Summary: Set in S5 ep 21. Spoilers for S5. Dean reflects on that fact that Cas seems to have regained faith in him.
Disclaimer: I really don't own anything. Makes me kinda sad.
AN: Yeah…Another little one shot. Some dialogue, from the series…but mainly muse-y, reflect-y stuff. Based partially on this quote from S5 ep 18:
Dean: Isn't that suicide?
Cas: Maybe it is. But then I won't have to watch you fail. I'm sorry, Dean. I don't have the same faith in you that Sam does.
And also from this quote S5 ep 21:
Dean: ... I-it's okay.
Cas: You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be.
Dean: Thank you. I appreciate that.
Cas: You're welcome.
Warnings: Swearing, mentions of peril, death, apocalypse. Please note…there may not actually be any swearing, but I always put that warning in; since sometimes, like when I'm talking, I slip swear words in without actually intending to. Terrible, but its how it is.
/
Dean paused, wondering what Castiel was going to say to him, after he assured him that there was no need to apologize. There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone.
'You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be,' was what the former angel informed him. He swallowed, slowly digesting the words. It was weird, but he got an intense feeling of relief in his heart. That sounded like Castiel's opinion had changed.
He remained silent, briefly flashing back to the stage where he was planning on saying 'Yes' to Michael, and where Castiel had told him, quite bluntly, that he didn't have much faith in him. He hadn't shown much of a reaction at that point, but Castiel's words had cut through him like a knife. Spreading pain and guilt. He'd been surprised by how much the words had hurt, at the time. That his friend, who had stuck by him despite everything, had lost faith and belief in him. At that point, the tiniest part of him had wanted to throw this crazy idea out of the window, especially when he thought about Sam too. But he hadn't, not until the very end. Why'd he given up the insane idea of allowing Michael wear him like a snug pair of jeans? The answer was simple. Because he couldn't bear to let Sam, or Cas down any more than he had.
And now…Here was Castiel apologizing, and implicitly taken back what he'd said. That teamed with the fact that Sam trusted him once more, and that they were now alright and doing it their way, gave him a small amount of hope in these dark times. He smiled slightly, deciding that he should probably actually reply.
"Thank you…I appreciate that…" he said slowly. And he really did. If the two of the most important people to him (who he'd been dicks to) could each regain their faith in him, then maybe he could too. He still wasn't convinced that they could stop this, or succeed, but with them backing him…he had a little more hope.
It was all incredibly chick-flicky and girly, but he just didn't care. Why? Because it was true. And it wasn't like he was gonna repeat these thoughts, so it wasn't really an issue. In fact…it wasn't even that girly. It was nowhere near as bad as the crap that Sam came out with on a daily basis. Or the kinda things he ate ("Hey, yeah, can I have a salad please?" 'Cause that was totally manly and satisfying), or the stupid, frothy girly types of coffee he drank that barely even had any coffee in!
Now…they just needed to gank Pestilence and Death. Easier said than done. Didn't matter. He didn't have faith in God, or himself, but Cas and Sam had faith in him…And most of the time, he had faith in them. Even when the world was literally going to hell in a hand basket.