Author note: Lol, I don't know where this came from, oh yeah I was on the farm when I started this, which was over a year ago. Man farm work does strange things to a person's mind.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, if I did the protagonist wouldn't be nearly so thick, nor do I own The Wizard of Oz, books or film.

Hermione clutched Crookshanks closer as she sat in the corner of her room. The storm raging outside her small wooden house was getting stronger. Suddenly she was thrown to the floor, she looked out of the window and she saw that her house was flying though the air at approximately 87 knots, this would not end well. Suddenly the house fell and crashed. Hermione stood up, Crookshanks still in her arms, and walked out of her house.

"Well," she said to Crookshanks, "nice view, good weather, I think the value of our house just: Jesus Christ!" she screamed and dropped Crookshanks when she saw a pair of legs protruding from under her house. She ran inside, grabbed a blanket, ran back outside and covered up the legs.

"There," she said, picking up Crookshanks, "no-one needs to know. Let's go meet the neighbours."

She walked up behind one of the tall green bushes that littered the sunny area; she poked her head through and spied several little creatures with big ears, big noses and huge eyes like dinner plates.

She walked out of the bushes and into the little town square. All the creatures stared at her.

"Hello," she said, "I'm Hermione Granger and this is Crookshanks, who are you?"

"We," one of the creatures said, proudly, "are the house elves, the underappreciated slaves of Bellatrix, the Wicked Witch of the East."

"Umm," Hermione said, embarrassed, "come with me."

All of the house elves followed her back to her house. Hermione reached down and pulled the blanket off the legs.

"Is that Bellatrix?" she asked Seamus, leader of the elves.

"Yes," he replied.

"Then behold!" she yelled out, "I have freed you from Bellatrix's tyranny!"

"You bitch!" one of the elves yelled, "We liked her!"

"She didn't beat us," another yelled.

"Now her evil sister is going to inherit us," Seamus said woefully.

Hermione was scared, she looked up and saw giant bubble floating towards her and the house elves. The bubble landed and popped, revealing a woman, dressed quite stylishly and carrying what Hermione could only assume to be a magic wand.

"Hey house elves," the woman said casually, "Where's Bellatrix?"

The house elves pointed to the legs protruding from Hermione's house.

"Who killed my sister?" The woman screamed.

"She did!" The house elf named Pansy Parkinson shrieked.

"Oh," the woman said, "good job."

Hermione was confused.

"Hi, I'm Andromeda," the woman said, shaking Hermione's hand, "Good Witch of the North."

"I'm Hermione, and this is Crookshanks," Hermione said smiling, "Where am I?"

"You are at the edge of the eastern realm of the magical country of Oz," Andromeda explained.

"Oz?" Hermione asked, "Never heard of it."

"We're not really a tourist spot," Andromeda said sadly, "Tell you what; you just have to wear my sister's shoes." Andromeda reached down and pried the shoes off Bellatrix's carcass.

"I'm not wearing those!" Hermione yelled, "She died in them!"

"And?" Andromeda asked.

"It's just gross!"

"They're Prada," Andromeda added.

"Why didn't you say so!" Hermione said, taking the shoes and putting them on, "they're perfect! I'm not really a pumps sort of girl but these are nice."

Suddenly there was the boom of thunder and a flash of lightning. Andromeda spun around to see a woman with blonde hair, a black dress and look as if she had something smelly under her nose.

"That's Narcissa," Andromeda whispered to Hermione, "My younger sister, she's the evil one the house elves were talking about."

"Who killed Bellatrix?" Narcissa screamed.

"She did!" Pansy Parkinson shrieked.

"Avada kedavra!" Andromeda yelled.

In a flash of emerald light Pansy lay dead.

"Oi!" Narcissa yelled, "I'm the wicked witch here! Avada Kedavra!"

In another flash of emerald light the house elf standing next to Pansy dropped dead.

"Don't waste the house elves!" Andromeda yelled.

"Eugh, you sound like mum," Narcissa said.

Andromeda shuddered.

"So," Narcissa said to Hermione, "you killed Bellatrix."

"Yes," Hermione said, "and I'm wearing her shoes and you can't have them."

"But those shoes would go perfectly with my dress!" Narcissa yelled.

Hermione made a hand gesture that any model English school girl should never make to a lady, but Hermione wasn't a model English school girl.

Narcissa was fuming.

"No matter," She said, "I'll just pry them of your burning carcass then!"

Narcissa raised her wand.

"Expelliarmus," Andromeda said.

In a flash of scarlet light Narcissa's wand flew from her hand and landed two meters away.

Narcissa sighed. She walked over to her wand, bent down and picked it up she turned around and pointed a finger at Hermione.

"I'll get you my pretty and your little pussy too!"

With that, she disappeared.

"I always thought there was something strangely lesbian about Narcissa," Andromeda said, somewhat shocked.

"Oh great," Hermione said, "I've been here ten minutes and already somebody wants to kill me. I am so done with Oz, I want to go home."

"Well, darling," Andromeda said, "There's only one person in Oz that could send you home."

"Who?" Hermione asked.

"Dumbledore, the great wizard of Oz," Andromeda said, "He lives in Hogwarts castle, which is in the centre of our capital, the Emerald city, which is in the very centre of our country."

"So I have to walk to the middle of the country?" Hermione asked, not at all pleased.

"Yes," Andromeda explained, "and to get there you just follow the yellow brick road."

Hermione sighed, "You would've thought that that tornado could have brought my car here."

Suddenly a silver soft-top Porsche fell out of the sky in front of Hermione.

"That's not my car…" Hermione said, "But it'll do." She threw Crookshanks in the front passenger seat and jumped into the driver's seat. "See ya Andromeda!" She yelled, driving off.

Andromeda looked at the sky, "Could the great Tornado send me a Porsche?" a tiny toy Porsche fell in front of Andromeda. She sighed, "Oh well, I'll just use magic, it's much quicker."

Author Notes: Reviews greatly appreciated. Actually they'll be taken as votes.