Disclaimer: Simply put... All the original characters and the original series plot belong to Masashi Kishimoto, and I make no money off this. The OCs, however, belong to me, as does whatever plot that shines through.

Warnings: Shounen ai, AU, OOCness (as I have limited knowledge on all of the characters involved - most of it's from other fanfiction and the tid bits I've read off wikipedia), swearing. Other than that, all spelling/grammatical errors are my own. If you spot any, mention them and I will fix them.

Parenthood: The Other Side

In the Beginning

Heavy feet plodded up the stairs of the cramped apartment, making the man's movements seem more like a limping cow's than an skilled shinobi's. The ash grey, carpetted floor creaked under his slow steps, his bedroom door whining as he opened it, baring his bed - his big, soft, glorius bed - to his tired eyes. If he'd had the energy, Jiraiya would have thrown his hands in the air and given a whoop! in celebration.

The bedroom was the smaller of the two in the apartment. It barely managed to hold the set of oak drawers, the small wardrobe, desk and queen sized bed (his bed) in the confined space. There was a long window carved through the middle of the northern wall, above the bed's head, the thin, cream curtains swinging with each push of the slight breeze blowing into the room.

Jiraiya closed the door with a quiet bang, slapped on the light and yawned into his hand as he moved into the room at a snail's pace, dragging his large feet. The white haired man weakly pulled off his clothes, not bothering with a shower or folding them (Orochimaru would bitch at him for it later, no doubt, but he was beyond the point of being able to care). He dropped his clothes where he stood, yawned hugely, again, like a lazy lion, and fell onto the bed.

He let out a heavy, grateful sigh as he sprawled himself across it, his left hand hanging off the opposite side as his right threw itself across his plush pillow: His bed. His lovely, precious bed. Oh, he'd been looking forward to seeing it again since that morning, to feeling it underneith him.

Jiraiya felt he hadn't done anything useful all day and that hadn't been how he'd pictured his day off! He was supposed to have been writing his new novel (Icha Icha Paradise - he had another three months until his editor wanted it; he needed to concentrate on it whenever he could!), but nooo he'd been babysitting six demon children who seemed to get a kick out of torturing his wilted soul.

He groaned, as he shifted slightly. There was just one positive point to his tiring, wasted day: Jiraiya was another day closer to being rid of the little shits - at least when it came to his home. Just another 13 years, 10 months and eight days (fewer, if the monsters decided they wanted to move out before they were 18) until he was free of them all! Until he and Orochimaru could have sex at all hours of the day (and night) without having to worry about being interrupted!

It took a great amount of effort for Jiraiya to pull himself completely onto his savior, so that his knees weren't being jammed painfully into the edge of the walnut wood holding up his mattress. He sighed as he, like a worm, wiggled to get comfortable. A moment later he slumped completely against the mattress, it's tight coils twoinging softly in the silence.

In the beginning, they were supposed to stop at one. And they certainly hadn't planned to bring home souvenirs in the form of little humans, when they went on their sensei's ordered holiday (supposedly they hadn't had a proper 'honeymoon' yet, but damn it! Jiraiya hadn't married the bastard!). But somewhere between their travels between the Land of Water and the Land of Wind, Jiraiya found his well earned money rushing away from his very slender wallet so he could help support not just Kabuto, but Kimimaro, Sakon and Ukon as well. They'd had seven, at his last count (six, if he skipped over Ukon, because really, the boy near lived inside his brother anyway).

The ninja felt his mind go fuzzy, so very near sleep, but still teetering on the edge of conciousness.

Jiraiya hadn't seen kids in his future. Especially after he'd 'married' Orochimaru, the night they'd celebrated his and the bastard's moving in together (Tsunade was sticking to her story; she'd said they'd had a small ceremony - even managing to drag their tipsy sensei in to act as a second witness. Jiraiya thought it was complete bull; for her to have been sober enough to remember and Orochimaru to have not was impossible; the guy was able to keep drinking and drinking, and not suffer from anything worse than a slur lining his eloquent words. The fact that they'd both awoken the next morning with a white ribbon tied around their wrists was a complete coincidence!). They were both guys, and ninja to boot! He and Orochimaru were on missions more than they were at home. Why would he have planned to raise any kids? Especially since Orochimaru was his partner (the man's patience with obnoxious children was nil on a good day and considering all of their children were obnoxious, Jiraiya hadn't a clue as to how they'd managed to survive).

How his life had come to be caused a wave of irritation to wash over the ninja. And it wasn't because the kids they had were overly troublesome (which they were, but that was beside the point), nor that they were in any danger living with two jounin with neuroses that were a cause for worry in their and the communities' mind (which they were, but, again, that was beside the point).

