A/N: This story was written to Stasia for the Snupin Santa gift exchange. Probably my first and only time writing MPreg...lol :D I'm glad you enjoyed it Stasia.
Warnings: MPreg, mate-idea
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize of characters and other names.
Love, Confusion and Fateful Choices
June 1977
Severus didn't quite know how it happened. He hated Gryffindors, he hated the so-called Marauders and he hated Remus Lupin! At least he thought he hated Remus Lupin.
Well, Lupin never participated in hexing and humiliating him, but he never lifted a finger to stop Black and Potter either. And this boy was supposed to be a Prefect? Some Prefect… A werewolf – that was what he was. A bloody werewolf! How Dumbledore could let that monster attend Hogwarts was beyond Severus.
So when Severus found himself in the Room of Requirement with Remus Lupin asleep in his arms, you can say he was a bit confused about his own thoughts.
Severus was on his back, his arms wrapped around the werewolf, feeling Remus' warm breath on his bare chest. He turned his head slightly and looked at the other boy. He looked so peaceful. If Severus hadn't met Moony in the Shrieking Shack that time, he would never have believed that such a calm being could ever be a werewolf.
He looked at Remus' light brown hair, still soaked from sweat, clinging to his face. Severus stroked the hair carefully off Remus' face, gently touching his scarred, but attractive features. He could swear that he saw a smile curl on Remus' lips, but the boy didn't wake up.
Even if Remus' eyes were closed, Severus could see them in his mind – those beautiful golden brown eyes, the kindest eyes in the world. Severus wanted to stay there, looking at Remus forever.
Severus realised that he didn't hate Remus Lupin after all. He decided this was so much better. Severus had never been happier.
July 1977
Severus was getting restless. He wanted it to be September already. He hated to be at home at Spinner's End. He wanted to get back to school, to get back to classes, learning, magic – and Remus.
Severus hadn't seen or spoken to Remus since their last day at Hogwarts before the summer. They had written to each other a couple of times, but he couldn't wait to see Remus' face and hear his voice again, and to be able to touch him.
No one knew, and they intended to keep it that way. His parents would never understand, especially not his father. His fellow Slytherins would certainly not understand, nor would they approve. Not only because Severus was with another boy, but the fact that he was with a Gryffindor!
Remus' friends would definitely not approve either! They all hated his guts, and the feeling was mutual. Lily would be the only one that would be okay with it, but Severus didn't dare to tell her either. He hadn't spoken to Lily in ages, even if she didn't live too far from him. They used to be best friends, but now they weren't speaking to each other. Severus really missed that. He started to feel lonely, and decided to owl Remus.
August 1977
Severus' mood was getting better. He had been with his mother to Diagon Alley to get his school things and he had seen Remus.
Of course Remus had been with Sirius, James and Peter when Severus and his mother had run into them at Flourish and Blotts. Sirius and James smirked as they saw him, evidently planning some new pranks to pull on him, but Severus didn't care.
He had seen Remus. He had seen Remus' eyes smiling carefully from the other side of the bookshelf looking for books. He had heard Remus' voice telling his friends to go get him something to drink. He had kissed Remus' lips the brief moment they were left alone, in a dark corner in the History section.
September 1977
The platform was packed with excited young witches and wizards and their worried parents. Severus had travelled alone to King's Cross and was just pulling his heavy trunk onto the train when he saw Remus Lupin coming through the stone wall. Severus felt his heart skip a beat and dropped his trunk with a bang.
Someone chuckled behind him. "Watch it, Snape. You could kill someone with all those books." He turned around and saw Avery standing there with a smirk on his face. "So, who were you looking at?"
"What?" Severus froze. Had Avery seen him looking at Remus?
"Who were you looking at?" Avery asked again, not bothering to help Severus who was again trying to get his trunk onto the train.
"No one," Severus said as calmly as possible, trying not to let his eyes wander in Remus' direction.
"Oh, it's that Mudblood Evans again isn't it? You're still hung up on her, aren't you?" Avery said casually.
Severus felt a stinging inside him at Avery's comment, but he didn't say anything. He had called Lily a Mudblood once himself, and hated the word immensely. But he didn't dare to say anything. Avery and the other Slytherins seventh years were not the one to get on the wrong side with these days. This was his final year, and he knew that a lot of them were already in the league with the Dark Lord.
