Ashley's helmet clattered against the armoury bench. Cortez and Vega had wisely vacated the area, perhaps feeling the bubbling tension building as the shuttle had rattled its way back to the Normandy, scratched and dented.
Shepard looked up, eyes wary. She'd already taken off her helmet and the armour on her arms and chest, black hair slicked to her skull with sweat, every moment careful and lethargic. "If you break that it's coming out of your paycheck."
Her tone was casual, joking. Like it hadn't been barely twenty minutes since they'd been sitting in the bottom of the Kodiak, their visors pressed together, Ashley's arms around her shoulders, trying to give comfort through ceramic, trying to get her to breathe with her, saying you're okay, you're okay, breathe with me.
"That was fucking nuts, Shepard," She gritted out, "You nearly died."
Shepard leant down and started undoing her boots, "It was a calculated risk. We needed Leviathan."
"It's like you don't care anymore," Ashley said bitterly, despairingly, "You've been taking stupid risks-"
Ashley knew recklessness, had often been reckless before three years of war had taught her patience. Shepard, for all her carefully calculated risks, never had been. But Ashley had seen it in her eyes. The distant, fatalistic acceptance of a woman on the long march to the gallows.
"For fuck's sake Ash," Shepard snapped back, "I've been doing what I need to, for the war-"
"Is that all you care about anymore?" She demanded.
Shepard was suddenly close to her, arms crossed, eyes hard. "It's the only thing that matters."
Ashley searched her face. She found anger, defensiveness and little else. She wanted to grab her, wrap around her, say you're not allowed to leave again, I need you. But she knew that everyone needed Shepard since the War had started, that her saying that would be another chain around her ankles, another burden to bear on shoulders already carrying too much when all that Ash wanted to do was to take some of the weight off.
God. They used to know how to talk to each other.
"You matter too," She said sharply.
Shepard looked away.
Ash put a hand on her shoulder, carefully. Her voice was quieter but no less vehement, "You matter too."
The elevator door whooshed open and she withdrew her hand, taking a step, suddenly realising how close they'd gotten. Doctor Chakwas raised one grey eyebrow but then snapped into business.
"Commander, Vega told me that you were deprived of oxygen for part of your…dive," She said in that calming, professional voice that hinted at just a little bit of exasperation.
"Yeah." Shepard rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly.
"To the medbay with you," Chakwas said severely.
"Doc-"
"I need to check your blood oxygen saturation and do a brain scan," Chakwas continued blithely.
"I'll take care of your kit," Ashley murmured as she removed her gauntlets.
"We'll talk later," Shepard said at last, and let the doctor steer her away and into the elevator. Ashley's eyes followed them until the elevator door closed and then she sighed, turning to the piles of armour and weapons on the bench in front of her. At least cleaning and maintaining guns always calmed her - maybe the familiar actions would settle the churning in her chest.