I can't stay away from angsty Remus/Sirius :)
FRAGMENTED HEART
"Oh, look at him, James," Sirius said, grinning. He was staring, dreamy-eyed at the boy across the room. James rolled his eyes and hit Sirius across the head with his book.
"Yeah, Sirius. I can see him."
"He's amazing," Sirius said. His grin grew – if possible – even bigger, and James sighed.
"Why are you telling me? Why don't you just go and tell him?" he asked, peering over at their friend, who was hunched over a book. Sirius let out an incredulous laugh.
"Tell Remus? Tell him how I feel?" he asked. James smiled.
"Yep. C'mon Pads... he's one of your best friends. Even if he doesn't feel the same way he won't treat you any differently. You know that."
"But what if-"
"- Sirius! Either you go and tell him, or I will, because I'm sick of your constant 'I love Remus' and 'he's so amazing' and 'would you look at those eyes'."
"You wouldn't tell him!" Sirius said, eyes widening. James just shrugged and stood up.
"Hey Remus!" he yelled across the room. Remus looked up from his book and raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Sirius has something he wants to tell you!"
Sirius cast James a look that was supposed to be furious, but instead came out looking completely and utterly terrified.
Remus closed his book and stuffed it in his bag, and started making his way towards where they were sitting. "What's up?" he asked Sirius.
Sirius' lips felt dry, and he stood up. "Uh... I... er... can we go somewhere else to talk about it?"
"...Okay..." Remus said, smiling slightly and leading Sirius out of the portrait hole, and down an empty corridor. "Do you want to talk here?"
"Here's fine," Sirius said nervously, looking at the ground.
They stood for a moment in silence, before Remus finally spoke. "So," he said. "You wanted to talk to me?"
"Oh... yeah... sure... well... you know... Remus, it doesn't matter," Sirius said. He could feel himself blushing and he couldn't believe how nervous he was feeling. He'd never been like this around Remus before. How the hell did James expect him to break the news to Remus. He couldn't exactly just say 'I'm madly in love with you' – that would creep him out completely.
He made to turn away, but Remus stopped him. "Come on... you can tell me anything, you know that."
Sirius looked Remus in the eyes, and he could almost feel his heart soar as he became mesmerised by them.
"Fine," Sirius murmured, shuffling his feet. "I'm kind of... well... I'm g-gay."
Remus' expression remained blank for a minute and then he looked surprised. "Really?" he asked finally.
"Yeah," Sirius said, looking down. "You don't hate me, do you?"
"Oh, Sirius," Remus said softly. "Of course not. That's fine. There's nothing wrong with being gay. I'm glad you told me."
"Good," Sirius breathed out a sigh of relief. "Well, let's go back to the common room now."
Remus laughed. "Wait! You can't just tell me you're gay and not tell me who you like."
"Um... I don't really want to tell you," Sirius whispered, feeling more and more nervous by the second. Remus rolled his eyes.
"What are you scared of? You've told me the worst part," Remus said. "Who is it, Padfoot?"
"No," Sirius said. "The worst part isn't that I'm gay. The worst part is that I've fallen in love with one of my best friends, who – I'm pretty sure – is straight and will never love me back."
"Wait," Remus said slowly. "You're... in love?"
"Yeah."
"Like actual love?" Remus asked with wide eyes. Sirius nodded.
"Yeah, that's what makes it worse. To know that he'll never love me back."
Remus smiled sadly at him. "So who is it? You said it's one of your best friends. That means it's one of us, right?"
"Right," Sirius said, nodding. Remus bit his lip and ran his fingers through his hair.
"I'm guessing it's not Peter," he said quietly, and Sirius nodded. "And I'm also guessing that you wouldn't look this nervous if it was James you were in love with?"
Sirius sighed and looked at Remus. "You're right again."
"So," Remus said quietly. "That just leaves me."
Sirius didn't say anything. He felt as though his face was on fire and he didn't dare look at Remus. Instead he just said the first thing that he could think of. "I'm so sorry, Remus."
"What? Don't be sorry," Remus said quickly, grabbing Sirius and looking him in the eyes. "Really. You can't help who you fall for... I get that."
"You're not mad?"
"I'm not mad," Remus said, smiling. "I'm kind of flattered, actually."
"But you don't feel the same way, do you?" Sirius asked, dreading the answer. He watched as Remus closed his eyes and shook his head, and he could almost feel his heart break.
"I wish I did," Remus said. "I'd love to fall in love with my best friend, I really would. It's just... you know... I'm straight... so, I couldn't."
"I understand," Sirius said, trying desperately not to run away and cry. Remus sensed it, and quickly pulled him in for a hug.
If this is the best I'm going to get, I'd better make the most of it, Sirius thought as he hugged Remus tighter, inhaling his gorgeous smell.
"I love you," Sirius whispered, closing his eyes tight shut and letting a tear fall from his eyes. He pulled away from Remus, wiping the tears away. "I love you so much," he said. With that, he walked away down the corridor, leaving Remus staring after him in sadness.
With every step he took, he could feel his heart break a little bit more. Even though he knew that Remus wouldn't feel the same way, it was worse having it confirmed, and he ran straight through the common room without a word to anyone and straight into his bed fully-clothed.
"I wish you loved me," he cried into his pillow. He knew he sounded ridiculous, but nobody was there to hear him. Nobody cared.
He fell asleep that night feeling like there was a huge hole in his heart – knowing that no matter what happened, he'd never feel whole again.
~ THE END ~