Severus merely shook his head, and finally got the trunk aboard the train. He placed next to the others and went to find a compartment, hoping that Avery would drop the subject.
October 1977
Being at Hogwarts wasn't quite what Severus had hoped it would be. He still liked school a lot better than home, but his fellow Slytherins were constantly on his back trying to recruit followers for the Dark Lord. Severus didn't really want to join his league, but didn't quite know how to get away from it either. He found the Dark Arts intriguing, that was no secret, but he wasn't so sure that this Voldemort person was right in all his ideas.
Remus' friends weren't exactly making things easier on him. Although Remus had started telling Black and Potter to leave him alone at most occasions, they still managed to track him down whenever Remus wasn't around. Severus, on the other hand, wasn't one to stand silent and just take whatever they threw at him. No, he had plans for revenge. His books were full of small hexes and dark spells he had invented. It was mostly stupid hexes meant for Black and Potter, but also ideas he picked up from his Slytherin friends.
November 1977
"You're starting to scare me, Severus!" Remus looked horrified. The scruffy looking teen had surprised Severus in his usual corner in the library, and was looking at his book with all the scribbled notes.
"It's nothing, Remus, it's just for fun," Severus tried to calm him down.
"Just for fun?" Remus started to raise his voice in frustration over his secret boyfriend's reply. "If this is your idea of fun, Severus, then you are not the kind of person I would want to be around. This is really dark and scary magic. It's not fun at all!"
"That's not what I meant, Remus." Severus hissed back, getting a really annoyed look in return. "Just be quiet, you're attracting attention. You don't want anybody to see us together!"
"No, by all means…" Remus muttered, rolling his eyes. "Because that would be the worst thing you can think of." The werewolf sat down on a chair next to Severus, just staring at him. Severus ignored him. Neither spoke for several minutes.
"I'm just worried about you, Severus," Remus whispered finally, taking his hand while making sure no one was looking.
"Well, don't be," Severus snorted. "I can take care of myself." He was still offended by Remus' reaction. He retracted his hand quickly and barely glanced at the other boy whose eyes were now filling up with tears.
"I know that. It's just that…" Remus started.
"What? Why do you care about what I write in my books?" Severus said annoyed.
Remus stood up in a hurry. "It's because I care about you, Severus. I… I…. Oh don't bother?" Remus said before storming out of the library.
Severus was fuming. How dare Remus claim that he cares? Where was Remus when Avery and Mulciber made him hex that forth year Ravenclaw girl just because her mother was Muggleborn? Where was Remus when Black and Potter decided that it was a good idea to jinx his Potions book to randomly mix the ingredients, causing his potion to blow up and burn his hand severely?
He felt his anger rise tremendously until it suddenly struck him. Remus was in the hospital wing most of those times, recovering from his own troubles, exhausted and scratched up.
Severus started to feel an unpleasant nagging in his stomach. The feeling stuck with him all the way back to the Slytherin common room. He just wanted to go to bed and forget that this evening ever happened.
When Severus reached the common room, however, a group of his fellow Slytherins called him over to join them, and reluctantly he sat down in an armchair. For half an hour Severus listened to them talking loudly about hexing Mudbloods and how they didn't deserve to go to this school before he had finally had it. He couldn't take this anymore. He had to find Remus. He had no idea how, just that he had to talk to him.
He jumped up from his chair and without a word walked out of the common room leaving the others utterly confused.
Severus walked through the corridors and headed towards Gryffindor tower. He had to find Remus somehow. He stopped outside the portrait of the Fat Lady, still not having any idea how he would get in, or how to get Remus to come out. It wasn't exactly just to ask a random Gryffindor to get Remus if he saw one. Severus was getting desperate when the door suddenly opened and Sirius Black came out.
"Oh, if it isn't Snivellus again." Sirius laughed at him. "Have you come back for more?"
Severus sneered back. "Sure, Black. I just can't get enough of you."
"Or are you just back to bother Evans? She doesn't want to talk to you, when are you going to get that into that greasy head of yours?"
Severus didn't get the chance to reply before the portrait opened and James Potter stepped out. Severus immediately drew his wand, Black and Potter followed suit. The three of them stood for a while pointing their wands at each other, thinking hard of the best jinx to throw at the other when Remus stormed out of the portrait hole.