The jounin didn't know who to blame for it all, because really, this wasn't his fault. Well, at least, not completely. All he'd done was play the unfortunate baby sitter that got roped into feeding the little bastards, whilst his wife (if they really were married, Jiraiya would burn his own porn before he was called a woman - Orochimaru looked like one. It fit.) brought new ones home.

Orochimaru was his key suspect. It was directly his fault they'd 'adopted' as many as they had. Him and his "Jiraiya, you will let me bring them home, or you will regret it", or his excited "but look at their capabilities! They would serve the village well one day!". Sometimes Jiraiya wondered if Orochimaru really was as affectionate of the brats as he made himself out to be, or if it was their unique abilities alone that peaked his interest enough for him to have kept them around... The guy did have a lot to examine, like in Kidoumaru's case: six arms and salivation glands that seemed to work so well the kid woke up stuck to his pillow every morning. Either way, it hadn't been on their holiday plan to return with souvineers in the shape of six small children.

Tsunade was also a favourite suspect of his, his second to blame for his home's current inhabitants. Jiraiya blamed her for introducing Orochimaru to his maternal instincts. It was her who'd been attempting (without much success) to calm a bawling Kabuto when she met with them in Konoha Hospital's staff room. It was her who'd given the kid to Orochimaru whilst she changed. It was her who'd suggested Orochimaru take the brat home after witnessing two hours of silence from the baby that hadn't stopped crying since the hospital had taken him in (supposedly there'd been a raid on one of the merchant's well known stopping points a few kilometres away from the village; Kabuto's family had been slaughtered).

Jiraiya shifted slightly, sliding his arm under the pillow and under his head. He grumbled nonsensically. Before drifting into that darkness before sleep he'd come to enjoy wading in.

Jiraiya hadn't liked the kid (and still didn't - he had a feeling Kabuto was out to get him - and not just like the other kids either, no, he was sure he was in danger of losing his most precious possessions to that little bastard). Sure he'd been cute, in a rolly polly, stink and puke type of way... But the way they'd both been entranced with each other (the kid seemed to love Orochimaru's hair - something only he had ever gotten to touch with Orochimaru's knowledge - whilst Orochimaru seemed completely taken by Kabuto's existance, hardly breaking eye contact for more than a second); it had been terribly annoying and somewhat insulting. Especially when he'd been set on dragging the smaller shinobi into bed early that night.

Jiraiya barely heard the door opening and closing with a soft click from behind him. He numbly acknowledged the soft whisper of clothes as they were picked up off the floor and was woken by the sudden appearance of fingers sliding across his bare bum and into the crease lining the centre, and the simultaneous sinking of his side of the bed.

"Hey, hey," He mumbled groggily, as he sent a useless, bleary eyed glare over his right shoulder, "Get your fingers away from there."

Orochimaru smirked at him, "You're showing off half your ass. And as nice as you may think it is, it wouldn't do well for you if any of the children walked in and saw it."

With a tug and a snap, his crimson underwear was put in its proper place.

Jiraiya yawned and buried his face in his pillow, "Just get in bed. I'm beat."

He peeked out from the soft material a moment later, as the dark haired man moved away from the bed. Jiraiya watched with wrapt interest, his eyes half closed, but not any less appreciative, as pale skin was bared for him. First Orochimaru pulled off his uniform jacket, shirt and finally his pants. The snake's underwear was black, contrasting mightily with his ashened skin, though not unpleasantly, in Jiraiya's expert opinion.

Jiraiya grinned lewdly, "I think your underwear's creeping up, come here and I'll fix it."

Orochimaru shot him a look of annoyance from over his shoulder, his golden eyes as sharp as kunai.

"Jiraiya," He said flatly, "There are children in the next room."

He very near pouted, "But you got to do mine!"

The snake shinobi simply shook his head as he pulled on his deep purple pjyama pants.

"You're worse than a child." He admonished.

Jiraiya chuckled and rolled onto his back, scratching at his flat, muscled belly as he watched Orochimaru throw his and Jiraiya's clothes into the reed basket behind the door. The man puttered around the room for a minute, pulling out the clothes he'd be wearing the following day - his uniform - before he planted himself in front of their drawers again.

"You obviously don't spend enough time with the kids." Jiraiya said as Orochimaru tugged a brush through his shimmering, inky hair and placed it on top of the simple drawers, his thin fingers continuing to glide through it as he pulled it to the side of his face and over his shoulders.

The slender man near glided to the bed, before Orochimaru tugged at the sheets beneath him, slipping under them like the slippery snake he was. He rolled onto his left side and propped his head up, staring at Jiraiya imploringly.

