Author's note: I wrote this a while ago and finally decided to upload it up here... Hope you like it.
" Love comforteth like sunshine after rain "
I nervously kept pulling down on the hem of my dress, feeling extremely conscious about its length - or lack of. Not wanting to disappoint Hao I had decided to bear with it for just one night but I was beginning to question my decision. Not only was it so short I was worried about sitting down at any point, it was also skin tight. What's done is done, I thought as I took a deep breath and got ready to leave.
"I love the white on you!" Alice screeched, running into the room and crashing on my bed. "Hao must be just dying to see you!"
I frowned, examining my reflection for the umpteenth time. My hair sat perfectly in loose waves that almost reached my elbows and the make-up artist, who Hao had insisted on, had done a much better job than I could ever have managed. But every time I dared lower my gaze to the rest of me, I saw a completely unfamiliar picture. My heart sank once more... This was what I was to wear. In public. In front of people...
"Are you alright?" Alice asked with concern. "You look a little... nervous?"
Turning towards her I tried to smile. "I'm fine."
She rolled her eyes at me. "You're really not. What's wrong?"
"This-this dress! Look at it! It's practically a second skin and not to mention ridiculously short! What was Hao thinking? No! Actually, what was I thinking? I should never have agreed to let Hao pick out something for me to wear."
At that moment the doorbell rang and I knew too well who had arrived. "Don't worry Pirika," Alice smiled pushing me up on my equally ridiculous high heels. "You look beautiful! Sure, maybe it's a little short - and tight - but it's only for one night! If you don't dress like this when you're in your twenties, when are you going to do it?" She gave me a little wink as she continued to push me towards the front door. "As soon as everyone starts showering you with compliments you'll forget all about it. Trust me! Now go have fun!"
The compliments began conveniently from Hao who was thrilled I was wearing the dress he had chosen. "I knew I picked the right one," he grinned eyeing me up and down from inside the car. Murmuring a barely audible 'thank you' I silently and uncomfortably slid down onto the seat beside him and we were off.
Too late to turn back now...
A couple of minutes later we stopped outside a grand building where I would be showcasing my wonderfully classy dress... "Come on!" Hao took my arm in his and we made our way towards the entrance.
As soon as we stepped onto the shiny marble floors I was equally overwhelmed by the opulent interior as I was by my concern for my balance. The rich certainly knew how to throw a party! The high ceilings were adorned with gigantic crystal chandeliers that floated above hundreds of attendees doing their utmost to outshine their surroundings. At the centre of the hall stood a jazz band that was happily playing to the several couples gliding in tune around them. Others stood dotted around the room conversing, laughing while waiters in uniforms flew from one group to another, offering dainty appetisers and slender glasses of champagne.
"This is lovely Hao!" I remarked in awe. "We have to dance soon!"
He smiled at me and gave me a slight nod but all hopes of a dance or any sort of enjoyment disappeared as I was introduced to all of Hao's business associates, clients, colleagues and friends. But as dire as it was to keep a permanent smile and indulge in forced conversation with people I would probably never meet again, it did make me realise that Alice was right. My insecurities about my dress dissolved with each flattering remark I received. I was even beginning to feel confident! But the compliments certainly didn't make up for the tedious small talk so as soon as I got the chance, I quickly excused myself with a line of 'I'm just going to get some fresh air.' Hao pointed me towards the garden and I quickly made my escape. Well, as quickly as I could in my heels on the slippery marble floor.
"Thank you!" I smiled, genuinely this time, at the man in uniform who opened the glass door leading out into the garden.
A sense of relief flooded in as I stepped out into the cool night air. Hanging all along the path that led deep into the garden were glowing white paper lanterns. I walked along the path, mesmerised by the glow above that they illuminated in the dark. When I turned my gaze back before me I gasped. The one person I had been hoping and praying I wouldn't come across that night was stood right before me. There he was, casually leaning against a lamppost, hands in his pockets, his piercing golden eyes focused on the sky. I cautiously walked in his direction. The sound of my heels clicking rhythmically against the concrete ground caught his attention and made him lower his gaze. He looked my way for a split second before looking away scornfully.
"What is it? I'm in no mood to argue Ren. Just tell me so I can go my way."
He turned his gaze back on me. "I'm not stopping you." Not once did his eyes linger anywhere below mine like other men's had done that night. And for some reason, that bothered me. A feeling of annoyance crept its way unexpectedly within me. Why, I couldn't tell you.
"Why did you give me a funny look just now?" I snapped. Suddenly I was a little aware of the fact that it was me who was starting an argument.
He stood up straight and took a step towards me. "Looked at you funny?"
"Ye-Yeah!" I stammered. "What was that about?"
"Well... for one, it's that dress of yours..." he slowly walking towards me till he was only a few inches away.
Not wanting to seem intimidated I stared up at him. "What about my dress?" Maybe he wasn't that different from the rest of the men after all...!