"Stop this at once!" he yelled so loudly they were sure that Peeves would come screaming any minute.
"But, Remus, we have him just where we want him. He's in our part of the castle and he came to bother Lily again." Sirius turned to his friend, and in that instant Severus saw his opportunity and sent a stunning spell on both Black and Potter, followed by his own invented Muffliato.
"I need to talk to you," he said to Remus, who was still in shock by Severus' treatment of his friends.
"I don't want to talk to you," Remus snorted back. "You can't just talk to me like that, then stun my friends and expect me to just forgive you."
"Please, Remus," Severus said softly looking into Remus' big eyes. "Meet me in the Room of Requirement at midnight. Please?"
"I'll see what I can do, but I'm not promising anything." Remus said. "Now, undo the spell on James and Sirius, or you can forget me talking to you ever again."
Severus nodded and undid the spells. James and Sirius were instantly unfrozen but absolutely confused. Sirius pointed his wand at Severus but was quickly disarmed by Remus who forced his friends back into the common room.
Severus went straight to the Room of Requirement to wait for Remus.
The clock was well past one when Severus had to admit that Remus apparently wasn't coming. Severus felt the familiar nagging feeling in his stomach as his eyelid reluctantly closed.
He didn't know how long he had been asleep when someone threw a pillow at him. "So, what do you want to talk to me about?" Remus stood over him with his arms crossed.
Severus sat up and looked at the time. It was a quarter past two. "You're late," were the first words that fell out of him. That was not the smartest move.
"I'm late? Is that what you wanted me to come here for, to tell me that I'm late?" Remus was fuming. "If you only knew, Severus, how much pain you cause me. If you only knew how hard it is for me to lie to my friends for you, to stick up for you..."
"Stick up for me? When did you ever stick up for me?" Severus interrupted.
Remus looked absolutely shocked. "When?" he asked. "WHEN?"
Severus looked confused. "Yes, when?"
"I stick up for you all the time, Severus. Because, unlike you, I care! Who do you think have kept James and Sirius off your back these past months? Who do you think keeps them busy with random stupid problems just so they will do something else than pick on you. Who do you think gets them to shut up whenever they talk badly of you? Who do you think, Severus?" Remus was getting furious.
"I wasn't sure if I was to come here tonight, because I really didn't want to see you, but a part of me thought that you were going to apologize. So I changed my mind and finally managed to sneak up here after being held up by the two former mentioned boys for hours. If I had known what was coming I wouldn't have bothered." Remus turned to leave, but Severus jumped from the sofa and ran to stop him.
"I'm sorry, Remus, I didn't know." Severus said, looking straight into his boyfriend's golden eyes.
"That's the problem, Severus. You never do…" Remus replied and stared at the floor. "I feel I poor my heart out to you and you never reply."
Severus' stomach dropped. So that was what all this was about. He raised his hand and carefully lifted Remus' chin. "Look at me," he said softly. "I do care. Believe me."
"Then you have a strange way of showing it," Remus snorted.
"I know," Severus admitted. "I'll try to be better, I promise. Just don't leave. Please."
Remus looked back at him, eyes filled with tears. "Why should I stay?" he asked the black haired Slytherin. "Give me one good reason, and that damn better be a good one, Severus."
"Because I love you." The words just fell out of Severus' mouth, surprising them both. "Well, I do! And that's why you should stay." Severus continued, his voice shaking like crazy.
December 1977
For the first time in his life, Severus was actually looking forward to Christmas. He usually stayed at school during the break, and so did Remus. And the best part was that the other Marauders and Severus' roommates were all going away for the holidays.
Severus sat in the common room on Christmas Eve thinking about what he would do during the break. Most students had gone home the previous day, but there was still a small group left. Mulciber suddenly slumped down in the seat next to him.
"What are you smiling about, Snape? You're scaring me." Mulciber chuckled lightly. "So, are you coming with us or not?"
Severus swallowed, the other Slytherins had invited him to come with them to a gathering this Christmas, and he was promised to meet the Dark Lord himself. Severus really didn't want to go, but didn't know what to say. He had to make up an excuse, and quick!
"I don't think I'm able to go this time," Severus lied. "I just have too much Potions work to do if I want to get an apprenticeship when I finish school, and this is my only chance to get sufficiently ahead to get Slughorn off my back for the rest of the year."