"Oh?" He uttered with a self-satisfied smirk.

Jiraiya sunk his fingers into his hair, massaging at his scalp, "Little bastards... I haven't had time to rest or work on my book all day! Breakfast was alright; they didn't get into a food fight this time, but Tayuya tried to set one of the twin's hair on fire just before lunch - he screeched worse than a pissed off cat-"

"That would be Sakon, then." Orochimaru pointed out unhelpfully as the thin fingers on his propped hand entwined in his own hair.

Jiraiya continued, ignoring the annoying, 'I know more than you' gleam in his lover's serpentine eyes, "Kidoumaru and Jirobo made cookies today. The kitchen looked like a bomb had gone off... Surprisingly, they were edible - weren't even burnt."

Orochimaru didn't look all that happy about that, glowering at him as though he'd just killed his pet. But how was Jiraiya supposed to watch six kids? It wasn't his fault they knew how to use the oven! Who was the genius who thought that teaching six year old kids to use an oven was a good idea in the first place?! Certainly not he! Jiraiya liked his home. In tact, preferably.

"Ukon disappeared; 'took me half the day to find him..." He went on.

"Did he attach himself to your back again?"

Jiraiya huffed at Orochimaru's amused tone, his eyes sliding closed of their own accord, "No. He slept with Kimimaro for most of the day. I think he might be feeling a little sick - he looked paler than normal."

Orochimaru was frowning unattractively when he opened his eyes and looked at him. He looked worried - which meant he looked incredibly unhappy, with his elegant eyebrows pulled down at the centre of his forhead and his creepy eyes narrowed.

"We should get Tsunade to check him, and Sakon too. I know Ukon's stamina and immune system aren't up to standard..." The shorter man uttered, "It's most likely because he lives in Sakon when we're don't instruct him not to. His body is beginning to depend on Sakon's functions working for him. We may have to limit the time they spend combined."

Jiraiya blinked slowly, his eyes beginning to fall shut again, "Shouldn't Sakon be in the same condition?"

"No. Ukon lives inside Sakon mostly. Not the other way around. Ukon may have simply been born with a weaker immune system, but it's been worsened because of his conjoining with Sakon."

Jiraiya yawned, shifting so he could get under the squiggly line patterned sheets (they were a gift from Tsunade, who said she'd been given them for her birthda, but didn't need them), "Yeah. You can ask. Tsunade's pissed with me anyway. She thinks I've been conducting research near the hot springs again - with the kids nearby! What do you think I am; without morals?" Orochimaru lifted a brow, as though asking him if he really wanted that to be answered, "I start a week long mission tomorrow, anyway."

He heard Orochimaru hum in acknowledgement and struggled with a yawn, "How was your mission?"

"I am here, am I not?"

Jiraiya rolled over so he was facing Orochimaru, "Yeah, but come on! Give me some of the details! You were away for three days. You had to have done something to show off how amazing you are." Jiraiya paused, before he summoned his own scowl, "You didn't have to seduce anyone this time..."

"I haven't needed to seduce anyone on a mission for a long time, Jiraiya." Orochimaru hissed softly, like an annoyed snake, his eyes closing slowly.

Why he was irritated, Jiraiya hadn't a clue, because he'd handled the news of Orochimaru's amazing act rather well when he'd first heard it; He'd only had a little to drink afterwards, and he'd only planned to torture the guy in a way that wouldn't permenantly scar him. It was the Lord's fault anyway, for daring to pinch what was most definately his. Really, it was funny; Orochimaru had had to play all coy for some powerful, over-confident prick - yeah, it was an absolute riot.

Silence settled upon them, a blanket that both soothed and healed the tension that had permeated the air. Jiraiya found his tired eyes examining Orochimaru's face. The man looked beat, the undersides of his eyes having gained a dark tinge that was quite worrying - he probably hadn't slept well the entire time he was gone. His mouth had slackened into a lop sided frown, and slowly his dark brows rose to their original positions on his fair forehead.

Jiraiya couldn't help himself, he snuck forward like an elephant and wrapped his long, thick arms around Orochimaru, as the smaller man's right hand found his side, just below his rib cage. His hand snaked down Orochimaru's tensed back and patted his bum gently before sliding up again.

"I feel that I deserve some pampering," Jiraiya said suddenly as he pulled Orochimaru closer, so the man's head was resting against his bare chest, "Let's have sex."

"No."

Jiraiya had been expecting that (though there'd had been a shred of hope hanging in his chest when he'd first asked), and he didn't bother arguing; Orochimaru wouldn't budge when it came to the kids. And he was too tired to come up with a decent argument anyway, his brain's functions running on extremely slow.