He leaned down a little. "You're missing half of it," he replied indicating at the end of my dress with a gesture of his eyes.
The smugness within me swiftly fled. With a satisfied smirk, Ren turned his back on me and walked off into the darkness of the garden.
How dare he make fun of me? "The little – aargh!" I motioned strangling with my hands before walking off angrily myself, taking a different path to the one that he'd taken.
I took my time walking around the dimly lit garden. I hadn't realised how big it was – there were so many snaking paths leading in and out of different areas that were beautiful even at night. "What?" I shuddered at the sudden cold sensations on my shoulders. "Oh no!" It was just my luck. Rain!
In an effort to make my way back to the party I began attempting to retrace my steps. But as I tried to remember which way I had come from, it dawned on me - I had absolutely no idea how to get back! I looked far ahead and groaned at the sight of the building in the distance. How am I ever going to make it back?! Despite having no sense of direction whatsoever I continued to walk around, hoping I'd suddenly have an epiphany and remember the exact way back. After a good few minutes of aimless wandering a faint silhouette of hope showed itself in the distance. And so, forgetting important facts like my ludicrously high heels and the wet concrete ground, I ran. Naturally, within a few steps and with great embarrassment, the combination led to a spectacular fall and a shooting pain in my left ankle. And as if that wasn't enough embarrassment for one night, I found the face of Ren Tao looking down at me with a hint of amusement. I cursed loudly not knowing whether it was the pain in my ankle or the sight of Ren that triggered my reaction.
"Don't move," he instructed as he knelt down beside me and slowly helped me up to my feet. With not a lot of choice in the matter I leaned against him, hands gripping his shoulder. As Ren wasn't much for intimacy, emotionally or physically, the unexpected closeness between us felt more than just strange... A little shiver ran down to my waist as his arm slid round it.
"What are you doing here so far away?" he asked with annoyance as he took little steps forward and I dragged my left leg along.
"Oh... I got a bit lost," I replied, my mind preoccupied by the warmth of Ren's hand curved around my waist and how every time his hand moved, even by the slightest, it made me catch my breath... just a little.
"Pirika?"
"Uh..." I cleared my throat. "You know, my sense of direction isn't exactly... refined. And then it started raining and I panicked."
As we walked quietly along, both refusing to make small talk, the drizzling turned into a heavy shower. Ren dragged me towards a nearby bench underneath a tree and slowly placed me on it before sitting down himself. I wrapped my arms across my chest in an attempt to keep warm and looked longingly at the faraway building where everyone else was – warm and happy. "It's so cold," I murmured.
"Here," Ren replied thrusting his jacket towards me.
"Oh no! I didn't mean to sound like I wanted your jacket or anything you know, I just..." I wished it was darker so I couldn't see the evidence under his slightly damp shirt that he still trained. I tried hard to not let my gaze noticeably slip. "It's ok."
"Just take it," he dropped the jacket down on my lap.
"Thanks," I whispered putting my arms through the jacket and wrapping it around me. Unsurprisingly it kept me a great deal warmer than my 'dress' could ever do.
We both sat quietly as the rain continued to fall with force. I suppose neither of us knew what to say. Being alone together with Ren was always a strange feeling – partly because it was hard to think of something to say and partly because I wasn't used to being alone with him. It always made me uneasy.
"Hao bought it for me," I broke the silence without even realizing. "This dress I mean," I explained when he looked at me blankly.
"Hm," was all the reply I received in return. Angrily I faced him to demand for better replies than 'hn' and 'hm' but it was then that I saw an unfamiliar expression on his face that forced me silent. His face was tilted up to the sky, eyes closed. He looked so at peace. I couldn't help but wonder if this was a glimpse of what the real Ren Tao was like. He gradually opened his eyes. As my gaze lowered and sat on his lips he turned to me with a questioning look. "What?"
"I-nothing. It's nothing," I replied hastily in embarrassment.
He raised one eyebrow as if to say, 'whatever,' and stood up abruptly. "It's not raining as much now. Let's go." And with that he stepped out onto the path, hands in his pockets again, a straight posture and shirt clinging to his lean upper half. "Come on," he ordered.
I sighed and pointed to my ankle. "I'm injured remember?"
Taking his hands out of his pockets he walked over and began to help me up. This time however, instead of just making me lean on him he scooped me up in his arms without warning.
"Hey! I didn't say you could carry me!" I protested. "I can still walk!"
"Limp," he corrected sharply as he began to walk. "Be quiet and hang on."
Realistically speaking there was nothing I could do and besides, it was even a little thoughtful of Ren to go to the trouble of carrying me. So, giving in I shook my hands out of the sleeves of his jacket and slid my arms around him. As his shoes tapped rhythmically along and we were once more accompanied by silence I tried to make some form of conversation. "Um... Ren?"
"Hn," he replied, eyes focused straight ahead.