Mulciber laughed. "You are already way ahead in Slughorn's class. Why you study so much is beyond me. You could do with a break, and you know we're going to meet him for sure this time, right?"
Severus nodded. That was exactly why he didn't want to go. He really didn't want to meet the Dark Lord right now, perhaps not ever. "I know, maybe after I've finished school." Severus said, hoping that Mulciber would drop the subject.
"Yeah, you better," said Mulciber. "We won't wait for you forever you know. Someday we'll start wondering if you're not with us at all in this matter."
Severus faked a laugh, but his stomach was twirling on the inside, and he felt like running to the bathroom and throw up. Mulciber went to get his things and left with the rest of the group went to their little Christmas gathering.
He was relieved to see them go, but knew that he was in big trouble. Severus loved being a Slytherin, but the pressure to join the Dark Lord's side was overwhelming. He agreed that the Dark Lord had some strong points; however, he still wasn't convinced to join him. But Severus didn't know how to avoid him either. Maybe it was more dangerous not to join?
Severus felt terrible and agitated. He needed some air. The boy grabbed his cloak and walked rapidly out of the castle and into the cold December night. He walked outside the castle and went quickly around the corner to a place he and Remus often "coincidentally" used to meet, deep down hoping that the other boy would be there.
Of course Remus couldn't be there tonight and Severus felt stupid for even thinking it. He sat down on a bench and looked up at the full moon. Why wasn't Remus able to be there at a time when Severus needed him? Why did that stupid moon have to ruin everything?
Severus sat fuming for a minute before he realized what an idiot he was. Here he was getting angry at the moon for keeping Remus away from him, when Remus was the one that should be angry. Why the heck did the full moon have to come on Christmas? Even if Severus wasn't the biggest fan of the holiday, he knew that Remus was.
The black haired boy smiled when he thought of the werewolf. The boy had been constantly smiling all December. He was a walking Christmas spirit, to often much annoyance and embarrassment for his friends and Severus. But Severus couldn't help but smile by the thought of it now. He felt so sorry for Remus, knowing that he would have to spend all of Christmas day alone in the Hospital Wing.
A crazy idea hit Severus. He ran to the common room and took out a cauldron and the ingredients he needed for his plan.
There were only a few Slytherin girls left in the common room when Severus started his little project. Neither of them found it strange, because it was not unusual that the lanky, black haired boy started brewing potions in the middle of the night, so no one paid him any attention.
Severus on the other hand was a little bit stressed, he had to do this before these girls went to bed, or his whole plan would be wasted, and dangerous.
He watched one by one disappear while tossing in the ingredients. There was only one girl left now, and she was so caught up in a book Severus knew if she would actually notice what was about to happen next.
He looked at his potion; it was just the right colour of purple and just the right consistence. It was time for the final touch, and the clock was almost one in the morning. This was perfect.
He made sure that the girl wasn't looking and quickly spit in the cauldron, causing the entire thing to blow up with a huge bang.
The girl jumped from her chair, tossed the book aside and ran over to Severus who was lying on the floor covered in blisters and writhing in pain.
"Are you OK?" she bent down and helped him up.
Severus coughed and shook his head.
"We need to get you to the Hospital Wing," the girl stated, and Severus nodded.
Together the two Slytherins went up to the Hospital Wing and Madam Pomfrey started fussing over Severus' late night experiments.
"You could have killed yourself several times Mr. Snape," she said with a stern voice while helping him into a bed. "You need to stop brewing potions outside your classroom. Look where it have gotten you this time. Stuck in the infirmary on Christmas day! Oh yes, Mr. Snape, you are not going anywhere until I have gotten rid of those blisters and know that you are perfectly fine."
Severus smiled as Madam Pomfrey turned away. Stuck in the Hospital Wing all day? Oh no… How could he have been so unlucky?
January 1978
Severus was having a really crappy day. It was his birthday and even if he didn't like much attention, it would have been nice to get at least one present or a simple greeting. But nothing had appeared in the mail and no one seemed to care. Not even Remus. To top that, he had been forced to pair up with the stupidest Hufflepuff girl in Arithmancy class.
He went to the library to do his homework, and had just sat down when he heard someone appear behind him.
