AN: When I reread, this is apparently what happens. This takes place between Indigo Spell and Fiery Heart, while the group is staying at Clarence's over winter break while Amberwood is closed. Enjoy! Be sure to let me know what you think, and if you have any ideas for what I should write next!
Winter break was, blessedly, surprisingly calm.
We were staying at Clarence's, since Amberwood was closed, and the old Moroi seemed glad for the company. I wished I could have stayed with Adrian, but we both knew that wasn't an option, and I was actually enjoying the time with Jill and Eddie. Even Angeline had limited ways to get into trouble at Clarence's, which was a relief.
It was after Christmas, and we had only a week left of our break. The weather outside was beautiful and warm—no white Christmas in Palm Springs—and the day had been quiet and relaxed.
Zoe had already retired to our shared guest room for the night, but the fiery sunset out the window enticed me into stepping outside to feel the evening's warmth on my skin. She'd only been in Palm Springs for a couple of weeks, and having her around already made life more complicated. I knew it would only get worse when school started back.
As I stepped outside, I was surprised to see Eddie out on the back porch. He'd seemed to be in a bad mood all day, and seeing him made up my mind to ask him what was bothering him. I closed the door behind me, and he didn't seem to notice me—sign enough that something was wrong. He was sitting on the steps, elbows on his knees and face in his hands. It looked almost…
"Eddie," I said softly. "Are you crying?" He quickly wiped his face before looking at me.
"No." I sat down on the step next to him.
"You know," I started, voice quiet, "I've been told I'm pretty smart." He sighed and turned away from me, looking out into the trees ahead of us.
"It's nothing," he said.
"It's obviously something." I watched him rub a hand down his face. He seemed exhausted in a way that indicated more than just one or two nights of restless sleep.
He looked at me, and I watched something change in his eyes as he decided to tell me.
"It's been a year," he said simply. I didn't know what he meant.
"Since what?" He glanced up at the cloudless sky.
"Since Mason died." Oh. Adrian had told me about Mason just a few months ago. I didn't know all the details, but I knew he'd been Eddie's close friend, who died while Eddie was there. I hadn't realized that it was so recent.
"Today?" Eddie nodded, and I exhaled. "I'm sorry. That must be hard." There wasn't really anything else to say.
"I can't believe it's already been a year," he said quietly, and then he shook his head. "I can't believe it's only been a year." He looked like he'd say more, so I stayed quiet. He met my eyes and then glanced down. "Sometimes it just hits me again that my best friend is just… gone. So much has happened since then. I feel like a completely different person. I grew up; he'll always just be that seventeen year old kid."
"What was he like?" It was the right thing to say. Eddie turned back to me and gave me a sad smile.
"He was cocky as hell," he said. "Funny, too. Kind of a dork, though." He sighed. "Head over heels for Rose." I smiled.
"Well, who isn't?" His smile dissipated.
"She was there," he said quietly. "When he died, I mean. He was trying to save her. She watched it happen."
"I heard you were there, too," I said cautiously, quietly. He nodded slowly.
"Technically," he conceded. "But I was so messed up from the endorphins. I don't really remember any of it. And I wasn't even in the room when it happened." This, I could see, was what was really eating at him.
"That's not your fault," I assured him. He exhaled angrily, and lobbed a pebble by his foot into the distance.
"I just was so useless. Seems to be a theme with me." I grabbed his hand, and he turned to look at me.
"You are not useless." He raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Look at Jill. She needs you."
"I let Jill die," he said morosely. I shook my head firmly.
"Adrian saved her. And you are the reason he hasn't had to again."
"Rose got shot. She almost died." I raised my own skeptical eyebrow.
"That was in no way your fault," I said, and he nodded slightly.
"Not really, but Mason would kill me if I let anything happen to her." I sighed and turned to look out at the trees, where he was looking. "Plus she saved my life," he added. "Twice."
"Rose doesn't exactly need anyone to take care of her," I observed.
"Well someone has to!" he cried, frustrated. "She doesn't."
"Dimitri does," I said quietly. He didn't respond for a moment, eyes looking out at the distance.
"And then there's you," he finally said. I turned to look at him, surprised.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. It seemed to me I was the least of his problems. He smiled a little and raised an eyebrow.
"I'm not an idiot. All the investigating? The meeting with Marcus? What you did in St. Louis?" He raised his eyebrows significantly.
"Oh," I said quietly. "Right."
"Be honest," he said, meeting my eyes. "What would they do if they found out?" I cast my eyes away, not wanting to think about it.
"It's called re-education," I told him after a moment, looking at my lap.
"What's that?" he asked, looking back at me. "Alchemist prison?" I shrugged.
