench but he quickly and gently pressed a cool hand against her shoulder and kept her where she was.

"If you're worried about getting home, I can take you."

"How? We're not on the main road?" She glanced around looking for his motorcycle or a bike or anything, but there was nothing around her.

"I'll carry you." Gently, and without asking for permission, he took her thin, warm body into his arms. She grabbed her shoe that she had placed near her and tangled her arms around Toby's neck. Leaning her head against his shoulder, she smiled as she enjoyed the warm contact of skin on skin.

"It feels good when you smile."

Her smile deepened as Toby continued walking at a steady pace. After a while, Emily kept hoping this moment would last forever. The warm skin, the sun encompassing them in a golden embrace, the being close part, was something that Emily didn't want to end.

So when Toby brought her to her front porch and set her down on the wicker couch that her mother had decorated to perfection, Emily didn't want to open her eyes.

When she did, Toby wasn't on the steps anymore, he wasn't on the sidewalk, he wasn't in the street.

She felt warm fingers slide through her open palm and tighten around her own fingers. She looked down and saw a pale hand. Looking up, she met the now warm eyes of Toby as he looked at her. He traced the features of her face and then her body as she made his way down to their intertwined hands. Emily blushed and smiled once more.

For once she wasn't rebelling against her family. She wasn't rebelling against herself. She was facing the truth. The reality.

She had feelings for Toby.

She leaned in and Toby's warm lips with her own in a sweet and delicate manner. He returned it as he roughly pressed further against her, but in a loving way. With their faces together, they stopped breathing as they held together this loving connection for as long as they could. To just make it last for just one more moment.

And then they broke it as they went for air. Emily took a deep breath and smiled.

She was ready to let him in.

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