"Happy birthday," Remus whispered, dropping a small box on the table. Severus quickly hid it in his book bag and watched Remus as he hurried to catch up with his friends.
Back in his dorm he took out the box from the bag and opened it. Inside were a chocolate frog and a note. Severus smiled. He was hoping for a note like that today. This was going to be an okay birthday after all.
February 1978
Remus Lupin wasn't acting his usual self. The glow in his eyes had disappeared and been replaced by an empty, glazed and dark look. He looked ill. He looked even more exhausted than he did after a full moon. He barely touched his food in the mornings and had stopped laughing at Black and Potter's stupid behaviour.
Severus tried to talk to him, but he could never seem to get Remus alone. Black and Potter were always there. Had they found out about them? Were they keeping Remus from seeing him? Or was Remus sick? Severus didn't know, and it bothered him. Severus felt as miserable as Remus looked.
March 1978
Severus was getting tired of this. He hadn't been with Remus in any sort of way for almost two months, and he had barely even talked to him for weeks. Remus had always made up some sort of stupid reason not to meet him and now Severus had had enough. He wanted an explanation and wouldn't give up until he got one.
When Gryffindor was playing Ravenclaw in a Quidditch match one afternoon, Severus decided that this was the time to get a hold on Remus. Potter would be busy playing, and Black, Lily and Pettigrew would definitely be there to cheer him on.
When the students started to walk towards the Quidditch pitch, Severus was hiding in the hallway outside the portrait of the Fat Lady, ready to grab hold of Remus as he appeared.
Gryffindors were pouring out of the portrait hole like rats. It seemed as if everyone was going to the match, but Remus and his group had not appeared yet. Severus started to get worried. Had they left already? He was just about to give up when he heard the annoying voice of Sirius Black shout. "Come on, Wormtail! Get a move on. We're going to be late!"
Severus jumped behind a statue, his wand at the ready.
Out of the portrait hole came Black, Lily and Remus. They stopped to wait for Pettigrew and Severus saw that Remus had a bag with him. He smirked. He could count on Remus bringing his book bag to a Quidditch game. The boy wouldn't be anywhere without something to read if he could help it.
The threesome stood waiting impatiently for the pudgy boy. Pettigrew arrived at last and the group started to walk down the stairs.
Severus sent a spell causing Remus' book bag to tear open and making all the contents fall out.
Sirius moaned. "Why do you have to bring that with you everywhere? Now we will definitely be late."
"I'm sorry," said Remus. "I didn't mean for it to happen. You guys go ahead. Save me a seat, will you? I'll be right there, I just have to get this back to our dorm."
"Are you sure you don't need any help?" Lily asked, making Severus freeze. Lily was not a part of his plan right now.
"No, I'll be all right," answered Remus. "Go watch James. I'll be with you in a moment." The three left Remus alone to pick up his things.
Severus waited until Remus had gotten the last of his inkbottles and turned to the Fat Lady.
Remus said the password and the portrait swung open. He didn't notice that Severus followed him into the Gryffindor common room.
The brown haired boy went up to his room with his things and came quickly back down carrying one single book. He dropped it as soon as he saw Severus standing in the middle of the room.
"Oh, Severus. What are you doing here?" he said a little anxious.
"I came here to demand an explanation for your behaviour lately." Severus stated firmly.
"My behaviour?" Remus asked uncertainly.
"Yes, why are you avoiding me?" Severus stared at him.
"I'm not avoiding you." Remus answered not daring to meet his eyes.
"Oh really? Then why haven't you spoken to me in weeks? You cancel all our meetings, and you never reply to my notes. If that's not avoiding, I don't know what is." Severus started to raise his voice.
"Don't be paranoid, Severus. I've just been busy." Remus said as casually as he possibly could.
"Busy?" Severus snorted.
"Yes, busy. We have our N.E.W.T.s coming up, and I'm so behind on every subject. I have to study extra hard." Remus tried to explain, but Severus interrupted.
"Stop lying to me, Lupin. I know how much work we have, and it's not that much that you can't take the time to answer a stupid note once in a while."
"Well, James and Sirius have…" Remus tried again.
"So you are blaming them now?" Severus cut him off.
"No, I just say that they…" Remus hesitated.
"You've told them about us?" asked Severus.
