WARNING! HBP SPOILERS!
A/N: This was written in the middle of my other fiction, 'One Summer', for no reason at all. I had a craving to write a fanfiction parody that was short, so here it is. Also it was written while I was desperately deprived of sleep because of annoying dogs and cats and trying to sneak out last night but getting caught, so hopefully that will explain it's crazy ways. I tried to make it rated lower, there is one swear word gasp but nothing worse then that. There is also a slash mentioned but not expanded on at all, so I didn't bother putting a slash rating/warning on it. Review and please don't encourage me writing this type of thing. I will continue with my normal Fiction now, just wait until I after I fall asleep for about ten hours.
Disclaimer: You should be smart enough to know that it is a Fanfiction (hint why it is on FFN) so I don't own any of the characters used in this fiction, most of them belong to JK Rowling, with some references to Austin Powers.
Dr. Dumbledore
It was a month after the Death of Albus Dumbledore, and the morning of his funeral when Harry Potter received a message that he was supposed to go to the Headmaster's office. At first he didn't want to go and talk to more people who would just pity him, but he decided that McGonagall must have had her reasons for calling him up. So he went to where the gargoyle to the Headmaster's office usually was, only to find a door that said 'Headmaster' on it.
She is sure doing some changes around here, but isn't she the Headmistress? Harry thought to himself as he opened the door.
When he opened the door he found himself in an office where McGonagall was sitting behind a small desk. The office looked exactly like a typical Muggle secretary office, with a filing cabinet in the corner, a potted plant in the other corner, and even a computer on McGonagall desk. But the thing that confused Harry the most was the name plate that said 'Secretary' on the desk and the other Door across the room that said 'Headmaster's Office' on it.
'Oh, hello Potter-' McGonagall said in a sugar coated voice that was very much unlike her own, but she was interrupted when the Muggle speaker attached to the roof made that annoying ringing noise.
'Secretary? Is that Potter?' A voice asked through the speaker.
'Yes Mr-' McGonagall started again.
'It is DR now, all evil geniuses names begin with Dr. So I am Dr. Dumbledore, now send him into my secret lair! MUWHAHAHAHAA! That will be all.' The Voice said again the ringing sound followed it before it shut off.
'Potter, listen to me, the Headmaster is still alive but he has lost-' McGonagall said leaning over the desk so she was inches away from Harry's face.
'I am waiiiittttinnnngggg.' The Voice quickly said again before shutting off.
'It's okay, Professor, I defeated the Dark Lord-'
'YOU DID NOT! He is still out there! Don't count your Caramel eggs before they hatch!' The Voice said through the speaker again. 'Now just get in here, Harry!'
McGonagall pushed Harry through the door and he found himself in a room that was pitch black.
'Shit! You came in too soon! Go back out and try again!' The voice from the speaker said and there was some squeaking and rustling, even a cow mooing. 'Okay now come in Potter!'
'I didn't leave.' Harry said feeling the wall for the light switch.
When he found it and turned it on, he saw that there was black fabric thrown over the entire walls of the room and all the furniture so it appeared like a old crappy black cave effect from the old batman comics. The only thing else in the room was a egg shaped white chair that Harry had seen in Austin Powers Goldmember at Dudley's birthday party before he was brutally beaten with a steak knife for going within 4 meters of Dudley. Harry took out his wand as he took a step towards the chair.
'Hello?' Harry asked as he walked slowly towards it.
Just then the chair turned around and Dumbledore was sitting in it. He was wearing a shower cap over his head, and his beard was shaved off completely making him look like Sean Connery. He also had a line drawn over his left eye to make it look like a scar, and was wearing the suit that Dr. Evil usually wore in Austin Powers.
'Hello, Potter.' Dumbledore said with his pinkie to his mouth and his other hand was stroking a very annoyed looking phoenix that bit Dumbledore, but Dumbledore didn't seem to notice.
'Dumbledore! I was so worried! How did you survive-' Harry started putting his wand away and walking towards Dumbledore faster, but stopped talking when Dumbledore held up his hand.
'I know why you are here Potter.' Dumbledore said, Harry waited for him to go on, but when he didn't an Awkward silence fell.
Finally Harry rubbed the back of his head and said; 'well, of course you do, you asked me to come here.'
'NO!' Dumbledore said getting up. 'You came here to see a Broadway musical!'
Dumbledore snapped his fingers and a disco ball came down from the roof and the 'I feel Pretty' song started to play. Harry was too stunned to say anything, as Dumbledore began to sing to the music the 'Stayin Alive' song, even though it was to the wrong music. When he finished he stood in a Disco pose and looked at Harry.
Finally Harry found his voice. 'You have lost your mind!'
'Why, yes, thank you for asking.' Dumbledore said quickly sitting back down and pretended to pet the phoenix even though it had flown away when Dumbledore stood up.
'It wasn't a question, what happen to you?' Harry asked as he stared at Dumbledore who now just realized that the Phoenix was missing and was looked under the cushion of his chair for it.
'What indeed?' Dumbledore said sitting back down and looking at Harry. 'You see, after I cleverly paid a stunt double to fake my death, well the stunt double actually died but I paid him a fair amount, I decided to become a Evil Genius, I am even dating Voldemort-'
'Curse you FanFiction Slashers! Cuuurrrsseeee yooouuuu!' Harry said falling to his knees. 'But why professor? Why?'
'It is Doctor now, with the D and the R. I did it because I got a free blender, mine was broken. Also they gave me some grape jam!' Dumbledore said as he poured straight jam into the blender that appeared out of nowhere.
'I don't believe this! You can't!' Harry said and ran from the room.
Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, a voice started to call his name.
Harry awoke in his room, where Ron was shaking him.
'Ron!' Harry said hugging Ron. 'It was horrible; Dumbledore was there, Broadway, jam! It was horrible.'
'What are you talking about?' Ron asked trying to free himself from Harry's hug. 'Get off me, we are going to be late for the funeral.'
'So he is dead then?' Harry asked Ron smiling.
'What….well yeah…are you okay?' Ron asked now worried about Harry being happy that Dumbledore is dead.
'The world is safe place again then, as long as we get rid of all Grape Jam.' Harry said letting go of Ron and getting dressed.
>FIN!
A/N: See that wasn't…toooo bad. Anyways Reviews are appreciated (Yes I do have a thing with grape jam).