A/N: First things first. Allegiant spoilers.

Hello there. Here I'll be writing different one shots about Tobias's life after Allegiant. The won't be in any order or anything. Some may happened even before the epilogue, some after. All that I am saying is that these will have a lot to do with my actual story, Until the world fades away. You can read these one-shots before the story if you haven't read it yet, or after. How you like it. I'm doing this because:

1. I love Tobias and I want to write from his POV.

2. I don't want my main story to include other POV's apart from Tris's and I still need the characters to have a story behind their actions. It's not like they don't already have, but I need stories from their life after Tris's death. I need them to have a good background. I need their feelings to come from somewhere. And I need them to be motivated by something. Something other that what already happened in the books. I may write some other short one shots from other characters' POV's. But not here. Here all of them will be from Tobias's.

They won't have any chapter names. I'll just count them but count them. Don't mistake the number of the chapter with the order you should read it. You can read the POV's whatever order you'd like. That's when I'll write some more.

1.

It's been years since I last saw her. Years since I have seen her pretty face, her bright eyes, her blond hair. The memories don't hurt like they used to. I don't remember them all that clearly like they happened yesterday. Because they didn't. The only thing that I can remember is her face. And I always try not to because it hurts. What hurts the most is that we don't celebrate her birthday. We gather on the day she had died and we always end up drinking too much because we all remember her. We all remember that in a way or another we have hurt her and yet, she gave her life for us to be here, alive and well. But we are not well. I am not well. I tried to and I gave up.

The day we spread her ashes was supposed to make me feel better. But it didn't. It actually made me feel worse. Because I have left behind the only thing that I had left of her. I sometimes wonder how my life - our life - would be if she were to be alive. Would we still be together? Would we start a family, our own family? I think the answers to both these questions are yes. At least in my opinion as I am still in love with her, even if I haven't seen her in five years. No, not five years. Not yet. Tomorrow it'll be the anniversary to her death. To our death as a part of me has died along with her that horrible day.

The worst part ever? I don't have a picture of her. It's not like I don't know anymore how she looked. I still know every little detail. But I want to touch something and I can't touch with my own imagination. I want to speak to her and I can't do it without something, an object, that belonged to her, that had her beautiful face engraved on it. It's not like I don't talk to her. I still do it. But not out loud.

Tomorrow.

Anniversary.

Those two words make their way again, and again, and again in my mind. And all I'm doing right now is sitting here, at a local bar that has opened a few months ago - or was it an year ago? - drinking some kind of alcohol, and praying that I will see her.

I have loved her.

I still love her.

And I will always love her.

It's funny how a person can change your way of thinking and of living. It's even funnier how that person does it when she's gone and she will never return to you.

All you are left with are the memories that hurt or that just make you wish you should have done something else instead of what you actually did.

All you are left with is the hope that you may see her sometime, and that you'll have a long and happy life. A life that will make for the pain in this one.

And right now all I ever want is to have another chance, another life. Because I know that I will find her then and I'll make sure to protect her. To care for her. To love her.

I need her so much. I need to feel her scent, I need to see her face, to read in her beautiful, mesmerizing eyes, to touch her soft skin, to linger a little longer in our kiss. To hold her hand. To wake up next to her and be happy that we have yet another day to get to spend together. To touch her, to feel her. To hold her in my arms.

I have to be honest. I can't say I need her for just only a few minutes, for just only an hour, for only a day. No. I am selfish. I need her for the rest of my life. I can't deal with this kind of pain. The only thing that keeps me going is how she would have wanted me to live my life. The only thing that keeps me here, right now aren't my friends. No. It is just the fact that I want to be sure the history won't repeat itself.

Because I don't see any good aspects left in life anymore. Not without her. And soon, when I'll be done with all my work here, I'll be done with everything here. My life included. I just can't take the pain anymore. But still, it's what keeps me going on. It's strange to feel this way.

I am twenty two years. At this age, if I were still in Abnegation, I would have been married and had children.

And honestly, if she were alive, I would have loved to have this life. Because we would have been together.

If somebody would have told me that I - Tobias Eaton. Four - would have fallen in love, a few years ago, I would have laughed in his face. Because I didn't believe in love. Not with what I have seen in my house during my childhood. And yet I did fall. And I fell hard. So hard that the impact still hurts even now. You know, falling in love is supposed to feel good. That's what I usually heard. That's what everyone says. But they don't tell you one thing. That it fells good while you're still falling, holding onto that person. And that sometime you fall for the rest of your life. But other times, you just hit the ground - the ground called reality. And you know what they say about reality. That it always hurts.

And here I am.

Drinking my fifth - or maybe sixth - shot of beer. Or maybe I'm even further than this. I can't remember.

And I'm thinking about love.

And it's philosophy.

Who would have thought that I will do something like this?

But more than anything, I'm still praying that I'll get a second chance.

A/N:

Done. Hope you enjoyed it and if you did,please leave your thoughts. You can leave your thoughts even if you didn't like it because I would love to know where I went wrong with the chapter.