SUMMARY: Maria is awoken in the middle of the night.
RATING: PG
PAIRING: Michael/Maria
SPOILERS: none really, general Roswell
DISCLAIMER: Jason Ketims owns the characters. I'm just using them for a while. "Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith. Gorgeous song!
DISTRIBUTION: ask me
DEDICATION: To my beta and muse! And trixie! AND ryan for all her support, throughout my genre swaying!
FEEDBACK: PLEASE!
THANKS TO: all the people that have been so supportive of my Buffy- obsession and to trixie who fostered my Roswell one! :) Love you girlie! Also to Melissa for ALL the inspiration and kind emails!
-More than Enough-
I wake up suddenly and realize it's because he kicked me. He's shaking again, sweat pouring down his forehead and chest. "No," He whimpers, "No." He's twisted and turning and clawing at the pillows and sheets, "NOOOOOOOO!" He shrieks and flies up off the bed.
"Michael," I say quietly as I touch his forearm. "Shhh," I whisper as he sits back down on the bed beside me. "Shhh, it's okay." I kiss his ear gently as I whisper reassurance in his ear. "It's okay, you were just dreaming."
But he's still shaking. He won't tell me what he dreams about. He won't tell me why he screams in the middle of the night and wakes up shaking violently. He refuses to tell me what scares him so much, just like he refused to tell me why he was always covered with bruises when we were in school together or why he's terrified of small places. I imagine all these things are interconnected.
But he won't tell me about them and I respect that. So I just pull him to my bosom and cradle him like a baby. I run my fingers through his hair and smooth it out. It's wet from his sweat and I do my best to hold him and rock him because it seems to be the only thing that really calms him down.
He doesn't wake every night like this. Most nights are uneventful and pleasant. Of course most nights we spend the entire night making love, so he doesn't have time to dream and when he *does* dream those nights, he dreams of me.
I wish I could give him those dreams every night but I'm only human and need a night off every now and then. And on *those* nights, he wakes up screaming. So I hold him as he wraps his arms around me, clutching me like I'm the only life raft he's ever had, which is probably true. He tightens his grip on me and I can feel his heart pounding, as if he is terrified of something.
"It's okay," I repeat. But tonight it must have been worse because he's crying, he's actually crying. I can feel his silent tears on my breasts as he holds me close to him. I tighten my grip, so he knows that I'm not going anywhere, because I'm not. I'm here and I'm his. For as long as he wants and needs me, I'm his.
I don't know what to do tonight. Usually, he relaxes after a while and goes back to sleep with his head on my chest, but he's not doing that. He's still crying. So I lean back against the pillows and pull him with me. He places his head on the soft swell of my bosom and grips my waist with his arms and I feel his legs tangle with mine.
I continue to stroke his hair and down his back but I can still feel his tears soaking into my skin. I absorb his pain. I've known for a while that I can do that. I love him so much that anything that hurts him hurts me. His pain is mine. He doesn't understand that quite yet. He's just now realizing how much he loves me, although he can't yet admit it.
He's still crying and I don't know what to do, so I do the only thing I know how to. I sing. Low and softly and into his ear, hoping it'll calm him down a bit. "I could stay awake just to hear you breathing, watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you are far away and dreaming. I could spend my life in this sweet surrender. I could stay lost in this moment forever, where a moment spent with you is a moment I treasure."
I feel him sigh and his legs loosen around me a little but he's still crying. "I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep, 'cause I miss you, Baby and I don't want to miss a thing. 'Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do. I still miss you, Baby and I don't want to miss a thing."
I continue to rub his back, tracing lazy circles and hearts. I write 'I love you' on his back and hope that it burns through his skin and is able to heal whatever part of him is broken. But I'm not sure anyone can fix it, least of all *me*.
"Lying close to you feeling your heart beating, and I wondering what you are dreaming, aondering if it's me you are seeing. Then I kiss your eyes and thank god we're together. I just want to stay with you in this moment forever and forever forever. I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep, 'cause I miss you, Baby and I don't want to miss a thing. 'Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do. I still miss you, Baby and I don't want to miss a thing."
I feel his lips kissing my flesh tenderly, scalding my skin with the intensity of his emotion. He tries to hide it so well, but he can't hide it from me. In the middle of the night, when he's holding me or making love to me, he can't hide what he feels. It's the only time when he can be honest with me. When he enters me and kisses me and I feel his hands cover my body, I know that he loves me and it's enough, even if he can't say the words.
I smile and kiss the top of his head as I continue singing, "And I don't want to miss one smile. I don't want to miss one kiss. I just want to be with you right here with you just like this. I just want to hold you close. I feel your heart so close to mine and just stay here in this moment for all of the rest of time."
I place a gentle kiss on his forehead and I'm fairly certain his tears have stopped. His grip isn't burning my skin and I think he might actually go back to sleep. I rub his face softly as I whisper, "I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep, 'cause I miss you, Baby and I don't want to miss a thing. 'Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do. I still miss you, Baby and I don't want to miss a thing."
His breathing is even by the time I finish the song. He's sleeping and I hope he's able to sleep the rest of the night now. He needs some peacefulness in his life.
"I love you, Michael Guerin." I whisper in his ear before closing my eyes. He needs some love and I have more than enough for the both of us.