"They found out." Remus said quietly, staring at the floor.
"So that's what this is all about? Your precious little friends finding out that you're fucking disgusting Snivellus, and you suddenly became too good for me, is that it?" Severus was enraged.
"That's not true, Severus." Remus said placing his hands on his hip like an angry old lady, showing off an expanding belly.
"Wow, Remus," Severus looked shocked. "Maybe drop the visit to Honeydukes next weekend?" he chuckled.
Remus looked hurt. "That's not funny, Severus."
"It that why you have been avoiding me? You've become so vain hanging around Black that you feel you have to hide from me?" Severus stood there with a searching look, waiting for an answer.
"I can't believe you think I'm that shallow, Severus." Remus said disappointed.
"Well, what is it then?" Severus wanted to get to the bottom of this.
"I… oh… I don't know. It's just… I…" Remus stuttered.
"So well-spoken, Lupin," Severus teased.
"Well, it's hard, Severus." Remus said annoyed. "I don't know what to say."
"Then don't bother saying anything. You obviously don't want anything to do with me, and you can't talk to me. I don't see any point of us having anything to do with each other. Go back to your precious friends, clearly you can't to anything Black and Potter doesn't want you to do." Severus turned to leave.
"But, Severus." Remus tried to stop him.
"Goodbye, Lupin. Good luck with your studying. And tell Black and Potter they can have you all to themselves now." Severus walked quickly out of the room, a big lump stuck in his throat.
April 1978
After Severus had broken things off with Remus he started to notice changes to Black and Potter's behaviour too. They didn't hex him like they usually did, but still he never saw Remus without them. And whenever Remus wasn't around, he heard Black and Potter whisper ferociously behind Severus' back.
One day, after Transfiguration, which Remus had missed for obvious lunar reasons, Severus hexed James Potter's shoelaces together, causing him to fall over and start a nose-bleed. Sirius instinctively drew his wand at him.
"What the hell is your problem, Snivelly?" he hissed.
"You two are my problem." Severus hissed back, neither lowering their wands. "I know you hate me, but if you have something to say to me, say it to my face instead of whispering like little girls. You cowards."
Sirius fumed. "Do you have any idea what you have done to him?" he yelled back at Severus.
Severus was taken aback at this comment. "Done what? To whom?"
"Come on, Sirius, let's go. He's not worth it. We have to check on Moony." James grabbed his friend's arm and dragged him out of the classroom, both scowling at Severus as they left.
May 1978
Severus was sitting in his favourite armchair in the Slytherin common room reading a book when Mulciber slumped down in the seat next to him.
"So, Snape. Have you given it any more thought?" Mulciber asked.
"Given what more thought?" Severus tried to sound confused, although he knew exactly what Mulciber wanted.
"Oh, you know perfectly well what I'm talking about, Snape." Mulciber smirked. "Your bright and exciting future after we graduate from this joke they call a school."
"Oh, that," Severus said, trying to sound as indifferent as he possibly could. "No, I forgot all about that," he lied.
"Forgot? Yeah right…" Mulciber wasn't fooled. "Let me just say this, Snape. That the Dark Lord can offer you more than anyone else can ever do. He will gain power so great, that no one will be able to resist." Mulciber stood up and rolled up his sleeve, revealing a hideous mark on his arm. A gaping scull with a serpent coming out of it. It was the ugliest thing Severus had ever seen, but he smiled lightly at Mulciber, playing along.
"The Wizarding world will be free of all those that aren't worthy. Think about it, Snape. And let me know when you have made your choice."
"I will," Severus said as Mulciber nodded at him and went over to his friends who were sitting there talking loudly about how great it was going to be to finally finish school and do more meaningful things with their lives.
Severus thought about it. What if Mulciber was right? Maybe the Dark Lord could offer him something no one else could.
June 1978
The time had come. Severus was finished with seven years at Hogwarts. He knew he should be happy that he finally got his N.E.W.T.s, but Severus wasn't happy at all. Hogwarts had been more of a home to him than the house he spent his summers in ever had. The only good thing about Spinner's End had been that he had Lily, but he and Lily were no longer speaking and he had nothing to look forward to going back there.
