Finding Her
Jack Bauer opened the door and stepped out into the rising sun. The Heller residence was located in Malibu and the backyard featured a vertical drop into the ocean below. Jack walked toward the edge and looked down. He found himself mesmerized by the crashing waves, but did not attempt to jump into the water below.
"Face it bud," he growled to himself, "You are not going to kill yourself."
Instead, Jack watched the sunrise over the ocean. The fallout from the nuclear blast had yet to reach Malibu, so Jack took a moment to enjoy this sunrise since it would probably be the last that he would see in a while. Fallout from the nuclear explosion was going to spread throughout the west coast and sunrises and sunsets were going to be a thing of the past for a long time. Jack sighed. No matter how hard he tried, he always felt that he somehow failed. Thousands would die because he had failed to stop the detonation.
"Come on, Jack" his inner voice growled again. "Even your death wouldn't have stopped the terrorists from detonating the bomb."
No, thought Jack, but it would have ended his pain. He thought two years in a Chinese prison was hell, but no, coming back to the states was even more painful than he thought.
Curtis, Jack thought, and then closed his eyes to ward off the pain of it. "Christ," he growled angrily, "I killed one of my best friends and for what?" Tears began to stream down his face. No matter what happened to him in his life from now on, he would never forgive himself for killing Curtis. Nothing justified it. The look on Curtis's face when Jack shot him would stay with Jack for the rest of his life.
Drying his face, Jack looked back at the sunrise. The sun was now moving upward in the sky, yet dark clouds were now moving out toward the ocean signaling that the fallout from the nuclear bomb had reached Malibu. Ash began a light rain and Jack turned and walked toward his car. He did not go back inside. He did not want to see Heller or Audrey again. Heller was right. Jack needed to let Audrey go and close that chapter of his life.
Opening the door of his car, Jack sat in the driver's seat and turned on the ignition. Audrey, he thought breathing in her name. Hers was another life that he ruined. Audrey had given him so much. Just when he never thought he would love someone again after Teri's death, Audrey brought him love, faith and hope. "What did you give her in return," whispered his inner voice? "Pain and degradation" came the answer. He saw the look on Audrey's face when CTU saved her from the terrorists. She was not there, but back in China where she had been subjected to torture that Jack could not even imagine. She did it for him. Tears began to appear in his eyes again. Christ, was Kim right? Was Jack just a magnet for death?
Driving down the street, small flecks of ash began to rain down on his windshield. Jack turned on the windshield wipers, but to no avail as the ash began to smear across the windshield. Jack sighed, it was going to be a long road home and to make matters worse, his head was beginning to pound with a headache that only Jack Daniels and Bayer could cure. Pulling the car over, Jack fumbled for his wallet. Bill Buchanan gave it back to him. At the time, Jack could not figure out why. He was giving his life to save the country and he would not need his wallet. Breathing in, Jack realized that Bill was counting on Jack to fight his way out of that situation. Jack did not know whether to smile or laugh at Bill's faith in him.
Opening his wallet, Jack found his driver's license, credit card (now expired), photos of Kim, Audrey and Teri and wad of cash. Jack pulled the bills out and counted—there were at least 1000 dollars there and a note from Buchanan. "This isn't much, but I thought it would give you a start." "Thanks for everything." –Bill. Jack smiled to himself and put the money back in his wallet. Next, he thumbed through his photos. There was one of him and Kim when she was a baby. Another was him and Teri on vacation on Hawaii. The third was of him and Audrey at a dinner party for her father, Secretary Heller. Each photo represented a piece of Jack's past and seeing them made it all the more painful for him. Teri and Audrey were lost to him, thought Jack, but Kim wasn't. Picking up her picture, Jack thought about his relationship with his daughter. It was one of the most important in his life, but it was the one he always seemed to fail at. Jack knew that Kim didn't want to see him again and he couldn't blame her, but he needed to see her again. Taking a breathe, Jack picked up his cell phone and dialed.
"Bill Buchanan" came a crisp voice.
"Bill, this is Jack." said Bauer quietly. "I wanted to thank you for the money."
"Jack," responded Bill, "it was the least I could do."
"Bill, I need an address" said Jack and then gave Buchanan the name. Jack could hear the shock in Buchanan's voice when Bill responded.
"Jack are you sure?" said a worried Bill, "I thought you didn't want to see Kim."
"I didn't want to hurt her that's why." said Jack "But with everything that has happened today, I need to see her."
"Sure," said Bill. Jack could hear Buchanan typing and hear him audibly sigh. "Here's the address for you."
Jack wrote the address down on the back of Kim's baby picture. "Thanks Bill."
"Jack," said Bill quietly, "Be careful out there." "When the air clears, all of us are going to have a lot to answer for."
Jack hung up without responding. There was always something to answer for. Jack felt as though he had spent his life answering for something. Lying back against the seat, Jack closed his eyes and savored the quiet. In prison, it was rarely quiet. Someone was always screaming, pleading and begging. After a while, thought Jack, prisoners rarely reacted to these sounds, it usually meant that someone else was being punished and not you.
Jack opened his eyes and looked out the window. Ash was falling heavier now. Christ, he thought, I will be lucky to make it anywhere with this kind of visibility. Getting out of the car, he threw the keys in and slammed the door shut. Stretching his legs, which were now sore, Jack began walking. He was going to see his daughter.