THE END
RATING: PG
PAIRING: Michael/Maria
SPOILERS: none really, general Roswell
DISCLAIMER: Jason Ketims owns the characters. I'm just using them for a while. "Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith. Gorgeous song!
DISTRIBUTION: ask me
DEDICATION: To my beta and muse! And trixie! AND ryan for all her support, throughout my genre swaying!
FEEDBACK: PLEASE!
THANKS TO: all the people that have been so supportive of my Buffy- obsession and to trixie who fostered my Roswell one! :) Love you girlie! Also to Melissa for ALL the inspiration and kind emails!
-More than Enough-
I wake up suddenly and realize it's because he kicked me. He's shaking again, sweat pouring down his forehead and chest. "No," He whimpers, "No." He's twisted and turning and clawing at the pillows and sheets, "NOOOOOOOO!" He shrieks and flies up off the bed.
"Michael," I say quietly as I touch his forearm. "Shhh," I whisper as he sits back down on the bed beside me. "Shhh, it's okay." I kiss his ear gently as I whisper reassurance in his ear. "It's okay, you were just dreaming."
But he's still shaking. He won't tell me what he dreams about. He won't tell me why he screams in the middle of the night and wakes up shaking violently. He refuses to tell me what scares him so much, just like he refused to tell me why he was always covered with bruises when we were in school together or why he's terrified of small places. I imagine all these things are interconnected.
But he won't tell me about them and I respect that. So I just pull him to my bosom and cradle him like a baby. I run my fingers through his hair and smooth it out. It's wet from his sweat and I do my best to hold him and rock him because it seems to be the only thing that really calms him down.
He doesn't wake every night like this. Most nights are uneventful and pleasant. Of course most nights we spend the entire night making love, so he doesn't have time to dream and when he *does* dream those nights, he dreams of me.
I wish I could give him those dreams every night but I'm only human and need a night off every now and then. And on *those* nights, he wakes up screaming. So I hold him as he wraps his arms around me, clutching me like I'm the only life raft he's ever had, which is probably true. He tightens his grip on me and I can feel his heart pounding, as if he is terrified of something.
"It's okay," I repeat. But tonight it must have been worse because he's crying, he's actually crying. I can feel his silent tears on my breasts as he holds me close to him. I tighten my grip, so he knows that I'm not going anywhere, because I'm not. I'm here and I'm his. For as long as he wants and needs me, I'm his.
I don't know what to do tonight. Usually, he relaxes after a while and goes back to sleep with his head on my chest, but he's not doing that. He's still crying. So I lean back against the pillows and pull him with me. He places his head on the soft swell of my bosom and grips my waist with his arms and I feel his legs tangle with mine.
I continue to stroke his hair and down his back but I can still feel his tears soaking into my skin. I absorb his pain. I've known for a while that I can do that. I love him so much that anything that hurts him hurts me. His pain is mine. He doesn't understand that quite yet. He's just now realizing how much he loves me, although he can't yet admit it.
He's still crying and I don't know what to do, so I do the only thing I know how to. I sing. Low and softly and into his ear, hoping it'll calm him down a bit. "I could stay awake just to hear you breathing, watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you are far away and dreaming. I could spend my life in this sweet surrender. I could stay lost in this moment forever, where a moment spent with you is a moment I treasure."
I feel him sigh and his legs loosen around me a little but he's still crying. "I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep, 'cause I miss you, Baby and I don't want to miss a thing. 'Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do. I still miss you, Baby and I don't want to miss a thing."
I continue to rub his back, tracing lazy circles and hearts. I write 'I love you' on his back and hope that it burns through his skin and is able to heal whatever part of him is broken. But I'm not sure anyone can fix it, least of all *me*.
"Lying close to you feeling your heart beating, and I wondering what you are dreaming, aondering if it's me you are seeing. Then I kiss your eyes and thank god we're together. I just want to stay with you in this moment forever and forever forever. I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep, 'cause I miss you, Baby and I don't want to miss a thing. 'Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do. I still miss you, Baby and I don't want to miss a thing."
I feel his lips kissing my flesh tenderly, scalding my skin with the intensity of his emotion. He tries to hide it so well, but he can't hide it from me. In the middle of the night, when he's holding me or making love to me, he can't hide what he feels. It's the only time when he can be honest with me. When he enters me and kisses me and I feel his hands cover my body, I know that he loves me and it's enough, even if he can't say the words.
I smile and kiss the top of his head as I continue singing, "And I don't want to miss one smile. I don't want to miss one kiss. I just want to be with you right here with you just like this. I just want to hold you close. I feel your heart so close to mine and just stay here in this moment for all of the rest of time."
I place a gentle kiss on his forehead and I'm fairly certain his tears have stopped. His grip isn't burning my skin and I think he might actually go back to sleep. I rub his face softly as I whisper, "I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep, 'cause I miss you, Baby and I don't want to miss a thing. 'Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do. I still miss you, Baby and I don't want to miss a thing."
His breathing is even by the time I finish the song. He's sleeping and I hope he's able to sleep the rest of the night now. He needs some peacefulness in his life.
"I love you, Michael Guerin." I whisper in his ear before closing my eyes. He needs some love and I have more than enough for the both of us.
THE END