Inspired by Temporary Bliss by The Cab. (I highly recommend listening to that while reading this fic :D) Set somewhere along season 5.
It didn't feel like a prayer. Not at all. More like a burning need pulsating through his Grace. A dull feeling of loneliness that was more deafening than any call for help. Castiel answered. He always did. He was sometimes even waiting for it. Even though he knew what would happen.
A quiet rush of air and then the room was filled with relief, love, hope, lust. The silent 'I need you' hung hot and heavy in the air. No words to explain what he needed, no questions asked, just feeling. The feeling of lips on his skin, fingertips trailing down his ribs, hands on his hips. Castiel didn't know what drowning felt like, but he could imagine it would be something like this. He was lost in the sensations. Only two electric green eyes could guide him through it and save him from losing himself.
Castiel knew this routine. He knew why Dean needed this, why Dean needed him. And he loved it. He would never admit it, but Cas needed Dean as much as Dean needed Cas. For one night, both of them could forget their troubles and just enjoy the company of each other.
But after every high, there is a down. Every drunken night was followed by a hangover. No blissful feeling was a constant state. Everything was temporary.
It wasn't the first time this had happened, and Castiel knew that there was another side to the story.
Dean was still dozing between the sheets. Castiel laid down on his chest, even though he didn't need sleep. He squeezed his eyes shut and gave himself a few more minutes of pure bliss before he had to leave. He knew what was expected of him. He learned that the hard way.
Dean needed him, there was no denying that, but in the morning he didn't want to acknowledge what had happened that night. Castiel loved being close to his human, he loved these nights. He just hated the mornings.
The sun peeked through the curtains and fell on Cas's cheek.
Time's up.
Castiel slowly entangled himself from Dean's embrace. He gathered his clothes and looked at Dean for one more time.
Cas knew what Dean's routine would be when he would wake up. He would start the day with a drink, a strong one. Take a shower and scrub till his skin would be red and burning. Then he would bury himself in a case. Whether it was something they were already working on, or he was looking for something new, research would become his distraction. If Sam would insist they needed Castiel for a case, Dean would give in. He would act as if nothing was wrong, but Castiel didn't need to be an angel to feel the self-hatred radiating from Dean's soul.
Castiel knew that when the night would fall, Dean would drown himself in alcohol. Sitting in a sleazy bar, finding a woman, maybe even two.
He would do anything to forget, forget, forget. Forget about Sammy and the demon blood, forget Lucifer and the apocalypse, forget Castiel. Forget every touch, every whisper, every stolen moment of reassurance in a vulnerable night.
Castiel understood why Dean would do this, but it hurt. It hurt in a way that felt different then he was used to. He was a warrior, he knew what pain was. But this, this was humiliating. He felt used, worthless, only good for one thing.
Every time, Castiel promised himself it would be the last time. He told himself that Dean needed to face his issues. Alone. Castiel would not let himself be thrown away again. Not after everything they've been through. Not after everything Castiel had done for him.
Dean had to choose, he decided.
All or nothing.
Whatever the outcome. Castiel would settle for it. As long as he wouldn't had to deal with this temporary bliss anymore.
Castiel made himself this promise every time. But every time that the wordless prayer filled his head with need and want, his resolve crumbled. He would still answer.
He will always answer to Dean.
A/N Well, I guess my inner poet needed some air lol. Sorry for any angsty feels, hope you don't hate me :)
I don't own Supernatural or The Cab, I only own this little plotbunny. I'm not a native speaker but I want to improve my english, so I'm really happy to receive any constructive criticism, especially any raging spelling/grammar mistakes.
Also, I wasn't sure how to rate this. If you feel it should be M instead of T, please let me know. I'm still getting used to this.