Severus didn't know what to do after graduation either. He still hadn't made up his mind to join the Dark Lord's forces or not. More than anything he wanted an apprenticeship with a Potion Master somewhere in Europe, but he had still not received any replies to his applications. So here he was, finished with school, no friends that he actually gives a damn about, no job and no place to go. This was supposed to be a good day, but Severus found it the complete opposite.
Aboard the train back to London he started thinking about Remus. What had happened between them? It had been months and Severus still didn't understand what had happened. He knew he was the one to break it off, but he really didn't understand Remus' behaviour, or what he had done wrong that Black and Potter always were on him about. Severus needed some closure and decided to go and find Remus.
He searched the train for the werewolf and his pack and in the second to last compartment he found them. He peered into the compartment and saw Remus asleep by the window, Potter and Lily snogging ferociously, and Black just stupidly chuckling at the sight of them, followed by the Pettigrew boy.
Black, Pettigrew, Potter and Lily seized what they were doing at once when Severus opened the door. Sirius Black immediately jumped up and drew his wand at him.
"What do you want, Snivellus?" he hissed at him.
Severus drew his own wand as a counter reaction, but saw Potter's wand at the ready half a second later, followed by Pettigrew. Lily looked at him with contempt.
"I just came to talk to him," Severus said, nodding at the sleeping werewolf.
"Forget it," said James. "We're not letting you anywhere near him. You've done enough, don't you think?"
"What is it that I have done exactly?" asked Severus and saw that the other three exchanged uncertain looks. "I'd like to know what you are accusing me off." He said angrily, causing Remus to wake up.
"What are you two going on about this time, Pads?" Remus yawned and opened his eyes, looking straight into Severus'. "Oh… it's you." Remus grabbed his cloak that was about to slip open.
"I need to talk to you," said Severus.
"Well, he doesn't want to talk to you," Sirius broke in. He stood right before Severus with a hateful look.
"Last time I checked, Black, Lupin was perfectly capable of speaking for himself." Severus hissed back at the obnoxious Gryffindor. "I just want to know what I possibly could have done to you to make you hate me so much. I think I deserve to know that much."
The five Gryffindors looked at each other while Severus gave Remus a searching look.
"Remus, I think you should tell him." Lily spoke at last.
"Thank you, Lily," Severus smiled at his former best friend, but was not met with the same feeling.
"Don't push your luck, Severus." she stated and Severus went straight back to looking at Remus.
"Fine," Remus said. "Will you guys excuse us for a minute?"
Lily rose from her seat, dragging Potter with her. Pettigrew followed, and one by one looked crossly at Severus on their way out.
"Sirius? Please." Remus spoke softly to his friend.
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay? I can throw a hex at him so he won't do anything to you." Sirius scowled at Severus, and Severus scowled back.
"That won't be necessary, Sirius." Remus said, making Sirius grab his bag and leave the compartment.
"If you do anything to him, I will kill you!" he whispered to Severus when he passed him at the door, and Severus was certain that he meant it.
Severus and Remus were left alone and just looked cautiously at each other for a minute. Severus had missed looking into those eyes, but tried his best not to show it. He was still mad at Remus for accusing him and really wanted to find out what all this was all about.
"Sit down, Severus," Remus spoke with his kind voice.
Severus sat down across him and kept staring at him. He looked at his face. He looked tired, something he had done ever since this mess started. He was used to Remus looking tired the first days after the full moon, but not for such a long time. What was wrong with him? Was he sick? Had Severus hurt him without knowing? Severus kept staring at Remus' face and didn't notice that the boy had opened his robes, showing a quite large belly.
"Look at me, Severus," Remus whispered, tears filling in his eyes.
"I am looking," said Severus never breaking eye-contact.
"No, really. Look at me!" Remus repeated, forcing Severus to stop his attempt to read Remus' reaction.
"Whoa. What has happened to you?" Severus looked at him with a shocked expression.
"Can't you see that, Severus?" Remus asked. "I'm pregnant."
"Pregnant?" Severus laughed. "That's impossible."
"Apparently not," Remus mumbled.
"But how in Merlin's name did you get pregnant?" asked a baffled Severus.
"Nevermind how it happened, the important thing is that it did happen." Remus said with clear annoyance in his voice.
"But who's the fath… I mean moth… er… the other half?" Severus was confused.
"I really thought you were a smart man, Severus, but I guess I was wrong." Remus said. "It's you of course."