"You do know the way back don't you? I hope we get back inside soon. It's been quite a long time... Hao's probably worried about me." Ren scoffed at the end of my sentence. I turned my head sharply to face him. "What is it now?!"
Conforming to typical Ren Tao behaviour, he refused to reply.
"Ren Tao! What was that sound for? What was that supposed to-"
"Your naivety," he snapped, still not bothering to face me as he spoke.
I gasped. "Naive?!"
"Thinking Hao has the capacity to be concerned with someone other than himself." He spoke calmly. "In fact, you're bordering on stupid Pirika."
I took a very deep breath. I had to keep in mind that at that moment in time I needed him more than he needed me... or rather, I needed him completely while he didn't need me at all. After all, he could simply drop me on the ground and walk away and I'd be able to do nothing. So thinking about survival I took a moment to compose myself and then attempted to match the calmness with which he had spoken. "You hardly know Hao well to talk about him like tha-"
"I know him well enough."
"No you don't!" I defended. "He's-"
"Arrogant."
"No."
"Selfish."
"Don't!" I could tell he was trying my patience.
"Self-obsessed."
"REN!" The level of hypocrisy in what he was claiming Hao to be was unbelievable! "You are such a...! You know what? All those words perfectly encompass your personality. You're the one who's arrogant and selfish and without compassion. You're the one who doesn't have the capacity to care about anyone!"
The clicking of his shoes against the concrete ground stopped abruptly. After a few seconds of silence he lowered his eyes to face me. I expected to see an angry Ren but instead he seemed rather conflicted and, bizzarely, almost hurt. His gaze shifted uncertainly around my face, "I..." His eyes met mine. "That's your opinion of me?" His eyebrows drew closer together as his eyes looked at me questioningly.
His sudden change of mood made me feel uncomfortable and unsure of what to reply with. "I just... I mean, Hao-"
"Don't ever compare me to that filthy bastard!" His eyes finally gave way to anger.
"Stop it Ren." I pulled my arms away from him. "Put me down," I demanded. "Right now Ren! Put me down!"
He slowly placed me back on my own feet but upon getting back down I couldn't keep my balance and would've fallen to the ground yet again had it not been for Ren's quick reaction. His arms had hold of me instantly. ""Don't do this right now," he said tossing his head back a little in annoyance.
"Well I'm not going to just sit back and hear you insult my fiancé," I hissed, regaining balance and shrugging off his help. "You don't know anything about him! Hao cares about me. I don't know why I expected you to know that or understand. How would you know?"
He stood before me, quiet and unmoving.
"You don't let yourself close to anyone to begin to care or feel anything in the first place. You push everyone away!" I could feel my chest heaving in and out. "Don't even try telling me its Hao who is selfish!" I began to limp ahead, refusing to even look at him but he only had to take one step to the side to block my way. "Move," I said, eyes focused squarely on his feet. He refused to move so I turned around and began walking off, but came to a halt once more when he stepped ahead to block me once more. I had begun turning away yet again when he suddenly grabbed my waist with both hands and pulled me in towards him. I gasped both in surprise and a little pain. This time I couldn't avoid facing him. "Ren let me go!" I placed my arm against his chest in a pathetic attempt to push him away. The cold and the rain had drained me. "Let me go!" I shouted in frustration, pushing him again.
"No." His voice was almost a whisper. "I'm not letting go." I parted my lips to begin protesting but when his face moved inches closer I couldn't utter a single word. The fierce look in his eyes had softened slightly and as he pulled me in closer I couldn't help but feel a little scared.
"You finished saying what you had to say. It's my turn." His voice had an unmistakable hint of anger.
I stayed completely still but I could feel my heart racing.
"You're stupid and naive after all. You're naive for believing Hao Asakura, the filthy liar and cheat... And you're stupid if you believe that I don't care." He slowly brought his face down even closer to mine. "Pirika.. I..." he whispered faintly and I could almost feel his words against my lips. My mind ordered me to push him away but I couldn't move.
"Pirika..."
"Don't..." I finally breathed rather unconvincingly, turning my face sideways and eyes shut tight.
"I care," his lips softly brushed against my cheeks as he whispered those startling two words.
"Pirika? Pirika?" Like a knee-jerk reaction my eyes shot open and Ren let go of me. As I stumbled a little Ren brought his hand out to help but before he could reach me I was pulled away by someone else. "I've been looking for you everywhere." There was no mistaking that it was Hao. He pulled me towards him but I pushed him away, "Ouch! Gently! I hurt my ankle earlier."
"Sorry!" He took me by my shoulders a little more gently. "I've been looking everywhere for you! Let's go." I sensed coldness in his voice. I was turned away by his firm grip and we began to walk slowly away. "Thank you...Ren," I looked back and watched him walk slowly behind us, hands back in his pockets and eyes fixed at me.
"Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow."
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