A few moments passed without an utterance from each man, though the bed squeaked in time with their even breathing. Jiraiya kept his attentions going, as he rubbed insistantly between Orochimaru's shoulder blades, keen to work out the knocks as best he could from his position.

"Have you showered?"

Jiraiya rested his chin on the head tucked beneath it, "Too tired to. I'll have one in the morning."

"You're able to have sex, but are too tired to bathe?" Unsurprisingly, Orochimaru's tone didn't make him seem impressed.

Jiraiya snuck his arm beneath Orochimaru's head, "You're the one who groped my ass first."

He felt the slight shake of Orochimaru's head, and felt the hot breath leave the smaller man in the form of a small sigh. It tickled the hard planes of his chest, ghosting over a nipple (damned tease), as Orochimaru's body became nothing more than jello in Jiraiya's arms, "Go to sleep, Jiraiya. You have a mission tomorrow."

True... The white haired shinobi really didn't want to be sentenced to any punishment their sensei could think up (other than it most likely being extremely embarrassing, Jiraiya was sure Sarutobi-sensei would make sure it hurt this time), just because he'd arrived to his briefing an hour late, bleary eyed and smelling of sweat.

Jiraiya yawned, "Yeah, yeah... Turn off the light."

He did. Orochimaru's hand moved from where it was, warming his ribs, his thin arm tickling Jiraiya's side as Orochimaru stretched it in order to flick the light switch off. He found that it was somewhat creepy thinking about it.

They were smothered in darkness, the moon's light barely passing through the cream curtains Tsunade had (attempted) to make them (she'd wanted to try something new and had had sewing dropped in her lap - by who, they still didn't know). Jiraiya's hands halted, finding Orochimaru's slender neck and squeezable hip.

The white haired shinobi didn't hesitate to press his nose into his lover's hair (still slightly damp and smelling of cherries - the kids' preferred shampoo).

He yawned, "G'night."

"Good ni-"

There was a tiny knock, before the door slid open, revealing a small somebody and a whispering voice, "Orochimaru?"

Jiraiya's hold on the man tightened. He'd just got him back, for fuck's sake! Let him keep him for a bit!

Orochimaru shoved a knuckle into side, pushing himself away and up. Jiraiya's eyes opened so he could send a hateful glare at the child daring to take his warmer away from him.

"What is it Kidoumaru?" Orochimaru's patient voice slid from his lips easily, as though he'd been expecting this.

"I had a bad dream." He paused as he wandered to the bed, all six off his hands rubbing together, as though he were nervous, "Can I sleep with you?"

Oh, hell no. Hell no. Jiraiya's glare was as heated as the sun's during summer. This was his haven! His bed! Did Orochimaru not remember what they'd done here? Christened it in the most unholy fashion, is what! If he cared about the child he'd send him away!

Orochimaru successfully ignored his silent objections (as though it didn't take much effort either, that bastard!).

"Come here."

It was with the pushiness Jiraiya hated, that Orochimaru had him moved, so then he was spooning the snake shinobi, and Kidoumaru had himself plastered to Orochimaru's front. The kid was snoring softly moments later, as was Orochimaru and despite his annoyance, Jiraiya found his eyes drooping...

In the beginning, there'd been one. Three hours later, Jiriaya hadn't any bed to sleep on.

Woffy: We'd done that to our Dad on more than one occasion... First I'd go in, then my brothers would soon follow, we'd curl up around mum and he'd be kicked off. I kind of feel sorry for him. XD Especially because he had work the next day (started at 6am, finished at 2am - it's no wonder why he was so grumpy).

Anyway... Since my Sound Family pic, I've come up with numerous scenarios as the kiddies grow. Unfortunately, I've been feeling far too lazy to draw them as the comics I pictured them as (rulers! Measuring! Ugh!). So I thought writing about them was the next best thing. I've definitely felt like doing that (though I do wish I had a spell checker). Perhaps I could make short, simple comics later, if I ever get out of this Naruto/Inuyasha art/fic slump I've been in? We'll see...

A few things:

- These will not go in chronological order - think of this as pulling out random photos from a box and remembering the circumstances around them.
- All dates are made up. I didn't try to make them signifigant or anything of the sort.
- My sense of direction and places are sketchy at best, feel free to correct me.
- These won't be super long chapters/one-shot things, nor are they going to be worked on to the point where I'm completely happy with each of them. Just quick ones done in one or two nights, so then I may go to bed sane.
- This is AU. So, no, nothing's going to really follow the original storyline.

Any critique and corrections will be taken to heart, and fixed whenever possible. So review, yes?

Thanks for reading! :D