"Me?"
"Yes, you!"
"But I can't be." Severus stated. "Two guys can't…"
"Apparently they can, and they have." Remus sighed and sat down at his seat again. "Apparently a werewolf can get pregnant if he finds the right person – his mate."
"Mate?" Severus was getting more confused.
"Yes, as you know, werewolves mates for life, and clearly, Severus, you are my mate. Which caused this whole thing to happen. I was going to tell you, but then you broke up with me and you clearly didn't want to be with me for the rest of my life..." Remus' eyes were getting blanker with every second.
Severus sat bewildered in his seat and couldn't believe what Remus had just told him.
"But when did this happen?" Severus finally asked.
"That night in the Room of Requirement, the night you said you loved me." A small smile appeared on Remus' face. "I believed you, and chose you as my mate."
"You chose me?" Severus was bewildered.
"Yes, I did. You see, Severus, I loved you too, and wanted to be with you, so I chose you." Remus explained.
"Loved?" Severus asked. "That means that you stopped. But what about the mate for life thing?"
"That's the problem Severus. I never stopped. I still love you, but clearly you don't love me as much as I love you, so I didn't dare to tell you. We're probably better off without each other." Remus sighed.
"So you'd rather raise this kid alone than to have help." Severus asked.
"Oh, I will have plenty of help. I don't want my mate to help me. I want my mate to love me." Remus looked him directly in the eyes.
Severus didn't know what to say. This was a huge shock to him. He didn't know what to expect when he decided to go and look for Remus, but this was definitely not what he had thought he would hear.
Remus looked at him for a minute.
"I love you, Severus, but I need to know that you will always be there for us, and that you won't leave when a problem appears. I can't stand being left again. I need to know that you're in for the rest of your life."
Severus nodded, but still couldn't speak.
"It looks like you have a choice to make, Severus. You know where I live." Remus said and left the compartment.
Severus sat alone the rest of the train ride home, staring at the empty seat.
July 1978
A lot of different thought and feelings were running through Severus Snape's mind as he apparated to a small town with houses looking so alike he had trouble understanding how people in this area knew where they lived.
He was terrified, but knew that this was something he had to do. He just hoped that it was the right choice. Not just for him, but for everyone.
He walked through the street and looked at the numbers on the identical houses. Number 43. He was looking for number 75.
Severus walked fast paced, his heart pounding. He thought about Hogwarts, about Dumbledore and his speech at the end of the year, about the Dark Lord, about Mulciber, about Lily and about Remus.
There it was. Number 75. Severus swallowed as he walked up to the house. This was it. He knocked at the door, not decided if he wanted the door to open or not. It didn't take long before he stood face to face with Remus Lupin.
"I want you to come with me!" he said, staring into the golden eyes of the man he loved.
"What?" Remus said. "Come with you where?"
"Anywhere," Severus said.
"Then how about here?" said Remus chuckling.
"No, not here. It's too dangerous." Severus whispered.
"Dangerous?" Remus looked bewildered.
"It's not safe for us here. We have to go away." Severus took Remus' hand. Remus looked back at him. He didn't understand what Severus was talking about.
"He's getting stronger every day, Remus. We have to go! He will kill you, he will kill the baby, and he will kill me." Severus explained.
"Why, Severus?" Remus was getting scared.
"Because he's crazy, that's why. Because you're a werewolf with no intention of joining his forces. Because I'm a Slytherin with no intention of joining his forces, and the baby just for being a half-blood, half-werewolf and to him – not worthy."
Remus looked terrified. "But we must fight him. He can't do that to us, or to others."
Severus stepped closer to him and took hold of his other hand. "I know, but now is not the right time for us to fight him. At least not here. We have to find a place. A place that's safe for the three of us. We will fight, believe me. When the time comes, we will fight in our own way, and at our premises."
"Will you stay with us, Severus? Forever?" Remus looked him deeply in the eyes.
"Of course I will," Severus said, squeezing Remus' hands hard.
August 1978
Severus looked down at his daughter in his arms. She was staring up at him. She had pitch-black hair and her big golden brown eyes were beaming. The eyes were the spitting images of her other father's. The eyes he loved and got lost in every day. She was the most beautiful creature Severus had ever seen, and he wanted to stay like this, looking at her forever. Severus had never been happier.