"No one who hasn't been there really knows, but people come back… wrong. Empty." I watched his eyes widen, but I couldn't stop. "It's a safe bet it includes brainwashing and torture." After a moment, I added, "It's where they sent Keith."
"Oh, man. I'm sorry." I didn't say anything, because I couldn't exactly agree with him. If I told myself it was his karmic punishment for what he did to my sister, I could live with it—but I wouldn't break my promise to Carly, not even to tell Eddie.
"So if his thing with the tattoo shop got him sent there, I'm guessing your stuff with Marcus is for sure a one way ticket?" he asked. I almost laughed.
"Eddie," I said quietly, "if they knew I was sitting here right now, not afraid of you, enjoying your company… that would get me sent there." He shook his head slowly.
"Man." I nodded my agreement at the sentiment. "And now that your sister's here…"
"Yeah." Having Zoe around had certainly complicated my life, and school hadn't even started back yet. I'd had to censor myself when she was around—not even just about Adrian or magic, but just in my conversations with the rest of our group. I couldn't offer Jill words of comfort, or joke with Eddie, or sigh like an exasperated mother when Angeline said this or that. It was exhausting.
"Would she really turn you in?" he asked suddenly, and I turned back to him. "If she knew?"
Would she? She was my sister, and I knew she loved me. But did she love the Alchemists more? She was devoted, and wanted nothing more than to impress our father. Not to mention, if she believed what they told her, she'd think she was helping me if she turned me in. And yet, everyone had heard the horror stories of re-education. I didn't think I could subject her to that, if the roles were reversed, even if I truly believed it was for her own good.
"I have no idea," I finally answered. I hoped not.
"Well," he said certainly, leaning back, "I'll protect you. Even from the Alchemists, if it comes to that."
"That is not your job," I said quickly.
"Of course it is," he insisted. "You're family." He said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and I felt my throat tighten dangerously.
"Really?" I asked quietly. He smiled and threw an arm around my shoulder.
"Well yeah," he said. "We Melroses have to stick together."
"Oh." Of course he was joking. I felt silly, and tried to quash the disappointment that I could feel in the pit of my stomach.
"Hey," he said suddenly, apparently noticing my mood change. "You know we're family. We've been through too much for you to have any doubt about that." I smiled. I remembered what he'd said just weeks before—right before Alicia made my poor Latte explode—about how sometimes he felt like I was really his sister.
Suddenly, I remembered that Zoe was around—even if she had already gone to bed—and gently shrugged his arm off of me. He looked surprised, and I turned to face him, a thought occurring to me.
"Eddie," I said seriously. He turned to me, questioning. Mason, Rose, Jill—none of them his fault, and yet he felt this bad about them, this responsible. I couldn't add to his guilt. "If it happens," I started, and stopped a moment. "If it happens, and they send me to re-education—" He started to interrupt, but I kept talking over him. "I'm just saying if—promise me you won't blame yourself."
"I won't let it happen," he insisted, and I shook my head.
"Just promise," I said.
"I can't do that," he argued. "If they take you, that's on me. It's my job to protect you."
"No," I insisted. "It's not." He looked like he'd argue, but I kept going. "Look, I don't plan on getting caught. But if I do, they'll probably take me out of my dorm in the middle of the night and tell you all I've been reassigned. You'd never have a chance, and I'd hate for you to blame yourself for that."
"How about you just focus on not getting caught, and I'll worry about who's at fault if they kidnap you," he suggested wryly. His eyes were tight though, and I couldn't quite let it go.
"Eddie, I know what the consequences might be here," I said. "I'm making my own choices. If anything happens, I need to know that you won't blame yourself."
He made a pained expression before finally saying, "Sure. Okay, Sydney." I didn't believe him for a second, of course, but it was reassuring to hear. "Just," he started, and then paused. He looked at me a moment, and I waited. "Just promise me you won't get caught."
I could see it in his eyes, could see that he couldn't take another loss. Of course I had no intention of getting caught, but the look on his face was just one more reason to be careful—and he didn't even know about Adrian.
"I won't," I agreed. He nodded, though he looked just as unconvinced as I'd felt at his promise.
We sat for a moment, watching the sun as it sank further into the trees, turning the fiery sky to lavender.
"I miss him," Eddie said softly. I turned and he was looking at me, eyes wide.
"I know," I answered, and he exhaled slowly.
"You would have thought he was ridiculous," he said with a quiet chuckle. "Immature. Irresponsible."
"All I know about him is how he died," I responded, "but even I know that he was a hero. He was good." Eddie's eyes looked far away when he finally answered.
"Yeah," he said. "He was."